


Some Things Are Hard To Come By

by Musikenza



Series: Some Things Are Hard To Separate [1]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - No supernatural, F/F, F/M, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-18
Updated: 2016-03-05
Packaged: 2018-03-18 11:52:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 175,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3568622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Musikenza/pseuds/Musikenza
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A realistic, non-supernatural, story of life.</p><p>"We're not, no we're not friends, nor have we ever been.<br/>We just try to keep those secrets in a lie,<br/>And if they find out, will it all go wrong?<br/>And Heaven knows, no one wants it to."</p><p>-Ed Sheeran, "Friends"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, I want to see how this is received before I put a lot of time into it. Who am I kidding? I'm gonna right the damn thing anyways. But, the reason that I have not specified any relationships is because number 1: Spoilers!! and number 2: things will happen as they happen and I don't want to box myself in. Also, any trigger warnings if they arise will be listed at the beginning of each chapter. 
> 
> Being a perfectionist it takes me a long time to get things how I want them so for now, until I see if anyone even reads this, I do not have a timeline of posting decided. I may decide to never have one and just post as I finish each chapter. 
> 
> I am aware that my writing style may be different from many fics because I tend to be exceedingly descriptive but writing is what I love so I do it the way that feels right to me.
> 
> But anyways, after that rant, onto the fic!

        The musty smell of old books was stagnant in the air as she ambled through the front door. Though it was still early, the sun was up high enough in the sky to provide enough light that the lights inside were not needed. The shop was not large inside and the space was made even smaller by the books that were stacked unsteadily in the aisles between the rickety shelves that, surprisingly, were able to hold an enormous number of books. Genres ranged from philosophy to science fiction to fantasy to cooking and everything in between. There was no system for where the books were placed; they were set wherever there was free space.

        She set her bag down on the small counter that they used for checkouts. She turned on the ancient computer that was only used to keep inventory. No credit cards were accepted; just checks and cash. Maybe it was inconvenient for most, but it gave the place a unique atmosphere. It was original and antique, like the rest of the town that surrounded Silas University. It was a small, quaint college town that was the namesake for the university. Brick streets, cafés, a park, the court and government buildings. It was the picturesque set for a cheesy Hallmark Christmas movie.

        “Morning, Laura.”

        “Morning, Grace!” She replied, a smile beaming across her face. “How are you?”

        “Not as cheery as you this early in the morning, but ready for the day.”

        Laura’s smile didn’t falter as she stored her bag in the cupboard under the desk and asked, “What’s on the list of things to do today?”

        “We need to add the new books into the inventory.” When Grace said new, she did not mean the condition of the books. Laura would not describe any of the books in the shop to be “new.” They could be fairly new but all were donated and most were used. Laura loved the really old ones; the ones that you could tell were loved because they were falling apart. They were not fixed before they were sold because that would take away from the whole concept of this shop. Grace had decided she wanted people to fall in love with reading and books again and what was a better way to do that then to show them the love that was had for the stories. The books were bought and sold tattered, written in, smudged, ripped.

        Of course not every single book in the shop was falling apart. There were plenty that were still together and in perfect condition from when they were first purchased. The contradiction allowed for a variety of people to walk in and out the doors and each person fascinated Laura. Everyone had their own story to tell whether they thought it was important or inconsequential. Not that the store was ever crowded or experienced the “afternoon rush” as seen by most stores. That was the result of not being a chain store in an insignificant, college town. 

        “Yesterday’s money needs taken to the bank, which I’ll probably take care of after lunch. Elsie rushed out of here so late last night that she forgot to finish straightening up the back shelf so that needs taken care of.” Laura shook her but knew that straightening up was more for Grace’s sanity than anything else. Nothing ever stayed organized on the shelves. They caved under the amount of books that were stored on them in the first place and books were falling off all day long as the shelves bent under the weight.

        “Also, some guy called yesterday to ask about dropping off some old records so those will need to be sorted, stored, and added to the       inventory.” The shop had a small room off to the right side that housed music. The record player was on all day, playing a vast range of music that the store sold. The records were in just as much of a jumble as the books.

        “Donation or sale?”

        “Donation.”

        “Great!” Laura smiled at Grace who just shook her head and chuckled, “You’re overwhelming enthusiasm for every aspect of life gets me every time.”

        With that said, Grace returned to her small office in the back of the store, leaving Laura to run the shop.

 

        No one entered the shop for the rest of the morning so Laura spent the hours taking inventory of the new books and shelving them as Grace had asked. The archaic system they used did not make the job harder it just caused it to take longer than necessary. _At least we don’t keep inventory on paper_ , Laura thought to herself as she typed in the information for what seemed like the hundredth book. It very well could have been; the boxes seemed to be never ending.

        Exactly at noon, the bell above the door rang and Laura smiled to herself before turning around to face the six-foot tall, athletic, redhead that stood in the doorway. The girl lifted up a bag that she was holding at her side and grinned. Every single Friday since Laura had been working at _The Nook_ – Grace’s cute name for the bookstore that was in a corner building on Main Street – the girl had shown up at noon with lunch for two. It became such a regular thing that she made quick friends with Grace and sometimes even brought lunch to share with her. Laura could tell that today was just for the two of them and it did not bother her in the slightest.

        “Grace, I’m gonna…”

        “Yeah, Danny’s here. I know. Go,” Grace yelled from the back. Laura reached out and grabbed the hand that Danny had extended toward her and was led from the shop to a bench in the square, adjacent to the shop. Danny released her hand as they sat down, pulling out the contents of the bag, “So, it’s more like breakfast but I figured it didn’t matter. It doesn’t right?”

        Laura giggled at the serious look that appeared on Danny’s face, “No, Danny. It’s perfectly fine. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Who cares if you have it twice?”

        “Shut up, Hollis,” Danny replied when she realized Laura was making fun of her. “Your’s m’lady,” slightly bowing her head as she spoke and giving Laura a bag with a bagel in it. Laura leaned into her side, chuckling and Danny put her arm around the much shorter girl.

        “How was the meeting?” Danny was vice-president of the Summer Society, an all-female organization, embodying that of a sorority. The board met every Friday and so Danny always visited Laura at the completion of the meeting. They specialized in more active and athletic activities than most other sororities.

        Danny instantly dropped the hand that held her bagel to her lap and sighed heavily, “It seems like we never get anything done.”

        Laura looked at her incredulously, “Are you kidding me!? Last year, you were the most active student organization on campus. That was your first year in charge, too!”

        “I know,” she said, shrugging at Laura, “I just feel like there’s more we could do.”

        A laugh burst from Laura’s throat and Danny looked at her confused, “I’m sorry…I’m sorry,” she apologized, trying to catch her breath, “It’s just…it’s summer, Danny. There isn’t anyone here to do anything in the first place. Not even half the board members can come to the meetings. I was under the impression that you were planning for next year.”

        “You’re right, I’m just…”

        “Impatient.”

        “Hey!” Laura gave her a knowing look while smiling up at her. “Ugh…fine. I know. I’m just antsy for everything to start back up again.”

        “Sorry to break it to you, but you’ve got another month and a half.”

        “Just eat your bagel, Hollis.” Laura’s body moved with laughter but she didn’t let out a sound and felt Danny relax beside her. After a few moments of silence, Danny spoke up, “Work, busy?

        “What do you think?”

        “Hey,” she said through a laugh, “I don’t know. Maybe it could’ve picked up.”

        “I don’t think that’s ever going to happen.” Honestly, Laura was surprised that they were able to stay open. Somehow, they managed to just get by every week.

        Laura finished up the bagel, managing to fold all the crumbs back into the bag so they did not fall on the ground. The birds would have eaten them but Laura was a stickler for rules and to her, even those crumbs counted as littering. “I should get back.”

        “Oh, yeah, to all those customers you’ve got in there,” Danny said sarcastically, rolling her eyes. Laura stood up pushing Danny’s shoulder in jest just to be pulled down awkwardly in Danny’s lap to be kissed. She giggled as she got back up, “Danny! There are people around.”

        “Whose going to care that I was giving my girlfriend a kiss goodbye?” Laura’s eyebrows were raised and bent toward each other with concern.

        “Alright, alright, I’m sorry, Laura.” Danny stood up, towering over Laura forcing her to tilt her head up. She placed a hand on Laura’s cheek and smiled the warming, full of love smile that Laura loved, “Call me later?”

        Laura nodded and Danny quickly kissed her on the forehead and walked away before she could even protest. Laura made her way back to the shop. “How was your lunch date?”

        “Good. Did that guy come in yet?”

        “No, I’m expecting him to show up in the next couple of hours though.”

        “Alright,” Laura replied, getting back to working on the inventory. It didn’t last long because soon a few customers had come in the store; they were only browsing but Laura still felt like she needed to be available in case they needed any help which was not uncommon among the clustered shelves.

        She was bent over, shuffling through a pile on the ground looking for a book that she had just put away when the bell above the entrance jingled.

        “I’ll be right with you!” She said, looking up quickly to see who had walked in. That was a mistake in and of itself. Two people stood just inside the doorway as it shut behind them. On the left was a guy who was taller than Laura though most people were. He wore a black shirt, which very clearly showed the shape of his chest, black pants, black high top sneakers, and for some odd reason, in the middle of summer, he wore a leather jacket. His hair was perfectly set as if it was hair-sprayed and gelled but did not look as such.

        To his left was a girl, shorter than him by a few inches but with the same chiseled face that did not seem real. She had on tight leather pants, combat boots, and a black cut-of tank top. She flipped her smooth, wavy, black hair over her shoulder and Laura saw a glimpse of a necklace that hung around her neck.

        The girl looked entirely unimpressed with everything around her and quickly, but gracefully, turned down the aisle of shelves in front of her. The guy on the other hand, walked toward Laura with a charming smile, holding a box in front of his waist. “Hi, I’m dropping off.”

        Laura swallowed before answering, not quite sure why she felt intimidated, “Um…okay. I’ll be with you in a moment. You can wait by the desk.”

        He nodded in response and turned to do as Laura asked. Laura could not find the book where she thought she had set it, apologized to the customer, and walked to the counter. The girl was nowhere in sight as Laura pulled out the forms for the donation.

        “You’re the record guy?”

        “I’m the record guy,” he repeated, a smile still on his face.

        “Donation, right?” Again, he nodded in response. She passed over the papers to him and he pushed the box across the desk. “Okay, just fill out your information on these papers and sign at the bottom.”

         Laura tried to pick up the box that he had carried with such ease and almost dropped it. Right before it slipped from her hands she felt the load lighten.

        “Whoa, there. Don’t want to go breaking anything,” he flashed her a breathtaking smile before returning the box to the desk.

        “I’m…I’m just going to leave this here,” Laura stuttered. He raised his eyebrows and pushed the papers across the desk, “Probably a good idea.”

        Laura checked the signature, _Will Karnstein_ , and filed away the papers, “Alright, you’re all done. Thank you.”

        He smiled again but did not make any move to leave. Instead, he bent down and folded his arms across the desk. “So, what’s your name?”

        Laura blinked up at him. His voice was smooth, not too deep, but not high at all. There was no explanation that could identify the sound of his speech. “Um, Laura.”

        “Well, hi, um Laura. I’m Will.” Laura rolled her eyes, which made him raise one eyebrow. That joke was old, annoying, and made her seem unintelligent; she was not a fan. “Did I do something wrong?”

         She instantly became the welcoming worker and smiled, “No, no, no. I’m sorry. Thank you for your donation.”

         “It was my pleasure.” _I’m sure it was,_ she thought but did not dare to say as she always followed the rules of customer service. “Excuse me, but if you don’t mind, I have to start sorting through these.”

         “I don’t mind at all,” he smiled the same smile he had plastered on his face ever since he walked through the door. Laura ignored it though and opened the inventory system in the computer. There were a ton of records; it would take her days to get through them all but she needed an excuse to get rid of this guy. Apparently, he did not get the message because he stood on the other side of the desk and she could feel his eyes on her. Laura did her best to pretend he was not there but the harder she tried the harder it became. She ended up staring at the screen, not typing or doing anything productive.

        “Nerd.” And then a clearing of a throat brought Laura out of her trance. She looked up to see the girl he had come in with but this time it was up close and Laura noticed even more about her. Her hair was not black but very dark brown and bounced at her shoulders. Her eyes were a deep, chocolate with flecks of gold that were so vibrant they looked like glitter. The necklace around her neck was a gold heart inside of a circle. The girl set two books on the counter and raised her eyebrows at Laura and when Laura did not move, the left side of her mouth pulled up into a smirk. She looked back an forth between the two of them, an unsure smile appearing on her face, “You two make a very…” catching herself before she said “way too perfect” and going on, “…cute couple.”

        Will threw his head back, bursting into laughter immediately. The girl only rolled her eyes. He gestured to her, “Let me present, Carmilla Karnstein. My sister.”

        Laura looked back at the girl who winked in return.

        “Ooooooh, I get it. Every time.” With that Will pushed himself off the counter and left and Laura stared after him, confused by his sudden exit. She looked back to the girl who was still smirking at her.            

        “What was that about?” she asked the girl, referencing Will.

        “Nothing you need to worry about, cutie.” Laura blushed at the name, instantly looked down at the counter, and pulled the books towards her. _Hypatia’s Daughters: 1500 Years of Women Philosophers_ by Linda Lopez McAlister and _Critique of Pure Reason_ by Immanuel Kant. Laura was impressed and knowing that her cheeks had returned to their normal color, dared to look up again. “Some heavy reading?”

        “I guess,” was the only response the girl gave her. Laura rung up the books, “Sixteen fifty.”

        The girl passed over a twenty and Laura made the exchange. Without a glance back, the girl grabbed her books and sauntered out the door, leaving Laura looking after her, confused by everything that had just transpired.

 

        Laura had ended up working the entire day after taking someone else’s shift. Grace came out to help close up shop and Laura thought she would ask the question that had been on her mind all day. Though Silas was a college town and people came to school from all over the place, it was still a small town and in the summer it returned to being so. Laura knew mostly everyone who came in the store and whom she passed on the street but she had never seen the dark and mysterious siblings who had visited today. “Hey, Grace?”

        “Mm?” she questioned, looking through a bunch of papers.

        “Do you recognize the name Karnstein?”

        “Vaguely.”

        “Okay, I was just wondering. Because I’d never heard of it before and then two people came in today that I didn’t recognize and they said that was their name. It was the guy who brought the records in and his sister and it just seemed weird that I didn’t know them…”

       “Laura! Rambling. Stop.”

        Laura scrunched up her face in apology, “Sorry.”

        “I think Karnstein may be the last name of the woman who took over the art gallery. They just moved in last weekend so that would be why you’ve never seen them.”

         “Why would they move to Silas? Why wouldn’t they just dorm at the school?”

         “Laura, I don’t know. I don’t know everything,” she through up her hands in exasperation at the constant questioning, “I don’t even know if they go to school there. Maybe they just relocated for their mother’s, or whoever it is, job. Maybe they aren’t even staying. Maybe they just helped move in. Who knows?”

         Laura thought she was a little more cross than necessary but kept the observation to herself, “Okay.”

        “I can finish the rest up. Why don’t you take off?

        “You sure?”

        “Yes,” she replied with a big sigh. Laura grabbed her bag from under the desk and headed out the door, “See you tomorrow morning, Grace.”

        **************************************************************************************************************************************** 

        “Lafontaine!” They looked up in confusion as the man grabbed the bottle out of their hands, “Not that much alcohol! You’ll ruin the samples we’ve been gathering!”

        A sheepish grin appeared on their face, “Sorry, Dr. Pierson.”

        He only shook his head in response, his gray-flecked hair slightly bouncing with the motion, checking his watch, “It’s time for you to go anyways. And it’s Friday so get out of here.”

        Lafontaine ripped off their lab coat, grabbed their bag, and waving at the doctor they ran from the room. “No running!” was all they heard as the door swung closed behind them. They did not stop until they ran into someone, crashing to the floor and only after apologizing did they slow their pace, but not by much. They were out of the biology building and halfway across campus when the text came in.

 **Perr :) (4:09pm):** _Don’t be late._

         Lafontaine did not take the time to respond but instead smiled, readjusted their backpack, and started jogging. There were not many people on campus since the fall term had yet to start so the sidewalks were mostly empty. They reached the edge of campus, tripping over the curb as they ran across the street, scraping their hand as they caught themself before they could roll face first into the street.

        Opening the door of a shop that was right in the middle of the line of stores on 32nd street (Silas thought it was so cool to name their dinky streets as if they were a big city. In reality, it just confused everyone who came through the town) Lafontaine was hit immediately with the smell of baking. It was a warm, chocolaty, sugary smell that enwrapped all of their senses at once and brought a gigantic smile to their face.

        There were a few people in the bakery, sitting at the small, doily covered tables, eating an assortment of pastries that the shop produced. It was empty behind the counter, but peering through the circular window in the swinging door that led to the back, they could see a mess of red, curly hair that was made even larger than normal by the heat of the ovens.

        They swung open the wooden entryway that came up to their waist to get behind the counter. They jumped up, seating themself facing away from the front door and grabbed one of the free sample cookies as they waited. The treat was so freshly baked, the heat caused it to melt in their mouth. It was amazing but so was everything else the shop made so that was not very surprising. They swung their legs, palms pressed firmly on the top of the counter. Boredom caused them to lift themself off the counter just a few inches and keep swinging. Before they could even register what was happening, they felt their palm slip and lose its grip causing them to fall to the floor, hitting a stack of bowls, causing them to crash to the ground and emit a loud, quite concerning, noise.

        The door into the kitchen swung open and the red head came out, frantically looking for the cause of the ruckus. Pulling themselves up to their feet, rubbing their side, they gave an apologetic smile to the girl who instantly started looking for the site of the injury.

        “Perr…Perr…PERR!” The girl in front of them froze and she looked up. “I’m fine, alright? It’s just a little bruise.

        “You really need to start being just a little bit more careful, Lafontaine,” she said as she stood up.

        Lafontaine sheepishly looked out at the store, their face developing a red tint from embarrassment as they saw that everyone in the shop had turned to look at them. Perry turned herself outwards, “Everything is fine, everyone. Go back to enjoying your treats!”

        “Thanks.”

        “Yes, well, again, if you were a little more careful, you would not draw so much attention to yourself.”

        Smiling widely, “Then your one job of making sure I don’t kill myself wouldn’t be necessary.”

        Ignoring the sarcastic remark, Perry bent down to pick up the bowls that had finally stopped rolling every which way. Lafontaine positioned themself on the counter top again and grabbed another cookie. “These are really good.”

        Their words were muffled by chewing and when Perry shot them a disapproving look, they made a huge show of shutting their mouth and keeping it shut. “Thank you. How was your day with Dr. Pierson?”

        “It was amazing! We spent all day…” Pure delight appeared on Lafontaine’s face as they described, in excruciating, scientific detail, every moment of their day. At the halfway point of the spring semester, Dr. Pierson had asked Lafontaine if they had wanted to work as his assistant over the summer. They had immediately jumped at the idea of interning for their favorite professor. It was a paid internship so that was a plus and it would give them experience and credibility to their name and work as they would get their name published next to Dr. Pierson on any of the work that was completed. That sounded a lot better than it actually turned out to be though because they had been working on the same task all summer and Lafontaine did not see them coming any closer to a breakthrough. Still, it was something to add to their resume and their name would be on all of the reports that the doctor was forced to complete to track their progress or in this case, their lack thereof.

        “You know that I did not understand even a quarter of what you just said,” Perry spoke up at the end of Lafontaine’s speech. They had been so enwrapped in the story they were telling that they had not noticed Perry move to lean against the back wall. She had tucked the right side of her hair behind her ear in order to keep the untamed mess in check as much as she could. She was playing with the bottom edge of her apron, smiling at Lafontaine in the way that she always did.

        “Sorry, Perr. How was your day?”

        “Busy. Did you try the new sugar cookies?” She asked, gesturing to the plate on the counter.

        “I had two. And they were amazing.”

        “Did you notice the difference?”       

        Thinking real hard and real fast made no difference because Lafontaine had thought they tasted like any other sugar cookie they had ever eaten, “They are smaller…?”

        The hurt, disappointed look that appeared on Perry’s face made Lafontaine’s heart fall. “That’s the size we make all the sample cookies. I added just a hint of cinnamon.”

        Trying to salvage what they had ruined, Lafontaine, spoke up, their voice higher than usual from overcompensation, “Oh, yeah! That’s what that was! I was wondering but I didn’t want to ask if there wasn’t anything different and make you feel like something was wr…”

        “Nice try but I can tell when you’re lying. I guess I did all that work for nothing if you can’t even taste it.

        “No, no, no,” Lafontaine jumped off the counter and put their hands on Perry’s shoulders, “I bet cookie connoisseurs would have noticed instantly. My taste buds are just not for refined palettes.”

        “You’re a dork.”

        “I know. That’s why you love me,” their smile stretched from ear to ear. They noticed Perry blushing but chose to pretend that they hadn’t seen.

        Sighing, Perry checked her watch, “Oh my! Elsie’s late. And now we’re going to be late.”

        Stress lines appeared on the girl’s forehead as she bunched up her face in worry. “Don’t worry, Perr. Laura will understand.”

        “I’m not so worried about her as I am about Danny.”

        At that, Lafontaine let out a loud snort, “Ha! Danny will be fine as long as Laura is fine. And Laura will be A-Okay.”

        Perry shoved their shoulder lightly. “Alright, alright. I know your thing about getting to places on time. But I can’t do anything about Elsie being late.”

        “You can at least text Laura and tell her why we are not being punctual today.”

        Lafontaine was going to question why Perry did not just text Laura herself but decided against it, not wanting to start an argument with their best friend and roommate. More importantly, because they were roommates, any fight could turn ugly and they had experienced too many of those times to want to start another when they knew that it was avoidable.

**To Laura (4:48):** _Sorry Laura but Perry and I are going to be running late_

        “Sent!”

        “Thank you. I’m going to clean up as much as I can so we can leave as soon as Elsie comes in. Perry left for the back room and Lafontaine hopped back onto the counter top for the third time that day.

 **Laura (4:50):** _No problem! Just text me when your on your way_

 **To Laura (4:50):** _Will do_

**Laura (4:50):** _(:_

        The bell on the door jingled and Lafontaine turned around to see a girl with short blonde hair hurry through the door. She grimaced at Lafontaine who just pointed to the back room in answer. The girl scurried where their finger was pointed and Lafontaine heard a muffled, “I’m so sorry, Perry!”

        They chuckled to themself when they heard a very calm tone respond, “Just try to be on time next time Elsie. This is a job.”

        “I know, I know, I know. I’m so sorry.”

        “It’s alright.”

        Lafontaine shook their head, smiling. Perry had the wonderful trait of being able to control her temper but the negative side was her never putting the blame where it belonged.

        The door opened and Perry emerged, de-aproned with a brown purse slung over her body.

        “Ready!?”

        “Yes. I just told Elsie what was baking and she should be all right. Dillon is coming in later so she’ll have help closing up.”

        “For a bakery, you guys are open pretty late.”

        “I think it was very smart for the owners to decide that. We serve coffee and people can come in like it’s a coffee shop.”

        “Okay, Perr. Whatever you say.” They followed the girl out of the shop and down the street to their apartment. Lafontaine had to stay at Silas all summer and was given the opportunity to stay in the dorms for free. Perry wanted to work and because she already had a job she decided to rent an apartment for the summer and offered a place to stay to Lafontaine. Of course they decided that it would be a lot more fun to spend the summer with her best friend than alone, even though they would have frequented the apartment and by frequented, they probably would have eventually moved most of their things in. It was inevitable. The two had never been separated since the third grade and trying to pry them apart was virtually impossible.

       ***********************************************************************************************************************************          

        Upon entering the apartment Lafontaine set their book bag on the table, which Perry immediately moved to the floor. “Did Laura make a dress code?”

        “It’s not a dinner party, Lafontaine. Just be presentable,” she scrunched up her nose as if she smelled something disgusting, “Maybe not that jean vest you have though.”

        Lafontaine raised their eyebrows, “Number one, that’s dirty; I wore it two days ago. Number two, there’s nothing wrong with the jean vest.”

        “There’s everything wrong with the jean vest. I don’t know why you won’t let me give it to Goodwill.”

        Lafontaine stuck their fingers in their ear, “Nope. Nope. Nope! You did not just say that. I’m not listening t…”

        They walked to their bedroom, out of earshot of Perry. She went to her bedroom, removing her shoes and rubbing her feet. She had been on them all day, baking, and they were sore. She removed her pants and sweater and carefully placed them in the laundry basket before there was a creak behind her and she grabbed the sweater back up to cover herself, “Oh, oh! I’m sorry, Perr!”

        The door shut again quickly. “That’s the reason people knock, Lafontaine!”

        She went in the bathroom and found her face to be slightly red but it was not the main part of focus. That created a frown and she quickly looked away from the mirror, grabbed a salmon colored sweater from the drawer right outside the bathroom and pulled it over her head before turning back to fix her hair. Five minutes later, when consistent tugging with a brush had done absolutely nothing to tame the mess that was left after a full day of work in a hot room, Perry let out a frustrated sigh and found a pair of jeans to wear.

        In the kitchen, she found Laftontaine sitting at the table, waiting for her, wearing jeans, a yellow T-shirt, their suspenders and that stupid jean vest. Calmly, Perry pretended like she did not notice and grabbed her purse from the counter, “Are you ready?”

        “How do I look?” Lafontaine got up from the chair and holding their arms out, turned in a circle.

        “You look fine, Lafontaine.”

        They just laughed, “I’ll take it off. Jeez, Perry. Don’t wanna give you an aneurysm.”

        Perry let out a breath she did not know she had been holding in as Lafontaine took off the vest, “Now are you ready?”

        “Yeah, let’s go!”

       ***************************************************************************************************************************************

_Ding-dong!_

        “I’ll get it!” The bay window over the right counter, looking out over the back yard into the woods let in only a hint of evening sun. She smiled at the counter as she continued to pull the cork out of the bottle of rosé that she bought at the liquor store. For a college town, Silas made sure to cover everything. The bottle opened with a small pop and she heard the door open and a squeal of delight, “Danny! They’re here!”

        "Yeah, Laur, calm do…” She guessed that Lafontaine had just been squeezed to death with a hug and laughed to herself. She heard the voices from the front of a short hallway that led from the front door to the kitchen of the Summer Society house. Danny was vice president of the Summer Society, which was an all girl, outdoor recreational/athletic sorority that had been established at Silas University basically at it’s opening. They did many activities that ranged from organizing the female club sports teams as well as planning hiking trips, canoeing trips, and the list goes on. Danny had been inducted halfway through her first semester, which was impressive since most girls do not gain entrance until the spring semester of their freshman year or later.

        She had only moved into the house after winter break of her first year at Silas and had just been elected vice president at the end of last semester. It was a huge three-story house that could hold about fifty-five girls, sixty if they squeezed. During the year it was always crazy in the house, people running everywhere. There was never a moment of silence but over the summer, none of the girls stayed which made it very hard to do any planning for the new year. There were supposed to be weekly meetings but they usually consisted of Danny and two or three other girls who could be bothered to drive up to Silas. Even then, the girls who showed up changed weekly and Danny was left to take care of the house and do the pre-planning all by herself.

        Having the house to herself was a huge plus. It meant that she could do whatever she wanted, have whomever she wanted over. Specifically, it meant that Laura could stay with her all summer and no one would have a problem with it. Technically the house was only for Summer Society members but what the other girls did not know would not kill them. Danny figured the house was just going to waist so she might as well offer Laura a place to stay. The girl had been wary at first not wanting Danny to get in trouble but it did not take much convincing. Laura needed her job and otherwise they would have been away from each other for three months and Danny was not sure she could have lived through that.

        There were footsteps that led down the small hallway to the surprisingly enormous and very modernized kitchen. All the appliances had been replaced two years before to update the house. The floor was hardwood, the counters were granite; the house was a mansion in all honesty. Being the longest running and largest organization on campus did have its perks and one of those was the funding they were able to receive from the university as well as from all of the past and current members.

        “Oh, Danny! You didn’t have to do that.” Danny looked up to see a smiling curly, red-head. “I did get it right though…right?”

        “I’m sure anything you picked would have been fine.”

        “Provence Rosé, yes Danny, you got her favorite,” Lafontaine spoke up, rolling their eyes, while they set the bottle back on the counter. Danny smiled in return, pulling four wine glasses out of the cupboard above the stove. They were clear with gold leaves climbing up the stem. She tipped each to the side as she slowly poured the wine, the light pink liquid glistening as she set the glass in the line of sunlight that shone gently across the counter.

         Stopping herself before she poured the last glass and throwing Lafontaine a mischievous sideways glance as she set the bottle back on the counter, making a show of sighing heavily, “Oh, I’m sorry, Laura.”

        “That’s right! I forgot. Laura, you’re not twenty-one yet.”

         Laura looked completely and utterly dumbfounded, “You’re kidding right?”

        “No, I don’t really want to get in trouble.”

        “Danny! We’ve literally been drinking here all summer!”

        “I know! I just remembered how old you are. I feel terrible.” There was no hint of apology in her voice because she was trying to stop herself form laughing at the downtrodden look that appeared on Laura’s face. That was until the smaller girl grabbed her by the waist and looked right into her eyes. _Damn it! Not the puppy dog eyes!_

        “Please, Danny.” _Oh, great. Now she’s pouting._ Danny could feel her will power disappearing very quickly as Laura rubbed her fingers up and down Danny’s right arm.

        “Don’t give in, Danny,” she heard Lafontaine say. She clenched her eyes shut, hoping that not seeing Laura’s face would make continuing the teasing easier. Losing her sense of sight only sent her sense of touch into overdrive and the hair on her arm stood up wherever Laura’s fingers touched down.

        “All of you are being ridiculously childish.”

        “This is a serious matter, Perr.” Danny heard Perry let out an exasperated breath. Lafontaine continued her support, “Stay strong, Danny.”

        “Pleeeease,” Laura almost whispered. Danny threw up her arms, “Fine! Fine! Have some!”

        Laura pleased with herself, turned toward the bottle to pour her own glass. Lafontaine grabbed two for themself and Perry and walked away to the dining room table. Danny bent down slightly and wrapped her arms around Laura’s waist, “You know that I was going to give you some anyways?”

        “Yes.”

        “How is it possible that you made this seem like the most important decision I’ve ever made in my life? You shouldn’t have that ability.”

        Laura turned in her arms to face her, “You love me,” she said quickly kissing Danny on the lips before escaping with her glass to join Lafontaine and Perry.

       Danny could only stare after her, smiling, “I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you liked it!
> 
> I have decided to list the songs I listened to while writing each chapter (a lot of them will be repeated many times):  
> To Build A Home - The Cinematic Orchestra, Stay With Me (Cover) - Hannah Trigwell, Elastic Heart (Cover) - Connor Maynard, Fell In Love With A Girl - The White Stripes, Was There Nothing- Asgeir, I'm Not The Only One - Sam Smith
> 
> My fan tumblr is: uselessgayshit  
> Any questions you have about the fic, direct them to this as it will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS for updates.
> 
> Saying that, you are more than welcome to follow my personal tumblr as well: just-trying-togetby


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to apologize if there are any grammar mistakes in this chapter as I only had a day to look over and review it. If I find any, I will edit. I wanted to get a new chapter up to say that I was for sure continuing with this story. I still do not have a posting schedule, but will try to post once a week (the day is subject to change). 
> 
> Any trigger warnings if they arise will be listed at the beginning of each chapter.
> 
> I am aware that my writing style may be different from many fics because I tend to be exceedingly descriptive but writing is what I love so I do it the way that feels right to me.

_Five…Eight…Three..._ That was the length of time between the creaks in the shelves that resounded around the shop. Laura sat on a stool, her elbows planted on the surface, hands holding up her head. Her hands were smushed against her cheeks, pushing them up so that it seemed as though she was squinting. _Twenty…four…fi…oh my god! Stop it!_

        The tiny girl was being slowly killed by boredom brought on by the shop’s lack of business. Perry was at work, Lafontaine was working with Dr. Pierson, and Danny was doing whatever Summer Society thing she had mentioned to Laura who had conveniently forgotten every word of what the girl had stated. No one was answering their phones. Grace had even left at the beginning of the week for vacation.

        So, there she sat, entirely alone as she had been for the entire day, waiting for the hour to pass when her shift was finally up. Not that she had anything in particular planned for the rest of the day but just a change of scenery would revive her energy.

        Laura dropped her right hand from her cheek to the desk, drumming her fingers against the wood incessantly until she finally drove herself crazy. She pulled out her phone for the one-hundredth time to see if she had any new notifications but of course, there was absolutely nothing. It seemed as though the entire world had stopped moving just to get on her nerves. Her hands found their way back to her face, red marks appearing from the pressure. She exhaled loudly in the emptiness.

        The frustrated sigh was answered by the rattling of the bell above the door and her head shot up so fast that she felt her neck kink. Rubbing at the sore spot, she directed her gaze to the recently opened door. Through the entrance of the shop came the girl from the week before. Laura recognized her immediately due to the fact that that her face was hard to forget, but also because no one else Laura knew, wore all black in the summer. She had on what appeared to be the same exact outfit that she had come in wearing the first time except for one addition. There was a red and black flannel tied loosely around the girl’s waist. As she strolled into the shop, she flicked her sunglasses onto the top of her head.

        “Good afternoon,” Laura said, trying to check her enthusiasm. This was the first customer of the day and Laura had been there since the shop opened. Without any indication that the girl had heard Laura’s greeting, though there was no way in which she could not have, she turned to her left and disappeared between the shelves of the closest aisle to the door.

        Laura scrunched up her face, _Rude_. She expected to hear shuffling of feet or ruffling of pages, but there was only silence in the shop as if the other girl was not present. Laura rubbed her fingers against her temple, applying a small amount of pressure and closing her eyes.

        She sat on the stool with her eyes shut waiting for the girl to checkout. Laura’s impatience caused her to become irritated with how long the girl was taking in the store. She opened her eyes, ready to go ask the girl if she needed help with anything but instead, she almost fell off the back of the stool in surprise, letting out a breathy “Oh!” as she caught herself. The girl was standing right in front of the counter staring at her. There had been no foosteps, or throat clearing, or even a polite “Excuse me?” The girl had simply come to stand there and wait, noiselessly.

        Collecting herself as well as she could, very aware of the redness of her face, Laura turned toward the girl, “Hello…” _Oh, no. What’s her name?_

        The girl’s lips turned upward in a smirk, “Forget my name, sweetheart?”

        “N…n…no. I just…” Laura stammered on before being interrupted by the raspy voice, “Carmilla.”

        “Carmilla,” Laura repeated, smiling. Her voice was more gravely and slightly lower than Laura had remembered. It was a voice that would draw people in because you always wanted to hear more. It was enchanting and oddly pleasant. Laura began the transaction, “Already finished with the other ones?”

        “Wouldn’t need another book otherwise, cupcake.”

        “Laura.” Carmilla responded with a questioning eyebrow. “My name is Laura.”

        “That’s great, cutie, but I didn’t ask.” The brunette winked at Laura before grabbing the book and strutting out the door.

      *******************************************************************************************************************************************************

        A large, heavy, wooden door that creaked loudly if pushed inward too far was the entrance to the one bedroom on the third floor of the quaint, old, house. From the outside, the room would appear to be located in a small tower built onto the house but it was merely an illusion. The room’s location was more of an attic space though nothing was stored there. A rickety, narrow, spiral staircase that started in what could be mistaken as a second floor closet, led to the room. The only other room at the top of the stairs was a small bathroom, detached from the bedroom.

        The entire space was stuffy; the only saving grace was the small, wooden fan that hung above the twin bed that had been set in the center of the room. The bed was covered in black sheets and a gray blanket; the comforter had been kicked to the floor and was in a pile at the end of the bed. To the left of the door was a wardrobe separated from a bookshelf by a window that looked out across a perfectly manicured backyard that ran into the woods behind the house. Directly to the right of the door was a dresser though the use of this particular piece of furniture could be questioned as clothes were strewn across the floor. Books that could no longer fit on the full bookshelf were set in flimsy stacks, haphazardly placed around the floor. The walls and top of the dresser were full of an assortment of items that ranged from band and movie posters, quotes, sketches, even a dream catcher hung above the bed.

        A small bedside table held a single lamp and was neighboring a stereo, which was currently on. Coming out of the speakers was the soft sound of classical piano. Farther along the same wall in the corner, sat a silent, old, record player. Underneath the record player, there was a small shelf on which could be seen a box of records.

        Across from the one window, there was a large bay window that took up most of the wall. It was accented by a window seat made out of mahogany that matched the paneling of the walls of the room. The top was covered in red pillows and cushions.

        The sun was the only source of light in the room at this time. It shone through the window, lighting up the floor and half of the bed and sent the rest of the room into shadow. The sun made the room even more stifling than normal so the two sides of the bay window had been pushed out to let some of the cool air created by the wind into the space. There was not a lot of it at two o’clock in the afternoon in the middle of summer, but it was better than suffocating.

        “Carmilla!” The eyes of the girl sitting in the window seat rolled in annoyance. She ignored the call and flipped the crispy, yellow page in the battered book that was in her lap. “Carmilla!”

        Tuning out the voice, she leaned her head against the window to her left. “CARMILLA!”

        She slid down the wall a little, sinking further into the cushions underneath her, sighing loudly. As soon as her eyes had set on the window seat, it had become her spot. As soon as Will had seen it he called it her “brooding spot.” She needed to remember to punch him later.

        The door to the room stood open and through it she could hear the soft sound of feet and the stairs that creaked under the weight. She groaned and tried to pretend she had not heard anything. “MILLIE!”

        Instantly, she directed her glare towards the empty doorway, closing her book and chucking it across the room right as a shoulder appeared in the door. “Ow! What the fuck!?”

        Will looked at her incredulously, rubbing his upper left pectoral muscle and grimacing.

        “Don’t…,” she made sure to stress that word, it being the most important of the command, “…call me that.”

        “Yeah, okay,” he responded, seemingly over getting hit with a book, and slumping down unceremoniously onto her bed.

        “I’m serious and get off my bed,” she said as she swiped the book from the floor, setting it on top of the dresser.

        He made no suggestion that he was going to move at all and instead gave an awkward shrug from his horizontal position, “I’ve called you that since you were five.”

        “Yeah. Three years old. You were a bit of a late bloomer in the speech department.”

        “You know that I could talk I just chose not to,” he paused when she didn’t say anything. “Coming from the girl who still rarely speaks.”

        It was Carmilla’s turn to shrug and she dropped down on the bed next to him. “What did you need anyway, idiot? You interrupted my alone time.”

        “Every single hour of the day is your alone time,” he made air quotes around the last two words. “What? Were you sitting in the corner, brooding over bookshop girl?”

        She shoved him hard enough that he was pushed off the edge of the bed and an impressive thud resulted from him hitting the floor before being able to catch himself. “I don’t brood.”

        Will just scoffed as he stood up and crossed his arms, “Whatever. I’m bored.”

        “Good for you,” she sneered

        “What are you up to?”

        “You got hit by it.”

        “Reading? Really flying through books lately, huh? Have anything to do with the cutie at the bookshop?”

        “Does little Will have a crush? You do keep bringing her up and all.”

        “We both know I’m not her type.”

        “Awe. Let’s throw William a little pity party because he doesn’t get any action.”

        His face crinkled up in disgust, “Hearing one’s sister and her study buddies through the ceiling tends to take away the want.”

        “I guess you’re lucky for the next few weeks then…with mother being home and all. There will be a relative lack of study buddies. All quiet on the home front.”

        “Good. Because the amount of times that I’ve had to leave the house and wander around at two o’clock in the morning was getting quite ridiculous.”

        “Sorry.”

        “No you’re not.”

        Carmilla dragged her eyes away from the floor to look him in the eyes, “Well obviously I’m not sorry about THAT. But I’m sorry I’ve basically kicked you out of your own house.”

        “Well, thanks,” he replied, sinking back down onto the bed. “Do you think this could be a start of a change? Or at least the start of warning me first?”

        A mischievous smile appeared on her face, “We don’t even know how soundproof this house is yet. Not gonna start going out of my way before I know if I even have to.”

        “There it is. You’re back. Didn’t take long.” He leaned his shoulder into hers, smiling. Carmilla saw the smile disappear as soon as a new thought flickered across his face, “Speaking of mother. When is she leaving?”

        “When was the last time I talked to mother voluntarily? Let alone ask her about her plans. You’d have a better chance with that than me.”

        His shoulders slumped, his eyes closed and his head fell to hang against his chest. Carmilla put a hand on his upper back. In a manner of seconds, talking about their mother had returned Will to the kid he had once been. Carmilla had not seen this Will for quite some time and she could feel her heart break. “You don’t have to ask her. But if you do, just be careful, okay?”

        He was not crying but when he looked back at her, his eyes were glossy as if he had been. “I’m not worried about me, Millie. I’m worried about you.”

        “I’m fine.”

        “Number one, I know better. Number two, mother has been gone for three months.”

        “I know.”

        “And I remember.” Carmilla could feel the tears as they tried to break through but she stifled the flow. It was one thing for her to have to carry around that burden but for her younger brother, whom she loved more than anything, to have those memories weight on his shoulders was unfathomable. As if it was yesterday, she could see the fear in his eight-year-old eyes and there was nothing she could do to take that away. All she could do was to try not to make it worse, yet she always managed to do the exact opposite.

 

        “You know what’s weird?” Carmilla kicked a small pebble out her way with the tip of her boot before responding, “No. What?”

        Will gestured vaguely with his hand, “None of this is familiar.”

        Carmilla looked down the street and her eyes wandered over the small shops to her left and then took in the square to her right. There was a gazebo, painted white but chipping uncovering the brown of the wood underneath, in the middle of the square surrounded by a circle path created from bricks in all hues of brown and red. The bushes split the path from the gazebo and only opened for the two sets of stairs that led into the gazebo on the front and back of the structure. Situated on the grassy area between the brick and the normal cement of the sidewalk were wooden benches with dark gray metal railings and legs. On the street side of the gazebo, there was open grass that allowed an unencumbered view of the main street. To the sides and behind though, there were a number of trees, offering shade to those who did not wish to sit inside the gazebo. The grass was soft, bright green, and inviting. The entire square was vacant at this time of the day.

        Will was right. Everything here was new. They had never been forced into new surroundings that they were unaccustomed to until now. Carmilla had been in university for two years now and so she had moved in that sense but she always had a house that she knew, to return to. Her and Will’s entire childhood had been lived in that old house and there were so many memories. Most of them were not good memories but they were all she had. They were how she had become who she was and whether that was a good or not so good individual, they were never something she wanted to forget. She could never forget them. They had been etched in stone in her memory and could not be erased.

        “Yeah.”

        “It’s like a clean slate.”

        “She’s still here.”

        Will’s eyes fell to his feet. “I’m sorry Will, I didn…”

        He waved his hand, flicking her half finished sentence into the past, “No. I know.”

        “Nothing has changed except what we see outside.”

        The left side of his mouth twitched up into a smile that reflected the tiny bit of hope he knew did not exist, “I just thought it might change things.”

        Carmilla shook her head. She hated having to tell him the truth and bring him back down to earth but allowing him to live with hope that would be crushed would have been worse. There was no easy way for her to protect her brother. He would end up getting hurt one way or another; it was inevitable. She just hated to be the one to bring that pain. “Let’s talk about something else.”

        “Good idea. What?”

        Her eyebrows raised at him in disbelief, “You’re asking the one who doesn’t talk?”

        Will chuckled to himself, his hair bouncing slightly and reflecting the sun, “There’s a bakery down the street a ways,” he nodded his head in the direction his meant to take them, “we can get something and come back here and eat it.”

        Carmilla bumped her shoulder against his bicep since his height brought his shoulder above hers, and genuinely smiled, “Sounds good, Will.”

     ********************************************************************************************************************************************************

        She swatted the hand away from the flowered, porcelain, cookie plate. “Ouch! What was that for?”

        “Laura, I don’t think you need another cookie.”

        With an indignant look in her eyes, Laura swiped a cookie from the plate and stuffed it in her mouth, crumbs falling all over the counter. Perry sighed and grabbed a towel to wipe the mess into the trashcan. “I’m not sure how you’re even alive right now with the amount of sugar you eat.”

        Perry glanced up in time to see Laura twirl on the spot to face Danny who had just entered the bakery. She smiled as the girl squealed and ran into the arms that were being held open for her. “Hi, Perry! How are you?”

        “I’m al…” a gigantic crash sounded from the back room and Perry’s eyes shot wide open as she burst through the door to find Elsie sprawled out admist a number of pots and pans. The girl looked at her, her expression one of complete embarrassment.

        “Here,” Perry reached down to lend the girl a hand, which she took gratefully, and pulled her off the floor. “Now, just what were you doing?”

        “I needed a cookie sheet and it was on the top shelf so,” she pointed to an aluminum counter that had a shelf of the same material attached to the bottom, “I stood on that to try and reach it but I fell.”

        “First off, are you okay?”

        “Yeah, I’m fine.”

        “Okay…then why did you think it would be a good idea to do that!? That shelf is barely stable enough to hold cooking supplies let alone a person.”

        “I know. I’m sorry.” Perry covered her face with her hands, rubbing her temples so Elsie continued, “I knew Laura was out there and I didn’t want to interrupt you.”

        “Next time, ask for help.”

        “Okay.”

        “I don’t know what I’m going to do with you, Elsie.”

        “I’m sorry.” Perry put her hand on the girl’s shoulder, gently squeezing it and giving her a reassuring smile. She knew Elsie meant well; she just happened to be completely scatterbrained and a major klutz which made it very hard when working in the shop.

        Perry bent down to pick up a ladle but was stopped by Elsie, “No, you don’t have to do that. I’ll get this. Go back out in the front. It was my fault anyways.”

        Perry agreed and went back to the front where she clearly entered the middle of an argument between Laura and Danny.

        “I just want to go home, cuddle, and watch a movie.”

        “But we always do that, Danny! Can’t we go out for once? Do something new?”

        “I’m tired and I really just want to spend some alone time with you,” Danny smiled, moving towards the shorter girl. Laura smiled but turned from Danny and directed her eyes at the counter top, “Fine.”

        Perry noted that it was a sad smile that Laura wore and that her eyes were really looking off to her left, far away from Danny. There was a minor slump to her shoulders and she let out a barely audible, downcast sigh. Perry noticed but did not say anything.

        “Alright then,” Danny turned to Perry, an overcompensating expression of happiness stitched onto her face, “Everything okay back there?”

        “Elsie knocked over a shelf trying to reach a cookie sheet.

        “Where’s Lafontaine?”

        Perry checked the clock on the wall that read _4:30_. “They should be here soon. They are still working with Dr. Pierson.”

        “Oh, yeah! How’s that going by the way?”

        “I think it’s going very well. Lafontaine loves talking about it but I couldn’t tell you a word of what they say. I don’t really understand any of it. You should ask them. They would love to talk about it.”

        “Well then again…maybe not.” Perry laughed at Danny’s conflicted face, “It’s fine, Danny. You’re still a good friend even if you don’t want to hear about the intricacies of DNA extraction.”

        Danny let out a huge sigh of relief upon hearing Perry’s words. Perry’s curls fluttered around her face when she looked down to the counter, shuffling the disorganized receipts.

        There was low tinkle and a very feeble gust of wind as the front door to the shop opened and shut. Perry, figuring it was only Lafontaine, did not look up from her task. After a few moments, when there was no happy “Hello!” almost shouted from her best friend’s mouth and the atmosphere in the shop went from calm to tense in a manner of seconds, Perry finally raised her eyes. There were two strangers standing in front of the counter, plainly waiting to be waited on. Perry had never seen the duo before but that was not odd. What were indeed odd, were the expressions on the faces of her two friends. Laura was still leaning against the counter but her eyes were glued to the dark haired girl who had just entered, a very serene expression plastered on her face. Danny on the other hand was standing very close behind, Laura, a spot that had been empty moments ago. Her arm was outstretched as if to rest on Laura’s shoulder but was not coming into contact with her body. Her face however held an expression that if directed at Perry would have caused her to squirm. Danny’s eyes were narrowed to slits, her mouth and jaw were set and stiff and she was glaring, with extreme intensity, at the new girl.

_What is going on?_

     ****************************************************************************************************************************************************

        “Here we are.” Will stopped and stepped aside, holding the door open kindly for Carmilla to walk through. Already from the outside, the shop looked way too pink and frilly for Carmilla’s liking but she step through the open door anyways. A bell announced their entrance. Will leaned down and whispered in her ear, “Oh, look who it is.”

        Carmilla’s eyes flickered toward the back of the shop and saw the girl from the bookstore slouched against the counter. There was a gigantic red-head standing to her right and judging from her place behind the counter, there was a curly haired ginger who worked there. Carmilla scoffed and shook her head,  continuing into the small shop.

        Like she had thought, the place was not her style in any capacity. Everything from the colors, to the doilies, to the smell, disgusted her. As she approached the counter, the bookstore girl and the tall ginger turned to look at her. Catching the eye of the familiar girl, Carmilla smirked and winked at her causing a light blush to rise on the girl’s cheeks. Immediately, the red-head took a protective stance behind the small girl. _Ah, must be the girlfriend._ The girl tried to put an arm around the brunette but the shorter girl shrugged out from underneath her arm, causing Carmilla to raise her eyebrows. _Interesting._

        She turned to the counter with Will who she knew had been paying close attention to the entire altercation. She could feel cold, hard eyes boring into her back but also noticed another sensation. It was not that of a glare; it was warm. She glanced to the side quickly and found the girl from the bookshop staring at her, not intensely or with any kind of intention written on her face, but simply looking.

        Carmilla almost laughed at the expression on the face of the girl behind the counter when she looked up, noticing she had missed some thing or another.

     ******************************************************************************************************************************************************

        Laura was now mad, upset, but mostly frustrated at the way that Danny ignored her wish. It was simple. It was not hard to do. She just wanted a change in the routine that had become completely monotonous and was no longer fun and enjoyable. Every single night, they went back to the Summer Society house, ate some sort of take out they picked up on the way there (and there was only so much variety in the small town of Silas), put in a movie or had a marathon of a show. They never did anything new or interesting and Laura was getting bored.

        She scrunched up her face as her mind raced through a myriad of emotions. _Apparently Danny doesn’t think I have anything important to say since she just brushes off my input as if it didn’t concern her._ Laura did not glance over at the girl but Danny had seemed to take her short and blunt, “Fine,” as a happy agreement when it was neither. Perry did not say anything regarding the argument she had happened across but that was Perry. She observed but did not insert herself where she did not necessarily belong.

        The door to the shop opened and Laura ignored it until she saw Danny turn to look behind her. Huffing, Laura, without much interest, twisted her head so she could see who just walked in. She caught a pair of dark eyes, flecked with gold and instantly remembered the two-time customer at _The Nook_ , Carmilla. She saw Carmilla’s eyes change as they recognized her and then she received a smirk and a wink in greeting. Laura was glad that she only sensed a small warmth in her cheeks but it soon disappeared as Danny moved to stand behind her. An aura of jealousy surrounded the move and Laura shrugged away from her touch, her anger building. _It was only a wink!_ Number one, Carmilla knew nothing about Laura so she was unaware that she had a girlfriend. Number two, Laura barely knew the girl and Danny did not know her at all so the extreme reaction was excessive.

        And finally, it was only flirting. It was barely even flirting. It was just a wink. Some people are flirtatious by nature. This girl probably acted that way towards everyone and since she recognized Laura, it was just a natural instinct.

        As a result of her shrug, Danny did not touch her but the arm that had moved, lingered very close to her back creating a tension in Laura.

        Laura turned back to the counter as she had been before the interruption but kept her gaze on Carmilla, studying the girl. She was curious about where she came from, what her story was. Her brother was with her again and that made her even more inquisitive. They were both so alike and so different at the same time. Carmilla held a look of complete disinterest on her face that was reflected in her eyes. Her brother, Will, on the other hand had a warm hint of a smile in his cheeks and a glint of hope in his eyes.

        She did not remove her gaze for sometime and saw a twitch of Carmilla’s mouth when the girl realized that Laura was looking at her. That was the only acknowledgment the girl gave; she was completely silent and stoic.

      ***************************************************************************************************************************************************

        Danny looked down at her girlfriend who was ignoring her completely and staring at the wall behind the counter with much ferocity. Danny did not understand why she was so upset. All she wanted to do was spend alone time with Laura but for some reason that was not okay. She decided to just let he girl be; an argument was not worth starting over something that did not even matter.

        Danny’s head popped up at the sound of the bell above the door, assuming it was Lafontaine. Instead she found herself looking at a pair that she had never seen before. There was a boy and a girl walking towards the counter, both shorter than her but most people were. The boy was slightly taller than the girl and there could be no doubt that they were siblings. The shape of their face, the posture, the way in which they walked; it was all too similar for them to be anything else. The boy whispered something in his sister’s ear and she looked up, her eyes passing straight by Danny and landing on Laura. The girl shook her head at her brother and they made their way to the counter.

        Laura moved behind her, turning to see who had just walked in. The new girl looked past Danny for the second time before the left side of her mouth rose into a half grin and she winked.

 _Who the hell does she think she is!?_ Danny shifted her position to stand by Laura, placing her arm around Laura’s back. She felt Laura’s body retract at her touch and her arm was left hanging in midair, close to, but not coming in contact with Laura’s body. She barely noticed though because her entire being was focused on warning the dark-haired girl through her eyes that Laura was not available.

        She could feel the tension in her cheeks and jaw as her teeth clenched and she scowled at the girl who seemed to disregard that she had done anything wrong and continued to wait patiently for Perry to become aware that she had customers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you liked it! 
> 
> I have decided to list the songs I listened to while writing each chapter (a lot of them will be repeated many times):  
> To Build A Home - The Cinematic Orchestra, Stay With Me (Cover) - Hannah Trigwell, Fell In Love With A Girl - The White Stripes, Sad Song - We The Kings ft. Elena Coats, Friends - Ed Sheeran, You Don't See Me - Safetysuit
> 
> My fan tumblr is: uselessgayshit  
> Any questions you have about the fic, direct them to this as it will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS for updates.
> 
> Saying that, you are more than welcome to follow my personal tumblr as well: just-trying-togetby


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possbile Trigger Warning: Discussion of, but no actual misgendering
> 
> Any trigger warnings if they arise will be listed at the beginning of each chapter. 
> 
> I am aware that my writing style may be different from many fics because I tend to be exceedingly descriptive but writing is what I love so I do it the way that feels right to me.
> 
> Also, there will be no chapter update next week but hopefully I will have a new chapter the week after.

        “Have you noticed something weird with Laura?”

        “What do you mean?”

        “She seems out of it all the time. I’ve snapped my fingers in front of her face way too many times this past week for it to be normal behavior.”

        “She’s probably just stressed about moving out and starting classes again,” Perry said, scrunching up her face and waving her hand without concern.

        Lafontaine narrowed their eyes, “You don’t actually believe that. What are you not telling me?”

        “Nothing, sweetie.”

        “I don’t believe you,” Lafontaine sidled up to where Perry was laying on the couch, surrounded by pillows and reading a book; her glasses sitting low on the bridge of her nose. They reached out their hands, curling their fingers and grabbing lightly at Perry’s stomach, tickling the girl until she was out of breath and hanging off the couch.   “Stop! Laf, stop!” she shrieked between giggles. Lafontaine finally relented, laughing at Perry’s current position. Her left hand was on the floor, bracing the rest of her body so that she would not fall all the way off the couch. Her right hand was grasping at the back cushion of the couch, her chest heaving with the attempt of catching her breath. Her already untamed curly hair had become even more unkempt as it rubbed against the corduroy covering of the couch and her glasses were hanging off her face.

        Lafontaine sat down on the other end of the couch, pulling their knees up to their chest and holding in a laugh as Perry brushed herself off. She pushed herself back into a sitting position, rearranged her shirt where it had been pulled to the side, patted down her hair, and pushed her glasses back onto her nose, “You could’ve broken my glasses.”

        “Sorry, Perr.”

        “No you’re not.”

        Lafontaine cocked their head and pointed at her, “That’s true.”

        Perry shook her head but laughed all the same, digging the book out of the cushions where it had been pushed by her struggle to escape from Lafontaine.

        The smile fell from Lafontaine’s lips as Perry looked at them, “Okay, but seriously. What is up with Laura?”

        Perry sighed and shrugged, “I honestly don’t know but I have noticed that she’s not herself. She’s seemed sad these last couple of weeks.”

        “Yeah, I’ve noticed that too. I just want to know why. I haven’t asked her but I feel like she’s just going to tell me everything is fine even when it’s not. You know her; she doesn’t like to worry anyone.”

        Perry didn’t say anything but looked at her hands which were fidgeting in her lap. “What, Perr?”

        Without looking up and speaking so quietly that Lafontaine had to lean closer to hear, Perry answered, “I think it has to do with Danny…”

        “What!?”

        “I hadn’t given their arguments much thought because you know, couples have disputes. But the other day when they were in the shop before you came over, I walked out into the middle of one of their fights. They were debating what to do that night and Laura basically just gave up.”

        “That doesn’t sound much like Laura.”

        “Exactly. She just said, “Fine,” and let it go. She looked so downtrodden.”

        “What did Danny do?”

        “Nothing. She said, “Alright,” and asked me how everything was. It’s like she didn’t even realize that Laura was upset which seems very out of character for Danny as well. I didn’t know what to do so I didn’t do anything. I didn’t think it was my place.”

        Lafontaine knew that Perry was the most observant of all of them put together but she was also the most polite and made sure to stay out of other people’s business. So, Lafontaine knew that the situation was more serious than they had picked up on when Perry spoke up next, “We need to do something. I just don’t know what.”

        “Wow, Perr. Just from that one argument?”

        “You know it hasn’t just been that. Laura has been doing whatever Danny has wanted to do for the last few weeks, the same amount of time that you’ve noticed a change in her. It’s not normal for Laura. It’s not normal for anyone. Compromise is key for relationships and it seems as though Danny is just constantly pushing and getting whatever she wants.”

        Lafontaine breathed heavily. Laura was their best friend, after Perry of course. They hated seeing her upset and these last couple weeks had not been easy. The girl had been closed off and barely spoke which was very concerning considering her usual constant rambling about any subject that popped into her head. Lafontaine needed to sit down with Laura, just the two of them, and really talk. They realized that they had not hung out with just Laura in what felt like forever. Danny or Perry, most likely both, were always around and that was not a bad thing, but for this, they wanted to not have any other input or distractions. “Perry? I think I’m gonna ask Laura if she needs help moving. I know Danny is helping but if I go, then I can stay after Danny leaves and help her actually settle in and maybe we can talk. I want to try to bring it up at least.”

        Lafontaine beamed when Perry settled her hand on their shoulder, “I think that’s a great idea, honey.”

         _Holy shit, her eyes._ Lafontaine found themself staring into green eyes that shone and smiled at them. They were warm and made Lafontaine feel butterflies, which they were not exactly opposed to feeling. They had to remind themselves to look away before Perry noticed them gawking. This was not a topic they wanted to discuss with Perry now or ever for that matter.

        The two had been friends for longer than Lafontaine could remember but they knew Perry would know exactly how many days. They had gone through ups and downs like every friendship but they never had a huge falling out that could not be fixed. There was a specific period of time in the beginning of high school where they did not talk for months. That had concerned Lafontaine’s gender identity and remembering that was especially painful and something Lafontaine tried to avoid at all costs, though it came up more than they thought it would. They obviously forgave Perry because when all was said and done, they loved her, but that was not something they could forget. Forgive. Yes, that was already done. But completely erase from their memory? They were not sure that could ever happen.

        Perry had not slipped up since sophomore year and even before then they had made up and were inseparable like in their younger years. The problem could have been solved if they had just discussed both of their sides of the issue but both had been too stubborn and upset to even look at each other, much less have an adult conversation.

        Finally, at the three quarter mark of their freshman year, Perry had confronted them and though stubborn, Lafontaine could not take the continual silence and separation from her best friend and they finally discussed the issue. Perry needed further explanation. Not in the way that she did not believe Lafontaine but because she was honestly confused as this had never been something she had faced before. After Lafontaine explained it, it took some time, but eventually Perry learned to use the right pronouns and call them by a different name. Perry had explained to Lafontaine that they needed to be patient because she was really trying but it was years of training she had to undo and relearn.

        Even though each time Perry messed up it cut Lafontaine deep, they regrouped, corrected Perry and pushed it to the back of their mind. Eventually it got to the point where Perry started correcting herself and part of Lafontaine began to heal. When she finally went an entire month using the right name and pronouns, Lafontaine bear hugged her and thanked her.

        Halfway through junior year, the bullying that had been following Lafontaine throughout their entire high school career had intensified. Perry still came to their defense but nothing seemed to work. The administration did nothing to stop it and actually seemed to add to the problem. They had remembered the day as if it was yesterday because they think that was when the realization hit Perry that this was not just important to them but necessary. Perry had walked through the doors and Lafontaine had run up to her, “Lola, I…”

        Perry had immediately cut them off, “It’s Perry. My name is Perry.”

        Lafontaine had wanted to cry right then and there but all she did was pull Perry into a chest-crushing hug. Perry’s family still knew her as Lola and in some educational and professional settings, Perry still introduced herself as Lola. But, for all intensive purposes, among friends and most people, Perry went by Perry. Lafontaine completely understood and was simply grateful of the huge step their best friend had taken to make sure they felt normal and included while everyone else was trying to make them feel like a freak. Perry had been concerned that Lafontaine would be upset if she still went by Lola sometimes, but Lafontaine, having been through what it felt like to solidify your identity, knew that if that was what Perry wanted, that was exactly how things should be.

        That had been the most self-sacrificing action that anyone had ever done for Lafontaine and they could never thank Perry enough. She submitted herself to the same type of bullying and horrific name calling that Lafontaine had been enduring. The only thing they were more than happy about was that Perry had been spared the physical hurt that had been inflicted on Lafontaine. They did not know what they would have done if Perry had shown up to school with a black eye one day. They could not even imagine.

        With that, Lafontaine lost their heart to the only girl who could ever have taken it in the first place. Problem was, that girl did not know and if Lafontaine could help it, would never find out. Their friendship meant way too much to even introduce the possibly that it could be ruined.

            ********************************************************************************************************************************************** 

        The loose, army green, tank top was pulled tight at her waist and the small hairs on the back of her neck prickled as they were greeted by a warm breath, “I don’t want you to go.”

        “I have to.”

        “No you don’t.”

        “Danny...” Laura’s sentence was cut short as a pair of lips met the skin under her ear by her jawbone. She closed her eyes and let out a sigh.

        “You really don’t.” The hands at her waist flipped her around, the back of her legs pushed up against the edge of the bed. The lips moved to the nape of her neck, fingers inching up her shirt. She grabbed Danny’s jaw, pulling their lips together. The kiss was soft, warm, and loving, just as it always was. It was slow and Laura knew exactly what it would feel like before it happened.

        Danny parted Laura’s mouth with her tongue and Laura tangled her hands in the red hair. There were hands on her butt before she was dipped and lifted into the air. She instantly threw her legs around Danny’s waist. She could hear Danny’s breath as it came in shorter gasps, their lips barely parting for breaths to be taken.

        Laura’s back came into contact with the bed, softly. Danny was holding herself above Laura, both of her hands placed on either side of Laura’s torso. Laura wanted to grab the girl to pull her down closer but when she moved her hands to do so, it hit the suitcase, reminding her that she was in the middle of packing. She pushed gently at Danny’s shoulders to part their lips, “I really do.”

        Danny let out an exasperated sigh but sat on the bed next to Laura as Laura got up and began to fold the shirt she had been in the process of putting away before she was so rudely interrupted.

        “I don’t want you to leave.”

        “I have to. The Summer Society girls will be coming back this weekend. School starts up in a week and a half. I need to get situated in my apartment.”

        “I don’t like you rooming with that girl. She makes me nervous.”

         _Not again,_ Laura shut her eyes and pursed her lips. “Are we really going to do this again? Number one, her name is Betty. Number two, she is a friend of Laf’s. They live across the hall for Pete’s sake! Number three, it was the only place available last minute. Do you seriously trust me so little that you think I’ll just jump on the first girl I see?”

        “Laura, that’s not what…”

        “I know! I know! That’s not what you mean. But it’s exactly what you always say. I’ve never given you any reason to think that I would be unfaithful to you. I wouldn’t. Yet, you get extremely jealous when I’m around any other girl without you. Even when you’re there, you get super overprotective.” Laura did not look at Danny the entire time she spoke but continued to fold clothes into her suitcase.

        “I’m sorry, okay? I just…I don’t know…”

        Laura finally looked at the girl who was staring at the floor. Her eyebrows furrowing, she came to stand in between the girl’s legs. She picked Danny’s head up so that she could look her in the eyes, “I’ll probably be here most of the time anyways. I just can’t live here all the time.”

        There were two meanings in that statement but Laura only meant for Danny to hear one. “I know. I’ll let you finish packing.”

        Without another word, Danny exited the room. Laura thought that maybe she had understood more than what she meant her to. Laura let out a sad sigh. She needed to get out for a while. Being with Danny all summer had been fun but also extremely taxing and hard. She needed a place of her own that she could go to get away. She loved Danny, she did; but Danny had been starting to get on her nerves lately, their compromising turning into Laura giving in so they didn’t have an argument. Most things had started turning into arguments anyways; ones that neither of them discussed but let simmer between them.

        Laura needed a break from what was the cause of most of her stress. She was a grown woman and no matter what Danny thought, she could take care of herself. She was capable of a lot of things but Danny often treated her like a child. She had had enough of that with her dad and she thought she would finally be free from the overprotective parenting, at least most of it, when she moved out to university.

        She knew that Danny cared so much about her and only wanted to keep her safe but the jealousy was the biggest factor into why Danny always wanted to be with her wherever she went and it was exhausting. Laura could barely talk to her classmates without Danny interrogating them before or Laura after. It was absolutely insane and it was driving her crazy.

         _Getting out will help us both. It’ll give me space and hopefully allow Danny to stop being the green giant of envy for absolutely no reason._

        Danny had always been this way and Laura knew that going into the relationship two years prior when she was a freshman and Danny was her sophomore lit TA. The only problem was that then it was fine. Danny was teaching her all about Silas and how to live as a college student, making sure she didn’t die in her first semester. Now though, she knew how to live by herself and Danny was only getting more clingy and jealous. Maybe that was the reason. She did not like that Laura could possibly live without constantly relying on her. That strict dependence was not healthy at all and Laura did not want that kind of relationship.

        She shook the thoughts from her head. _The space will do us good._ She nodded to herself and picked up a light blue button-up to fold.           

         ***************************************************************************************************************************************************

         _Knock. Knock. Knock._

“One second!”

         _Knock. KNOCK. KNOCK._

        “I’m coming.”

         _KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK. KNO-_

        “Jesus Christ! I’m com…” he yanked the door towards himself and a goofy grin materialized on his face when he saw the tall redhead standing on the other side, arm up, halfway through another rap on the door. He dipped his head in greeting, “Summer Psycho.”

        Her eyes narrowed before an almost unearthly sound escaped from her throat, “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU!! DID YOU SERIOUSLY DO THAT?”

        Feigning innocence, he clutched at his chest, an expression of disbelief set on his face, mouth open in incredulity, “I have no idea what you are talking about.”

        He placed his left arm on the doorframe, his bicep flexing slightly as he leaned into it, resting his body against the wall, right arm still outstretched to hold the door open.

        “You’re a fucking asshole, Kirsch! The Zetas and their trope of “being honorable,”” she used air quotes around the last two words, “is absolute bullshit. You and the rest of them are just a bunch of stupid, immature, college guys who think the only important thing on the entire planet is how good of a party you can throw.”

        Immediately defending himself and the integrity of Zeta Omega Mu, Kirsch crossed his arms over his chest, “Whoa, whoa, whoa. The honor of this great institution of Silas University is not under question here. We are an honorable society of bros, looking out for the partying needs of the entire campus. Do not come to my house and insult my fraternity.”

        The redhead that was almost exactly the same height as him stepped closer, jabbing him in the chest with her finger, “Then maybe next time, you shouldn’t overstep your bounds. Halloween has always been the big Summer Society blowout party. Waking up to the news that you stole that from us has not put me in a very good mood. At all.” She emphasized the last two words with a jab to his chest.

        “We didn’t steal anything,” he responded, pushing her hand away roughly, “You don’t own that date. It was available and we snatched it. Simple as that, Summer Psycho.”

        She threw her hands up in frustration, “It’s a known fact that that is the Summer Society’s biggest event of the year! We’ve never taken the St. Patrick’s Day slot from the Zetas and never planned to either.”

        “Well, maybe you should’ve reserved it before we got to it.”

        Kirsh almost laughed as her lips pursed, her mouth barely moving as she spoke, “Maybe you should just stick with tradition from now on and not go ruining other organizations at this school.”

        “Times are changing, Summer Ps…”

        “One more time with that name, Kirsh, and I will personally castrate you.”

        “Castrate…?”

        Danny gestured towards his crotch and made a horrifying twisting and pulling motion with her hand, causing Kirsh to grimace.

        “There’s your warning, bro,” the last word was laced with malice and hate before she stormed off the front porch and down the street. Kirsch shut the door, fuming. _How dare she question the honor of the Zetas!? We have done nothing other than try our best to throw the best parties for the hotties of Silas and will continue to do so._

        Kirsch stomped down the front hallway of the Zeta Omega Mu house and into the large living room, falling into the closest couch and crossing his arms with an audible huff. There was a muffled buzz, so he stuffed his hand into his pocket, pulling out his phone and wiping his hand down his face in a slightly disgruntled fashion.

 **Laura (11:47):** _Really, Kirsch?_  

**Kirsch (11:48):** _It’s really not your place, Laura_

        Kirsch sighed. Laura and him had been friends long before college and it was only coincidence that they ended up in the same place. Well, technically she followed him, as he was one year older. They had met around fifth grade when Kirsch had taken a minor liking to Laura. She had been more than excited to have a new friend since it did not seem like she had many to start with and so Kirsch found himself almost exclusively spending time with her. The more and more they spent time together though, the possible crush that had been building in him concerning her had been entirely wiped away to be replaced with an entirely different type of relationship. They were friends but Kirsch felt more like her older brother. He had protected her from this one smartass kid who started picking on her because she was so small. It was quite ridiculous and also out of nowhere as no one ever paid her much heed. Still, Kirsch had put a stop to it. After that, their entire relationship dynamic changed.

        Kirsch knew that when they had first met, Laura’s father had been wary of him. He guarded Laura as if she were a precious treasure and Kirsch found that it may have been true, especially to her father, and it became true for him as well. After it was clear that Kirsch had no hidden agenda and Laura and him were strictly friends, he loosened up. Kirsch was almost always at Laura’s house; her visits to his house though, were limited in number. Not for any specific reason particularly, it just happened to turn out that way.

        In high school, they grew apart slightly but only because of schedules. Kirsch had basketball practice nearly every day after school and understandably wanted to hang out with the team some nights. Laura had made a couple of friends and also started the school newspapers. As she was the only individual on the paper staff at first, that took up most of her time. Eventually, it grew to a team of about seven people and though that was still very small, it helped her out a lot.

        They still did their best to see each other and when the basketball season ended around March, the last two months of school and summer were their time to spend together. He got crap all the time from his team and for the longest time everyone thought the two of them were dating no matter how many times they refuted the statement.

        Hanging out with Laura also meant he was hanging out with the two friends she had made, SJ and Annie. Her friendship with Annie had made sense to Kirsch since Annie was the bookish type and was quiet and shy as Laura had always been but the events through which SJ and Laura had become friends were something of a mystery to him. SJ was a very kind and smart person but she was also loud, personable, and boisterous. Usually, Laura was intimidated by that behavior but she had been SJ’s lab partner in biology freshman year and something must have just clicked for the two.

        Kirsch’s buddies eventually settled down about the whole dating situation when they realized that Kirsch was basically her big brother. It happened at the end of his sophomore year. Laura had been walking from the building when a junior on the team, Aaron, had stopped her on her way out and did not take being kindly rejected very well. Kirsch had come upon the scene and immediately told Aaron to back off to which he received a very negative response. Without a second thought, he sent a right hook swinging into Aaron’s jaw and as a result, was given a week’s suspension. Aaron’s jaw was fine, surprisingly only bruised, and Kirsch was back in school the next week. The rest of the team had gotten the message loud and clear and Aaron and Kirsch had a very strained relationship until the guy graduated the next year and never spoke to Kirsch again.

        Laura had been outraged at Kirsch for punching a teammate but was also grateful that he had come to her aide. She just wishes he had taken a different approach with his help. Laura wrote an article about how it was unjust that Kirsch had been punished for physical violence when Aaron did not even get a warning for his verbal altercation with Laura. She felt that it was not fair that he felt that he was entitled for a positive answer in response to his asking her out and that responding in such a way showed the terrible gender roles that kids grow up with in society. It was a very detailed article that she made Kirsch read and though some of the language may have gone over his head, he agreed with her. The only problem was that the school did not and so the article was not allowed to be published.

        Of course, Laura did not stop there and she sent it in to the local newspaper as an opinion piece, removing all names that would put any of the parties involved in an uncomfortable situation or that would get the school upset with her again. It was published but there was no talk at the school about it as no one really paid attention to the morning paper anymore. But, Laura was still proud that she had accomplished something and Kirsch was just content with her excitement.

        At the beginning of his junior year, Annie, SJ, Laura, and Kirsch were best friends. Kirsch still hung out with his teammates all the time but those three girls were the people that he always ended up going back too. He was not fazed at all that his best friends were all girls. They always helped him with his girl problems, mostly telling him that girls did not enjoy being called “hottie” all the time and that it was somewhat degrading.         

        That was, until his girl problem ended up involving one in the group. Then he felt like there was no one to talk to because honestly, his teammates would just yell, pat him on the back, and say something along the lines of, “Get some!” He remembers when he finally dug up the guts to tell Laura:

_“Hey, Laura! Can we talk?” She stopped in her tracks and replied with a big smile, “Of course, Kirsch.”_

_“Um…so,” he scratched at the back of his head, “I kinda like someone.”_

_All she did was raise her eyebrows and wait for him to go on, “But it’s hard cause we’re friends and I don’t want things to get weird…”_

_He trailed off and looked at the floor between his feet. “SJ, right?”_

_His head snapped up to her, “How’d you know?”_

_“Because every time we hang out I catch you staring at her with your big dopey grin planted on your face. It’s cute.”_

_“I do not do that!”_

_“Yeah, you kind of do. It’s been going on for awhile now but I just didn’t want to say anything to make you feel weird.” When he did not speak she continued, “You always miss each other.”_

_“What?”_

_“She has looked at you like that since your thing with Aaron last year. You just always look at the wrong times.”_

_“Are you serious!? She likes me!”_

_“Yeah, for awhile now.”_

_“No way!” He instantly froze, eyes widening, “What do I do?”_

_“Well, you could start by asking her out.”_

_“Really?” Laura just laughed. “But, but I don’t want things to change with all of us.”_

_“I think it will be fine. I told Annie so she knows it’s been going on. Just don’t make us the third and fourth wheels, alright? And I don’t want you two to always go off by yourselves. We are all friends.”_

_“Of course, of course. Thank you so much, little nerd.” He had stopped adding “hottie” to the end of that nickname a long time ago. Kirsch picked her up in a huge bear hug, only putting her down when she exclaimed, “Kirsch, I need air!”_  

        Kirsch had asked SJ out the next week and she had said yes and they had been dating every since. Unfortunately, it was very hard when he left for college before she did and that strained their relationship but they had gotten through it. Then, she decided to go to a different college. The long distance relationship was hard, not because they did not trust each other, but because they rarely got to see each other. It had been easier than they originally had thought it would be, as that was how SJ’s senior year of high school had been. This was the fourth year of being apart and it was already a lot easier though Kirsch still missed her like crazy; but they had finally worked out how to stay in touch and see each other during the year.

 **Laura (11:50):** _I think it kind of is. You’re one of my best friends Kirsch and Danny’s my girlfriend…I’m right in the middle of the whole thing_  

        It was very hard for Kirsch when his best friend was dating his worst enemy. Summer Psycho had been very surprised that Laura was friends with Kirsch but Kirsch had been very upset that Laura would date someone that he did not get along with at all. It felt like a betrayal of some sorts and he did not understand how she could like the red-head anyways; it was a mystery to him. He never told her this though and would never tell her not to because he had learned long ago that Laura would do whatever she wanted no matter what he said. He just had to be there for whatever the result was and it had taken him awhile to get used to it but now, he was okay with that.

        It had not been a problem in high school because she had not dated anyone. That had to do with the fact that her father would not have allowed it, which Kirsch thought was overprotective, but also because she was still in the closet. She had not even told Kirsch that she was gay until senior year of high school. Laura had been very worried about his reaction because what he thought of her meant the most to her. She assured him though that he was the first person she told. He had pulled her into a hug, kissed the top of her head, and said nothing else and she knew that he would never have had a problem with her sexuality to begin with.

        It just gave Kirsch an extra job that he did not mind doing at all. Number one, keep unwanted guys from giving her a hard time and number two, make sure no girl would ever break her heart.

        He remembers that she asked him to come with her when she told her dad who was also very understanding but from then on out, wary about any of the sleepovers she had with SJ and Annie. When she told the girls, they simply shrugged. SJ had said, “Well yeah. Didn’t we all know that?” which made Laura blush and Annie reprimand her.

        That was Annie all the time, the mother of the group. Kirsch had not spoken to the girl in a very long time and knew Laura and SJ had not either. Her family had moved not long after Laura had come out to her and though they had tried to keep in touch, it had not worked. That was one of the reasons Kirsch had been worried about the long distance with SJ but all was well in that department.

**Laura (11:54):** _Why did you do it?_

**Kirsch (11:55):** _You’re acting like it’s all my fault. There was a vote, that was the party we wanted, it was open, I grabbed it_

 **Laura (11:55):** _But you know that is the Summer Society’s huge night_

 **Kirsch (11:56):** _I’m sorry if Summer Psycho thinks that she has dibs on Halloween just because they’ve had it for a while…they haven’t always had it and if they wanted it so badly, they should’ve signed up early_  

 **Laura (11:57):** _Stop calling her Summer Psycho, her name is Danny and it’s still not right_

 **Kirsch (11:58):** _Whatever, Laura, I couldn’t not do it when it was my job, I’d get in trouble with the Zetas. They can go pick another date for their party_  

 **Laura (11:58):** _Not the point_

        Kirsch knew Laura was not going to be happy with him but it was his duty as part of the board of Zeta Omega Mu and he had to follow through. Maybe they should not have taken the date; they did all know that the Summer Society had held that date for years. They had not always had it thought and he only took it because it was still open and the Zetas wanted a chance at a Halloween bash. It was not cool that they took Halloween and St. Patrick’s Day though. He would bring that up at the next meeting and present the idea that they should make a trade instead. Nothing he did was going to make the Summer Society happy about the whole Halloween thing but at least it would make him feel a little bit better about it. The fact that he had to make himself feel better was not a good sign that his actions had been very fair.

        He threw his head back into the cushion in frustration and then got up, grabbed his wallet and strode out the door. Kirsch needed to get out of the house and think it through. Going on walks always helped so he headed out down the sidewalk towards the Silas trails.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you liked it! 
> 
> I have decided to list the songs I listened to while writing each chapter (a lot of them will be repeated many times):  
> Take Me To Church- Ellie Goulding, Home/Diry Paws Cover – The Gardiner Sisters, Fools – Lauren Aquilina, basically all of Ed Sheeran's songs on shuffle
> 
> My fan tumblr is: uselessgayshit  
> Any questions you have about the fic, direct them to this as it will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS for updates.
> 
> Saying that, you are more than welcome to follow my personal tumblr as well: just-trying-togetby


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any trigger warnings if they arise will be listed at the beginning of each chapter. 
> 
> I am aware that my writing style may be different from many fics because I tend to be exceedingly descriptive but writing is what I love so I do it the way that feels right to me.
> 
> I'm not really happy with this chapter but I wanted to update since I did not last week. I don't have a date for the next chapter because I want to take my time and get it where I want it to be so please be patient with me while I do so.

        Laura set the box down on the counter with a huff, wiping the sweat from her forehead. She turned towards the door to exit again just as Danny trudged through it, “The furniture guys are here. Why did you think it was a good idea to have them here the same day as us?”

        Laura bit her bottom lip and her eyebrows scrunched together, “Because they aren’t really?”

        “What do you mean?”

        “I kinda didn’t want to pay a lot of money and the service of them moving the stuff in was extra and so...”

        “No! Laura, no!” All Laura could do was smile with her teeth clenched, her forehead creasing.

        “I know I can do it but you and Laf are going to be useless. You could barely carry that box,” Danny gestured at the box sitting on the counter behind Laura, “How do you expect to carry a couch up?”

        “In my defense, I didn’t know that the elevator was going to be broken.”

        “Well there’s no way that I can drag all of that stuff up by myself. I barely got your bed up here without killing myself.” Laura stared at her feet, avoiding Danny’s eyes and played with the bottom of her orange tank top.

        “Hey, Laura!” Before Laura could warn Danny, Laftonaine walked in with Kirsch, “Look who I found!”

        Danny’s eyes widened at Laura, “You asked that dumbass to help? You know what he did.”

        “Yeah, I know and it wasn’t okay but we needed help and Kirsch is my friend so I asked him.”

        “I’m not doing this. I don’t want to be anywhere near you,” she glared at Kirsch who put his hands up in defense.

        “Danny, you don’t have to like it. Just please help us bring the furniture up.”

        “No, I’m out.”

        “Pleeeeeeaassse.”

 

        Almost an hour later, Laura found herself sweating profusely, trying to drag the couch up to the fourth floor of the apartment building. Kirsch was next to her, doing most of the pulling work. Lafontaine and Danny were pushing from lower down the stairs as the latter had refused to be nearer to Kirsch than necessary. They had made it up the second floor landing. “Alright guys, pivot.”

        “I don’t need you to tell me what to do. I think I can handle it.”

        “Just trying to help, Psycho Society. Forgot you were so tall that you could probably see up here better than I can.”

        Grunting from the strength it was taking to hold the couch up, Laura reprimanded them, “Both of you stop! This is the last piece of furniture. We have two more flights. Just shut up.”

        “Someone likes ‘em bossy,” Laura heard Lafontaine mutter and then elbow Danny in the side. Laura rolled her eyes, “Shut up, Laf!”

        “Yes ma’am,” Lafontaine replied, almost dropping their side of the couch as they attempted to salute Laura.

        “I don’t know why I’m on this side of the couch. I’m not coordinated enough to walk up stairs backwards.” Laura was cautiously putting her feet down one at a time on the steps, slowing the process even further to make sure she did not trip. “You’re doing fine, little nerd. Just one more set of stairs.”

        By the time they got halfway down the hall and placed the couch in the center of the apartment floor, they were all bent over, trying to catch their breath.

        “That better be it,” Danny glared at Laura who smiled sheepishly and nodded her head. “Wait, where’s your roommate anyways?”

        “Again, her name is Betty and she’s at work.”

        “Where is that?”

        “She’s a history TA actually so she’s meeting with Doctor Belle to get ready for the semester.”

        Danny raised her eyebrows in a sarcastic manner but did not say anything and Laura turned to Kirsch and Lafontaine, “Thanks for your help, guys.”

        “You guys wanna go grab a beer to cool off?”

        “Actually, Kirsch, I wanted to see if Laura wanted to hang out, just us for a bit.”

        “Cool, see you guys later.” Kirsch left and Laura received a weird look from Danny before the tall girl turned to Lafontaine, “Actually, I was going to stay with Laura for awhile.”

        “Well, I figured I could help her settle in and actually move all the stuff where she wants it and,” Lafontaine paused and looked to Laura for backup, “I haven’t really spent a lot of time with just my best friend in awhile and I was hoping to be able to.”

        “Yeah, Danny, we can hang out later, I promise. I kinda miss Laf.”

        “Fine. I have stuff to do anyways. Bye,” Laura received in a very curt tone. Laura hurried over to her before she could leave and even leaning up on her tiptoes she could barely reach Danny, but was able to quickly peck her on the cheek. Danny looked at her and Laura stared her in the eyes, “I promise, okay?”

        A genuinely happy smiled spread across Danny’s face, “Okay. Call me.”

        “Bye, Danny.” Laura waved until Danny opened the door to the hallway staircase and then she shut the door, leaned against it until she heard the lock click and then sighed, closed her eyes and slumped towards the floor.

        “You want a beer?”

        Laura rubbed her temples in frustration, “I just moved in Laf so I don’t have any and I’m not sure I should be borrowing Betty’s alcohol already.”

        There was a scuffling as something was roughly dragged across the floor and then Laura felt Lafontaine’s arm against hers, “Good thing I brought my own.”

        Laura opened her eyes to find Lafontaine sitting next to her, against the door, holding out a beer with a half smile on their lips and pity in their eyes.

        “Thanks,” Laura mumbled, taking the beer and snapping the cap off to take a drink, “I’m exhausted.”

        “I’m guessing that it doesn’t just have to do with moving.”

        Laura looked at them questioningly, but when she saw the knowing look on Lafontaine’s face, she let go of the façade and her shoulders fell, “How did you know?”

        “You’re my best friend, Laura. I’m going to know when you’re not doing well.”

        “I don’t know what happened, honestly. All of a sudden it just stopped being what it was and I don’t know how to fix it.”

        “Maybe you’re not supposed to.” Lafontaine took a drink and Laura followed suit but didn’t answer for a few minutes. They both sat in silence, looking at the messy apartment; the furniture was spread out in no particular order, there were boxes stacked haphazardly around the room and the counter, and there was a thin layer of dust that had settled on the floor except where streaks from dragging things had cleared a shiny path on the tile. “But, I love her.”

        “I know you do. We all know you do.”

        “What do you mean by we ALL?” Laura questioned, demandingly but also slightly nervously.

        “Perry is not oblivious.”

        “Danny apparently is.”

        There was quiet bump as Lafontaine dropped her head against the door, “Maybe she’s just scared and she doesn’t want anything to go wrong. It’s her way of dealing.”

        “That’s ridiculous. I’ve been thinking this entire time that I was the only one who knew anything was going on.”

         “I think she knows. So does Perry.”

         “You guys talk about us behind our backs?” Laura snapped.

         Lafontaine squinted their eyes at Laura and gave her a look of complete befuddlement, “It’s Perry and I, what do you expect?”

        “You’re right. Sorry I kinda jumped on you.”

        “Don’t let Danny hear you say that.”

        “Not the time, Laf.”

        “Sorry,” they answered awkwardly before taking another sip of beer. “So, what changed, exactly?”

        “Me, Danny, I don’t know. All of a sudden everything just became uncomfortable, like we didn’t fit anymore.” Laura saw Lafontaine nod, allowing her to continue if she pleased, “She’s become consistently overbearing, more than before. I don’t need a new mom and my dad drives me crazy without any help. I just need a girlfriend. I understand she wants to keep me safe. I don’t want anything to hurt her either but she takes it one step too far every time.”

        “Mmmm. And what about that argument that Perry witnessed at the bakery?”

        “Which one?” Laura knew the fact that she had to ask, did not bear well for the status of her relationship. “The one about date night.”

        “Oh, yeah. I mean that’s an argument we have everyday. I just get tired of constantly watching movies and eating take out. For one night, I just wanted to go out, even if it was just to eat out. That in itself would be a change. I feel claustrophobic always cooped up inside the house.”

         Lafontaine gestured to the room, “Now you won’t.”

        “I know. That’s why I needed to get out of there so bad. Danny wasn’t very happy when I told her even though she knew I had to go anyways. I just need my own space so I can have alone time. Me time.”

        “What are you going to do about it?”

        “What do you mean?”

        “Are you guys going to break up or take a break?”

        “Oh, I don’t think so. I don’t want to.”

        Lafontaine placed a sympathetic hand on Laura’s shoulder, “But this has been the cause of all of your stress for a month. How can you keep living like this? You’re not happy. Danny knows that and so she’s not happy. You can’t keep holding onto a relationship that’s not working.”

        “I could say the same thing about you and Perry.”

        “That’s not at all the same thing and you know it. Don’t change the subject.”

         “I’m not breaking up with her,” Laura stated, confident. There was no way she could do that to Danny. Their two-year relationship meant so much to the both of them and Laura did not know what she would do without her. They had instantly clicked and without Danny, Laura would be missing a piece of herself; she could not throw that away, “I wouldn’t be whole.”

        “Two things, Laura. You don’t need someone else to be a whole person. You are not a half. You are already in one piece. I learned that the hard way. Number two. As your best friend, I advise you to give this some thought. Maybe you should break up. I really don’t think this is a healthy relationship anymore and I don’t want you to get hurt more than you are already are.”

         Laura felt anger boil up inside of her.Lafontaine did not understand the situation at all. She jumped up, instantly on the defense. She looked down at Lafontaine who was staring up at her in alarm from the floor. “I don’t need someone who doesn’t really know what is going on to tell me what to do with my relationship. This is my decision and mine only. I know you care, but you don’t get it. I’m not breaking up with her. That’s final.”

         Laura just frowned at Lafontaine until she realized they were not going to say anything back to her, they were too stunned by her sudden outburst. “Maybe you should go.”

        “Uh…um…yeah, alright…Just keep the beer then,” they never looked Laura in the eye and she felt somewhat guilty but did not say anything, “I’ll see you later, I guess.”

        Lafontaine walked out of the door without looking back and Laura wiped her hand down her face. _Why did I do that?_ Lafontaine had only been trying to help and Laura had snapped at them for absolutely no reason. This was just a touchy subject and had been for quite some time. Laura had not realized that her and Danny had been so obvious about the unhappiness between them so Lafontaine’s talk had come at her out of nowhere and she had not been ready for it.

        Laura thought that she should apologize but then Lafontaine’s voice came back to her, _“Maybe you should break up.”_ No one had the right to tell her what do about this or about anything for that matter. That was the whole problem between her and Danny and now Lafontaine was trying to control her life. She knocked her knuckles on her forehead, “Ouch.”

        Laura rubbed at the spot; she might have been a tad overzealous with her taps. She’d apologize to Lafontaine later for becoming so angry but not for what she said. That was the truth. But, there had been no need to bark at Lafontaine as she had.

        Laura looked around at the apartment, _Great. Now I’ve got to do this all by myself. Good job, Hollis. Push your friends away._

               **************************************************************************************************************************************************

        “Bro, that is so cool!” Will smiled brightly at the praise that the guy offered him. He was sitting in the living room of his new house with one of the Zeta Omegu Mu fraternity members. Will had been thinking about joining and he wanted some more information, so they had sent over some guy named Kirsch. Will had been extremely nervous because he had heard so many horror stories of illegal hazing and even the non-illegal parts of entering a fraternity that probably should be considered illegal. The fact that they had just sent some guy over to talk to him though, eased his doubts. When Kirsch had finally shown up with a dopey grin on his face and a relaxed demeanor, Will realized he had nothing to worry about.

        Kirsch lounged on the couch opposite him wearing khaki shorts, a red polo with the Zeta Omega Mu crest emblazoned on the right side of the chest, and brown flip-flops. His feet were up on the dining room table and Will had almost told him to please put his feet on the floor but then, he decided if he wiped the table down    before his mother returned, it would be fine. Kirsch’s arm was thrown lazily over the back of the couch as he spoke.

        Will found himself sitting on the edge of the chair, back straight, wearing his dark jeans and black shirt. His posture was impeccable as his mother had accepted nothing less from him his entire life and though now she rarely paid any attention to him as it was all focused on his sister, the lesson was ingrained in his mind and the action was automatic.

        “So, unfortunately, you’ll still have to go through rush and the induction but,” Kirsch looked around the room as if someone was hiding where he could not see, before winking at Will and pulling a black polo out of his back pocket, “here you go.”

        Will caught the shirt and unfolding it to see the fraternity’s sign inscribed in the same place as the one on Kirsch’s shirt. “Now, you can’t tell anyone I gave you that, it’s technically against policy but you’ll be in no problem. Good thing I grabbed the black one. That seems to fit you well.”

        “Thanks, man. This is awesome.”

        “WILL! How many times do I have to tell you not to…”

        Will jumped out of his seat as he saw his sister round the corner into the living room and spoke as she stopped in her tracks upon seeing Kirsch, “Mi…Carmilla, this is Kirsch.”

        Will knew better than to use his nickname for Carmilla in front of other people if he still wanted to be living later on and so he caught himself right in time, “He’s one of the members of Zeta Omega Mu.”

        Will watched as Carmilla set her signature glare on Kirsch. “Um…yeah, Kirsch, this is my sister, Carmilla.”

        “Nice to meet you, angry hottie. Err,” Kirsch winced at Will, “sorry bro. Um, I mean, Will’s sister.” Kirsch extended an arm out to Carmilla but quickly dropped it as he realized she was not going to return the favor.

        “Yeah, so I should get going.” It was more a question to Will than a statement but Kirsch began moving towards the door anyways, “So, just remember. You don’t have that shirt and I’ll see you around.”

        The door shut with a click behind Kirsch and Will exploded, “Why!? Why do you have to always be like that?”

        Carmilla just shrugged, “He’s a bonehead.”

        “I don’t care. He’s going to be my friend, possibly the only one I’ve had in,” Will paused to think, “oh yeah, ever. I don’t need you scaring him off.”

        “Why do you want to join that damn frat anyways? They’re all just a bunch of womanizing creeps.”

        “You don’t know that and they aren’t. He apologized.”

        “To you and only because I’m your sister.”

        “Whatever. I’m joining because I want to be a part of something. I’ve never had that chance. And there are a lot of guys in the frat and I just,” Will inhaled deeply, “I just want to have friends for once.”

         He looked up at his sister, but upon seeing the pity in her eyes, his jaw tensed and he pushed passed her on his way up the stairs, “I don’t need that from you.”

         “Will, wait!”

         “And whatever I did that you keep telling me not, too. It won’t happen again.”

        He ignored her call to him and slammed the door to his bedroom shut, the walls rattling with the force. Will found that his right hand was clenched, frighteningly tight around the polo shirt and so he flatted in out on his bed. As he spread his hand down the front of the shirt, he heard a muffled crinkle and reached up inside, pulling out a small piece of paper. He unfolded it, reading the words to himself: _You need anything. Just call._

       Under those words, was a phone number, which Will presumed was Kirsch’s.

        Not only had the guy been willing to come over to his house to talk to him about the fraternity and had given him contraband in form of a shirt but had also offered Will his friendship.

        There was a timid knock on the door but he did not answer. The door creaked open slowly, “I’m sorry.”

        “I know.”

        “I didn’t realize this meant so much to you.”

        “Well, now you know.” He waited for a response but there was none so he turned around. Carmilla was standing in the doorway, looking at him with no pity in her eyes. For that, he was extremely grateful. He grinned at her so that she would know he forgave her and she returned the smile. Nodding her head once, she made her leave but before the door shut he heard her say, “That guy is still an idiot.”

        All Will could do was chuckle.

            ****************************************************************************************************************************************************

        “Where are you going?” Carmilla stopped mid-step, halfway to the front door. She had raced down the stairs, not expecting anyone to be home, and was about to run out the door when Will had spoken. She turned to the living room to see him scrubbing the coffee table with a rag, “Nowhere. What are you doing?”

        “I forgot to wipe the table when Kirsch left the other day. He put his feet up and you know how mother is. Since she’s coming home tomorrow, I figured I should take care of this.” He stood up as he spoke, tucking the tag under his arm. Carmilla’s entire body went completely rigid, every muscle tensing and even her mind went blank. In a voice that was barely audible, she squeaked out, “Mother’s coming home?”

        “Yeah, she didn’t tell you?”

        “When has mother ever told me anything, Will,” the words coming through clenched teeth, “More importantly, why didn’t you tell me?”

        “I’m sorry. She said you knew.”

        “She says a lot of things.”

        “Well, now you know. It’s not like you’re even going to be here. Classes start tomorrow.”

        Carmilla’s mind raced a mile per minute, trying to gather all of her thoughts together, “How long is she staying?”

        “She didn’t say. I can’t imagine more than a couple days.”

        Carmilla looked ahead of her, past Will, past the living room wall, into nothingness. She would not be in the house anymore than she had to be until her mother left again. Being in the house could only mean one thing and it was the one thing Carmilla needed to avoid at all costs. It was hard enough not going down that road but when her mother was around, it was nearly impossible to refrain from.

        A hand was gently set on her arm, “Carmilla. Carmilla, are you still here?”

        The voice sounded as if it was coming through deep water, distorted, and hard to hear, “Millie, come back to me please.”          

        The voice was calming and slowly becoming more clear, “Millie, I’m right here. Just look at me. Hear me. I’m right here.”

        Carmilla blinked rapidly and found herself face to face with Will who was looking at her intently, “There you go. It’s going to be fine. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you. I should’ve known that mother hadn’t contacted you. I’ll stay out of the house, too,” he smiled, “We’ll keep each other sane until she’s gone.”

        Carmilla did not speak, she was not sure that her vocal chords were even working but she did feel her body relax slightly. “Okay, now where were you going?”

        His question brought Carmilla out of her head entirely and she was glad that he knew that he needed to change the subject and get her mind off it. Will had learned what tactics to use to bring her back. Though she would not stop thinking about it until the predicament was over, as least she could shove it to the side and concentrate on the present, “Nowhere.”

        “Sure, I believe that. You usually sprint out of the house. That’s totally normal for you.”

        “Fine. I’m going to _The Nook_ to pick up my books.”

        “Why didn’t you just get them sent to the school bookstore?”

        “Because they aren’t textbooks,” she replied stoically, keeping her tone light and her volume normal.

        “Still, you could…oh,” he said, smirking at her, “bookshop girl.”

        “What are you talking about?” she questioned as if she did not already know. Will had this twisted idea stuck in his head that she had some sort of crush on the girl who worked at the bookshop ever since the first day she had gone in. She had been frequenting the shop ever since they arrived in Silas but that was only because she was an avid reader and had always been that way. There had not been a moment in her life where she could remember not having a book with her. They were her escape, a needed escape, from her daily life that held so much terror for her. Books held a freedom she never thought she would ever obtain. And here she was, going about her business, buying books, and Will had to ruin the whole thing with his constant nagging.

        “You know exactly what, don’t think you’re fooling anyone,” he answered, his eyebrows raised in amusement.

        “Be my guest and go get them yourself. I don’t care,” she said, turning to go back up the stairs. His booming laughter that echoed down the hallway caused her to scowl at him.

        “No, no, I don’t want to take that pleasure away from you.”

        “You’re an ass,” Carmilla snapped out while punching his arm on the way out the door.

        She consciously watched her speed, bringing her step back to her normal, apathetic pace that she held onto with such pride. The sun shone down glaringly on Silas, heating the town to an almost unbearable temperature. Fortunately, Carmilla had on her black shorts instead of her usual black pants but she still removed her long-sleeve plaid shirt and tied it around her waist, leaving only a thin, sheer, piece of black fabric exposing her stomach.

        Carmilla’s right hand reached up to fiddle with the necklace that lay against her sternum as she made her way through the small ring of houses and down Main Street. She crossed the deserted street to the corner building that held the bookshop. Making an entrance was important in every aspect of life and this was no different.

        Carmilla opened the door of the shop, the bell tinkling in greeting. Stepping slowly across the threshold, she ran her fingers through her hair, messing it up a little, and placing a look of unconcern on her face. “Hi there.”

        The voice threw her off, as it was not the one she was expecting but she betrayed nothing in her outward appearance and turned towards the voice. She saw a woman behind the desk, smiling welcomingly at her, “What can I help you with?”

       “Pick up.”

       “Oh, okay, let me just get Laura. She’ll take care of it, “ the woman hurried off to the back and Carmilla recomposed herself to await the arrival of Laura.

       “You again.” Carmilla waited for the small girl to walk all the way to the desk before countering, “Happy to see me, cupcake?”

        Laura wore a loose fitting green-striped short-sleeve shirt, accompanied by light blue skinny jeans and black flip-flops. Her hair was down as it had been each time Carmilla had come into the store, the sun from the window behind her creating light streaks of blonde through the normally light-brown strands. A light red appeared on the girl’s cheek when Carmilla said this but she did not let it stop her from answering, “It’s Laura.”

        Carmilla noticed that she let the rest of the question die between them. The girl had introduced herself to Carmilla every time she had come into the store and it was not that Carmilla did not remember her name, she deliberately chose not to use it. She liked the way that the girl got embarrassed each time she used a substitute for her name; it was cute. _No, Karnstein. It’s not cute. You’re just a big flirt._

        “So, you’re picking up books?”

        “Yup.” Carmilla did not miss the girl’s eyes as they glanced ever so briefly at her exposed mid-riff and she kept herself from showing the knowing smile.

        “Very talkative as usual, I see.” Carmilla watched her type something into the ancient computer that the store used and then lean under the desk to pull out a stack of three, rather large books, “Woah. More heavy reading.”

        Carmilla scooped the books under her arm, “They’re for class.”

        She watched as Laura’s face transformed to bubbly excitement before her eyes, “Oh! What’s your major?”

       “Psychology.” Not to be dismayed my Carmilla’s short response, Laura continued on, “Well, I’m a journalism major. I think I may want to get into travel journalism or even investigative journalism. I haven’t really decided yet. What type of psychologist do you want to be?”

        “Uh, no. Dealing with other people’s problems, not my thing.”

        “Then what are you going to do with a psychology degree?”

        “That’s a good question, sundance.” Psychology was supposed to have been a backup plan until she figured out what she really wanted to do or better yet, what she wanted to make a career out of; but, she found that she fell in love with the subject and couldn’t give it up so she decided to keep it and just add other majors. Halfway through sophomore year she decided that being a translator was right up her ally. The fact that Laura wanted to travel so much intrigued her, as that had been a huge part of her decision to learn other languages. It could have been influenced by her mother’s interest in art as well but Carmilla would rather not have anything to do with her mother in her future and she definitely did not want to, in anyway, be like her.

        Laura seemed slightly dismayed that she was not concerned with her life after college. “That scrunched up face you’re making is adorable, buttercup. Don’t worry. I’m a double major.”

        “Then what’s your second major?”

        “Well, I guess I have more than two majors technically but I plan on becoming a translator. And you know, I could write a psychology book or two in my spare time,” she responded, winking at Laura.

        “Oh, well, I didn’t mean to imply that…”

        “It’s fine, cutie,” she readjusted the books under her arm, “À plus tard, cupcake.”

        “We’re almost the same height. I’m not that small!” Laura exclaimed in irritation.

        Carmilla could not hold in her chuckle, “I’d look in the mirror if I were you but that’s not what I said.”

        “Then what did you say?” she asked out of confusion. Carmilla held back her snigger this time but with the look on Laura’s face, that was quite an accomplishment. It was between annoyance and intrigue. Her mouth was slightly parted, her eyebrows narrowed in anger, but the look in her eyes showed that she was not angry at all.

        “You’ll just have to look it up, I guess.” With that Carmilla smirked, and strode out the door of the shop, tremendously pleased with herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you liked it! 
> 
> I have decided to list the songs I listened to while writing each chapter (a lot of them will be repeated many times):  
> Put on a spotify acoustic guitar playlist this time.
> 
> My fan tumblr is: uselessgayshit  
> Feel free to leave comments here but any specific questions you have about the fic, direct them to this as it will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS for updates.
> 
> Saying that, you are more than welcome to follow my personal tumblr as well: just-trying-togetby


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possbile Trigger Warning: Brief physical abuse
> 
> Any trigger warnings if they arise will be listed at the beginning of each chapter. 
> 
> I am aware that my writing style may be different from many fics because I tend to be exceedingly descriptive but writing is what I love so I do it the way that feels right to me.
> 
> I have exams next week so maybe a chapter but I can’t promise anything.

_Ding!_

        The low, guttural growl the issued from Carmilla’s lips would have sent anyone running. She was face down, suffocated in her pillow; the comforter and sheets were twisted around her body. Her one leg that was hanging halfway off the bed felt the cool air in the room; the other was bent and pulled up towards her torso. Her arms were bowed underneath the pillow so that she could feel them underneath the thin material on which her head was resting.

        Carmilla blindly shot an arm out towards her nightstand, knocking a book off in her search for her phone. Finally, her fingers alighted on the cold metal and she pulled it towards her as she turned her head slightly so at least one eye could see. She hit the home button, instantly hissing as the screen lit up too brightly. After her eyes stopped yelling at her for the rude awakening, she unlocked the screen and opened the recent message.

 

 **Will (8:30am):** _Mother is in her study. Just thought you should know._

 **Carmilla (8:35am):** _Thanks. I’ll stay away from that side of the house. Maybe I can sneak out._

 **Will (8:35am):** _You know that will never happen_

**Carmilla (8:36am):** _How about a good luck, hope everything is fine…I was hoping for some support Will_

**Will (8:36am):** _I hope it’s not too bad then_

 **Carmilla (8:36am):** _Thanks for the heads up_

  

        Carmilla dropped the phone onto the bed and rolled over, her back protesting at the movement. She pulled her leg back under the covers as she curled in a ball, trying to go back to sleep. But, right away, she knew that not only did she have to get up for class, but the thought of her mother in the same space as her had made her anxious and her mind was buzzing.

        It took her nearly ten minutes, but eventually she had got herself to a standing position next to the bed, though her eyes were shut and she did not show any sign of movement or consideration of moving anytime soon. She took a mental calculation of the clothes she was currently wearing which consisted only of a black thong and a black tank top.

        Carmilla shrugged to herself and pulled on the nearest pair of shorts that lay on the floor next to the bed. She glanced out the window and upon seeing the sun, snatched her sunglasses off the stand and set them atop her head to make sure she did not forget them. The floor length mirror in the corner was held up by an ornate, wooden frame, which had legs that stood on the floor. Carmilla rubbed the smudge of make-up from under her eye but left the rest; the day old mascara and eyeliner had stayed on as dark and perfect as it had been the day before.

        Stuffing her feet into her boots, she swiped her bag off the floor, quickly stuffing in her laptop, a notebook, her books for class and a book to read. She slung the bag over her shoulder, grabbed her headphones from the dresser and then spent two minutes shuffling through the mess of sheets on her bed to find her phone, which had disappeared when she had dropped it earlier.

        She ran her hand through her hair, disregarding the knots and grabbed a piece of gum, shoving into her mouth as she left her room. She usually took the time to brush her teeth, but usually her mother was not waiting downstairs to impress some sort of disappointment onto her never good enough daughter.

        Luckily the door at the bottom of the stairs was open so the creaking would not alert her mother to her presence. Carmilla tiptoed down the stairs, peeked around the corner and quickly walked to the door, as the room was empty. Her hand was on the doorknob when an icy voice, froze her in place.    

        “You certainly were not leaving without saying hello to your dear mother, Carmilla.”

        Carmilla’s jaw clenched as she turned on the spot to face her mother. She had learned a long time ago the repercussions of not facing the woman head on. Without any emotion, her lips moved of their own accord, “Of course not, mother.”

        She shrunk under her mother’s scrutinizing, narrow eyes, which only resulted in further snapped, reprimands, “Stand up straight. I did not teach to you slouch.”

        Her back instantly straightened out as if her mother’s words had been a chord that pulled her chest outward. “Better. Now, I expect you home no later that six o’clock this evening for family dinner.”

        “Yes, mother.”

        “Good,” the fake and terrifying smile that appeared on her mother’s face, made Carmilla’s heart beat fast. She knew that look all to well and she flinched mentally as her mother took one step closer to her. Her mother must have seen a look flash across her eyes that she approved of because the smile grew and she did not move any closer, “You may go.”

        Carmilla did not waste one more second in leaving the house and when she reached the sidewalk, a breath escaped her lungs that she did not know she had been holding. It could have been worse; she had been expecting worse. She wanted to know how her mother had been with Will because it was out of the ordinary for her not to at least throw one unfounded insult Carmilla’s way. Hopefully she had not taken out anything on Will; she usually did not, as he seemed to be in her favor.

        It was only nine; her first class did not start until ten fifteen so after cursing Will’s message for waking her up so early, flicking her sunglasses off the top of her head to cover her eyes, and stuffing her earphones in her ears, she made her way to The Lustig, a small coffee shop that she had never entered, only seen from a distance.

        To Carmilla’s dismay, the shop was overly crowded and loud and she vaguely regretted her decision except that the idea of caffeine was very enticing. Not worrying about taking her sunglasses off, she went to stand in the unbearably long line. The coffee bar was on the left; the wall behind was a conglomeration of quotes written in chalk. To the left and the right were smaller chalkboard pieces that hung on rough brick pillars that jutted out from the wall and had the entire drink menu listed. The bar itself was a mix of wood and glass where the assortment of small pastries were kept until ordered; they ranged from cookies, to scones, to cupcakes, and breads. Over the bar, lamps hung low, casting a dim light that was almost entirely blocked out by the amount of sun that came through the front windows.

        The window was covered in posters for events at the university and in the town; some even directed people as far as the city of Styria, which was about forty-five minutes outside of Silas. There was a window length booth under the window which faced three tables that were set at odd angles, apparently rocked to and fro as people sat and stood. The rest of the tables were also scattered throughout the shop in the same manner. The right wall though, was covered in the same type of booth, made of dark red leather.

        The wooden floor ran into brick walls on all sides of the building. Paintings hung haphazardly on the wall in no order whatsoever. Some of them were crooked, others were entirely upside down. _The idiots think they are being artsy_. Carmilla rolled her eyes as they ran over the shop, taking in everything that was trying too hard to be different. By the time her eyes settled forward, she had moved up to the front of the line. “Just a medium coffee. Black.”

        The barista’s annoying smile, which may have not been that annoying, ticked Carmilla off. She snatched the cup that she was handed rudely out of the girl’s hand and walked to the left side of the register where the line of coffee flavors went on for the length of the counter. She found the house coffee and poured it, the steam rising out of her cup and the splendid smell wafting upward towards her noise. She breathed in deeply before cutting off the flow and covering the cup with a white, plastic lid.

        Carmilla flipped her hair over her shoulder and weaved through the crowd, entirely aware that she hit someone with her bag, but not bothered enough to stop or apologize. With her coffee in hand, she made her way down main street toward front campus where she found a campus map that directed her to the psychology building. There was still over half an hour until her class began so instead of heading directly there, she found a bench underneath a tree on the side of the sidewalk. On the right side going towards the student union there was a row of trees under which sat many benches. To the left, there was a large fountain with the words “SILAS UNIVERSITY” carved into marble on the front of the structure.

        She pulled out her book, leaned back into the bench, and sipped the still scalding coffee as she waited for the inevitable duration of professors who thought they knew more than they actually did.

         *************************************************************************************************************************************************

        At seven-thirty exactly, Laura Hollis woke up. There had been no alarm, her blinds were shut so the sun had no awoken her, and there was no sound coming from the rest of the apartment. Her internal clock had always been accurate to a troubling extent. All she had to do was decide what time she wanted to wake up and that is when she woke up. It freaked her dad out for a while but Laura found it considerably convenient.

        She sat up on the edge of her bed to stretch, allowing for her back to pop in a few places before getting up entirely to make her bed. She neatly tucked the yellow sheets under the mattress before pulling the dark purple comforter up over them and settling her yellow pillow in the center at the head of the bed.

        Grabbing her laptop that sat on the desk to the right of the door, she left the room, padding her way through the small living room and into the kitchen. The kitchen was tiny, the distance from the oven to the counter being about the width of her arm span. It was all white wood that seemed to have been recently painted to cover up the scuffs that the cabinets had acquired over the years.

        Laura reached up to the cabinet that was almost out of her reach and grabbed the box of chocolate chip cookies that sat on the bottom shelf. She stuffed her hand in the box, pulling out two cookies before replacing the box. Laura took a little bit of a running start and slide over the tiles from the kitchen to the window on the wall in the small living room, almost knocking down a lamp as her arms flailed to stop her from falling. When she came to a halt, she clenched her teeth and listened in the direction of Betty’s door to make sure her clumsiness had not caused her roommate to wake.

        The brunette twisted the wand tilt, causing the blinds to twist open, letting the morning sunlight light the room. In order to see out, Laura had to squint so she pulled the strings on the side, sending the blinds gliding upward to the top of the window. Finding this to her liking, she took her seat in a soft, green chair opposite the window that belonged to Betty.

        The laptop opened to a picture of her, Danny, Perry, and Lafontaine that the group had taken at the beginning of the summer when they had driven up to Styria for a long weekend. Styria was the closest city to Silas, only about a forty-five minute drive out of the small town. It may have seemed like a strange choice for a so-called vacation but when your only options as poor college students is to try to find new but still fun activities in Silas or going to Styria, which had quite the options of museums and stores and restaurants and even a beach, the choice is obvious and simple.

        Laura opened the convenient Netflix bookmark that she had saved and pressed play on a random episode of _Doctor Who_. She had finished the first cookie after her almost tumble so now shoved the second cookie hastily into her mouth. Her mouth stretched into the smile at the taste of the chocolate and sugar that was starting to wake her up.

        Halfway into the episode a door creaked behind her followed by a polite, “Good morning.”

        She paused the show and hastily twisted around, “Morning, Betty!”

        “I’m making a cup of coffee; do you want one?”

        “No, thank you,” Laura rotated back around in the chair to close her laptop, “I actually think I’m going to get ready and go The Lustig.”

        “Sounds good.”

        “Have a good day of classes,” Laura chirped before closing the bathroom door. She wet a washcloth and gently rubbed the sleep from her face before furiously brushing her teeth. She brushed the knots out of her hair and it lay shining and soft against her tee shirt.

        Back in her own bedroom, Laura shimmied out of her pajama shorts and searched through her drawers for a clean pair of jean shorts. He dresser was pushed up against the right wall, parallel to her bed so that the drawers opened towards her bed. The nightstand was to the left of her bed and held her owl lamp that she had brought from her bedroom at her father’s house. There was a small study lamp sitting on her desk as well because there was no overhead light. Laura thanked the universe that the apartment was air-conditioned because there was no fan in the room either.

        Posters for _Doctor Who_ and _Harry Potter_ were neatly arranged around the completely white walls and helped break up the prison-like feel that the blank walls had given off when she had first arrived. The Tardis mug that Laura used for everything was sitting on her desk, still dirty from the cup of hot chocolate she had drank late the night before.

        She bounced to the closest from which she retrieved a black and white V-neck shirt, which she pulled over her head after removing the shirt she had slept in. She quickly applied deodorant and slipped her feet into a pair of brown flip-flops with white rope straps. 

        Laura grabbed her brown, canvas, book bag from the desk chair and packed in her laptop, a few notebooks, her textbooks for the day, a water bottle, and her wallet. She picked up her sunglasses and positioned them on the front of her shirt so they would be available when she needed them and stuck her phone in her back pocket as she left the apartment.

        When she arrived at The Lustig, the only coffee shop in Silas save from those on campus, most of the seats were full but there were only two people in line. Smiling wide at the barista when it was her turn she ordered a hot cocoa, despite the heat, and found a seat on of the booths. The seat slightly sunk as she sat down, sipping the cocoa and breathing in the deep aroma of chocolate. There was no weather that would cause Laura to stray from her ritualistic hot cocoa.

        She pushed her cocoa slightly to side and pulled out her laptop opening it to the UK version of The Guardian online. It was the news source that she trusted the most as it seemed to come from a neutral point of view unlike the many news stations and papers that she had come into contact with at Silas and while she was at home. It was also an instant source of news. It may annoy some people, but the continuous updates she received made her feel more connected with the world. It was, in fact, the main focus of her future career and she was already completely engulfed. There were horror stories and terrifying reports that tugged at Laura’s heart when she read them but it was going to be a part of her job as a reporter and so she needed to learn the dos and don’ts of article writing. She needed to know when to just state the facts and when to emote. Of course, there were also the happy articles that made people smile; the ones that people  looked forward to seeing because for a moment, worry was removed from their mind as they focused on something good that was happening in the world.

        Laura had been reading the newspaper and following news stories since junior high when her passion for journalism became apparent and ever since, she had known that would be her path. She founded and edited the school newspaper in high school and even started a liberal opinion paper during her freshman year at Silas. They covered relevant local topics as well as reporting the major events going on in other parts of the world. People would submit to the paper and if their writing deemed appropriate and professional enough, Laura would publish it. Sometimes people would just send topics and she would delegate the writing job to someone on her team. They published the paper once a week, mainly at the university but recently, they had started distributing to the rest of Silas. This paper was a way for students to practice their writing, gain experience, learn the ways of publishing, but also, it was a vehicle for them to share their opinions and discuss topics that affected them.

        Laura scrolled through the main page, stopping at the most prevalent articles and before she knew it, it was a little past nine. She twisted her neck, stretching out the kinks that had developed from staying in one position and staring at her computer screen.

        When her eyes traveled towards the door, they froze on a familiar individual whose eyes were covered by a pair of dark brown sunglasses. It was Carmilla, the girl who frequented _The Nook_. Laura watched as Carmilla took a spot in line and then surveyed her surroundings with a look of mingled disgust and approval; two conflicting emotions that Laura had never seen paired on someone’s face before. Carmilla seemed to take no notice of Laura, her eyes glancing past her booth but Laura on the other hand, saw nothing except for Carmilla.

        Laura was vaguely aware that she was staring, but was not aware enough to make a conscious decision to look away. Her eyes traveled from Carmilla’s bare legs up to where her shorts hugged the curve of her butt in the best way. The messenger bag at her side had pulled her tank top up past the back edge of her shorts and the smallest view of the top of a lacy, black thong became visible to Laura who audibly gulped. She continued to stare, her vision now stuck on Carmilla’s jaw line that was visible to the right of her wavy black hair.

         Someone moved up in line and blocked Laura’s view causing her to shake her head and blink. _Wow._ For a second, her mind was completely blank except for that one word but then, a huge rush of thoughts plowed in after it, burying it deep under guilt. _No, Laura Hollis. We do not objectify anyone in that way. That was completely inappropriate._ And then, as if her morals did not already justify the reprimanding, another train of thought barreled over the last. _Danny. Danny. Danny. You are dating, Danny, no matter if you are having problems or not. You are still with her. That’s final. There should be nothing else except for that fact to keep you from thinking the Carmilla is really hot. Hot? You don’t even know her. NOPE. NOPE. WE ARE DONE THINKING ABOUT THIS._

        Laura must have been in her head longer than she had thought because when the interior of the shop came back into focus, the raven-haired girl was exiting, flicking her hair over her left shoulder.

        ******************************************************************************************************************************************************

        Carmilla was sitting in the overly expensive dining room chair at exactly 5:58 that night. Will sat immediately across from her and the chair at the head of the table was the seat that her mother would soon occupy. The rest of the table stretched down past them. It was a table that filled the room though guests were never seen in the Karnstein household. The top was entirely made of glass, held together by dark mahogany wood that curled into claws clinging for dear life to the dark blue knit carpet that was set atop the hardwood floor. The golden chandelier hung over the center of the table, the dim light casting an eerie golden haze over the room. The left side of the room was opened to the foyer; the right side was a wall with ornate wooden trim along the floor and ceiling. A large cabinet set against it, displaying a vast series of expensive china. There was one window in the room that faced the street and took up most of that wall. The white curtains were drawn over it though so that the view into the house was blocked. There was a doorway opposite the window that led into the kitchen.

        “Cutting it kind of close aren’t we?”

        “I made it just fine.

        “I don’t want to think about what would have happened if you hadn’t.”

        “You don’t have to cause I’m here.”

        An intimidating figure filled the doorway that led in from the kitchen. Their mother wore a tight black pantsuit, her hair in an immaculate bun, not even one strand out of place. Her lips were pursed as if there was something gross in her line of sight. _That’s probably just me_ , Carmilla thought. She stiffly took her seat at the head of the table, “Hello, darlings.”

        “Hello, mother.” Her mother’s head slowly turned in her direction, icy eyes settling into a hard stare. Carmilla forced herself to keep focus and not look away from her mother. “Don’t be rude. Say hello to your mother, dear.”

        Through clenched teeth and with as much disdain as possible Carmilla obeyed, “Hello, mother.”

        “Now, see. That wasn’t so hard.” Neither Carmilla nor Will made any move to begin eating though their mother picked up her glass and delicately sipped the dark purple liquid. Family dinner was not a regular occurrence in the Karnstein household and when it was called for, the food always went untouched as the dinner ended very shortly with everyone in worse temperaments than they arrived with.

        “How was your first day of university, William?”

        “Very good, mother.” A curt nod of her head displayed her satisfaction with that answer, “That is good to hear.”

        “My day went very well, too. I had three classes and…”

        “I am not interested, Carmilla. Otherwise I would have asked.”

        Carmilla smirked at the plate that sat in front her of her. She had not expected her mother to ask or even care so she had been given the reaction she had intended to receive. There were these small moments, in which she had minute victories over her mother that meant nothing to anyone but herself.

        She looked up to see Will shooting her a wide-eyed, horrified look from across the table. Carmilla shrugged at him to cease his worry but her mother did not seem to notice the interaction or even care that Carmilla had spoken to her at all.

        They all sat in silence, Carmilla’s hands in her lap, her eyes directed at her mother, waiting for her to speak. “Carmilla, I wish you would sit up straighter.”

        There would have been no way in the world that Carmilla could have straightened in the chair anymore. The back of the chair was already flat against her back as she would never forget to have perfect posture in front her mother, especially during a formal dinner setting. Carmilla laughed silently, mostly in her head, _Formal family dinners. What a joke._ She was about to respond out loud but Will cut in to save her from whatever punishment she would have received for talking back, “Mother, I was wondering why you called us to dinner.”

        “Can a mother not just spend time with her children?”

        Will’s eyes instantly changed direction to look into his hands instead of at their mother, “Sorry. Yes, of course.”

        “With that said though, there is a reason.”

        “When are you leaving?”

        “You’re insolence is not needed or wanted here, Carmilla,” without raising her voice, somehow her mother managed to screamed the words at Carmilla. They were laced with a menacing superiority which immediately caused Carmilla to snap her mouth shut and look over at Will who was slightly trembling.

        “I am here to inform you of your necessary attendance at the opening of the new collection at the art museum. It is next Friday night and starts at six in the evening. I expect you to be there in the morning to help set up. You will have time to come back here and change before the evening begins. It is black tie and I want to see you in nothing other than your best,” she took a pause to sip her wine again, the light glinting of the gold ridging on the glass. “William, the suit you were fitted for, does it still fit?”

        “I believe so.”

        “It needs to be perfect so you will need to take it to the tailor to make sure.”

        “Yes, mother.”

        “Carmilla, you will wear a dress. That is final. You will not embarrass me. Something dark and elegant. I know that you have enough choices,” her eyes narrowed, “Do not disappoint me.”

        Carmilla gulped, her words stuck in her throat that had all of a sudden become very dry and it was hard to swallow. Words would not come out so she had to settle for nodding in affirmation. Apparently this reaction appeased her mother who continued, “I will not be there when you arrive in the morning but one of my assistants will be and they will give you your instructions on what jobs you will be expected to complete.”

        “Um, mother…”

        “Do not stutter.”

        “Yes. Mother, I have class on Friday.”

        “Then you will miss it, William,” she replied calmly, again, sipping from her glass. Her mother did not speak again.

         Carmilla pressed her palms on the table, pushing herself out of her chair to leave the room. There was a substantial pressure on her forearm as her mother’s long, bony fingers curled around her arm and snapped it backwards. Carmilla grimaced and bit back the cry that was threatening to escape as she grasped at her shoulder, which her mother had pulled out of place. “You do not leave until you are dismissed. How many times do I have to teach you something until you learn?”

         Carmilla felt her eyes watering but looked away so as not to give her mother the satisfaction of seeing her cry. “I will be leaving this Thursday and will be returning early the Friday of the opening.” Her mother placed her napkin gently on the table, finished her wine and stressing the first word spoke, “Now, you may go.”

        Her mother was the first to rise as Carmilla had fallen back into her chair and Will had made no move throughout the entire altercation. She left the room without another word or glance back at her children and disappeared into her study that was located off the hallway next to the living room.

        Carmilla was bent over the table, breathing heavily, and when she felt an arm on her back she swiveled around violently, realizing almost too late, that she was about to backhand Will across the face. He through his hands up, “It’s okay, Millie. It’s just me.”

        A haze seemed to lift from Carmilla’s mind and she blinked her eyes into focus, “Will, I almost just…I’m so…”

        Will shook his head, “Don’t apologize. I should know by now that I can’t touch you when you aren’t here with me.”

        Carmilla tried to stand, holding her right arm up with her left hand but Will gently guided her back to her seat, “You know what I have to do, right?”

        The pain from her shoulder was rippling through her entire arm though it had dulled since the initial shock. She knew how to tame it, as this was not the first occurrence of a dislocated shoulder. Will’s entire face was slack with worry and apology; he understood, though not through personal experience, that Carmilla was in a lot of discomfort and that fixing it caused a lot more pain before allowing for relief.

        Carmilla readied herself, planting her feet firmly on the floor as Will walked to her right side. She clenched her eyes shut as tightly as she could and gritted her teeth together, her jaw stretched taut. She nodded to Will that he could proceed and he grabbed her bicep and placed his fingers on her right shoulder blade. Slowly, but quicker than he had originally been able to do it, he pushed her back and gently pulled her arm until there was a small pop. Carmilla’s breath hitched as she felt her shoulder reconnect and after a few seconds of sharp pain, it dulled to an ache. “I’ll get you some ice.”

        Carmilla held the ice to her right shoulder, “Thanks.”

        A cautious smile formed on Will’s face, “Always.”

        She turned from him and made her way upstairs into the bathroom outside her room and rummaged through her cabinet to find the painkillers. The pain, honestly, was not the bad but it could become worse and she wanted to do anything she could to prevent it lasting longer than necessary.

        She had been completely stupid at dinner, testing her mother’s patience first with her words and then leaving when she knew very well that her mother had not told her she could go. That was one of the first set of manners her mother had ever instilled in her and she had gotten cocky. _And over one stupid thing I said that she decided not to care about._ Carmilla beat herself up over the whole thing; it was her fault, she knew better yet she always did exactly what her mother warned her not too.

        Carmilla’s gaze traveled to the mirror where she studied her face. Flashbacks of images of herself in other mirrors, covered in bruises and cuts flitted across her vision before she shook them from her view.

        And then there was Will who always was left to pick up the pieces because she could not keep her mouth shut and just be good like she was expected to be. Why did she put him through this? She cared so much for him and yet she took whatever chance she could to get revenge on her mother, even if it meant nothing in the long run. William was always hurt and concerned when he had to take care of her and there was a way to prevent that. She just had to listen to whatever her mother told her. Even then though, there was not a sure bet that there would never be another incident. Her mother would always find something wrong with what she did, but she could spare William the worst of it.

        Her fingers curled around the edge of the sink, her knuckles whitening with the pressure she was exerting on the ceramic edge. She bent over laying her head in the sink, the cold bowl releasing a sigh but not dulling the guilt that consumed her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you liked it!
> 
> I have decided to list the songs I listened to while writing each chapter (a lot of them will be repeated many times):  
> Hypnotic - Zella Day, You Got The Sunshine - Graffiti6 (Literally just listened to these two songs on repeat until I was done.)
> 
> My fan tumblr is: uselessgayshit  
> Any questions you have about the fic, direct them to this as it will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS for updates.
> 
> Saying that, you are more than welcome to follow my personal tumblr as well: just-trying-togetby


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possbile Trigger Warning: Physical violence; trauma
> 
> Any trigger warnings if they arise will be listed at the beginning of each chapter. 
> 
> I am aware that my writing style may be different from many fics because I tend to be exceedingly descriptive but writing is what I love so I do it the way that feels right to me.

        The sidewalk was thick with students rushing to their next class or milling about, waiting for friends. The sun beat down, causing ripples in the air where the heat was apparent against the sidewalk. She pushed her bouncy red curls away from her face, trying to allow for a breeze that did not exist to reach her neck and cool her down. Her jeans were not as suffocating as the long sleeve shirt she wore which she had taken the liberty to roll up to her elbows. Her side purse added an unnecessary weight to her shoulder and she continued to hike it up and change its position to take away from some of the strain and extra heat it added.

        The rush of cool air that met her when she opened the door elicited a sigh of relief. What was called _The Commons_ was more or less just a huge square room that held a variety of food counters accompanied by four-seat tables. The actual geographical commons was the wide student green outside of the building that was the location of the university fountain that each year without failing, some student would take on the tradition of jumping, stark naked, into. Surrounding that was a length of grass that was neighbored by two sidewalks. The only trees were lining the other side of those pathways so the middle green was never shaded and felt the full brunt of the sun’s intensity.

        Noon was not the best time to navigate the space or even spot the individual she was currently in search of. She made her way to the table near the sandwich counter, twisting through the throngs of people. _For such a small campus, there sure are a lot of students._ “Perry!”

        She swiveled on the spot, her eyes wandering for a moment before landing on a girl with her arm outstretched in a wave. Smiling, Perry made her way to the table and sat down. “Don’t you want something to eat?”

        “Oh, no, but thank you.”

        The girl across from her sat back in her chair, “So, this is quite unusual.”

        “What?”

        “Well, we don’t usually hang out without Laura.”

        “Well, actually,” Perry spoke, the words bright, “this concerns Laura.”

        “Should I be worried?”

        “Oh, no! Of course not,” Perry answered, digging through her purse and pulling out two small paper rectangles. “I got these for you two.”

        Confused, Danny slowly took the papers from Perry, “What are they for?”

        “You know how the art museum got a new owner? Well, there is a new collection that they are showing and they are having a party for it next Friday and I thought it would be something you and Laura could go to. Lafontaine and I are also going so it could be like a double date type thing.”

        “Are you sure? You didn’t have to do this.”

        “Danny, just because we may not spend a lot of time together, I still consider us pretty good friends. I mean, we have known each other for almost three years now.”

        Perry saw the look of pure relief in Danny’s eyes and the girl sighed and with much sincerity, spoke her gratitude, “Thank you, Perry. I think Laura will love this.”

        “Great!” Perry did not say anything regarding Danny’s words, but they did not go unnoticed. For the first time that Perry could remember, Danny had not made a comment on the fact that this event may not be something she liked but instead, simply stated that she knew Laura would. _Maybe this is a sign of progress._ One of the issues with their relationship was Danny’s unwillingness to do anything contrary to their routine and she had accepted Perry’s offer so this could be a step in the right direction. “It starts at six and the dress code does say formal. I believe they will be having hor d’oeuvres and drinks so I did not think there was a need to go out to dinner before hand. I was thinking we could just meet there.”

        Despite Perry’s concern about Danny’s intentions, there was a huge smile on the girl’s face, “That sounds perfect. Thank you, Perry.”

        “It was my pleasure,” she began to close her purse and stand up, “Well, I have to get going. The bakery is expecting me.”

  

        “Sooooooo, how’d it go!?” Perry looked up from the register to see Lafontaine almost jumping with excitement for the news. Luckily there was no one in line behind them so Perry could talk, “Danny said that they would meet us there next Friday.”

        “Yes!” Lafontaine yelled, pumping their fists in the air. Perry looked around, seeing that the people in the shop were watching them and with the reddening of her face she quietly chided Lafontaine, “Lafontaine, please don’t make a scene. People are starting to stare.”

        “Sorry, Perr,” they responded sheepishly, “I’m just really excited that it worked. Now I’m just hoping Laura will agree.”

        Perry smiled at her best friend’s concern and assured them, “Laura showed interest in fixing them. She’ll say yes; not just because this is something she will love but because it seemed like Danny new she had to do something for Laura if they had any chance of staying together and I think Laura is smart enough to pick up on the that.”

        “Laura can be pretty oblivious sometimes.”

        “I don’t think she will be about this,” Perry heard the tinkle of the bell as the door opened and three people walked in, “I have to help these people. Are you going to buy anything?”

        “Of course!” Lafontaine scoured the display case before pointing excitedly to a dark chocolate cupcake, covered in chocolate icing with no sprinkles. Perry took the five dollars from them and handed back a one. “Thanks, Perr. I’ll just wait over here for your shift to be over.”

        “I close today and it’s only four o’clock. You should just go home.”

        “No, I wanna stay,” Lafontaine threw an ear to ear smile at Perry, “I’ve got some stuff I can work on anyways. I’ll just be over there.”

        Laftonaine walked away from the counter and took a seat at the table next to the right wall, pulling out their laptop and notes. There was absolutely no reason for them to stay and wait for her but they had always done it if they could and Perry knew no amount of reasoning would do any good. Once they made of their mind, that was that. She could not say that she was not glad though; walking home alone at night slightly scared her. Even though Silas was a small town, things could still happen and having someone to walk home with was nice.

        Perry turned smiling to the next customer, “Hi, what can I get for you?”

            *******************************************************************************************************************************************

        She quickly paced the room from window to door. Being the vice president allowed her some perks such as having her own room, but the room was still not very big. It was located on the third floor and had a view of the street in front of the house. It was longer than it was wide and her twin bed was placed directly under the window, the foot facing the door. On the same side of the room was a dresser that was pushed against the same wall as the door. A wardrobe was jammed between the bed and the wall, the backside against the same wall as the window. It was such a tight squeeze that Danny had hit her head on the side of it numerous times while she was sleeping. There was a purple rug thrown carelessly on the floor between her bed and the desk that she somehow had managed to fit into the small space. The wall by her bed was bare except for a dream catcher that hung directly to the right of the window. The wall across from it on the other hand was filled with posters of Silas’ female athletic teams, pictures of the Summer Society’s events from the years past and of course, many pictures of herself and Laura.

        The doorbell buzzed from downstairs and Danny jumped to the door, flinging it open and sprinting down the stairs. “Danny, you’re girlfriend is here!”

        Everyone in the Summer Society house new who Laura was which was sometimes convenient, such as now where they would just send Laura up, but it also could be very annoying when something was happening between the two and everyone seemed to know and want to pitch in their two cents. Danny had tried to get to the door first but being on the third floor, knew that the girls on the first floor would win the race so before she was down the second flight, Laura was halfway up the first and they almost violently collided. Danny was able to stop herself on the small landing before her momentum carried her down any farther. Laura’s smile almost blinded her, “Someone’s happy to see me.”

        Danny pulled her up to the landing and taking her in her arms, kissed her sweetly, “I’m always happy to see you,” she murmured against Laura’s lips.

        “Ugh! Get a room.” Without breaking the kiss, Danny flipped off Natalie, who had opened the door for Laura. Laura was the one to pull away, quietly sniggering, “Maybe we should.”

        “I didn’t ask you here for that, but if you insist.”

        Laura lightly smacked her bicep, “That’s not what I meant, Danny.”

        “I know. Let’s go,” Danny grabbed Laura’s hand leading her up to her room. The action was not necessary as Laura knew the exact location of her room but there was something about touching her that Danny needed. They were in a rough patch and the little things were meant to keep the connection. Laura had accepted Danny’s exuberant response to her arrival, which meant that she was also trying. Danny did have to admit to herself that Laura had been the one trying in the first place and now it was her turn to pick up the slack but knowing that Laura still wanted this helped a lot.

        The door to her room was still open from when she had barged through it and she left it that way as she pulled Laura in. “So, why did you call me here randomly in the middle of the afternoon?”

        “Well, I was thinking about doing it in a romantic way but then I was just too excited to wait.” That may have been a small stretch of the truth as Danny was not really excited to look at art for hours but she figured in this case, it was acceptable. She was indeed excited to see Laura’s reaction so it was not necessarily a lie; it just depended on how Laura processed her words. She turned to her desk and pulled out an envelope where she had put the passes after Perry had given them to her. Perry had not asked for money in return and Danny had not offered, something that in retrospect, she knew she should have done. At that moment, she had just been overwhelmed. Perry had not outright said anything about knowing, but Danny knew there were motherly instincts ingrained in Perry’s personality so the curly red-head knew more than she let on.

        Danny turned back to Laura, taking in a deep breath and sticking out her right hand with the envelope in it. Laura raised her eyebrows in confusion but Danny pressed the envelope forwards until Laura took it. “Well, open it.”

        With the ripping and shuffling of paper, Laura’s expression turned from confusion into joy, and then into what resembled sadness, “What’s wrong?”

        Laura looked up at Danny, half smiling, her eyes shining with the anticipation of tears, “This is amazing.”

        Danny was almost knocked over by the force of Laura’s hug and could barely make out the muffled words that Laura spoke into her shirt, “How did you get these?”

        She panicked for an answer, not knowing how Perry had come by the passes but also not wanting to tell Laura that it had been Perry’s idea in the first place, “Um…it wasn’t a big deal.”

        Danny’s arms were still around Laura’s waist as Laura looked up at her and took her face in her hands, bringing Danny’s lips to her own. Danny could not react at first as Laura had not been the one to initiate any type of intimate contact for a while now, but eventually, her lips remembered how to move and she kissed the small girl back before Laura pulled away all too soon.

        “So,” Danny smiled down at her, “it’s next Friday at six. We are meeting Perry and Lafontaine there. It’s formal and so I thought we could go out to a fancy dinner beforehand but they are serving food there and so I thought that would probably be a bad idea. Instead, I figured I could come pick you up at about five and we could go to the bakery and have dessert for dinner. How does that sound?”

        Laura cupped Danny’s cheek with her hand, the warmth spreading under Danny’s skin, pulling her mouth into a smile, “It sounds perfect.”

             ********************************************************************************************************************************************

        Sweat poured from every inch of her body. Her mouth was hanging open, a mixture of spit and blood dripping down her face. Her hair was up in a ponytail but some had falling down, sticking to the sweat on her forehead and other strands dangling in front of her eyes, blocking her already blurry vision. Her mind was just as fuzzy; coherent thoughts lost among the vague emotions that were being beaten out by pain. She was not a pretty sight; but then, the crowd did not come to these things to see perfection but instead to see broken, beaten, miserable people.

        Her steps were no longer calculated and logical; instead, she was having a hard time holding herself up and she wobbled and limped with each step. The noise in her ears was a dim hum either from injury or lack of care. She did not know which. The sweat stung her eyes as she blinked them open, recovering from the last blow and trying to shake the film that seemed to have accumulated, restricting her vision. Her area of sight had become smaller, the black closing in and almost choking off her vision completely.

        During the earlier two fights, she had actually tried and in return had won. Easily. The other girls were novices and had no clue what they were doing. It had not taken them long to fall and not get up but those fights were no help at all. She left them unscathed, grieving, and not in control. She needed the opposite; that is why she came here in the first place. She needed to not feel. She wanted everything to go away. She had given up early on; she wanted this, needed this. Pain for pain. It was a simple exchange.

        Her hand shot out for the netting, grasping it firmly to try and hold herself up. She knew people were yelling and guffawing but the noise did not matter to her at all. She thought that her left hand and possibly a few ribs were broken. She tasted blood in her mouth but she did not know what that was from. The adrenaline had removed all feeling in her body so that she could continue the fight for her life. Was that it? Or was it the opposite? She was not sure anymore and she was not sure she even cared. Anything would be better than how she was feeling. Nothing was worse than the memories she carried with her. They stripped her of her humanity is ways she did not know were possible. They had the ability to turn her into a uncontrollable monster of rage or an unfeeling, uncaring asshole, and all she wanted was to be left alone. Nothing should have that much control over her life except for her. These fights gave her that control and she could use it in anyway she wanted to. This time, it just happened that the desire was for her to give herself, without a fight, to her opponent; taking whatever injury and pain would result just so that for a night, nothing mattered.

        She felt the floor vibrate as the other girl came at her again, knocking her to the ground and driving a fist into her stomach. She felt nothing; she was numb. The blows kept coming and she did nothing to stop them. Eventually, the girl stood back up, allowing for her to roll over as she vomited up more blood. She was coughing as she could barely breath. To everyone’s surprise, she was not down yet. She picked herself back up and stood hunched over, not her usual intimidating stance, as she hunkered toward the girl, swinging her right arm to connect with the other girl’s jaw. Her punch was easily blocked and so was the next and the one after that until she fumbled and the girl’s fist locked onto the bottom of her chin, ramming her head backward and then all there was, was blackness.

 

        The ringing was only getting louder, building and building until sound filled up the blackness instead of color or light; just constant, terrible, mind-shattering ringing that came from within. Her eyes were scrunched tightly as a defense mechanism against the sound but it did not help. Her fists were clenching, trying to find something to squeeze but she was met with only hard cement. Her body started to convulse, twisting and turning in horrendous movements that only brought on more pain causing her eyes to shoot open along with her mouth as she screamed. It was a scream of silence as the ringing was the only thing that existed to her. Though her eyes were open there was nothing to see but the stars that blocked her vision as her body moved of its own accord and her throat ripped as scream after scream tore from her lips. As her body moved, there were sudden jabs to the side of her stomach, which caused pain that rippled like fire through her body, consuming her mind until there was nothing.

 

        The ringing woke her up again, but it was not loud this time. It was barely there, just off to the side where it was discernible if she listened for it. She was lying on her stomach, one arm underneath her, the other thrown to the side and her legs gathered at weird angles. The skin of her face was hardened with what she only could imagine as her own blood but there was a new wetness that trickled from her eyes. She tried to swallow but choked, the dryness of her throat constricting its movements.

        She peeled her eyes open and blinked at the blinding light that came from directly above her. It was the only light in the space and only lit a circle of the floor around her; she just happened to be in the middle of it. Once her eyes adjusted, she realized that the left one was hard to see out of and lifting her hand, she felt the swollen side of her face. She pushed herself up but immediately crashed back to the floor as she cried out, a sharp pain shooting up her left arm from the break in her hand or wrist, she did not know which.          After a struggle, as her legs were weak, her ribs were broken, and she only had the use of one hand, she was standing on her feet. She was hunched over, clutching at her ribs as each breath and step she took, sent a sharp pain throughout her body and it felt as if the bones were trying to break through the skin. Her entire mouth tasted of iron from her blood and her brain was still fuzzy making it hard to assess her surroundings.

        The bright red exit sign was her only guide and she made her way across the deserted room to the door. The netting around the fighting space had been removed and except for her, all other evidence that a fight had taken place had vanished. They had just left her there to fend for herself though she had expected nothing else. They had their own asses to save and she probably would have done the same thing. No one actually cared about what happened to her, it was strictly for their entertainment. In the ring, she was not even a person with a real life, just another body that was on display.

        The click of the door resounded through the room as she pushed her shoulder against it so that it opened enough to allow her to pass through. It scraped on the ground as it went, the grating sound making her wince. She stumbled through it and into a dark hallway that was narrow enough to allow her hands to brush against both walls as she tried to keep her footing. The stairs at the end of the hall proved to be the toughest battles yet as her torso did not want to allow her legs to move upward. It crushed her already hurting ribs and it was a slow process. She had to drag one leg up and then the other, only able to climb one stair at a time and then take a break as she waited for the pain to subside before she could move again.

        The door to the street was made of heavy metal and she strained against it before it flung open faster than she had expected and she fell into the alley. The only light was from the streetlight on street and it smelled of garbage but she figured she did not smell any better. There was scurrying behind the dumpster across from her and it motivated her to scramble up to her feet and stagger out from between the two buildings. The alley had been deserted as expected but the street was too and so there were no strange looks thrown her way as she made her way down it, looking for the closest bus station.

        She turned the corner onto a street that was better lit and had a few stragglers out and about. As she walked she heard them ask her questions such as, “Hey, are you okay?”, “Do you need help?” But she ignored them and kept going, her eyes alighting on the bus stop at the next intersection.

        She fell onto the bench, her entire body collapsing onto the seat until she was laying down and waiting for the next bus. She checked in her pocket but her phone was dead and she still had no idea what time it was and even if the buses were still running. She did not want to have to sleep outside on a bench but her body was not averse to the idea and slowly her eyes began to close.

 

        She had not actually fallen asleep when there was a voice, shaking her from her grogginess, “Miss! MISS!”

        She blinked up at the new light that was in front of her. It came from a large blue bus that had pulled up next to the curb. There was a large, old man sitting in the driver’s seat, his shirt unbuttoned to show a scrubby white t-shirt, “You waiting for a bus?”

        Without answering, she sat up slowly, groaning as her muscles pulled in ways she was not accustomed to yet. She froze before she even got to the stairs, bright lights that were not real but from a memory passed behind her eyes and she heard the faint fragments of a scream. _Come on. Deep breath. It’s okay. Close your eyes if you have to. It’s huge; it’s not the same. It won’t happen again. Nothing will happen. It will be fine. You will be fine. You can do this._ It went against every muscle in her body, which screamed in defiance, to walk onto the bus and yet somehow she did though she almost fell going up the three stairs. “You okay, miss?”

        “Silas,” her voice came out hoarse and scratchy, barely audible. It hurt her throat as her vocal chords rubbed together.

        “This bus doesn’t run to Silas.”

        “Take me to a bus that does.”

        “This is the city bus system. It doesn’t leave Styria. How’d you get here?”

        “I took a damn bus.”

        “Well, I can take you to the main station. You can see if there is a bus that will go that far.”

        She slumped into the seat right behind the driver, the impact sending another wave of pain through her limbs, “What time is it now?”

        The bus started to rumble as the doors closed and they moved forwards. She was the only passenger on the bus so no one saw her knuckles go white as she clung for dear life onto the edge of the seat. “Four. If you don’t mind me asking…”

        “I do,” she spat at him. She saw his eyes in the mirror send her a pitying look and then face the street again. Her hair was still caked to her face where the blood and sweat a since dried and stained. She could barely move her shoulders and saw that her entire left hand was turning a deep purple and it ached with every movement. She could not close her mouth all the way, which must have had something to do with the last hit she took. She hoped it was just stiff and not cracked or worse broken because she did not have the time or patience to deal with that. She bent her head to look at her ribs and her neck put up some resistance. Her stomach was open to the cool air, her only clothes being a black sports bra and spandex shorts, accompanied by shin high socks and boxer’s boots.

        The skin on her stomach was speckled with different colors: yellows, blacks, purples, dark blues, a nasty brown; there did not seem to be any remnants of her usually pale skin. Any movement in her torso made her cringe and touching a finger to the skin caused her to bite her tongue and hold back a cry. She did not think alerting the driver would be a good idea, as he already seemed too concerned. She did not want or need his help or pity; she would be fine by herself.

        The jars of the bus as it turned, ran over potholes, and just moved in general made her hurt but she was finding a way to pretend the pain was not there. It allowed her to have a clearer mind; a mind that felt nothing but was just there to be logical and make decisions. Nothing mattered anymore. Her goal was to simply make it back home as she had class in the afternoon. That was all there was.

        The bus rolled into the station and came to stop in front of the ticket office. She got up, expecting the doors to open but instead the driver turned to look at her, “You need to tell me if someone did this to you. If I need to call the police.”

        She set her stony guise on the man, no smile, no frown, no eyebrow raise, nothing to show any type of expression whatsoever, “I don’t need to tell you anything. But, if you want to know so badly, I did this to myself.”     

        The man seemed uncomfortable by her strength and forwardness towards him and moved to pull the lever that opened the door. She left the bus and shuffled into the hopefully warm building directly in front of her. Walking straight up to the window where there was a haggard looking middle-aged woman who looked like she absolutely hated her job with every ounce of strength she had, she placed her hands on the counter to get the woman’s attention. The woman spoke with a low, gravelly voice that sounded as if it had met the smoke of one too many cigarettes, “Whaddaya need?

        “The next bus to Silas.”

        “There are no buses that go that far. You’ll have to call a taxi.”

        She spread her hands out wide, “Would you like to do that for me?”

        The woman rolled her eyes as if to tell her that she dealt with rude people all day, everyday and this was no strange occurrence. The woman lazily picked up the telephone and dialed a short extension, “Can we get a taxi to the main office of the bus station?” There was a small pause, “Thanks.”

        The phone clicked back down onto the receiver and she folded her hands, a look of disdain on her face, “You can take a seat. It’ll get here when it gets here.”

        She threw a sneer at the woman before turning to the seats which were ripped and moldy and looked as if they had been sitting in that exact spot for all of time and the building had been erected around them. It sagged under her weight as she sat, the metal could be felt through the meager foam that had not been chewed through by bugs or rodents or the like.

        There was the sound of tires screeching on pavement not too long after she had taken her seat. “That would be yours.”

        She dismissed the woman with a wave of her hand and left the building, the still cold air smacking her in the face. The pain had abated; at least to her senses it was gone and so she was able to walk straighter, more of her usual gait was apparent as she entered the cab. A few hours before and the thought of getting anywhere near a small car as such would have incapacitated her with fear, but something inside had changed and now she did not even give it a second glance. A gruff man with a scraggly beard occupied the driver’s seat and did not turn when he spoke, “Where to?”

        “Silas.”

        He sighed at the prospect of the almost hour drive but apparently decided against arguing when he quickly calculated the price of such a trip. He started the meter and pulled out of the bus station with a speed only associated with taxis. She did not speak to him and in return, he kept silent, not even bothering with the radio.

             **************************************************************************************************************************************

        It was a little after five when he heard the front door open and the sound of a car tear down the street. He had not been able to sleep after realizing she had not come home yet so he lay in bed, staring at his ceiling, hoping for a call he knew would never come.

        With the sound of the door, he flew out of his room and looked down the stairs to see the pathetic, limp, outline of his sister as she tried to climb the stairs. Even with only the faint light of the hallway lamp, he could that she looked absolutely frightening. It was not the first time he had seen her like this and it would not be the last. There were a few times that she took him with her and he had to drive her home afterwards but the majority of the time, she wanted to spare him the ache of seeing her beaten and broken and not able to care for herself.

        When she reached the top of the stairs, he was able to see her face better and he almost started sobbing in fear right on the spot. The left side of her face was swollen to the point where her eye was squinting. Her lips were cracked and bleeding and not an inch of skin seemed to be clear from bruising. Yet, the cause of his distress came from the fact that her eyes were completely black and filled with nothing. Even though she had always tried to hide her emotions they always found a way to betray her but this time, he could almost see the steel wall barricade that had been thrown up behind them. She walked past him to the door that led to the staircase to her room and she disappeared.

        He stood, breathing heavily in the hallway, tears streaming down his face, his hands hanging loosely at his sides. She had not even seen him. He was right in front of her and yet her eyes looked through him and her mind had not comprehended his presence.

        He slammed the door to his room, wanting to scream but knowing better than to wake his mother. She would yell at him and then turn on Carmilla who in her state, would not last long against their mother’s attacks. Instead, he ripped the covers off his bed, loud sobs escaping his mouth though he tried his best to keep them in. He threw his pillows at the walls and beat his fists against his mattress with the violent desolation that tore through every nerve in his body.

        He knew she had done it; she had turned it off. He had seen her do it before. He did not know how she did it but somehow she turned off her ability to care or feel and the blank look in her eyes was the first sign. He would be the only one to notice the change in her attitude but that look, that look would scare anyone. When she was like this, no one mattered. Every time, he was the one who had to bring her back and he dealt with her harsh words and her blatant disregard for his well-being. And then, when she finally came back to him, he would see the regret and grief and blame that consumed her as she realized what she had done and how she had hurt him and then instead of not feeling, she felt everything at once and became paralyzed. That may be the worst part about it all; the part where she became tiny and weak and something entirely opposite from how he knew her.

        He fell onto his bed, face first; his fists clenched, sobs racking his body. There was nothing he could do but try and get her back. Each time she was away for longer than the last and he was afraid that one day, he would lose her completely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you liked it!
> 
> I have decided to list the songs I listened to while writing each chapter (a lot of them will be repeated many times):  
> Shut Up And Dance - Walk the Moon, Love Me Like You Do/Style - Dini and Morgan Hawley Cover, Knock You Out - Bingo Players, Angle With A Shotgun - The Cab, Make Me Wanna Die - The Pretty Reckless, Going To Hell - The Pretty Reckless
> 
> My fan tumblr is: uselessgayshit  
> Any questions you have about the fic, direct them to this as it will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS for updates.
> 
> Saying that, you are more than welcome to follow my personal tumblr as well: just-trying-togetby


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any trigger warnings, if they arise will be listed at the beginning of each chapter. 
> 
> I am aware that my writing style may be different from many fics because I tend to be exceedingly descriptive but writing is what I love so I do it the way that feels right to me.
> 
> So, it had been awhile since the last update and I apologize but first I had writer's block and then I started organizing the rest of the fic and then I got wrapped up in a bunch of other projects and then the story got away from me and turned out longer than the other chapters.
> 
> Updates will hopefully be every other week but I don't have a schedule.

**Laura (5:47):** _Where are you guys!?_

**Perry (5:47):** _Settle yourself down. We’re coming!_

 **Laura: (5:47):** _I know that’s you Laf._

        “Oh! You got me!” Laura turned to see Lafontaine striding towards them with a huge smile planted on their face, decked out in black pants with shiny black dress shoes, a grey and white polka dotted short-sleeve button up with a black vest that was currently buttoned and a brilliantly white bow-tie to top it off. A somewhat frantic Perry was rushing to catch up wearing black slacks, black flats, and a long-sleeve white blouse that had ruffles down the front that masked the button holes.

        “I’m sorry we’re late. Someone,” Perry side-eyed Lafontaine, “decided to almost blow-up the kitchen.”

        “Number one, that was an accident and everything is fine. Number two, we are not late.”

        Laura scooped Perry into a hug, “It’s fine. I’m just excited.”

        “Like no one would have been able to tell,” Danny responded, coming up behind Laura and placing a gentle hand on her back, “Hi, Perry. Lafontaine.”

        “It’s good to see you, Danny.” Danny was wearing a tight, green dress that hugged her legs halfway down her thigh. Her sparkly silver heels would have caused her to tower over Laura if it was not for the fact that Laura had decided to wear heels as well, a decision she was very grateful for. She had chosen her white sundress for the occasion; it hung loosely off her shoulders and that flared out slightly at the bottom, which only dropped to mid-thigh length. Her brown heels were made like sandals and had white straps that crisscrossed for a very intricate pattern over the top of her foot.

        Laura was bouncing on the sidewalk, looking excitedly at the building in front of them. It was a two-story structure entirely constructed from marble. The brilliant golden-rimmed glass doors opened into a spacious gallery that held a grand staircase, which traveled, up to the second floor. Every wall was lined with windows, allowing for natural light but the building was also fitted with bright fluorescent bulbs, which were at this time, all turned on.

        “Should we go in?”

        “Probably. At least before Laura explodes,” Danny said. Laura felt a pressure on her back as Danny started directing her towards the entrance and she shifted so that the touch was no longer there. She climbed the three stairs and fell in line behind a crowd of people who were entering the building. Danny, Perry, and Lafontaine queued up behind her and they waited as the line trickled slowly through the doors and throughout the gallery.

        Once they were entirely inside Laura was about to turn to the group and see where they should start but her thoughts were interrupted by a shout, “Laura!”

        She spun around at the sound of her name, her jaw dropping in complete surprise.

            *************************************************************************************************************************************************

        Kirsch fidgeted with his tie in front of the mirror, trying to get it centered to his shirt until a pair of arms wrapped around his chest and settled on top of his hands, “It looks fine, baby. But here…”

        She stepped in front of him, her hands magically adjusting the tie so that it lay flat, “There. All good.”

        “You look stunning,” Kirsch observed, noting the sparkly red dress that she wore, matched with silver heels. As a thank you, she leaned up on her tiptoes to give him a quick kiss. He missed that; the small things. She was gone a lot more than she was around and though he had learned to cherish the feelings and emotions of actions more than the actions themselves, it was always nice when she visited.

        “Thank you,” she remarked, already headed to the closet to take his suit jacket off of its hanger. He slid his arms into the sleeves that she held out for him and felt her pat down his back, removing wrinkles as he buttoned it in the front. “I’m all ready. Are you?”

        “Just one second,” he watched as she dashed into the bathroom for the millionth time and went to pick up his keys, wallet, and phone, tucking it all into his pocket. SJ and him had been planning this for quite awhile now and the art show had been the perfect event. It was not only that Kirsch was getting to spend a long weekend with the girl that he missed so much throughout the year, but it was a surprise for Laura who had not seen one of her best friends in almost a year. SJ had been interning over the summer at the private practice of one of her father’s friends from college and did not get much time off. The time off she did get was reserved for Kirsch who went and stayed with her as it was hard for her to travel to Silas. Therefore, Laura had not had a chance to visit with SJ since the New Year. It had been Kirsch’s idea originally but SJ was immediately onboard.

        She returned clutching a silver purse in her hands, “I’m ready.”

 

        They arrived at the gallery almost an hour early as Kirsch had wanted to make sure they were there before Laura so she did not see them walk in. At around five thirty people started to arrive but there was no sight of Laura until about ten minutes later. He saw the exceedingly tall redhead before he saw Laura. She was so small in comparison that he almost missed her as his eyes scanned the crowd. Neither of the girls made a move to enter the gallery and Kirsch started to wonder if he should take SJ outside for the surprise but his girlfriend reassured him, “They will come in eventually. You might be more excited about this than I am.”

        He smiled and kissed the top of her head, setting his hand on SJ’s knee, calming the constant bouncing. The reason for why his best friend and worst enemy had not entered yet soon came strolling down the sidewalk in the form of two other redheads that Kirsch had briefly been in contact with throughout the last four years. He would not call them friends but he knew them and had spent time with them before. Kirsch watched them through the front window from the bench that he was sitting on with SJ and as soon as they had all said their greetings, they turned to stand in the line that had accumulated outside of the doors and were slowly making their way inside.

When the group of four reached the door, SJ rocketed out of her seat before Kirsch could even think of standing. She pulled his arm to get him to follow her from the side of the main room to the center at the front of the building to where Laura was. Laura turned around just as SJ came into clear view and he covered his ears as SJ squealed, “Laura!”

        The tiny girl spun around so fast she almost fell over and Kirsch could not stop the booming laugh that came out of his throat. Laura’s jaw almost dropped to the floor before she processed what she was seeing and then she squealed in return as she came bounding, laughing, towards SJ. The two almost fell to the ground with the force of impact but stayed on their feet, hugging. “I can’t believe you’re here! How? Why?”

        Kirsch came to stand next to SJ, “Kirsch called me and said that there was this art show that you were going to go to and he wanted to surprise you. So, here I am!”

        “Oh my gosh!” Laura yelled, her voice still high pitched as she grabbed SJ for another hug.

        “Laura?” Kirsch looked up to see who had decided to ruin the moment between the girls and was not surprised to see the Summer Psycho looking confused and protective. “It’s SJ! She came to surprise me. You know how I’ve talked about visiting her.”

        “Yeah,” was all Laura received in response and Kirsch was slightly irked that her girlfriend was not a little bit happier for her. She actually seemed a little peeved that SJ was here which did not sit well with Kirsch.

        Right then there was a loud voice that seemed to come from everywhere at once and Kirsch could not find the source until SJ tugged at his arm and nodded to the center of the room where there was a small platform on which sat a podium. Behind the podium there was a tall woman, her hair pulled back into a tight bun and she wore a long, elegant black dress. The pearls in her ears matched the ones around her neck and she held herself with such importance that Kirsch knew she had to be the new owner. She stood behind the podium, microphone in hand, a forced smile on her face but not in her eyes which were, as far as Kirsch could tell, completely black. The prominence of her cheekbones created shadows on her face that were not broken from the amount of light in the room and gave her a very intimidating and Kirsch thought, _kinda scary_ , appearance.

        “Welcome,” her voice held hints of roughness that were drowned out by the overwhelming presence of faux kindness, “I am so happy that all of you came out tonight to witness the re-grand opening of this gallery.”

        She paused for the sparse laughter but quickly continued, “I am Lilita Karnstein, the new owner and curator for this gallery and I truly believe we have put together a wonderful exhibit for all of you tonight. You are invited to look around, browse. There are some items that are not for sale so if you have any inquiries, you can find me or better yet, talk with J.P. Armitage,” she gestured to her side and a young man stepped forward wearing a pristine navy suit, his arms crossed in front of him, a leather folder tucked neatly under his arm, “who will take care of all monetary transactions tonight. Other than that, enjoy the hors’doeuvres and champagne.”

        “Oh! And I almost forgot. I would like to introduce you to my prodigy,” she held her hand out to her right side and two young people, a girl, and a very familiar boy, stepped up next to the podium, “Carmilla and William who have very graciously helped put this night together and have given up their time to be here with all of you.”

        There was a hesitant round of applause, which Ms. Karnstein seemed to ignore, “So, without further ado,” the women spread her arms out in front of her, “let the art speak.”

        The girl was wearing a very short, very tight black dress, the top of which looked like a leather corset. There was a silver chain around her neck but Kirsch could not identify what hung from it. Kirsch realized the boy in the crisp suit near the podium was the Will in which he had spoken to not long before about joining the Zetas. He would have to remember to find him later in the evening but right now, he was slightly preoccupied by SJ and Laura’s excitement. Perry and Lafontaine had made their way over during the speech and were now hugging SJ. They had all met many times when SJ had come to visit Kirsch as she had gone to see Laura.

        SJ had intertwined her arm with Laura’s and already started walking away, leaving Kirsch and Danny standing awkwardly, abandoned by their dates. Kirsch had expected no less and was not upset by the current state of events at all. This night had been for the girls to reunite. He side-eyed Danny, not entirely comfortable with the girl, especially after the fiasco between the Zetas and the Summer Society. Her jaw was clenched tightly and her hands were in fists but following her gaze, Kirsch realized she was not looking after Laura but to the center of the gallery where the curator’s daughter stood. _Well, that’s weird._ He shrugged the feeling off though as he had no care for whatever drama there was between the two of them though he had never seen the dark haired girl before.

        Kirsch pointed at Danny, attempting to get her attention, “You wanna catch up with the rest?”

        “Whatever,” she growled out, shortly. Without waiting for a response, Kirsch jogged towards the wall where SJ, Laura, Perry, and Lafontaine were currently examining a painting.

            *********************************************************************************************************************************************

        They walked over to Danny just as she downed a second glass of champagne, “Easy there, tiger.”

        “Whatever,” she tried to respond confidently but it just sounded full of sadness, making Lafontaine frown. “What’s wrong?”

        Danny threw her hands up, “Oh! Nothing. Everything is absolutely perfect. I just set up this really romantic date tonight so that Laura and I could possibly work out some of our issues but you know, she hasn’t been around all night because she’s glued to SJ’s hip.”

        She grabbed another glass off of the tray a nearby waiter was holding but Lafontaine snatched it out of her hand before she could take another sip. Danny did not look good and though she may not have drank a lot, the alcohol was not helping her ability to keep a clear head, “Oh and to top it off. That stupid flirt is here. If she tries to make another move on Laura, I can’t promise I’ll stop myself from ripping her hair out.”

        “Woah, there! First thing first. Don’t do that. No one wants to end up with an assault charge to their name tonight. Next, Perry set this up for you. And third, did you really think this was going to fix you and Laura?”

        “Well, yeah. I mean she loves this stuff and I thought doing something nice for her would help.”

        “Yeah, it’ll help but you are far from being how you were before. You screwed up, Lawrence. Big time. This may be one step on a very long list.”

        “I don’t really think I need your input so thanks for nothing. I’ll deal with my shit by myself, stay out of it,” Danny spat at them before storming away. Lafontaine ran their hand through their hair, sighing.

        “What was that all about?” They turned their head to see Perry standing beside them, a look of concern on her face. “Laura.”

        “Ah.”

        “Yeah. Danny doesn’t like that Laura is paying more attention to SJ than to her. I didn’t have the chance to tell her that that was the entire problem before she got angry so…”

        “It’s not your job, sweetie,” Perry side hugged them, squeezing their arm in reassurance. “I would just rather this not go down badly and I have a feeling it will.”

        “All we can do is be there for Laura when it does.”

        “I know.” They caught a glimpse of the dark haired girl that was the daughter of the curator, “And maybe watch out for that one.”

        Perry looked in the direction that Lafontaine nodded in, “Why?”

        “For her own safety. She seems to be on the top of Danny’s hit list since that time in the bakery when she apparently flirted with Laura. I wasn’t there that day but from what you said it was harmless and Danny seems to have taken it to heart.”

        “Let’s not worry about it tonight. Let’s just have some fun for a change.”

        “What does that mean?” Lafontaine asked, feigning offense, “You usually don’t have fun with me?”

        “Not when I’m always worried about you harming yourself in some type of freak lab accident. No.”

        Lafontaine proudly smiled, “That would just be boring.”

            *****************************************************************************************************************************************

         “So how is Danny?” Laura was caught off guard by the question, her mind had been preoccupied with the piece of art hanging in front of her on the wall but all of a sudden it went out of focus and Laura scrunched up her face. “Well, I see I’ve hit a nerve. You need to tell me about this stuff. I’m just a phone call away. I don’t really like coming into a weird situation without having known about it first. It’s kinda awkward.”

        Laura turned away from the painting to SJ, her shoulders slumping, “I know. I don’t keep in touch enough. But everything’s fine with Danny.”

        “I’ve always been able to tell when you lying.”

        “I’m not…”

        “And it’s pretty obvious. You ditched her for me, which I’m not really going to complain about but it’s unusual. You also didn’t talk about her at all when I asked what was new with you.”

        Laura let out a deep sigh. Though she loved SJ, the girl’s skills of observation got on her nerves. Nothing was ever a secret between the two because SJ would always figure it out before Laura could figure out if she wanted to tell her. It was the same way when Laura had come out to her. SJ’s reaction was one of nonchalance because she had already known before Laura had really known herself. It took the privacy out of everything. “I should’ve known you would notice.”

        “Yeah, so what’s going on?”

        “We’re just going through some stuff right now,” Laura said, looking around the gallery, watching people interact, basically trying to look anywhere but at SJ. That didn’t last long as SJ cleared her throat and raised her eyebrows at Laura, waiting for an explanation that she knew Laura would eventually give her. It was inevitable; Laura really could not stop her mouth when around SJ and so she took a deep breath, preparing herself for the long rant she was about to spout, “I don’t need another dad or another parent and Danny has become this overbearing, overprotective, person in my life and I feel like I’m being suffocated. We never do anything besides what she wants to do because I’ve just become tired of even fighting for what I want. It’s always just us. She doesn’t like when we hang out with anyone else. Whenever she is around, I don’t get to spend time with Laf or Perry; it always just has to be us or she throws a fit about it and gets into these moods.”

        Laura rubbed her hand with her forehead, relieved to finally be able to tell SJ everything that has been going on, “This whole event was the first time in ages that we’ve done anything I’ve wanted to do. I mean, she hates this stuff and I know she only did it to try to help us. And it’s great! I really like that she is finally making an effort. But she seems to think that this is what will fix everything. It won’t. It let’s me know that she has finally realized there is a problem but I don’t think she really understands the depth of the issue. I’m just really tired of trying to fix this by myself.”

        There was a look of pity on SJ’s face that Laura could not stand, “Please, don’t give me that look. I don’t need you to be sad for me. I need you to be my friend. The friend who tells me what they think I should do without sugar coating it.”

        “Alright, fine. Then break up with her,” SJ bluntly replied.

        Surprised, Laura shot back, “I can’t.”

        “Why not?”

        “Because we have so much between us. And, I love her.”

        “You love me too but we’re not dating.”

        The statement caused Laura to roll her eyes but she continued, “It’s different now though.”

        “How?”

        “It just is. It’s not comfortable anymore. I don’t know. Something just changed,” Laura really wanted to stop having this conversation. She was grateful to be able to tell SJ all of the things that had been stressing her out lately, but this night was supposed to be fun and the talk of Danny was not helping that cause.

        “You need to break up with her.”

        “I can’t just drop it like that.”

        “Laura, how long have you been trying for this?” Laura opened her mouth to answer but apparently it had been a rhetorical question because SJ continued, “It is not healthy and it’s taking a toll on you. You look tired and worn out.”

        “It’s just school…” Laura replied, trying to excuse what she knew was the truth.

        “Don’t give me that shit, Laura. You’ve only been having classes for what, a couple weeks now? The stress is not healthy.”

        “You sound like Laf?”

        “And why didn’t you listen to them?”

        “Because they aren’t you.” SJ looked at Laura with a smug grin on her face and Laura couldn’t help but laugh. Her laughter was short lived though, “I think I just have to try harder to fix this.”

        “If you aren’t going to listen to anything I say then why do you even want my opinion?”

        “It’s more for your benefit. In the end you can brag about how you were right.”

        “I’m always right, aren’t I?” Laura was going to answer but she was interrupted by the appearance of Kirsch, “Do you mind if I steal my girlfriend away for a little while?”

        Laura laughed, “Of course not. I’ll see you in a bit, SJ.”

        “Yeah and don’t think that we’re done.”

        “What do you mean?”

        SJ yelled over her shoulder as Kirsch whisked her away, “I still need to know about that other girl!”

        “What?” Laura asked to no one in particular as SJ was out of earshot. She was entirely confused now. _What other girl?_ Sometimes SJ pulled things out of thin air and Laura had no idea what she was talking about. Case and point.

        She shrugged the statement off and looked around to see if Perry or Lafontaine were around but when she saw Danny’s head above the crowd, searching for someone, she ducked away towards the back of the second floor, hoping to escape and to find the restroom. She maneuvered through the throngs of people, waving off a waiter who offered her a tray with champagne. Laura was not averse to drinking even though she had yet to turn twenty-one, but drinking underage in public made her uncomfortable so she had not accepted any offers of a drink since she arrived.

        It was going on eight o’clock and the sun was beginning to lower in the sky; the brilliant colors reflecting off the glass windows and causing the inside lights to take over the job of lighting the gallery more than before. Laura had started on the first floor with SJ, Kirsch and Danny trailing awkwardly behind them and Lafontaine and Perry nowhere to be seen as they had disappeared to follow their own path through the paintings. At some point, they had lost Danny and Kirsch as well and had ended up alone on the second floor. Laura had been under the impression that the new collection was from just one artist and so the variance of style had thrown her off at first. After a few paintings, she realized that the gallery held works from a variety of artists and the theme was the collection as a whole. As strange as it sounded, the theme was intelligence but Lilita Karnstein had managed to give a physical beauty to what is usually considered only a mental capability.

        The building itself was almost a perfect square and each floor had a plethora of unattached walls that were shorter than the ceilings. Each floor was symmetrical as there were four rows on each side of the large staircase in the center of the building. The rows were made of three walls, each wall holding three to five paintings depending on the size of the piece. For this specific collection, the third floor was closed, as there was not enough material to take up the room that the extra floor offered. Laura was passing the row closest to the stairwell and as she was turning past the last wall in that row, she heard an annoyed, “Fuck,” as she collided with someone.

        There was a rattling sound as something fell and rolled on the floor and out of instinct, Laura kneeled down, careful of her dress and reached for the object. He hand wrapped around an orange pill bottle exactly as another hand was coming in to grab it and ended up covering her hand. The skin was bruised dark purple and the knuckles were scabbed over but the palm that was touching the top of Laura’s right hand was soft and smooth. She looked up, her face reddening in embarrassment as her eyes passed over cleavage that peeked over the top of the corset she wore and eventually made their way to meet dull, black eyes. Those eyes were staring back at her without reserve and with much confidence and poise. There was no flicker of recognition in them though Laura immediately knew that the girl whom she had ran into was Carmilla Karnstein, the bookshop frequenter and the daughter of the museum curator.

        They seemed to stay in that position, knelt down, hand on top of hand, staring at each other for longer than was normal and Laura started to fidget and quickly stood up, her dress puffing out for a second but quickly settling, the pill bottle still clutched in her fingers. The other girl, stood up slowly and elegantly, her movements were graceful and fluid. Laura could not put a name to the feeling, but she had a weird pull towards this girl. Maybe it was the mysterious aura that surrounded the dark-haired girl and Laura’s journalism instinct was kicking in. Whatever it was, it never failed to stump her and she was always caught off guard, not knowing what to say, words stuck in her throat. The other girl seemed to have a greater sense of decency as she reached out her hand and with a huskiness in her voice spoke, “You have something of mine, cutie.”

 _So she does know who I am…unless she just calls everyone by nicknames._ Laura looked at the label on the bottle, which read, “Vicadin,” and with raised eyebrows looked back to the girl’s hand, though it was turned so that the bruises were not visible any longer. “Some strong stuff.”

        Carmilla shrugged, accepting the fact that Laura had not relinquished her hold of the bottle and instead, took a sip of the champagne that she held in her other hand. “You know, you can’t mix these pills and alcohol.”

        “I don’t think what I do is any of your business to be perfectly honest.”

        Laura’s mouth twisted into a frown, disturbed by the lack of care this girl seemed to show for the medical consequences, “Seriously. You could die.”

        “Perfect,” she responded, nonchalantly, “Now, if you would be kind enough to hand those over.”

        Laura began to walk away, toward where she believed the restrooms would be and heard a voice call from behind her, “Wait a minute! Where the fuck do you think you’re going? Those are mine.”

        “To the restroom.”

        “Check the wall without windows.”

        “Where does it look like I’m going?” She turned right, past the corner of the brick wall that was the back of the second floor and found a dimly lit hallway with a door that had a sign indicating the women’s restroom and pushed the door open. The restrooms were darkly lit as well, the mahogany stalls looking almost black and the marble countertop reflecting the warm yellow light that was emitted from the flowered lamps hanging from the wall. She had no doubt that Carmilla had followed her and when the door did not close in the amount of time it should have after letting one person through, there was no question. Laura placed the bottle on the sink while Carmilla glared and seethed, “Who do you think you are? You can’t just take someone’s stuff.”

        “I’m not going to let you do something dangerous and completely stupid.”

        Laura tried to keep her confidence but the menace in the girl’s eyes caused her to quiver beneath the glare. “I don’t even know you. You don’t know anything about me.”

        “It doesn’t matter. This isn’t okay. You could really harm yourself.” The darkness in which the makeup had been applied to the raven-haired girl’s eyes combined with the blackness of her eyes lent to a very intimidating appearance without the clenching of her jaw and fists. Her cheekbones were made more distinct by the shadows cast by the bathroom lights and there was no glow to her features; they were dull yet shimmering with anger. “What happened to your hands?”

        “None of your business. But since you noticed, you see why I would like my pills back. Hand them over.”

        “You can deal with pain another way. You know there are…” Laura tried to reason with her. There were other options and the date on the bottle and lack of pills concerned Laura. Not only was the girl drinking and taking the pills at the same time, but it seemed as if she was taking more than the recommended dosage.

        “You are a child and you know nothing. Do not come here and act like you know me and try to control my life. Stay out of it. It is none of your concern,” the girl vehemently spat the words at Laura who flinched in return. This was not the reaction she had been expecting; at least not to this extent and it shocked her that someone would refuse help when freely offered. The girl started towards her and Laura grabbed for the bottle so that Carmilla could not take it. Instead, she felt a shock shoot through her body as bony fingers circled around her wrist to hold her hand in place. It was not a pleasant shock but one that stung and hurt as if the hand had been a brand and had left its mark on her skin.

        Laura grimaced as the strength of the hold crushed her arm and her fingers slackened around the plastic, allowing for the other girl to swipe it out of her grasp and flee the restroom. Shaking her arm to try to rid it of the pain from the pressure exerted on it, Laura followed, not planning on giving up so easily. Carmilla was already at the end of the hallway that led to the restrooms when Laura opened the door and she was about to start running when the boy whom had been with Carmilla the first time Laura had ever seen her, intercepted the girl. Over the constant murmuring of voices in the gallery, Laura heard a strong and sympathetic voice come from the boy, “What’s wrong?”

        Her eyes met his as he looked past Carmilla and down the hall and something flashed across them that Laura could not pinpoint. _Pity? Worry? Knowledge? Understanding?_ It was gone before she could come to a logical conclusion but the look froze her in place. She watched him stumble backwards as Carmilla roughly shoved him out of her way and an ice-cold threat made it’s way to Laura’s ear, “Fuck off, Willy boy.”

        The crease on Laura’s forehead deepened as she jogged the rest of the way down the hallway to where Will was located and looked in the direction of his stare, seeing the last sweep of dark hair as Carmilla disappeared down the stairwell. Subconsciously, Laura rubbed her wrist where Carmilla had grabbed her.

        “What happened?” Will questioned, unease crossing his face when he saw the movement. “I was just trying to help. She was drinking and taking pills and she could have really hurt herself. I had the pills and she grabbed me to get them back.”

        His eyes seemed to lose all sense of importance and his entire body became weary, “I’m so sorry she hurt you.”

        “No, really, I’m fine. I’m just worried about what she will do. I want to help.” Laura watched as Will’s face underwent a fast transformation and the dignity in which he carried himself with when she first met him returned. A gentle smile appeared on his face but Laura noticed that it did not reflect in his eyes and he took her hand in his, “I want to sincerely apologize for my sister’s actions. She is not feeling well right now and sometimes she forgets herself. Thank you for trying to help but it would be better for everyone if you just forgot about the situation. If there is any compensation we can offer you for the distress, please just let us know. I truly hope you can enjoy the rest of your evening.”

        Laura opened her mouth to respond that there was no need for anything of the sort but Will had already whisked away between the walls until he was no longer visible to her. She was left stunned by his abrupt change in demeanor and that all of his sincerity was lost in official words of authority. There was no time for her to collect herself or even her thoughts before a slim arm was slipped between hers and she was pulled to the side, a voice whispering excitedly in her ear, “So, why was sexy, brooding, corset- wearing girl running away from you?”  

        “What?” Laura turned in surprise to SJ’s raised eyebrow. “You chasing whatever her name is out of the restrooms. That’s the girl I was talking about before.”

        “What do you mean?” Laura questioned, taken aback.

        “What is going on between you two?” SJ took her by the arms and held her there so she could not avoid looking her in the face.

        “Nothing.” SJ gave her a disbelieving look and Laura’s eyes widened, “Seriously. Nothing! I don’t even know her.”

        “I saw the way you looked at her when she was introduced by her mother. And what was the whole scene over there,” she waved her hand vaguely to her right, letting go of Laura and allowing her to put some space between them, “about?”

        “I don’t know what you think you saw. I don’t even know her. She’s come into the bookstore a lot ever since moving here. We have barely spoken to each other and I ran into her and she got upset at something I said. It was nothing.”

        “What did you say?”

        “It was nothing. Just let it go,” Laura sighed, running her hand through her hair. SJ pursed her lips, her expression of excitement changing into one of disappointment, “Fine. For now.”

        Laura figured that was the best she would get out of the girl but she did not want to spoil the rest of the night so she smiled and took SJ by the arm before remembering something, “Please don’t tell Danny.”

        “If nothing happened why does it matter?” SJ was interested again and Laura realized she would have to explain more about her other interactions with the girl, “She winked at me once and Danny flipped out about it. She kind of hates her now I think. We don’t talk about it.”

        “Winking? That’s it. I thought I was gonna get something a little more juicy than that.”

        “You do know me, right? What would have happened? Tell me?”

        SJ laughed her tinkling, worry-free laugh and shook her head, “You’re right but um…I don’t think you need to worry about anyone telling Danny anything.”

        SJ nodded behind Laura, instructing her to look behind her. She instantly caught sight of her girlfriend, staring her down, a look of betrayal on her face. Laura’s shoulders dropped. _Here we go again._ Right away, Danny jumped to accusations before hearing what actually happened and Laura was not comfortable airing Carmilla’s life to the girl who hated her guts. It was not necessary anyway because Danny should trust her enough by this point to know that she would not do anything of the sort. “I’ll be back. Or maybe not.”

         SJ nodded as Laura walked away but she could feel her best friend’s eyes on her the entire way to Danny and still after she had made it there. It comforted Laura that SJ cared about her so much.

         “Why were you with her?” Danny spoke, spitting out the last word as if it was poison. The tone did not surprise Laura at all; it was what she had expected but it still pissed her off. “I was just trying to help her.”

         “With what?”

          “I can’t tell you.”

         “Why?”

         “Because it is none of your business. As she informed me, it was none of mine either. She got mad and ran. That’s all.” Danny took her time mulling over Laura’s words and what did catch Laura off guard was that she did not pry about the topic of Laura’s offered help. “Who was that guy?”

        “Her brother.”

        “What did he say?”

        “Seriously, Danny!? I’m getting interrogated by you, right now? This is ridiculous. You don’t have to know everyone I happen to say two words too and you don’t get the right to act like you have the authority to know what we talked about either. I can’t believe you sometimes.” Laura threw up her hands in exasperation and Danny’s eyes flickered behind her and back quickly, alerting Laura to the fact that SJ had probably started their way. She turned around, “It’s fine, SJ. We’re fine.”

         The girl did not come any closer but still watched them intently. “Laura, I’m just concerned about your safety.”

        “I don’t understand. It’s not like I’m being assaulted or threatened. I was having a conversation with someone. And just because you have some weirdly concocted hatred for her, does not give you the right to forbid me from speaking to her or her brother or anyone for that matter! Nothing gives you that right.”

        “I don’t like the way she looks at you, Laura. It’s as if she thinks she could have you if she just said the words and she can’t. We’re together. She needs to understand that.”

        Laura could not believe the words that were coming out of Danny’s mouth because they were ludicrous. Danny always wanted to have this protective arm around Laura, steering her clear from any path that she deemed inappropriate. “You know what, Danny? I thought this was going to be a nice night that you planned for us but here we…”

        Danny’s eyes widened and she scoffed, “That’s a joke, right? We have not spent one moment of this evening together. You went off with SJ as soon as you saw her and left me in the dust. I don’t even like these kind of things but when Perry offered the tickets and said this would be something you liked, I thought, ‘Why not? Maybe we can get through this.’”

        Laura held her hands up as if she was signaling for someone to stop, “Wait. This wasn’t even your idea?”

        She saw the instant regret on the tall girl’s face but stopped her again before she could try to weasel her way out of it, “You’re right. I should’ve known. Nothing like this would have ever crossed your mind because you never think about what I would like. It’s always how you feel. That’s great, Danny. This was not going to fix everything but I had thought that maybe you were finally making an effort. But, I guess I was entirely wrong.”

        Danny reached a hand out, “Laura…”

        Laura moved, a clear indication for Danny not to touch her and the girl dropped her hand to her side heavily. Through clenched teeth, Laura spoke, “I should go give my thanks to Perry.”

        She careened out of the aisle they were in and towards the stairs, hearing SJ’s footsteps behind her as she booked it down the stairs, passing Lafontaine and Perry, whom she decided she would thank later, and towards the door. She saw Kirsch shoot a dumbfounded look her way that she figured was meant for SJ but he did not follow so she figured that SJ had signaled him not to. She fell onto the steps outside the gallery, tears following freely now that she could finally think. The fresh air on her face was relaxing and an arm wrapped around her shoulder as SJ joined her on the steps. The words were hiccupped through tears, “I think that’s it. I think it’s over.”

        SJ squeezed her and Laura tucked her head into SJ’s shoulder, sobs racking her body. “I think it was time, Laura.”

        “I loved her,” she sniffled.

        “I know you did but you were holding on too tightly to something that wasn’t working. This is good.”

        Laura wrapped her arms around SJ’s torso, hugging her and the girl kissed her lightly on the head, “It hurts. It hurts so much.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you liked it!
> 
> I have decided to list the songs I listened to while writing each chapter (a lot of them will be repeated many times):  
> Do I wanna Know (Arctic Monkeys Cover) - Christina Grimmie, Chasing the Sun - Sara Bareilles, Manhattan - Sra Bareilles
> 
> My fan tumblr is: uselessgayshit  
> Any questions you have about the fic, direct them to this as it will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS for updates.
> 
> Saying that, you are more than welcome to follow my personal tumblr as well: just-trying-togetby


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any trigger warnings if they arise will be listed at the beginning of each chapter.
> 
> I am aware that my writing style may be different from many fics because I tend to be exceedingly descriptive but writing is what I love so I do it the way that feels right to me.

        The screen stared back, never flickering or blinking, but relentless and taunting and if she was being honest, torturing. The word and letters never changed but glared:

 **Danny (4:30pm):** _I’m on my way_

 **Laura (4:31pm):** _I’m soooooo excited!!!_  

        It was a constant reminder of her failure and she found herself rethinking and reprimanding herself for her heat of the moment action. There was nothing else she could have done though; their relationship had been moving in that direction for quite some time but she wished that it had happened in a better way. Without the lies and accusations and yelling and especially without it being publicized; but that was in the past and she could not change anything about it now. She could only obsess and worry and hurt. She was violently startled when a voice yelled, “Laura, get your head out of your phone!”

        She looked away from the tiny screen but did not close it or turn off the phone; instead she just divided her attention between the never-ending stream of guilt and Lafontaine and Perry’s hospitality. Lafontaine sat on the side of the couch closest to the chair, which Laura occupied. Perry sat near them but with an awkward amount of distance between them as if there was an invisible wall that they could not breach or Laura thought, _Didn’t want to breach._ It was obvious and it had been obvious since Laura had met the two that there was a deep bond between them that may hint at more than just friendship but no one discussed the topic and so Laura had always let it go. She noticed the little things, the small touches, the comforting that the other two did not seem to even be aware that they were doing. It was instinctual and they moved together and took care of each other. They were balance. A less aggressive voice spoke next, “It’s been a month and a half, Laura. Maybe it’s time to start letting go?”

        The comment was said softly with care yet Laura still had to refrain from yelling back, “I’m not doing anything.”

        “That’s the problem, Laur. The only thing you ever do is sit and stare at your phone waiting for a text that’s not going to come or sit in silence and stare at nothing. Don’t think we don’t know what you’re thinking about.”

        “I’m not waiting for anything. I don’t know what you are talking about,” her words came out harsher and more defensive than she had expected and she did not even believe them herself so she knew Lafontaine and Perry were not fooled; not that they would have been anyways. Both of their heads turned at the same time and they exchanged a look as if they were making a plan, which irritated Laura beyond belief.  She had been completely focused on her classes lately and was doing very well in them so there was nothing for the two to be concerned about. She was doing perfectly fine. “Alright, it’s settled then.”

        Laura rolled her eyes at them; they had not even spoken yet were both on the same page. Her right elbow was resting on the arm of the chair and she leaned her head onto her hand, “What’s settled?”

        “Are you going to the Halloween party?”

        “Actually, I have a project due the following week and so I was going to stay in and finish it up.”

        “Nope, you’re coming. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. You are not going to sit in your room and wallow over Danny.”

        Perry chimed in, “It’s really unhealthy, Laura.”

        “Fine!” she said in exasperation, “I’ll go. If it will get you two to stop with the whole pitying thing. I’m not in some depression over Danny.”

        “Great…”

        “But if I get a low grade on this project I’m blaming it entirely on you and the bad influence you are having on me.”

        Lafontaine let out a bark of a laugh, “Fine by me. We’ll all go together to the party.”         

        Laura sighed deeply, surrendering to Laf and Perry’s will to make her have fun. She was just worried that Danny would be there and she had not seen her since the fight at the art gallery. It was a Zeta party so she probably had nothing to worry about; Danny would rather set herself on fire than be seen anywhere near the Zetas, but Laura was still stressed that it could be possible. She did not know if she would even talk to the girl or if she did, what she could possibly say that may mend their broken relationship. Perry would probably not allow any sort of confrontation between them in the first place and for that, Laura guessed she should be grateful but she could not find it in herself to really want no contact.

        She sighed again, pushing herself out of the chair, “Well, I guess it’s time to go find a costume.”

        “You can not honestly tell me you don’t already own some nerdy costume?”

        “I didn’t say I had to go buy one,” Laura shrugged, “Hermione or Doctor Who. The problem is choosing.”

            **********************************************************************************************************************************************

        The bedroom door creaked as Will opened it, running his hand through his hair, his fingers catching in the knots from sleep but quickly brushing through them. A groan emanated from his throat as he stretched and blinked the sleep from his eyes. When he opened them again, his eyes settled on a girl, trying to quietly close the door of the staircase that led to his sister’s room. She had on a pair of jean shorts, a tight pink tank top, and was trying to juggle a jacket, purse, and phone. When she finally got the door shut she turned around and almost jumped out of her skin at the sight of Will who had raised his eyebrow at her. The girl seemed thrown off and uncomfortable with the fact that all he was wearing was a pair of checkered boxer shorts but Will was not embarrassed; the thought never crossed his mind.

        “Uh…yeah…hi,” she stuttered, looking at the floor.

        Will leaned against the doorway, crossing his arms, “What’s your name?”

        “Uh…Stephanie…” the girl answered hesitantly. There had been an endless number of mornings in which Will had met one of Carmilla’s visitors. It was not new and he was not surprised in the least. “So…she’s still sleeping and I have to get going so…nice to meet you?”

        Will chuckled, “Yeah, she’s not going to make you breakfast or anything.”

        “I figured. See ya…or not, actually.” The girl quickly descended the stairs and left the house. Will was very glad that this was not one of the clingy ones who did not realize that Carmilla had no concern over who they were. Stephanie was smart; getting out early before Carmilla could say somethin inevitably rude that caused her to get angry or upset or both. Will had witnessed screaming girls one too many times to have any want to see it again. Most of those encounters had involved flying objects, directed towards Carmilla of course, but they did not always hit their mark.

        Will doubted Carmilla even knew the girl’s name, which is the reason he asked; he’d test his sister later and call her out. She had changed since the night she came home, bruised and broken, but was still not all the way back to her usual self. He thought this time would last the longest but to his amazement, she did not seem to be in as deep as he had originally thought.

        After the debacle and scene she made at the gallery opening, which their mother had somehow not seen or heard about, there had been no more outbursts of the sort. It could be because no one else had tried to flush her pills but whatever the reason, she was moving in a positive direction. Will had not heard from that girl, Laura, since that night and he vaguely wondered if she cared as much as she seemed to or if it had all been a ploy. Carmilla had not been back to the bookstore since and neither had Will so he had not even seen the girl.

        Carmilla may have been the problem that was taking up most of his time, but this was his first year of college and he was swamped with work and rushing for Zeta Omega Mu. He had not realized how many mandatory events a frat would have and those took up most of his time. He was falling slightly behind on his coursework, which was stressing him out and having Carmilla always on edge did not help to calm him down either. There was not as much free time as he had thought there would be and he found himself studying during random five-minute time slots that he scrounged around for. His mother had brought him up to only be satisfied with As and anything else was a failure and though he had learned not to abide by this entirely, it was still a let down when his grades slipped and also, it earned him a rather stern lecture from his mother. He gladly welcomed the harsh voice since she was known to use her hands as punishment.

 

        Will returned from his only class of the day and shrugged his backpack onto one of the barstools that sat at the counter. He was in the midst of filling a glass with water when he heard the wooden floor of the hallway creak and he turned to find Carmilla appearing around the corner of the wall, her hand trying to rake through the knots in her hair. She was wearing only a white button down and nothing else. _Thank god she buttoned it._ He glanced at the clock on the stove before turning back to Carmilla who was now rummaging through the fridge, “It’s 2 o’clock.”

        She raised her eyebrow at him, bit into the apple she was holding, and mumbled through the food, “Yeah. If you’re wondering why I’m up, it’s because I have class.”

        He squinted his eyes at her and shook his head, “I was actually wondering why you were just getting up.”

        She smirked, biting into the apple again, “I wore myself out last night.”

        “Yeah, though muffled, I could still hear everything,” he grimaced, remembering the unpleasant sounds that traveled down the stairs from his sister’s room the night before. Not only had she not closed her bedroom door, but she had not had the courtesy to close the door to the stairwell that was across from his room and so he had ran, slammed the door shut, and ran back to his room, praying not to hear anything worse than what he had already suffered through. “What was this one’s name?”

        Her eyes rolled up to the ceiling as if she was thinking hard but she eventually just shrugged, chucking the core of the apple in the sink. “Any guesses, at all?”

        “Not a clue.”

        “Stephanie.”

        “Wow. Great. Thanks for letting me know,” she waved him off and headed back the way she came from. Will glanced to the sink, “Are you seriously just going to leave that in the sink?”

        A groan sounded from the hallway before she reappeared, marching to the sink and with a dramatic display, removed the apple and placed it in the garbage, “Why are you even here? Just to give me crap about my manners? I don’t need it.”

        Will ignored her comment, not allowing her words to get to him, “I just got out of class and was dropping my stuff off. I have to head over to the Zeta house and help them set up for the Halloween party.”

        She pursed her lips to acknowledge his statement and did not say anything. Instead of leaving like he expected her to, she leaned against the counter and continued looking at him as if she knew he had more to say. _Well that’s progress._ “I promised Kirsch that I would help set up since he has done me huge favors to get me accepted. You’re going, right?”

        “Why would I have any desire to attend some ridiculous frat boy party?” she drawled. Will’s shoulders sank and he looked at the floor, shrugging, “I don’t know. Maybe to support your brother. This is important to me so I thought that maybe you would…I don’t know. Nevermind. I don’t know why I even thought…”

        He should not have expected anything more from her when she was in this state but it still hurt him that she could become an entirely different person from who she really was. When he looked back up at her, he saw a tiny spark of realization flash across her eyes. It was gone in a second but the sight of that picked his spirits back up. Slowly though it was, she was really coming around. That little spark had shown Will that she comprehended that what she had said had upset him and that was a huge change from when she barely even noticed his presence. “Fine. I’ll go.”

        The glass he was holding onto almost slipped from his hand with surprise when he heard those words. He had never expected her to agree with his invitation yet she had. “Well, um, it’s in two days and…”

        “Yeah, Will, I know. You’ve mentioned it.”

        His eyes widened in shock that she remembered, “Well, you’ll need a costume cause…”

        She let out a small scoff, “Yeah, that’s not a problem.”

        With that statement she took her leave. Will stood in the middle of the kitchen, stupefied by her words. Number one she had agreed to go which he had never thought would happen in a million years. Second, she had been listening to him talk even when he thought she was snubbing him. And last of all, probably what made him the happiest was that she had called him Will. Not William. Not Willy boy. But Will. This was proof that she was always in there even when it felt like she had disappeared. No matter what exterior she had or what attitude she tried to personify, she was never entirely gone.

 

        “Duuuuuddddeee! You made it!” He found himself being squashed with a suffocating bear hug from the one and only Kirsch. Will’s smile grew with the sight of the grinning Zeta Omegu Mu in front of him, “Yeah, man. I told you I would.”

        “I know,” Kirsch stated proudly, “Anyway, we’ve got a full house today. Everything is pretty crazy. Also, nothing is getting done so there’s that.”

        “Haven’t you guys been at this since like ten?”

        “Yeah, that’s kind of the problem,” Kirsch answered running his hand down his face in frustration. Will smiled and grabbed Kirsch by the shoulder, “No worries, man. Let’s see if we can get this going.”

        “Actually, I was just heading out to get provisions for Saturday night. I’ll introduce you to Theo. He’s the pres,” Kirsch lowered his voice, “I’ve talked you up to him quite a lot.”

        Will was embarrassed that Kirsch had taken this whole thing upon himself instead of just letting Will rush like all the other guys. _But again, I really want to get in._ Kirsch had continued talking, “…he’ll show you what you should do. It’ll all come together. It always does.”

        Kirsch led him through the house, past groups of guys who seemed to be organizing decoration and out through the back where a young Chinese guy, with spiky black hair was standing with his hands on his hips, his back facing the house, yelling to some guys who were attempting to hang lights in the trees. “Theo!”

        Theo turned around and met Kirsch with a one-armed hug, patting him on the back, “Hey dude, what’s up?”

        “I wanted to introduce you to Will. He’s a freshman. He volunteered to help us out.”

        Will reached a hand out to shake Theo’s but instead, was received by a slap to his bicep and, “Cool, bro.”

        He quickly dropped his arm, “So where do you need me?”

        “Alright, I’ll be back in a bit. Put this kid to work.” Kirsch bounded back towards the house and Theo draped an arm around Will’s shoulders as if taking him under his wing, “I’ve heard a lot of good things about you, Will. Let’s see if you’ve got what it takes.”

        They had walked back towards the house and stopped on the patio that led into the basement and was shaded by the deck that was attached to the first floor of the house. The Zeta Omega Mu house was situated on a slope so that the basement door was at ground level in the back, but the first floor was what was seen from the front. Will had not taken much time to look around when Kirsch had rushed him through the doors and was not expecting much of a tour at this point. There was a tangle of Christmas lights thrown haphazardly on the ground and Theo was pointing them out, “I’m gonna need you to untangle that mess and then I’m putting you in charge of this patio and the deck above. I figure that the outside is easier than the inside of the house and since this is your first official Zeta business, I want to ease you in.”

        Will laughed, “Thanks, man.”

        “I’ll send Charlie and Jared out to help you. Come get me when you’re done. I want to see your handiwork.”

        Will squatted down next to the lights, “No problem.”

        The tangle was a mess and though Charlie and Jared did eventually show up to help him, it was conveniently after the lights had been untangled and were ready to hang.

           **********************************************************************************************************************************************

        Sweat dripped down her face and into her eyes as she pulled herself up but all she did was blink it away and keep going. _Nine._ _Ten._ “Hrmph!” _Eleven. Twelve._ She let her hands loosen around the metal and dropped lightly to the floor, shaking out her arms before grabbing her water bottle off the floor and taking two large gulps. The windows to her left allowed nothing except for blackness to be seen and it made her skin prickle knowing that people could see in better than she could see out. She shook it off and readied herself for another set.

 _One. Two._ She groaned again; this set was harder than the last. _Three_.

        “What are you doing here?” Danny fell from the bar, fortunately landing on her feet and putting her hands up in defense. Her eyes fell on Kirsch whose hands were up in a position of surrender. “Jesus Christ. You can’t just sneak up on people like that.”

        “Sorry,” he answered, sheepishly.

        Danny did not understand why Kirsch of all people, was trying to have a conversation with her, “And what does it look like I’m doing?”

        “Obviously working out but it’s two am so…”

        “It helps me think.” Danny also did not know why she was answering his inquiries. She still hated him and the Zetas but for some reason, being alone in the gym in the early hours of the morning had a weird effect on her. He nodded back to her, “I get that. Still thinking about Laura?”

        Danny clenched her jaw and fist, face reddening, “You have absolutely no right to ask that.”

        “Well, she’s my friend and you meant a lot to her so I just wanted to see how you were doing. Sorry for intruding. I didn’t mean anything by it,” he started walking away and Danny relented. She felt a sort of defeat flow through her veins at the mention of Laura’s name and she wanted to ask him about her, “Wait! How is she?”

        “I haven’t really seen her much. She’s pretty messed up about the whole thing.”

        Danny could not see Laura being more broken up about the end of their relationship than she was. It hit her like a ton of bricks when it happened and she lost it. She threw herself into the Summer Society with more zeal than she had ever had, she rarely slept, and her workout schedule was taking over her life in an attempt to help her not think about the tiny brunette that she was in love with. _No, Danny. That you were in the love with. Past tense._ There was no kidding herself though; she was still head over heels for a girl that broke her heart and she didn’t know why. “Why don’t you text her?”

        Danny looked questioningly at him, “Why would I do that? She’s the one who broke up with me. Obviously she doesn’t want to talk.”

        “That’s not exactly true. She’s been waiting for a text or call from you since the day after it happened. Lately, she just kind of sits there and stares at her phone.”

        Danny thought about the past weeks when she had been alone, or at night when she could not sleep and she ended up just opening up her messages with Laura and reading them over and over again. She began to see the decline of their relationship and the fact that she had not noticed earlier scared her. But, she could not text Laura. Or call her. She was in no mindset to do so and was not even sure she wanted to anymore. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

        Kirsch nodded. They stood their in awkward silence before Kirsch decided to make an excuse, “Um…yeah, I’m gonna go warm up. Before I go, are you going to come to the Halloween bash?”

        “Why would you think I would ever do that?” The Zetas had stolen that party from the Summer Society, an action that would never be forgotten or forgiven and that would be the cause of much strife between the two groups for a while, “You took our party and then have the audacity to ask me if I’m going?”

        “Wow, sorry, Summer Pyscho. I was just trying to give you a peace offering. I realize it was shitty but we can’t go back on it now. I just thought that the least I could do was invite you.”

        Danny’s eyes narrowed and she watched as Kirsch fidgeted uncomfortably, “If I wanted to come to your lame ass party, I wouldn’t need an invite.”

        She could tell that she finally riled Kirsch up, “You know what, Psycho Society? I was just trying to be nice but if you’re going to be all crazy on me about it then just forget it. I guess there’s no changing this rivalry. Have a good night.”

        She watched his back as he stormed off, feeling quite satisfied with herself. Maybe it was not the fight she was looking for right now, but it still allowed her to release some of her anger. She decided to take the rest of her pent up aggression to the room that was reserved for boxing classes but that was mostly open to the general public. Inside, she found a punching bag and wrapped her hands to inhibit the amount of damage that could be done.

        There was boiling heat cascading from her shoulder to her fists with each punch, and the sweat began to come faster. Her shirt ended up crumpled in a ball next to her bag as the heat became too much. She had never turned the light on so the room was dim save for the light coming through the high windows from a streetlamp outside. It cast a marbled shadow on the floor and left Danny in the shadows.

        The covering of the bag was rough and scratched her forehead when it settled there, resting from exertion. Her breathing was heavy, chest rising and falling with each deep inhale and her hands holding onto the bag tightly as if she would float away if she loosened her grip. This was all she had; physical outlets through which the guilt did not disappear but was shoved to the back of her mind only to come back even sharper than before. She threw one more punch into the bag, this time sending it swinging away from her before shoving her shirt in her bag and swinging it over her shoulder. She downed the rest of her water and threw open the door from the practice room.

        There wasn’t going to be a break from the emptiness she felt since losing Laura. She could not easily move on from someone she had spent three years loving yet it was the only way she could eventually go on with her life. It seemed impossible, implausible even, but it would be her only option in the end. The only thing she could do now was not wallow in it and find some other activity into which she could fully lose herself.

        Her hands were slowly pulsating, a vague throb from the twenty minutes she spent pummeling the bag. As she left the gym, she could hear the distant sound of metal on metal as Kirsch lifted. _Dick._ There would be a never ending vendetta between the two organizations at Silas and that just meant that she would never be able to have a friendly relationship with Kirsch. Not that she had ever once thought about having one. The guy understood nothing about female empowerment and she could not stand people who were too boneheaded to realize the simplicity of the matter.

        Maybe she would show up to that party. Maybe she would show up with an army of Summer Society girls and make the Zetas wish they had never stolen Halloween. Or maybe that plan would fail because no other Society member would ever step a foot inside that house. She sighed deeply. Getting revenge would be so much easier if she had back up.

              **********************************************************************************************************************************************

        The Zetas did not disappoint when it came to throwing parties and this one was no different. The house was completely decked out, inside and out. They had transformed the outside with lanterns and lights galore; there was a huge DJ booth in the backyard, towering speakers planted in systematic spots to provide annoyingly loud music to every corner of the house. There were a couple kegs set up in the backyard as well but the most concentrated source of decoration was the inside of the house, which the Zetas had turned into a haunted mansion. Spider webs, strobe lights, fog, skeletons, the whole nine yards. Some Zetas had even decided to dress up and try to scare people throughout the night; the first had succeeded when the group had walked through the door and he had jumped out of the coffin directly ahead of them. Perry had shrieked and ran back out of the house and it had taken Lafontaine, who was laughing and not frightened at all, a few minutes to persuade her to come back in. The Zeta had returned to his coffin and had not jumped out when they had come back in to join up with Laura who was waiting in the entrance hall.

        “Little dude!” Laura smiled widely at Kirsch who enveloped her in a crushing bear hug from which she had to extract herself before she stopped being able to breathe. He had on a pair of red and white boxing shorts, thick high top white sneakers, with a pair of red boxing gloves hung around his neck. He bent his head to the two red-heads behind Laura, “Laura’s friends.”

        “This is amazing, Kirsch,” Laura said, still looking around at the fantastic decoration. “Well, partying is our forte. We do out best.”

        He looked very pleased with himself and Laura almost could not stop herself from giggling but when he held out three beers, Laura took one. Lafontaine grabbed the second from him and Perry politely shook her head, “I’m the DD.”

        Kirsch’s faced scrunched up, confused, “You guys drove here?”

        “Well, no, but it’s easier saying that then saying I’m going to stay sober so I can watch out for them and stop them from getting hurt or doing something stupid,” at the end of her, statement, Perry glanced at Laura who pretended to not notice and instead averted her eyes down the hall. Kirsch had not been expecting anything other than a negative or affirmative answer so with eyebrows still crinkled, “Um…yeah, okay. Cool. Well, I need to go make sure Will hasn’t messed up with the drink set up so I’ll see you guys later. Enjoy the party!”

        At the sound of Will’s name, Laura’s head cocked to the side and she held her hand out to stop Kirsch from leaving, “Wait! Will? Like, Will Karnstein?”

        “Yeah! He’s one of our aspiring pledges.”

        “Could you take me to him? I kinda wanna talk to him.”

        “You know Will?”

        Laura shrugged, “We’ve met briefly.”

        “Yeah, okay. Come on.” Lafontaine and Perry started to follow but Laura turned to them, “You don’t need to come. I’ll be fine. I don’t want you to have to follow me around all night.”

        “That’s kind of my job…”

        “Come on, Perr,” Lafontaine interjected, “We’ll find her later. She’ll be fine. She knows how to handle herself.”

        Laura smiled at Lafontaine’s confidence in her ability to not entirely embarrass herself and reluctantly, Perry agreed, giving Laura one last look until Lafontaine shuffled her away. Those two had decided to come as Doctor Frankenstein and Frankenstein’s monster, which was solely Laf’s idea that Perry just obliged. Lafontaine had on a pristine, white lab coat while Perry had outdone herself in the makeup department, duplicating the green skin and cuts on her face. She was dressed entirely in black; her costume consisting of black pants, shoes, shirt, and suit jacket. All the items of clothing were tattered, string hanging from the bottom of the pieces, and she had even figured out how to attach the screws to her neck without people being able to see anything holding them on.

        Laura followed Kirsch down the hallway and into a crowded kitchen where a guy in a Harley Davidson jacket and dark sunglasses was standing behind the counter, pouring drinks. “Bro, how’s it going?”

        Laura watched as Kirsch slapped Will on the back, causing him to splash beer on the counter. Kirsch waved Laura over closer, “Will, Laura. Laura, Will.”

        Will swiped his sunglasses off of his face and smirked at her, reminding her of his sister and why she wanted to speak with him, “Uh, hi Will. We’ve met before.”

        “I remember. Want a drink?” Laura held up her bottle in response and he nodded once before grabbing a cup off the counter and taking a sip. Will side-eyed Kirsch who took it as a signal to leave. He ruffled Laura’s hair, “See ya later, L.”

        Will’s eyebrows furrowed and a sense of sincerity was easily transferred through his eyes, “Thank you for not making a huge deal about your encounter with my sister.”

        “That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about. How is she?”

        Will cocked his head, “My sister?”

        “Yeah, how is she doing? She seemed…well, not right that night.” Will rubbed the back of his neck, uncomfortable at Laura’s insistence to know about his sister. She kept her eyes locked on his face though, determined to get an answer to the girl’s attitude towards her, “Uh, she’s fine.”

        Laura’s eyes narrowed, “That sounds very encouraging.”

        His eyes widened and he almost shouted, “No, really! She’s coming tonight. You can see for yourself.”

        “Then what was wrong?” Laura knew she was being nosy, but something about this girl intrigued her and she needed to know why, when she had done nothing but try to help, the girl had reacted so violently. “It’s not my place to tell, Especially to a complete stranger.”

        “Please. I was just trying to help.” Will looked down on Laura; she could see a mix of understanding and pity in them, “I know you mean well and all, but you don’t know anything about us. It is none of your business why she acted how she did. I truly appreciate you trying to help, but if she refuses you, I can’t do anything about it.”

        The black haired boy squeezed her on the shoulder before merging with the crowd. “What was that about, L?”

        “What? We’re you lurking the whole time?” she asked him, a little more sensitively than she had intended. Kirsch threw up his hands in defense, “Hey! I just wanna make sure you’re alright.”

        Laura smiled at the older boy that she practically considered a brother. His protectiveness was cute because it was not suffocating to her as her father’s was but still showed her how much he cared about her. Even so, it was not really protectiveness anyways but more of an honest concern for her well-being. “I know. I know. It was nothing really. I was just asking him about his sister.”

        Kirsch wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, “Ah, I see. Little L’s got a new woman.”

        She slapped him on the arm and glared, “Kirsch!”

        “Sorry, sorry,” he looked over her head and his smile instantly faded, “But you know. Maybe you should try to meet someone new.”

        His eyes shifted again, “It could do you good. You know. Moving on.”

        There it was again. His eyes flickered ever so slightly past her and finally she twisted her neck to se where he was glancing. It was a mistake because her eyes locked instantly with the tall redhead that was Danny and before she could make a move to go and try to talk to the girl, Danny averted her eyes and quickly maneuvered through the crowd and farther from Laura. Laura really did want to talk to her; she needed that closure. She thought that maybe if they just said what they both felt, they could move past the stage of avoidance and into the stage of friendship or if not that far, then at least a civil talking relationship. She just hated not being able to confide in the girl as she used to; with Danny gone, a huge part of the last three years of her life was gone too and it was a larger emptiness that she had expected.

        “Hey, I’m sorry, Laura.”

        “It’s not your fault,” she dismissed him. One side of Kirsch’s mouth went upwards, but not in a smile, in an awkward frown, “Actually, I kind of invited her.”

        Laura had not been expecting those words to ever come out of Kirsch’s mouth and now that they were out, she felt betrayed by him. He never liked Danny when they were together and now that they were apart, he started being friendly. It seemed like the world had turned upside down concerning them. “Laura, I’m really sorry. I invited her to try to make up for being a dick about Halloween. I didn’t think she would really come. Actually, she told me she wouldn’t.”

        Laura shrugged, not being able to shake the looming sadness that had seemed to accumulate in a fog that was flowing through her body, “It’s whatever, Kirsch.”

        “Are you sure you’re fine?”

        “Yeah,” she lifted the bottle to her lips and chugged the entire thing, finishing it off and letting out a huge breath while wiping her hand across her mouth and shaking her head, “I’m great.”

        “Laura, maybe you wanna slow…”

        Laura poked him in the chest, with a very stern expression set on her face, “Don’t tell me what to do.”

        She grabbed one of the fresh cups that Will had just poured and swung her arms open, “I’m ecstatic!”

             **********************************************************************************************************************************************

        “Lafontaine, I’m really not sure this is a good idea. They could out drink you anyday.”

        “Perry,” Lafontaine started, grabbing hold of the girl’s shoulder and trying to look right into her eyes, “I’ve got this.”

        Though Lafontaine was not drunk yet, they were on their way there and Perry was frantic that a game of beer pong would push them right over the edge, and early on in the game too. “Really? Think about this.”

        “I will not back down from a challenge, Perr. And, I’ve already accepted said challenge. Don’t worry. I’ve got this. It’s all physics.”

        The crease in Perry’s forehead deepened, “But you’re not a physicist. Biology has nothing to do with this.”

        Lafontaine waved her off, “It’s all the same. I’ve got this.”

        Lafontaine tilted their head back and yelled into the night, “I’VE GOT THIS THIS!!”

        They dashed over to the beer pong table where the guys who had dared Lafontaine to play them were standing. Perry was in quick pursuit and stood close to Lafontaine to make sure they did not fall over or do something else to embarrass themself since it would not be of their own choosing this time.

        The table was already lined up with triangles of cups at both ends and the guys were choosing which one of them would play against Lafontaine. Perry was not a big drinker but she did drink sometimes. What she never did, was participate in stupid and childish drinking games. Usually, Lafontaine did not either but as they had stated, they never backed down from a challenge, which was already a big enough problem when they were sober.

        They were the first few throws in and Lafontaine had missed each one and was forced to consume one cup of the putrid beer. It was the cheap kind and Perry was never drunk enough to stomach it. Lafontaine on the other hand was able to chug the drink down like a pro. After the few failed throws, Lafontaine whispered, “I just made an error in calculation. I’ve got this.”

        They sent Perry an indiscreet wink, “Got to give them a false sense of security, ya know?”

        The next time, Lafontaine very strategically placed their arm and gently tossed to the ball across the table. There was a satisfying _clunk_ as the ball landed in the drink. The boys on the other side groaned but one happily guzzled down the beer and went on with the game. When it became clear that Lafontaine was not going to miss another shot and there were only five cups left until the boy lost, he began to make excuses. Lafontaine laughed each one off, making a comeback that Perry was sure would make the boy angry. On the contrary, he seemed unperturbed by the turn of events and did not seem to care much that he had lost. Apparently, beer pong was not associated with pride as much as Perry had originally thought. She was happy to see that losing to a non-member of Zeta Omega Mu had done nothing to muzzle the drunken spirit of Halloween that they had within them and they both high fived Lafontaine before shoving each other and running inside the house. Perry watched in concerned amusement as they both almost tripped over the patio on their way inside but was pulled from her observation by an arm being thrown over her shoulder, “See, Perr. Nothing to worry about.”

        “Well, except for the fact that you are drunker than when you started.” Though Lafontaine had won, the Zetas had not been entirely inept and Lafontaine had drank about seven of the cups. The stumbling was only starting but Perry was worried about having to hold them up and basically carry them through the party when it was time to go. She wished she could get them home right now but they were having a good time and she did not know where Laura was. Hopefully, Laura was holding her own because she was not sure she could take care of both of them. Sometimes being the mother of the group was stressful and Perry needed to recharge. Usually, she spent the evenings doing just that but this was one of the exceptions.

        Her makeup had started to itch but scratching it would only cause for the paint to peel off, ruining her creation. It had taken her three hours to get her skin the exact color of green to replicate Frankenstein’s monster. Then, she had had to add the cuts which, with her draw to perfection, had taken another hour altogether. The costume idea had been all of Lafontaine’s doing, and she did not mind it, but now when she was tired and just wanted to go home, she wished that she had an easier costume to disassemble. It would take her quite awhile to wipe away all of the makeup and get all of the hairspray and paint out of her hair. That had been a whole other task, as her unruly curls did not want to be flattened on top of her head. She had thought she would just leave them how they were but Lafontaine had wanted to whole authentic experience so she had gone along. This made her sound like a pushover but really, it just made Perry happy to see Lafontaine happy and small things like this, were the times when they were the most excited and Perry never missed a chance to see their childlike enthusiasm.

        She looked to her side at Lafontaine who was smiling and laughing at some stupid joke they had just tried to make. Perry sighed and smiled back. They were her best friend after all; it was the least she could do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you liked it! This chapter was going to turn out really long so I split it up and the next chapter will be a continuation of this one.
> 
> I have decided to list the songs I listened to while writing each chapter (a lot of them will be repeated many times): Fell In Love With A Girl - The White Stripes, Afraid - The Neighborhood, Hold On We're Going Home/Love Me Again (Cover) - Ella Henderson, She Likes Girls - Metro Station, Hurricane - Halsey
> 
> My fan tumblr is: uselessgayshit  
> Any questions you have about the fic, direct them to this as it will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS for updates.
> 
> Saying that, you are more than welcome to follow my personal tumblr as well: just-trying-togetby


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings: misgendering, excessive alcohol consumption
> 
> Any trigger warnings if they arise will be listed at the beginning of each chapter.
> 
> I am aware that my writing style may be different from many fics because I tend to be exceedingly descriptive but writing is what I love so I do it the way that feels right to me.
> 
> Sorry this chapter took longer than expected. I was on vacation and I could not seem to get into Carmilla's head in this chapter so if it seems very surface, I apologize. I'm gonna take a bit of time off from writing this to give myself a break and hopefully come back to it fully refreshed. It won't be too long. There will definitely be another chapter, maybe two this month.

        Everything was sharp and vibrant yet not any one thing would come into complete focus, creating a fuzzy image no matter which way she turned her head. The music was extremely loud but the sound of people yelling and talking was  just a background din; a noise that seemed to be traveling from far off before reaching Laura’s ears. She grabbed ahold of the wooden mantle above the fireplace in the Zeta’s living room quickly as she tripped over the stone at the base and almost fell. “Whoa there, cutie. Better watch where you’re going.”

        The voice surprised her; it had been the last voice she thought she would hear that night but a worthy distraction from the one she had wanted to hear. The dizziness in her head did not inhibit her ability to see that Carmilla was looking remarkably hot in the amount of leather she was sporting. Her feet were covered by mid-shin high combat boots that were loose so that the top flared out. Tight leather pants hugged every inch of the raven-haired girls legs before revealing a strip of skin around her stomach where there was a break between her pants and vest. The black vest was made with a single silver zipper directly up the front; the top of which landed directly in-between the girl’s breasts. It fit almost like a corset, hugging to the center and pushing upwards and Laura tried, as quick as she could in her inebriated state, to not stare and look upwards to the girl’s face which was covered in a knowing smirk. Her hair had been teased in the back to make it sit higher on her head and her bangs had been swept across her forehead to intentionally look messy and unkempt. The silver necklace that Laura had noticed on their first encounter still hung around her neck and with a closer look, she saw that it was an anchor.

        Carmlla’s head was turned far to side, her eyes trying to get Laura’s attention so that she could look at her and talk. When Laura was finally able to stabilize her focus on the slightly taller girl’s face, memories from the art gallery came to the forefront of her mind and despite her intoxication, clear anger boiled to the surface and she scoffed, “Oh, so you’re being civil to me now?”

        Carmilla pursed her lips and her eyes looked more amused than sincere but she spoke honest enough words, “Sorry, cupcake. Not for being angry with you but for hurting you when I grabbed you. Is your wrist okay?”

        “Well that was half an apology,” Laura found her mind swimming. She wanted to be angry and yell at Carmilla but she could not find it in her to do it. It was probably the alcohol, but really, she just wanted to stop talking altogether. Her words apparently spurred Carmilla into a lecture though because the other girl crossed her arms and seemed to plant herself more firmly into the ground, “You want me to apologize because I was mad that you tried to steal from me? That’s roundabout logic, sweetheart. You won’t get an apology for that.”

        Laura’s eyes shut and she was having a hard time reopening them but she eventually did, only to find herself looking into laughing eyes, “You okay there?”

        She swiped her arm in front of her and Carmilla jumped backwards out of the way. _Did I almost hit her? That’s what she gets._

        “Why did I deserve to be swatted at?”

         _Shit, did I say that out loud?_

        Carmilla’s chest shook with a silent chuckle, “Yes. Are you sure you’re alright?”

        Laura stuck her neck out and squinted her eyes, trying to be standoffish but realizing she failed when Carmilla’s pursed lips lifted up into a closed mouth smile. Her lips were thinner than Laura had originally remembered, _Wait. When I had ever remembered how her lips looked?_ Her glare was not working and Carmilla stayed right in front of her, taking enjoyment in her lack of togetherness.

        Laura pulled her arm up to her mouth, setting the bottle against her lips to take another sip of the liquid that no longer tasted like anything to her tongue but at the moment the cold liquid should have rushed down her throat, there was nothing. Carmilla had swiped the bottle from her hands, “Now look whose stealing.”

        “Thought you needed a taste of your own medicine.”

        The words “medicine” triggered something in Laura’s head and the pills, which were the entire reason they were in this situation in the first place, came to mind, “What were the pills for anyways?”

        “You saw my hand. Painkillers.”

        “But why?” Laura asked, genuinely interested and concerned. Carmilla’s forehead bunched up with confusion, “Because of the pain…”

        Laura shook her head, which turned out to be a bad idea and she felt slight hands on her waist, holding her up, “Steady there.”

        The question Laura was planning on asking was lost in the jumble of thoughts that she could not wade through and she felt herself being directed towards a seat and gently sat down. “Hey, hey. Can you look at me?”

        Laura threw her gaze in Carmilla’s direction but her eyes would just not focus and wandered. She had not planned on coming here and getting drunk but when she saw Danny and the girl had refused to speak to her, something had just snapped and alcohol had seemed like the best option. In hindsight though, it was a regrettable option and a tear spilled out of her eyes.

        “Hey,” Carmilla chuckled through the word, “Don’t cry on me now.”

        Laura did her best to contain her sobs because really, they were unwarranted and she knew it, “I just shouldn’t be like this! I wasn’t going to do this. And now, I have to be a burden on Perry and Lafontaine who are supposed to take me home and,” she beat her hands on her thighs, “I wasn’t going to do this!”

        She shrunk into the chair which seemed to suck her in and she somewhat hoped it would consume her because she wanted to be out of the crowded and hot house right then. She pushed at the arms of the chair to stand but her muscles gave out and she fell into the chair again. She had no idea where Perry and Lafontaine were, she had not seen Kirsch since the beginning of the night and she was still upset with him anyways, and now, she was crying and intolerably drunk in front of a girl she barely knew whom she thought hated her. There were foreign hands on her thighs and she could sense that the girl was bent down in front of her but her eyes refused to open at her command and she could sense a deep tiredness began to consume her already dull senses. She was aware that Carmilla was trying to get her attention and she wanted to answer, she really did; but, she also really just wanted to go to sleep.

            *************************************************************************************************************************************************

        Her hand slipped up higher, past the small amount of fabric that in reality served no purpose to clothe the girl. Her other hand was stabilized on the wall next to the girl’s ear and their faces were closer together than necessary for talking but it was loud in the house and Carmilla was hoping that this was going to lead somewhere, so why not push a little bit? It was obvious that the girl she had cornered against the hallway wall was nervous but it was clear by her body language that this current situation and future plans were an option.

        The girl had not returned Carmilla’s touch though; both of her hands were flat against the wall next to her but she did not flinch away from Carmilla’s wandering hand though Carmilla did not reach any higher than she had already dared to go for two reasons: public indecency being one and that it was not her style. She considered herself to be smooth and charming even when it came to seducing for a casual hookup, which was in and of itself contradictory, which is why she felt it worked well. She had had enough practice by this point in her life to adjust her angle to each person she came across and prided herself on her ability and was not ashamed at all. Sex was great so she never understood why so many people had a problem with how she lived her private life. Of course, no one had ever had the audacity to say anything to her face; the understanding was that it was broadly known that people frowned upon sexual expression that they deemed immodest because of the taboo nature surrounding the topic. It did not concern her at all what other people deemed to be moral in nature because they had no control over her life and they should stay out of it like she stayed out of theirs.

        The girl was starting to lean into her touch, communicating that the next move could begin but just when Carmilla was about to close the deal, a strikingly too similar voice to her own spoke from behind her, “Mil…Carmilla.”

        She pursed her lips and slowly turned her head to give her brother a ferocious glare. Not only had he just ruined her little moment she had going on, but, he had almost used his imbecilic nickname he had for her in public, which she would not stand for in the slightest. “Yes, Will? If you didn’t notice, you are kind of interrupting.”

        She watched as he did his best to avert his eyes from glancing to where her hand lay under the girl’s skirt and instead, focused his gaze just off the right side of her head. He was squirming where he stood which caused Carmilla to smirk with amusement but she realized that she would no better like to see him feeling up a girl than she expected he would her. Sighing she looked back to the girl, sliding her hand slowly down and away from the girl’s thigh, “Now can you look me in the eye.”

        He was squinting at her, his face showing sarcastic thankfulness but he did finally meet her eyes, “I just thought you would like to know that Laura is here.”

        The name struck a chord but she could not bring up a face to pair with it. “Laura. The girl you’re crushing on.”

        The word “crushing” caused Carmilla to flinch; the sound toxic to her ears and she writhed with disgust, fully aware that her face showed the same discomfort her entire body was feeling. Apparently, the discomfort was amusing to Will, “Don’t deny it.

        She ignored him, “You mean bookstore girl?”

        “If that’s what you want to call her. Sure. She was asking about how you were doing again.”

        “And what did you tell her?” Her eyes widened a tiny bit with worry that Will had blabbed. “Nothing. I told her it wasn’t my business.”

        “Exactly as you should have,” her sarcasm returning with the calm that settled over her mind with his explanation. “You need to go apologize, you know. Fix it so that it doesn’t came back to mother.”

        She rolled her eyes; his timing could not have been worse but she knew he was right. The last thing she needed was mother’s wrath because as she remembered the last time, when she had not even done anything provocative, the outcome had been, well, less than favorable. This time, now that she had actually done something wrong, or at least wrong in her mother’s eyes, she could only guess at the consequence. “Alright, you’re right.”

        “I know. And who knows. Maybe this will put you in her good books. She’s probably not too partial to you but you can always remedy that.”

        “I don’t need to remedy anything,” she shot back at him, annoyed by his constant harping on the subject. This girl, Laura, meant nothing other to her except someone that was fun to flirt with and fluster. It was a game and nothing more and he should be wise enough of her ways by now to understand that without being a child about the subject. “Where is she?”

        “Last time I saw her she was in the kitchen. It’s been awhile though. You weren’t easy to find.”

        “I do my best.”

        His shoulders raised and his head fell to his chest, eyes skimming the floor, embarrassed, “Um, thanks by the way. For coming. You didn’t have to but it meant more than you know. And um, I’m glad you’re you again.”

        “Yeah,” Carmilla had never been too good with expressing how she felt but with her brother, the emotions came easier because she was more willing to try and make him happy, “Anything for you, Will.”

        Her response brought a wide smile to his face before he bounded off, saying something about finding Kirsch and helping set up the last keg. Heavily, she returned her head in the direction of the girl who had not made a move to leave or excuse herself yet, “Sorry, sweet cheeks. Gotta go.”

        “What? You’re just gonna leave me here for another girl? I’m not deaf; I heard everything.”

        “I’ve got something I have to do. Maybe next time.” Without waiting to hear what else the girl had to say to her, she waltzed down the hallway. She was not really in the mood for the tirade of an upset, clingy girl whose name she had no recollection of. And of course, there would most likely not be a “next time” and she hoped the girl had come to that conclusion as well.

        Carmilla held her breath, trying to relieve the feeling of suffocation that the crowd of people in the hallway and surrounding rooms were emitting into the air. The house was quite large but the amount of people made it feel like it was about a quarter of its actual size and though Carmilla could not really consider herself claustrophobic, it did make her fidgety and uncomfortable. When she reached the end of the hallway, there was a break in the crowd a few feet around her and she let out the breath she had been holding in. Finding the tiny brunette in this crowd would be almost impossible as everyone would loom above her in height and also, Carmilla had not asked Will what she was dressed as which could also pose as an obstacle to her apology.

        Carmilla looked down on college parties with much disdain; the immaturity level was lower than she had expected coming into university but she had not had high hopes in the first place. These people had no self-control when it came to alcohol consumption and the amount of people throwing up or falling over or stumbling in general just sent her annoyance levels off the charts. The stupidity caused her to physically wince but she had to give the Zeta’s credit for one thing: when they thew a party, they did not hold back. The time and effort they put into the decorations was unexpected for a group of stupid frat boys who usually did not know the day of the week. _They really take pride in their right and ability to party._

        She had only had two beers since she arrived, drinking not being her number one priority for showing up. Will was the reason she was here and she felt like this was the easiest way to apologize to him for how she had been for the last couple months. She knew it hurt him whenever she was dragged into her state of unfeeling but there was no way for her to stop it from happening. Sometimes, after awhile, she could pull herself out but more often than not, he was the one who helped her most and she had never told him that. She figured he knew and that’s why he stayed around and helped instead of just ignoring her even though she was an insensitive asshole towards him. He was the one person who had never abandoned her. She could easily tell when she was he cause of his sadness or anger and it hurt her when he was hurt, especially when she was the trigger. Of course, she had never said any of this to his face but she hoped that he understood anyways. If their past was anything to take from, he definitely knew.

        She peered into the open kitchen but did not see any indication that the bookstore girl was there anymore. She figured it had been the best place to start looking though and turned from the room, pushing past a group of girls and into the back of the living room. The furniture was surprisingly still intact even though every inch of the couch and surrounding chairs were occupied; some were being sat on, others danced upon, and even a few that were having to the live through disgusting shows of pda. She walked around the left side of the room, squinting between bodies, under arms, and above heads, trying to see into the center of the room. As she neared the front, near the fireplace, she spotted a flash of caramel hair before it disappeared behind the arm of a guy who looked like a wrestler. The hair could have belonged to anyone but she decided that it was her best shot to see if it was the girl she was looking for.

        Carmilla’s eyes hovered on the girl and watched as she stumbled to the fireplace and tripped over the stones on the ground, almost falling headfirst into the grate. The girl was obviously drunk and though Carmilla did not sympathize with her plight, she also did not want to see the girl’s head split open when it came into contact with the wood. So, she made a valiant effort and reached her hands out, catching ahold of the girl’s waist and righting her until she was steady, “Whoa there, cutie. Better watch where you’re going.”

        The brunette whipped her head up so fast that Carmilla could see the dizziness behind her eyes and her mouth curled up in a smirk. She was staring at the girl, her eyebrows curved in disbelief at her outfit: brown dress shoes touched the floor, followed by skinny dark brown pants, a white button up complete with a bright red bow tie, and finished off with a tan, tweed jacket. There was absolutely no other word to describe the costume, whatever it was, than dorky. After her quick assessment of the girl’s physical state, which was not great as she was leaning greatly into Carmilla’s hands, she found that the girls eyes had wandered down her front and back. Being checked out was not a new experience for Carmilla who had gotten used to girls staring but this was an entirely different situation so she titled her head to the side, trying to find the tiny girl’s eyes with her own to get her attention. The patience she was showing in this whole process was out of character but the fear of her mother was doing more than enough to help her remain calm.

        When the other girl’s eyes slowly focused onto hers, there was a flicker of recognition before an angry, yet drunken, move of her head that made Carmilla silently chuckle and purse her lips to trap the vocalization of the laugh. “Oh, so you’re being civil to me now?”

        In all honesty, it was a very valid question, but the light slur in speech caused by the excessive consumption of alcohol, was too amusing for Carmilla to take her seriously. Even so, she did want the girl to believe her apology so she did her best to hide the amusement in her eyes and spoke earnestly, “Sorry, cupcake. Not for being angry with you but for hurting you when I grabbed you. Is your wrist okay?”

        “Well that was half an apology.” The girl stopped there and Carmilla watched as she seemed to have a mental conversation with herself. If the girl wanted anything else from her, she was not going to get it. There was nothing else to apologize for. She really hadn’t meant to do the girl any harm; the physical pain was a side effect of her loss of control and though that was not an excuse, it was the only thing that she had wrongly done. She let go of the small girl slowly, making sure that she really was steady on her feet before she stood up straight and crossed her arms across her chest, raising an eyebrow, “You want me to apologize because I was mad that you tried to steal from me? That’s roundabout logic, sweetheart. You won’t get an apology for that.”

        The girl’s eyes shut and her head was lolling all over the place, making it really hard for Carmilla to keep in the laughter that was about to burst out. She looked absolutely ridiculous but when her eyes did not open again, Carmilla bent down once more to see if she was all right. She bit her lip before speaking so that the girl would not  be offended by her laughter, “You okay there?”

        She jumped back just as a hand blurred in front of her face so close that she could feel the movement in the air that it caused. Her eyes popped open in surprise and so did the small girl’s, “Did I almost hit her? That’s what she gets.”

        “Why did I deserve to be swatted at?”

        “Shit, did I say that out loud?”

        She knew perfectly well that the girl had thought she had not spoken but her chest shook with a silent chuckle anyways, “Yes. Are you sure you’re alright?”

        When the bottle was lifted to way too drunk lips, Carmilla quickly removed it from the slender hand, knowing full well that another drink could be the quick end to the girl’s slow demise. In return, instead of a thank you, she received a glare, “Now look whose stealing.”

        Almost instantly the brunette’s demeanor changed and this look of deep concern came over her face, which made Carmilla slightly uncomfortable and she looked away at the rest of the room, not seeing anything in particular but not wanting to look at bookstore girl’s eyes that were pitying. Will was right about this girl wanting to know what was going on with her and she did not hold back or ease into it, “What were the pills for anyways?”

        Carmilla shrugged, not wanting it to be a huge deal, “You saw my hand. Painkillers.”

        “Buy why?”

        Carmilla felt the creases in her forehead as it bunched up. _Why?_ That answer to that was pretty clear; maybe the girl was just too drunk to put two and two together, “Because of the pain…”

        The girl’s head shook violently side-to-side and Carmilla reached out her hand again, laying them on the soft fabric that lay over the girl’s hip, “Steady there.”

        Shaking her head had caused the girl to stumble and the affects of the movement had not worn off. She was not able to stand up all the way and Carmilla, not wanting her to fall, slowly directed her to the nearest chair, which had been recently vacated. The girl was sitting now, though her head was dipped down to her chest and her hands hung limply at her sides. Carmilla squatted down, a movement that was not so comfortable in the her tight leather pants, and placed her hands on the chair on either side of the girl’s legs. She stuck her neck out, trying to find the girl’s eyes, “Hey, hey. Can you look at me?”   

        The girl put up a valiant effort but had no success and all of a sudden, with a blink, tears started to roll down her cheeks. Carmilla shook her head, laughter escaping her mouth at the random display of emotion, “Hey, don’t cry on me now.”

        She was disconcerted when her words seems to egg on the tears because the overly drunk girl’s chest was now heaving and sobs were escaping, though it did look like she was trying to fight against them. “I wasn’t going to do this.”

        It was obvious the girl was regretting her bad decisions that night but Carmilla really had not needed a run down. She had no idea who the people were that had been mentioned and frankly she did not care. She was not really sure what to say or do but when the girl collapsed further into the chair after trying to get up and failing and her eyes began to close with sleep, Carmilla knew she needed to do something. She was not really one to help anyone, especially people who drank way more than they knew they should, and she was not one to pity anyone either but she figured that it could be part of her apology and then she could just forget about it and act like it never occurred. She did not need the trouble or constant worry that her mother would find out and hopefully the girl would forgive everything if she made sure she was safe.

        “Alright come on,” she sighed, standing up and grabbing the girl under the arms, lifting her into a standing position until she could situate her to lean against her side. Fortunately the girl was small because she did not hesitate in leaning her full body weight against Carmilla who faltered to the right at first before adjusting to the added weight. Maneuvering through the crowded living room was more difficult than anticipated but they got to the hallway rather quickly. “Hey, Laura! Laura? Are you alright?”

        Some monstrosity of a guy was blocking their path and Carmilla was not really in the mood to deal with some douche-bro at the moment so she tried to sidestep him but he blocked her path, “Hey, where are you taking her?”

        “None of your business,” she said curtly, through clenched teeth. “I think it is. I’m her friend. Why don’t you just take her upstairs, she can sleep in my room. It’s no problem.”

        This guy really had the audacity to suggest that she leave a drunken girl, helpless in his bed like it was a perfectly considerate thing to do, “If you think I’m going to let you take advantage of her, asshat, you’ve got this all wrong.”

        He waved his hands in defense, “No, no, no. I’m a friend. I didn’t mean it like that.”

        “Of course you are. Now get out of my way.”

        “Wow, there. How do I know you aren’t the one that’s going to take advantage of her?”

        Carmilla rolled her eyes, “Just get out of my way. She’s heavier than she looks.”

        Carmilla shifted her arms, trying to adjust the girl who was being absolutely no help. She actually might have fallen asleep, Carmilla was not entirely sure; at least she had not been sick. Finally Carmilla was able to shove past the guy who shouted after her. She ignored him and towed the small girl out the door and down the steps which was more of an obstacle than she had anticipated and she ended up carrying the girl down more than anything else.  She made it halfway down the sidewalk before a high-pitched shout sounded from behind her, “Hey! What are you doing with her?”

        She did not turn but continued to walk, “What does it look like?”

        “Kidnapping.” At that, Carmilla stopped in place and a laugh burst forth from her throat, “Are you serious?”

        The person whom the voice belonged to had reached them and was giving Carmilla a very stern look, which she returned without pause. “Laura is our friend. We will be taking her home thank you very much.”

        The girl painted green was helping another with short red hair walk, though she seemed to be more together than the girl Carmilla was currently holding, but she also seemed to find everything funny which was an indicator to her intoxication level. Carmilla gestured with her head towards the red-head, “Do you really think that your going to be able to take care of the both of them? She looks…”

        “They.”

        Carmilla’s eyebrow rose, “What?”

        “They/them pronouns.”

        “Alright, whatever,” Carmilla was not really concerned with however the person identified, she was a little more preoccupied with the slouching girl hanging off of her shoulder, “They look like a handful alone and this one isn’t much better. She’s actually a lot worse.”  

        Carmilla watched the girl’s eyes narrow as she observed Carmilla and her mouth thinned as she worked out what to do. “Can you hurry this up?”

        She shook her hand, “Alright. Fine.”

        “Can you tell me where she lives though? ‘Cause I have no idea and she’s not in any state to tell me.”

        “We live in the same building. She lives right across from us so you can just follow me.” Carmilla clenched her teeth in frustration. She had no desire to stay in anyone’s company and was now forced to walk, who knows how far, with two strangers and two drunken fools. “Fine, lead the way.”

        The two started out in front of her, turning left down the sidewalk. The one was mumbling a constant stream of thoughts that only halfway made sense and there were constant replies of “Yes, dears” or “I know, sweeties” coming from the girl who was entirely too sober for Carmilla’s liking. From the short conversation that they held, the girl seemed very high strung and stressed, a demeanor, which caused sudden irritation to blossom, and she was rarely able to hold back her sarcasm in any situation. Luckily, she was not forced to make small talk and therefore could solely concentrate on not dropping the caramel haired girl even though her arm was beginning to become sore and throb.

        By the time they crossed two streets, Carmilla stopped, hitching the girl up farther on her waist, which caused the two in front of them to stop and turn around, confused by the hindrance in their traveling. Carmilla winced, “She’s a lot heavier than she looks.”

        “Why don’t you carry her on her back like a kangaroo?”

        The constant creasing in Carmilla’s forehead from that night alone was going to leave her with wrinkles. The green girl patted their arm, “Sweetie, kangaroos don’t carry anything on their back. They have pouches.”

        “Have you ever seen a kangaroo carry something on its back?”

        “No, so…

        “Then you can’t tell me I’m wrong.” The girl let out a deep sigh, not wanting to start an argument that she knew she wouldn’t win tonight. She turned to face Carmilla again whose expression had not changed, “They might have a point. We only have about two more block to ago.”

        “About two more blocks? Or actually two more blocks?” The girl just shrugged and Carmilla rolled her eyes. She was not looking forward to being this girl’s horse for the remainder of their walk but she had to do something because her arm was not holding up anymore. She shook Laura, trying to get her to wake up a bit more, “Hey, cutie. Want me to carry you?”

        The girl mumbled incoherently and gave an indistinct nod with her head. Carmilla turned her back to the girl, still holding onto her arm and bent her knees, “Climb up, cupcake.”

        Fortunately, the girl latched herself onto Carmilla’s back with almost no problem and Carmilla used her legs to push herself back up into an almost upright position. The weight was more than expected, only because the girl had no strength left to hold herself up. When she moved her feet, it was like trudging through feet of snow. _How did I get myself into this?_ She mentally berated herself for getting involved in the fist place. Normally, she stayed out of things just to avoid situations like this where she was in deeper than necessary. All she had wanted to do was say sorry which she had and somehow she had still ended up trying to be a better person than she was.

        Laura’s arms wrapped around her neck almost choking her but she could not do anything about them as she was holding onto the girl’s legs to make sure she stayed tightly attached to her waist so she would not fall. The other two slowed down so that she could fall in line with them as they passed by house after house on the residential street. She made no attempt to speak but the girl dressed like Frankenstein had other plans, “I’m Perry. This is Lafontaine. And, well, you seem to know Laura.”

        “I wouldn’t say I knew her. More like I know of her.”

        Perry shot her glance that was a disconcerted, silent form of the “Are you actually a creep?” question. She did not really care what the girl thought of her but her mind was drawn elsewhere when a head came to rest on her shoulder. After a contented sigh, there was a small squeak of a voice, “You smell nice.”

        Carmilla scoffed, “Thanks, cutie. Though I can’t say the same for you.”

        She felt eyes on her and looked sideways to see the one called Perry, giving her a strange look. She shrugged it off and looked ahead again, hoping that they would arrive at the building sooner rather than later because her back was now straining and cramping. She was not used to giving people rides on her back and vowed to herself not to do it again. Ever.

        They walked another street in silence before Perry stopped in front of a brick building, “This is us.”

        She pushed open the door, softly pushing her friend through before holding it open for Carmilla who entered hesitantly before lumbering to the elevator, her awkward package making it hard for her to get through the doors. There was a nervous apology from behind her, “Actually, that’s broken. We have to use the stairs.”

        Her eyes widened in disbelief, “You’re joking right? How do you expect me to get this one up the stairs?”

        She shrugged, embarrassed and Carmilla gritted her teeth to show her displeasure at their current arrangement. “If it helps, it’s only the second floor.”

        Carmilla grunted, her discontentment not at all quenched by the information, and started up the stairs. Her legs burned after just the first flight and they had three more to go and when she finally reached the landed, her legs almost collapsed underneath her, which caused her to shoot a hand out and catch herself on the wall. If Laura had not been holding on with her arms, she would have gone tumbling backwards down the stairs and with the chokehold on her neck tightening, Carmilla quickly returned her hand to the place on the girl’s shin. Perry pushed through the door onto their floor and they went halfway down the hall before they stopped, “This is us. That’s her. Oh, she does have a roommate by the way, just so you’re not surprised.”  

        Carmilla shook her head breathing heavy from the exertion of climbing the stairs with an extra hundred pounds, “Wait a second. You want me to take care of this.”

        “Well, I do have to make sure Lafontaine is okay and you’ve done well so far so I figured you could help out a little more,” the girl said, looking away sheepishly.

        “Are you kidding me?”

        “Just do it,” the red-head said, laughing at nothing.

        Carmilla could not believe she was going to agree to this but the words came out of her mouth anyways, “Whatever. Do you have a key?”

        “Laura has one on her. Thanks for helping out though. It was nice to meet you. But I never did get a name.”

        “That’s cause I didn’t give you one.”

        “Um, okay. Thanks again.” Carmilla watched them disappear into their apartment. She turned back to Laura’s door and shook the girl softly, “Hey, cupcake. Can you give me the key?”

        A piece of metal was instantly being held in front of her face, “I’m..ah..ahead of y…you.”

        The words came out slurred and slow and Carmilla took the key, placing it in the lock and opening the door that she was glad did not squeak upon being pushed inwards. It was completely dark inside the apartment and not knowing where she was going exactly, she tripped over a rug into the fridge causing a loud giggle from Laura, “Ssshh, cupcake. We can’t wake your roommate.”

        A finger was put in front of her lips as if to shush her and she smiled against it as Laura’s hair tickled her cheek. She felt around on the wall but could not find a light switch and her back was protesting, telling her she needed to dump the load as quickly as possible. In the next room, there were small lines of light on the ground from the cracks in the blinds against the window, which displayed vague shadows of furniture so that she was able to at least maneuver around the living room. There were three doors on the wall, two to her left and one to her right, “Which one is your room?”

       “That one.”

       “Cutie, I can’t see which way your hand is pointing?” Her heart stopped as fingers landed on her cheeks and turned her head to the right. She was not used to uninvited touches and did not particularly enjoy them but her heart rate started up to normal again and she directed herself in the direction Laura had turned her head. The door was not all the way closed but she pushed it open so that she could fit herself and the girl on her back through without making too much noise. The blinds in the room were not shut so it was lit up better than the room she had just left.

        She made her way to the bed and flicked on the lamp, which turned out to be a bronze owl. It illuminated the bed, which she turned her back to and sat down on so Laura could simply unhinge her limbs and fall back onto. The release of the weight was a relief and she twisted her neck around and stretched through her back, trying to relieve the cramping. The girl had already curled up in the fetal position on the bed, her eyes closed tightly against the light. Carmilla fidgeted where she sat, not exactly sure if she should just leave or see if the girl needed any more help. A poster on the wall caught her eye. It was an image of a man standing in front of some blue box, holding out a strange contraption, and wearing exactly the same outfit as Laura was wearing. _That explains that._ The poster read Doctor Who and Carmilla’s eyes found a mug on the desk that was in the same shape as the blue thing in the background of the poster.

        Mumbling caused her to turn and find Laura, with her forehead creased, “Are you gonna be sick, cupcake?”

        “No…I’m…I’m just…” a big yawn broke up the sentence but Carmilla got the gist and huffed in laughter, “I’m gonna go to sleep now.”

        “Hey, hey. Why don’t we get you into something more comfortable.”

        “No, I just want to sleep,” the girl whined.

        “Alright, at least let me take this tie off. We don’t need you to suffocate in your sleep,” Carmilla reached her slim fingers under the bowtie and began to undue it, a little bit taken aback that it was an actual bowtie and not just one with a hook. Apparently this girl made no exceptions when she decided to dork-out. Anyone else would not have been seen dead wearing what Laura was wearing to a frat party, yet this girl seemed to live in her own little world, not perturbed by anyone around her. She definitely stuck to who she was and Carmilla had to give her credit for that even though she still thought she might have taken the nerd a little too far for Halloween. As soon as the tie was undone, Carmilla quickly retracted her hand, startled at herself, _What? Am I her mother now?_ All she knew was she wanted to get out of there but when she started to leave, a hand reached out and snagged at her arm, “Don’t.”

        “Don’t what?”

        “Don’t go.” _Shit_. There was no way she was staying; she was getting out of that apartment as soon as possible, “I can’t stay, cupcake. Gotta get home.”

        “Please,” the girl whined, her eyes still shut. Carmilla could not help but smile at the childlike innocence of the girl’s current position but that did not make her want to stay any more than she had three seconds ago. “No can do.”

        “But I’m cold.”

        “You’re in your bed. You can get under the covers.” The girl shook her head and disgruntled look upon her face. Carmilla rubbed her hand down her face and sighed, “Fine. I’ll help. But then I’m leaving.”

        She pulled the purple covers down and frowned at the bright yellow sheets underneath. Laura was blocking her ability to pull them all the way down so she had to pull them hard so that they came out from under the girl before she could cover her up. Then she picked up Laura’s head and gently placed the pillow underneath it. There was nothing else she could do, the girl was going to have a massive hangover in the morning no matter what, “See ya later, cupcake.”

        Barely audibly, the girl sighed, “Thanks, Carm.”

        Carmilla did not know if she had fallen asleep before finishing her name but the nickname came out of nowhere and surprised her and added to her discomfort, “Um…yeah, no problem, cutie.”

        After that she turned off the lamp and quickly exited the apartment, not sure what had led her to waste an hour making sure Laura was safe but whatever it was, was gone now and she felt no guilt leaving the girl asleep to return to her own house. Her mother was still gone which was a blessing and she was not sure if William would be back or not. She hoped not as an explanation about where she had been would just encourage him to keep pestering her about the girl; he seemed to find it very amusing when she was ticked off.

 

        The sun was beginning to come up when she entered through the front door, lighting the rooms softly as the bright yellow had not appeared in the sky yet. She tiptoed up the stairs so as not to wake Will if he was indeed already home from the night before. As she went to open the door across from his room, she heard a creak and hurriedly turned the knob but not before, “Well, this is an interesting time for you to be home.”

        She spun around slowly, “It’s morning so I’m not sure what you mean.” He was still dressed in his clothes from the party; hands stuck deep in his pockets with a smug look on his face. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

        His bottom lip pushed out, “Oh, no reason. Just figured everything went well with Laura…oh, I’m sorry. I mean bookstore girl. Things seem to have gone very well, actually.”

        She glared at him, her temper rising from his insinuation, “For your information, I apologized but she was way too drunk to even understand what I was saying. I tried. I’m done.”

        He tilted his head, no believing her, “Then why are you getting home so late.”

        “It’s none of your business, William,” she saw him wince at the sound of his full name and she regretted using it but he was getting on her nerves and she was not in the mood. She was exhausted, her back still hurt, and all she wanted to do was go to her room and sleep away the rest of the day. “Sorry, I’m just not in the mood to talk.”

        “Fine. But I think you scored with bookshop girl and are embarrassed about it.” Carmilla stuck her finger down her throat, pretending to gag, “Number one, the fact that you used the term “scored” makes me want to punch you in the face. Number two, she was drunk out of her mind. I would never take advantage of someone like that. Number three, why would I ever be embarrassed about sleeping with someone? I never have been before.”

        “Alright, fine. If I assume you are telling me the truth, then why are you home so late.”

        “If I tell you will you let it go and leave me alone so I can live the rest of my life in piece from your ridiculous ideas.” He shrugged which was not an affirmative and she was wary of his actual intentions but decided it was the best she was going to get. She rubbed her aching eyes before answering, “She was wasted and her friend needed help getting her home so I took her back to her apartment and put her to bed. That’s it. Nothing else. Then, I left.”

        She looked at her brother in confusion as his eyes widened and his jaw dropped to the floor, “What?”

        His jaw slowly closed as his mouth turned up in a childish, surprised smile like he knew a secret that no one else did. “Seriously, Will. What’s the face for?”

        “You better put something soft on the ground. Wouldn’t want you to fall too hard,” with that he almost immediately flung himself in his room and slammed the door. It took Carmilla a moment to process what he had said before she clenched her fists and yelled violently through his door, “You did not just fucking say that!?”

        She only heard loud howling and catching of breath while she stomped her way up to her own room, fuming at her brother’s insistence that she had any type of feelings for a girl she hardly knew and did not plan of ever getting to know. Well, she did have other plans for her relationship with the tiny brunette but nothing close to the road that William apparently thought she was headed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you liked it! 
> 
> I have decided to list the songs I listened to while writing each chapter (a lot of them will be repeated many times): Sober - Niykee Heaton, Cold War - Niykee Heaton, Hold Me Down - Halsey, Fire Escape - Matthew Mayfield, Chandelier - PVRIS
> 
> My fan tumblr is: uselessgayshit  
> Any questions you have about the fic, direct them to this as it will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS for updates.
> 
> Saying that, you are more than welcome to follow my personal tumblr as well: just-trying-togetby


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any trigger warnings if they arise will be listed at the beginning of each chapter. 
> 
> I am aware that my writing style may be different from many fics because I tend to be exceedingly descriptive but writing is what I love so I do it the way that feels right to me.
> 
> So as you probably noticed, I changed the name of this fic because I realized that this was going to be a series and therefore, this name fit this specific piece better. "Some Things Are Hard to Separate" has become the name of the series.
> 
> Sorry it has been so long since I last posted but like I said I needed a break and therefore took as long as I needed to get back to writing well developed chapters for you to read.

        “Lafontaine, put it down!” She had caught them, a piece of turkey hallway to their mouth, when she re-entered the kitchen. Lafontaine’s eyes grew wide at her command and they immediately dropped the piece of meat back onto the pan where the rest of the half cut turkey sat. “You asked to help. I gave you one job. That was not permission to go ahead and start eating the food.”

        Their shoulders slumped as Perry passed them, going to the sink, “Come on, Perr. It was just one piece. No one would have missed it.”

        “I don’t care. They will be here in ten minutes. Are you finished yet?”

        “Almost.”

        “Well, get it done.”

        “Yes, ma’am!” Lafontaine responded, exuberantly. Perry turned back to the sink where she had begun to wash the pans from which food had been removed. She rolled the sleeves of her cream sweater up to her elbows so they would not get wet in the sink, before inserting her hands in a pair of yellow rubber gloves and letting out a sigh. “I wish you wouldn’t do that, Perr.”

        “Do what?” Perry asked, pretending like she had no idea what Lafontaine was trying to bring up and started to scrub the wire brush on the pan harder, almost rubbing off the finish. “There’s nothing to be…”

        Perry’s fingers slipped, losing their grip on the pan, which fell with a loud clash into the sink, “I’m sorry, what were you saying?”

        She heard a defeated sigh from across the kitchen, “Nevermind.”

        There was nothing really to talk about and Lafontaine was always trying to get her to be accepting and proud of her progress and not to think about herself in a harsh light but really, there was nothing besides anger and sadness at her past self for what she had done and any thought about that time whatsoever, induced panic attacks. There was no need to talk about it or reference it at all; it was in the past where it belonged and would stay.

        There was an indistinct knock on the locked door to their apartment and Perry turned one last time to the kitchen table to make sure everything looked perfect before she allowed them entrance into her home. She had delicately laid a festive autumn leaf tablecloth over the wooden table. It draped perfect, hanging over the edges at the same length on all sides and was not too short that part of the table was showing but also was not too long that when people sat, it would brush against their thighs. Each chair had the same place setting in front of it which included a pristine white plate upon which sat a matching bowl. Perry had taken the time to expertly fold a knife, fork, and spoon into each cloth napkin, which she specifically bought for occasions such as these. Above each plate sat an empty crystal glass along with a regular everyday glass that was filled with water.

        Perry had spent the last forty-five minutes arranging and rearranging the table until it looked like a picture of perfection and had just, in the last ten minutes, set out the food to finish the piece. There was a large space right in the middle that was currently being filled by the plate of turkey that Lafontaine was placing and it was surrounded in a circle by cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, stuffing, noodles, a basket filled with rolls, and two empty spaces for the sweet potatoes and green bean casserole that had yet to arrive. Perry was slightly worried that these two dishes would not be up to par but her friends had insisted on bringing a dish to help her and she did not want to make them feel unwanted so she had agreed to it.

        “Are you gonna open the door so they can eat the masterpiece you are staring at or…?” Lafontaine let their question trail off but it still snapped Perry out of her trance and she frantically shuffled to the door to unlock it and invite them in.

        “Perry!” She was engulfed in an awkward hug that was impeded by the pan in the small girl’s hand. “We live right across the hall and I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever. Where do you want this?”

        Laura lifted the plate to gesture that she was indicating the food and Perry reached out to take it, “Just give it to me.”

        As soon as the plate was out of her hands, Laura had swiftly moved past her and attacked Lafontaine next who seemed a little more prepared for the onslaught; that left Perry standing in front of Kirsch who was still outside the door. She knew of Kirsch and they had met each other a few times but she did not know him very well and was not sure how to greet him. “Hey. Thanks for having me. I hope it wasn’t inconvenient. Laura kind of just invited me one day.”

        He nervously ran a hand through his hair and so Perry waved him in with a smile, trying to dissuade his ideas that she had not affirmed his invitation, “It’s not inconvenient at all, Kirsch.”

        He held up his dish as Laura had, “I brought casserole.”

        “Yes. Laura told me. I made a place on the table for it to go.” She directed Kirsch to the table and told him where to set it while she set down the sweet potatoes. Lafontaine already had Laura deep in conversation about the research project that they had to finish by the end of the semester and though Perry did not want to interrupt, dinner was ready to eat, “Are we all ready to go? Everyone is here so we can eat if you would all like.”

        Perry was headed to her chair when Laura spoke up, “Danny’s not coming?”

        Perry was not sure how to respond. She had of course invited Danny but Danny had said she was not sure if she could really be around Laura in a friend setting yet but that she was going to celebrate the holiday with the Summer Society sisters anyways so she would not be in attendance. Perry was relieved because though Laura seemed to have gotten over the worst of the grief, Perry was not convinced that she had entirely moved on from Danny which could have very well made the dinner incredibly uncomfortable.

        Lafontaine seemed to understand Perry’s predicament so they put a hand on Laura’s shoulder, “We called her but she already had plans with the Summers so she couldn’t come.”

        Laura bit her lip and nodded, heading to her seat and Perry glanced at Kirsch who was giving her a sheepish smile. He seemed uncomfortable with the situation but not because the talk of Danny but because he knew that both Lafontaine and Perry could sympathize with him about Laura’s demeanor in the last few months.

        They all had taken their seats and after the usual compliments towards Perry and Lafontaine about the dinner they dug in. Perry met Lafontaine’s eyes across the table and they were smiling at her, a silent conveyance that she had yet again, outperformed for the better. The smile stretched to their eyes and it was warm and endearing and familiar; it was a smile that they always wore when looking at her. Well, maybe not always wore because their high school experience was in great contrast with their college experience and she tried to mostly forget about that part of her life and so the earliest memories of this smile were from freshman year. It was contagious and Perry could not help but return it, the sides of her mouth pulling up slightly as she dipped her head to the right and out of the corner of her eye she saw Lafontaine shake their head in amusement and go back to eating.

        Perry was not oblivious to her relationship with her best friend but there were some lines that she could not allow herself to cross. She was the only one in her life who could stop herself from making the wrong decisions and so most of the time, she ignored the more that they had and made sure that nothing was misperceived. Lafontaine was the only person she was comfortable with being as close to as they were to her and even with them, sometimes she felt off and scared. She knew they took it personally but she never wanted them to think it was their fault; everything always ended up being left unsaid. There were things that they never discussed, things that were breached once and resulted in very angry words that were regretted. There were touchy subjects that set them both on edge and if that void could not be filled with healthy conversation, then there was no chance or point to try for anything other than platonic friendship.

        She mentally reprimanded herself; she would not think about the unnecessary implications because that would bring on an onslaught of “what ifs” and “then whats” and that would only cause her anxiety to boil over the edge and that was not a needed scene during Thanksgiving dinner.

        Her knife started at the turkey with more force than necessary, almost causing the mashed potatoes to flop off her plate into a pile on the table. Lafontaine gave her a quizzical look with their eyebrows but did not say anything on the subject, apparently noting, as Perry had, that the room was mostly silent save for the movement of silverware. “So, Laura! What are your plans for the rest of the week we have off?”

        Laura responded with a noncommittal shrug and a bite of sweet potatoes. “Come on L, don’t be like that,” Kirsch spoke up from Perry’s right. Maybe it had not been the correct choice of words because Laura’s brows furrowed and her head stayed bent, her eyes the only part of her face moving to glare at Kirsch across the table. “And what is that supposed to mean?”

        Kirsch set his fork down and crossed his arms over his chest as if he were preparing for some sort of verbal war. Perry made eye contact with Lafontaine whose face was expressing the same emotion of nervousness that she was feeling. “I’m going to need you to stop the self-pitying that has been going on for two months now and act like an active member of the world. Maybe enjoy the company of your friends instead of crying over the fact that Danny did not come today because she didn’t want to see you.”

        Perry’s eyes grew wide and she watched as Lafontaine’s mouth dropped open. The two of them were completely rigid in their seats, not participating in the conversation but in no way able to pretend it was not happening right in front of them. Perry had not really expected the dinner to go this way; it was actually what she had tried to avoid when telling Laura that Danny would not be joining them. She had wanted a peaceful celebration but at the same time that she wished the incredibly awkward situation was not transpiring, Kirsch was the only one who had been able to say exactly what should have been said.

        While Kirsch seemed laid back in his seat, not worried, Laura was fuming where she sat. Perry could almost see the smoke curl out of her ears as her stare became murderous and her tiny fists clenched on the table. Perry winced at the pressure being exerted on the wood but found it was best to ignore that in midst of the actual problem. Through clenched teeth, Laura answered Kirsch, “You expect me to get over a three year relationship in two months?”

        To everyone’s surprise, Kirsch let out an amused scoff and smiled, “Laura. You’ve been done with Danny since, since…” he stopped talking and his lips bowed into a frown as he thought, “See I can’t even remember. That’s how long it has been. You were just too scared to do anything about it.”

        He reached out his hand as a signal for Laura to stop whatever she was going to stay, “Don’t even pretend it’s not true.”

        Perry saw that Lafontaine’s nervousness had turned into smug entertainment and they were now eating turkey as if it was popcorn and watching with wide eyes at the two. Perry was just hoping that the heat of Laura’s glare would not catch her kitchen on fire and that maybe Kirsch would tone it down just slightly so they would not have an angry exit in the middle of dinner.

        Laura leaned back in her chair, fists unclenching, but her shoulders were tense and hugging tight to her ears, “What would you have me do then?”

        Kirsch shrugged as if he no longer cared now that she seemed to have agreed with him, “Honestly anything but this. Enjoy the fact that Perry and Lafontaine invited us for dinner. Be happy that we have been here for you from the start. Forget Danny because she apparently still has problems with everything. Go to a party other than the ones people drag you to.” Kirsch narrowed his eyes at her, “You act like I didn’t know that the only reason you were at the Halloween party was because these two gave you no option and you hoped to see Danny there. Speaking of which, maybe get another drunken piggy back ride from a complete stranger.”

        Perry watched as his smile grew into a dopey grin and pride flashed across his face as Laura blushed with embarrassment, “Who knows what that could lead to?”

        Perry jumped in her seat as Lafontaine let out a loud guffaw from across the table, holding a napkin in front of their face so that gravy would not come spewing out of their mouth as they tried to control themselves. Perry shot Lafontaine a look and when they saw it, they composed themselves, the small smile on their face the only leftover from their short-lived outburst.

        “You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?”

        “Nope. Never. You shouldn’t have ever told me.”

        “It wasn’t even my idea, Kirsch.” Lafontaine’s lowered their head at the words, trying to become as unnoticeable as possible because everyone at the table knew that they had been the cause to that turn of events. Perry had gone along with the idea but in all honesty it had been the most convenient way to get the struggling Laura back to their apartment complex before the sun came up and Perry would stand by her decision and was not ashamed.

        “Yeah maybe not. But you totally enjoyed getting carried around by a hot girl…”

        “Kirsch!”

        “No, Laura. She is extremely hot and maybe you would use the word attractive but that just does not even begin to explain her. I’m not even upset anymore that she rudely refused to allow you to stay with me though in retrospect, a large drunk dude probably did not give off the right vibes.”

        Laura’s shoulders relaxed and the redness was leaving her face, “It was very nice of her to do that for me when she doesn’t even know me.”

        “Well since we’re on the subject,” Lafontaine began. Perry’s head flicked towards them and she reprimanded them in almost a whisper, “Lafontaine, there is no need to continue this conversation or be a part…”

        Lafontaine dismissed her with a smile and Perry let out a frustrated sigh because she could not stop them once they had a plan in mind, “I think she enjoyed your company more than you enjoyed hers…cupcake.”

        Kirsch let out a bellow of a laugh and Lafontaine sniggered. Perry gave an apologetic look to the girl and reached out her hand to squeeze Laura’s hand, “I’m sorry, honey.”

        Laura’s face was resigned and her lips pursed in failure, “I guess this is what I’m going to have to live with now.”

        Perry nodded, “I’m not sure there’s a way around it. These two are immature.”

        Lafontaine was now trying to speak through their laughter, “I mean…the amount of times…that that girl…called you cupcake or cutie or…some other pet name…”

        A new round of laughter started between the two and Perry simply went back to eating, hoping that Laura would do the same and that eventually, their dinner would get back to a respectable and calm conversation. Laura was not ready to entirely back down though and in-between bites she spoke, “I haven’t seen her since Halloween.”

        “Didn’t you say she was the one that always came in the bookshop?”

        “Yeah. So it’s a little weird. I figured I could at least say thank you for that night but she hasn’t shown her face.”

        Lafontaine and Kirsch shared a knowing look and Perry just hoped they would keep their mouth shut. She was afraid they would taunt Laura about the girl if they started up again and bringing on the possibility of a crush would make the situation worse. Perry felt how uncomfortable Laura was talking about it because that was how she herself had always felt. People needed to keep their business to themselves and stay out of other people’s lives. Not entirely. Obviously you need people to be there for you and you should be there for others, but Perry had always felt that it was best to observe and only intervene when absolutely necessary. That is why she had asked Lafontaine to help Laura out with the Danny situation. They had watched that relationship decline and it had been the only remaining option.

 

        An hour later, Lafontaine and Laura were no where to be seen which probably meant that they had dragged Laura off into their room to show her their final project which Perry was sure Laura had no understanding of. So, Perry found herself alone with Kirsch in the kitchen, cleaning up after dinner. Kirsch had his arms in the sink up to his elbows, scrubbing a pot with enough vigilance to make Perry proud. She was currently scooping out the bowls of mashed potatoes into a plastic container to save for later and so the only sounds in the kitchen were of the water in the sink, the wire brushing scraping against the pan, and the spoon hitting the sides of the ceramic bowl. “Hey, Perry. Do you think L’s going to be okay?”

        “Um,” Perry, after Kirsch’s show of knowing how to deal with Laura, was surprised that he would come to her with this question, “I think you would know better than me.”

        “You guys are her best friends. She hangs out with you two more than with me so I just thought she might have said something or you would have caught on to something. I don’t know. I’m just worried about her,” his cleaning paused along with the sentence, “I’m always worried about her.”

        Perry went over to Kirsch and set a hand on her shoulder, which was not an easy feat being that he was so much taller than her, “I think she’ll be fine. Laura may wear her emotions on her sleeves but she is not a very open person and I think that you just have to infer from her actions how she is feeling. She’s still hurt. But, I don’t think it will be like this forever. I think she needs to figure out how to live without someone else because she came right from high school and her dad to college and Danny. She’s never been on her own like she is now and she’s probably a little scared and trying to cling on to what was.”

        Perry was not sure where all this had come from because she had never consciously thought this far into Laura as a person. It was as if all of this information came with being friends with the girl and so she had always known the underlying issue. Kirsch sighed, his hands scrubbing the pan, only as halfheartedly as he had been before. Perry thought he might be more upset that Laura had become better friends with them when in fact, she had known Kirsch longer but he was conflicted as well because he was happy that his best friend had people who cared about her. “You would tell me, right? If anything was going on.”

        Perry’s eyebrows furrowed, “Is there more to this than what you are telling me?”

        His eyes closed briefly before he shook his head, “No, it’s…nothing. Don’t worry about it. I’m sure you’re right.”

        He turned his head to look down to her, smiling feebly, “We should hang more. Thank you for inviting me over here for dinner. You barely even know me so I was kind of surprised.”

        Perry smiled at him, hoping that he would understand that she was sincere with the invitation, or at least fine with Laura’s invitation, “You’re Laura’s friend. She cares about you and she really wanted you to be able to come. You are like family to her and if it helps, she talks about you a lot more than you would like her too.”

        He almost ran his hand through his hair but then remembered that his fingers were covered in soap and thought better of it, “That’s kind of embarrassing.”

        “Did you see who I live with? Lafontaine is like a walking accident but I love them and wouldn’t have it any other way. Even if I wished they would be more careful sometimes,” Perry admonished, remembering all of the times that Lafontaine’s clumsiness or error almost resulted in serious injury or explosions in the apartment. She was always kept on edge by their antics and was very pleased whenever they took their work to the lab instead of doing it in the bathroom or kitchen. It saved her more anxiety than she could even note.

        “We both have best friends who keep us on our toes I guess,” Kirsch responded, removing the now sparkling pan from the sink and placing it on the drying rack. Perry smiled a smile that was halfway between sadness and happiness, _Yeah. Best friend._

            ***************************************************************************************************************************************

        “Millie!!!” Will yelled out to no one as he made his way down the hallway into the kitchen. He looked to his left to check to see if she was around but when he turned is head to the right he immediately covered his eyes, “Jeez, Carmilla. Can’t you keep it in your room?”

        “I didn’t know you were home,” she said in a voice that only sounded halfway apologetic. Will had not planned on walking in on Carmilla with her hand down the pants of some strange girl, especially in the middle of the kitchen. “It’s Thanksgiving. Of course, I’m home. But also, really? On the counter. I eat off that.”

        He squinted through his fingers to find that she had removed her hand from it’s very suggestive position and was now standing, arms crossed, beside the girl, who did not looked bothered in the slightest. “Fine. I will take this upstairs.”

        “I was kind of hoping we could spend some time together as a family since…well…it’s a holiday. Just the two of us I mean.” Carmilla rolled her eyes as if any idea would be better but she pushed herself off the counter and smiled sweetly at the dirty blonde, “Sorry, sweetheart. But you gotta go.”

        The girl just shrugged in return, “Whatever. You’re the one who called me anyways. I have other things to do.”

        The girl reached for her jacket off the counter behind a stunned Carmilla who Will could see was trying to figure out how someone could have such a nonchalance attitude toward what she considered unbeatable charm. After her jacket had been zipped the girl stopped in front of Will, “I’m Emily. I would have left the introduction to her, but she doesn’t actually remember my name.”

        Will hesitantly stuck out his hand, “Um…Will.”

        She smiled brightly and chuckled, “Well Will, I’m sure I’ll see you around.”

        The front door closed before Will had a chance to remove his hand from its outstretched position or wipe the confused look off of his face. He found Carmilla frozen in the same way, staring in the direction of the front door, looking as if she had just been slapped in the face. “What was that about?”

        “I have no idea.”

        “That doesn’t…”

        “No, Will. It does not usually happen. We both know that. Let’s not discuss it further.”

        “Fine. As long as you make sure to stay behind a locked door next time. Preferably the door of your room,” he emphasized the “your” to make sure that she understood his room and any room that he used was off limits.

        “I won’t make you promises that I can’t keep,” she sighed and then added, “What do you want to do today anyways?”

        “I don’t know. We used to hang out a lot and we haven’t in a while so I figured we could. Maybe catch up or I don’t know…just go somewhere.”

        He could feel that they had been drifting apart ever since the night she came home beaten and covered in blood. They had once been very close and Will hoped that if she could feel that again, that maybe she would finally snap out of whatever stupor she was being held down by. In response he received a shrug, “Alright.”

        He pushed her hands away as she tried to ruffle his hair and she laughed, “I have to change first. Be right back.”

        He listened to the stairs creak as she climbed them a rummaged through the hallway closet to find his jacket. The weather had turned increasingly wintery though the snow had yet to fall but he pulled out the black leather jacket that he donned all year nevertheless. After shrugging it on, he went to lean against the front door and wait for his sister to return from her room, which she did rather quickly, only to ignite a laugh from him. She had on her usual black and was also wearing a leather jacket to match his, “People are going to think we’re twins.”

        She scoffed, shoving past him to open the door, “Please. I’m so much more mature than you.”

        “That’s debatable.” She shoved him playfully, causing him to trip over the sidewalk and into the grass. Will righted himself before taking her arm in his and directing her down the sidewalk. She leaned her head against his shoulder, taking him by surprise but he tried not to show it so she would not move. This is what he wanted from her, needed from her; he wanted them to be siblings again. She had always been there to make sure he was headed in the right direction and without her he felt lost and confused. And she needed him though she would never admit it because when she was broken, he took care of her. She never thanked him but she didn’t need to because she showed him in simple moments like this that she cared.

        The words came out as a whisper, carried away quickly by the chilly air, but Will was still able to catch them before they disappeared into the gray sky, “I missed you.”

        He could not help the smile that appeared on his face, “I missed you to.”

        “I’m here now. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry that what I did hurt you because you need to know that I never meant to do anything of the sort. I just…I lose myself and I don’t know who I am anymore and I end up…” she choked on the words and unlatched his arm from hers to wrap her in a hug and kiss her gently on the top of the head. “Sshhh. I know. I know. I’m just glad to hear you say it.”

        And, he left it at that because even that much out of Carmilla meant the world and he did not want to say anything to make her regret opening up even the smallest bit; it was rare and treasurable that she would apologize or even comment on her actions. “Where should we go?”

        “The bookstore?” was her immediate answer and though she stated it as a question, it was an obvious command. “Sure. But you just used this as a chance to see Laura.”

        “Excuse me?” she questioned defensively, pulling away from him. He smirked, her reaction when he brought up the girl who worked at the bookstore never got old. “You haven’t seen her since the night you didn’t charm her into sleeping with you so it’s no wonder you’ve missed her.”

        “Shut up, Will,” she warned, her teeth clenched. When she had not said his full name in her anger, he knew it was okay to keep egging her on, at least for a little while longer. “What? I’m just trying to help my sister out with her love li…ouch!”

        He rubbed his hand against his bicep, putting enough pressure to try and rub the pain out because Carmilla had swung a punch at him with her full strength, which she had more of than it appeared.

        “I warned you,” she shrugged, “Next time listen.”

        As they came to the end of the street, the line of shops came into view and Camilla pulled him across the deserted street to the sidewalk, which was home to _The Nook._ Either the wind had picked up or the chill of the air had made it’s way through the jacket layer, but Will tugged the leather closer to his body, crossing his arms and hunching his shoulders. Carmilla seemed unperturbed, her jacket hanging open and her shoulders relaxed, face held high and welcoming to the cutting breeze. The small town was deserted, stores clearly closed for the holiday and though Will expected the bookstore to be no different from the rest of the stores lining the street, he kept his thoughts to himself and only when coming to the corner did Carmilla agree with his unspoken sentiment, “I knew it would be closed.”

        “Then why did we come?” he questioned, amused.

        “Did you have any better ideas?” she snapped, “But we needed to come anyways. I need to stop by the art gallery.”

        Will shook his head in disbelief. The art gallery is the second to last place Will ever thought Carmilla would willingly choose to go so there must be another reason than just to silently enjoy the art. She must have realized his confusion because she waved her hand at him as if his silent thoughts had been openly spoken and she thought they were imbecilic, “Mother needs me to do some paperwork.”

        Will’s eyes widened, “You spoke with mother? Where is she? When is she coming back?”

        “Of course I didn’t talk to mother. J.P. called me,” her head never turned but she side-eyed him, “And you know, you need to stop caring about what mother is doing.”

        He knew she was right but his capacity to forgive was far larger than hers and though mother never did anything worthy of forgiveness, there was a part of him that could not let her go. She was terrible and every memory he had was stained but something refused to allow him to detach himself from the woman who raised him. _I guess that’s what I have Carmilla for._

        “I don’t know. Let’s just go.” She nodded in agreement, always knowing when to drop the subject of conversation. As they turned the corner, Will faintly made out voices coming towards them. There were two figures up ahead though they were too far away to make out. He figured their voices carried in the still street and he made out a high-pitched giggle.

        “Shit,” Carmilla brilliantly remarked beside him, her hand going to her forehead and her fingers rubbing her temples in frustration. Will’s eyebrows turned down but before he could respond a voice shouted out, “Will!? Bro, is that you?”

        Looking up and squinting, Will thought he recognized the voice, “Kirsch!? Dude, yeah what’s up?”

        “Noth…” Kirsch shouted before the figure beside him seemed to console him into realizing that a yelling match was not necessary and they would be in speaking distance within a minute or two.

        “Bro!” Kirsch attacked him with a hug as soon as they were close enough and Will returned it happily. When he stepped back, he noticed Carmilla consciously staring at anything but the two individuals acting as disaffected as should could in the presence of anything but himself. Laura’s eyes were focused very hard on only him and her face was a bright red, whether it was from embarrassment or the weather, he was not sure but he figured it was both, “Hi, Will!”

        “Hey, Laura,” he nudged Carmilla who glared at him, “Aren’t you going to say hi?”

        Her cheeks caved in where he knew she was biting at them and she forced a smirk, “Hey, cupcake,” she smoldered, quickly raising an eyebrow at the girl. Her face immediately turned into one of annoyance when she took in the image of Kirsch, “Dudebro.”

        There was a pause in her speech and both Kirsch and Laura looked a little confused at the greeting they received from her. “So, you guys are actually acquainted? Never would have thought.”

        Kirsch and Laura exchanged a glance and Carmilla returned her gaze to her left side, staring at nothing, so Will took a deep breath, sliding his hands into the front pockets of his jeans and slightly rocking forwards onto his toes, and tried to break the silence, “Soooooo, why are you guys out and about on Thanksgiving?”

        “I could say the same for you,” Laura responded, her eyes trained on Carmilla while answering Will. Kirsch rolled his eyes and smiled at Will, “We were at Laura’s friend’s, Perry and Lafontaine’s, apartment having dinner.”

        “You live right across from them, cutie, so why are you here?”

        Laura grabbed ahold of Kirsch’s arm and smiled up at him, “We are on our way to video chat with SJ. And I am so excited because I haven’t seen her since the ar…”

        Laura clamped her mouth shut and though Kirsch may not have any idea why, Will felt Carmilla tense next to him and even he grimaced at the thought of that night. He tried to lighten the mood while not entirely ignoring Laura’s misplaced comment, “Speaking of which. We were headed over there right now. You guys want to join us.”

        “Uh…” Laura mumbled but Kirsch took the lead, “Yeah of course, bro! I’ll text SJ and let her know we will talk later.”

        He flung his arm around Will’s shoulders as Will walked in the direction of the gallery, leaving Laura and Carmilla to follow behind, both keeping a great distance between themselves. Kirsch turned his head to whisper in his ear, “If they don’t talk, both of them are going to explode.”

        “Do you know about Halloween?”

        His head fell back in laughter, “Do I know about Halloween! I don’t care what happens between them honestly but Laura needs to thank your sister or I will never hear the end of it.”

        Will chuckled, “Man. Carmilla makes every excuse to go to that damn bookstore. That’s what we were doing. Going to the bookstore when it would so obviously be closed. Because Laura works there. I don’t really know what’s going on or the entirety of what has happened between them but it is quite obviously awkward as hell back there.”

             ***************************************************************************************************************************************

        “You might as well have just stayed out there with them, cutie,” Carmilla mumbled, turning the key in the lock to her mother’s office, “It’s not going to be much fun in here.”

        “I wanted to talk to you.” The one thing Carmilla did not want was for Halloween to be this touchy subject that had to be brought up a million times before everything was settled. _It happened, it’s over, can everyone forget it?_ But of course, she said none of that and instead acted like she did not hear a word the girl said, flicking on the light switch, which illuminated the rather large office space. A huge mahogany desk sat exactly in the center of the room; upon it sat a lamp, a laptop, a portfolio notebook, and pens that were laid out very precisely. The drawers on either side were all locked as well and the swivel chair was pushed into the desk but was quickly whisked out by Carmilla who plopped herself down in it without a care and flung her feet onto the desk, resting her hands behind her head. The wall behind her was completely made of glass like most of the gallery but was covered by dark green curtains. The wall on the right was one long bookshelf that held more statues and vases than anything else and the wall to the right was completely wooden, an opening in the middle for a retractable screen. Filing cabinets were stacked together on the same wall as the door but the reports Carmilla needed to fill out were not located there but in the bottom desk drawers.

        Her mother had J.P. but he was more of an accountant and financial advisor than anything else and surprisingly, Camrilla appeared to be the only one she trusted with certain tasks. It was most likely because she knew Carmilla was far too afraid of her to screw up a special request. It was a very stressful setup for Carmilla because if she did not do what her mother asked of her, there would be consequences and if she messed up anything at all, the same result would ensue.

        Laura was hesitating in the doorway, looking around as if she was not sure she should come in someone else’s office. “You can take a seat, cupcake. Just close the door behind you.”

        She did as Carmilla asked and the sound of ruffling papers filled the silence as Carmilla searched for the file folder that her mother had indicated. There was a squeak and Carmilla figured Laura was finally sitting herself in one of the chairs opposite the desk. Her fingers doubled tapped the folder when she found it and she pulled it out of the drawer, locking it and opening the folder on the desk.

        The file was filled with a bunch of stapled packets that held research information about various pieces that her mother was looking to buy. Most of them were paintings but a few sculpture were included as well. She spread the sheets out on the desk, making a mess on the previously spotless desk. “You should apologize to Kirsch.”

        Carmilla paused, her hands in the midst of shuffling through the packets and her head slowly rose to give Laura an incredulous look. If she was referencing what Carmilla believed her to be referencing then she had been expecting to receive words of gratitude not to be told to request forgiveness. She decided to not grace the girl with paying attention to her but instead turned back to her work, grabbing a pen and filling out one of the forms, “That’s what you’re gonna go with? Really?”

        “Well, yeah. You were kind of rude to him so I think you should apologize.”

        Carmilla slammed the pen against the desk, “Rude! I was rude because I didn’t know that you two were all cozy? No, that’s not how this works. You thank me for making sure your drunken ass got home that night. You thank me for carrying you for blocks because you couldn’t walk. You thank me for going out of my way for a perfect stranger but I will not apologize to bigfoot out there, who number one, doesn’t expect me to and number two, could care less.”

        Laura looked upward as she spoke, trying to figure out each statement before she made it, “You want me…to apologize to you…for your apology to me…for the art gallery?”

        “No, I came to you and apologized. My apology did not extend to taking you home. My apology was my sincere words that I did not mean to hurt you. That was my apology. The rest of it was an inconvenience.”

        Laura jumped out of her seat, “Then why did you do it!? You could’ve just left it to Perry and Lafontaine.”

        Carmilla scoffed, “ Clearly you don’t remember anything about that night.”

        Laura ducked her head in shame and Carmilla rolled her eyes. Not only could the girl not hold her alcohol or was just stupid enough to overdrink, but then she had the audacity to come here and give Carmilla a lecture on apology. “I’m not apologizing to anyone, cupcake, so we can just forget this now. Whatever this weird push and pull thing we have going on is getting old.”

        “We don’t even know each other. We’ve only talked, I don’t know, five times.”

        “Exactly and it’s already an old annoyance. I don’t even remember what we were talking about,” she shrugged, “Must not have been of very much importance.”

        “Is this always how you are?”

        “How?”

        “Completely unaffected,” she spat out. The vehemence in her voice was not lost on Carmilla who shrugged, far too familiar with the feeling of disapproval to mind much that the small girl in front of her was angered by her personality. It was what it was and Carmilla honestly did not care if the big frat guy was hurt by her actual care for a girl’s well-being. It was not her fault that the girl could not recognize a simple act of kindness. _Bleh. That’s disgusting._

        Laura took a seat again, straightening out her jacket while Carmilla scribbled on the paper, the scratching pen breaking the silence. She completed three forms this way and then there was a small clearing of a throat, “I’m sorry and thank you. I don’t know what happened that night but you were kind enough to help me and my friends so thank you.”

        There was a tint of red to her cheeks and Carmilla smirked, “It’s whatever, cupcake.”

        “So I apologize and that’s your response? Wow.”

        “For Christ’s sake, creampuff. What do you want from me? Nothing I say is ever going to make you happy, is it? Don’t answer that. I don’t care enough.”

        Laura let out a frustrated sigh, “I just thought that maybe, I don’t know. Nevermind.”

        Carmilla did not need anymore suggestion than that to drop the subject and she was able to quickly finish up the reports, locking them safely away in the bottom drawer where they came from and she stood up. Laura was sitting in the chair looking at her and Carmilla was not sure how long her eyes had been trained in her direction. “What?”

        The girl shook her head as if coming out of a reverie, “Nothing.”

        “Well, I’m done. I don’t know why you stayed.”

        “Do you really think I ‘d rather be out there with Kirsch and your brother as they discuss Zeta tradition and beer?”

        “My brother is a lot more sophisticated than that, I can assure you. Don’t be fooled by his unfathomable attraction to those neanderthals.”

        “Excuse me, that is my best friend you are talking about and Kirsch is one of the nicest, sweetest guys I’ve ever met.”

        “Probably just wants to get with you,” a comment Carmilla threw over her shoulder as she held the door open for Laura who almost stumbled through it, tripping on the carpet. She was coughing and spluttering, “Ew. Kirsch is basically my brother.”

        Carmilla led them down the hallway towards the entrance where Will and Kirsch were sitting on a bench, doubled over with laughter. Will looked up when he heard the footsteps and smiled, “Well, have you two made up yet?”

        Laura caught Carmilla off-guard with her quick response, “For now.”

        Will’s eyebrows curved in when he looking at Carmilla who just shrugged which seemed to satisfy his unspoken question. “Je veux y aller.”

        “Il n’est pas nécessarie d’être impoli.” Carmilla was very surprised that Will had answered her back in French because when they were around other people, he usually responded in English. But, she was proud of him too soon because then he turned to Laura and Kirsch who were standing there, taken off guard by the foreign tongue, “My sister is informing me of her desire to leave. Apparently saying it in French sounded less rude than just saying it so you would understand.”

        Outside they parted ways, Kirsch explaining that he did not really want to keep SJ waiting any longer than he already had anyways and Laura was practically bouncing with excitement to talk to this mystery girl that Carmilla knew nothing about. Will hugged them both and Carmilla half-heartedly lifted her hand for a wave goodbye before they split off into different directions. “Soooo, how’s Laura?”

        “I don’t know.”

        “You guys were in there for half an hour, what could you have poss…,” his eyes widened and his mouth fell open. She had to hold back from smacking him again, “Oh, don’t be crude. Most of it was spent in silence. They rest of it was arguing.”

        “Arguing about what?”

        “Nothing.”

        “You are both weird.”

        “I don’t know about me but she is a strange one all right,” Carmilla replied, linking her arm with his again as they made their way home. “Happy Thanksgiving, Will.”

        “Happy Thanksgiving, Millie,” he squeezed her arm with affection and she laid her head against his shoulder, the jacket providing a nice cushion for her head.

        “So much for spending the day just the two of us though.”

        “Hey, we’ve still got time. There are hundreds of cheesy Christmas movies that we need to start watching.”

        “No, Will. No, I am not doing that. Anything else but that.”

        “Go tell Laura you like her.”

        “I don’t like her. I don’t even know her. She is actually quite annoying and makes me mad every time we come into contact with each other. But, please. Anything but stupid Christmas movies.”

        “Hmm, I’ll have to think about that.”

        “Can’t we just light a fire and drink rum filled eggnog?”

        “Getting all sentimental on me here?”

        “No, I’m trying to save myself from the horrors such as _Santa Clause 2_.” Will let out a bellowing laugh, “You know that every week leading up to Christmas you end up falling more and more in love with all of it.”

        She scowled at him. There was no way she was going to spend her time watching terrible movies that all ended the same exact way with the same stupid message about love. Maybe she did come to like listening to the holiday music as long as it wasn’t the overplayed versions on the radio. Or maybe cookie baking with Will was not entirely bad the years they made time for it. But she would never enjoy the movies. He smiled at her, despite her sneer, “But yes, Millie. We can go home and just sit and talk. That would be just fine.”

        “Actually,” she said, huddling closer to her brother, “that is exactly what I need right now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you liked it!
> 
> Honestly, this time around, because I was writing random pieces here and there between work and everything else that has been going, I never took notice of the songs I was listening to so I apologize for that. 
> 
> My fan tumblr is: uselessgayshit  
> Any questions you have about the fic, direct them to this as it will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries besides of course, the comments here. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS for updates.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possbile Trigger Warning: Mentions of physical abuse. Mentions of anxiety attacks.
> 
> Any trigger warnings if they arise will be listed at the beginning of each chapter. 
> 
> I am aware that my writing style may be different from many fics because I tend to be exceedingly descriptive but writing is what I love so I do it the way that feels right to me.
> 
> I apparently lost a week of my life because I could have sworn it has only been two weeks but alas, it has been three so I apologize for that. 
> 
> Heads up, the chapter is all one POV this week.

        A loud sigh resounded in the room as she threw herself against the back of the couch, her laptop sliding slowly off her legs until it was at a diagonal, resting against the cushions. Her hands covered her face, rubbing the tension from her skin, trying to alleviate the headache that was coming on from the constant light of the screen that had been her only view for the past week. This was it. This was her last paper of the semester; a paper in lieu of the final and nothing. She was drawing a complete blank on the third page out of the supposedly twenty and it was if her mind had shut itself down from overuse. She had been sitting in that spot for the last hour and a half, staring at the words she had written previously but not being any more productive.

        Betty had already finished with her exams and had headed home for winter vacation to be with her family but honestly, Laura was not too keen to go home. Her dad was all she would go back to and though he had always been there for her, seeing him was a stressful time. She would rather just stay in her apartment alone for the entirety of the time off she was granted by Silas, but she knew the right thing would be to go and see him. “Ugh!”

        She was not going to think about that right now; there were more important things to deal with like this paper for instance. But she had no ideas and sitting there was helping nothing so she slammed her laptop closed, wincing at the sound and realizing as an afterthought that she needed to be more careful not to damage her lifeline.

        She shoved it into her bag and pulled on her larger than necessary winter jacket and wrapped a scarf around her neck before shoving a hat onto her head. The winter in Silas was not a nice one; it was a blistering cold that attacked every inch of skin it could find and nipped at it until it was red and raw. The wind that blew constantly did not help and also aided in blowing the resting snow into the faces of anyone brave enough to venture out into the cruel weather. For most of the students of Silas, it was something that could not be avoided as they were forced to walk to class and exams. The school rarely closed down because of bad weather since they were constantly assaulted with storms and most people who lived there had gotten used to living in the terrible conditions that came with the surroundings. Laura remembered her first winter at Silas during her freshman year where she had no idea what to expect and it was a rude awakening from the light sprinkling of snow she was used to at home.

 

        Trudging through the snow that had piled up on the sidewalks was impeding Laura’s pace to The Lustig. _Someone really needs to get out here and plow._ But she figured that she would not want that job either and the person was probably dreading the moment they were forced to clear the paths. The warmth and the smell of coffee enwrapped her senses as soon as the door shut behind her and she smiled into the scarf, which she had pulled up over her face to hide it from the biting wind. Taking a deep breath in through her nose, the aroma filled her entire body with the feeling of home; a warm and comforting sentiment that she tended to find in such places.

        If Lafontaine and Perry had been home, she would have invited them; it was nice to have company and more importantly someone to keep her on track so that her paper would not be too late to be accepted. Perry had a motherly aura that seemed to keep most people in their place. She had a caring nature that appeared to extend to everyone and it was clear that she was the most clear-headed between Laura, herself and Lafontaine. Sometimes Laura felt bad for Perry who seemed to always be taking care of someone else and forgetting about herself, but Perry seemed to flourish in that type of environment and though Laura never used and abused their friendship, she did have to admit that having someone like Perry to keep her on the right track was a blessing. Perry had been there for her since she was her RA freshman year and made sure Laura moved in and adjusted well to Silas, which was more than a new environment for Laura who had grown up under the constant watchful eye of her father.

        Again with the thoughts of her dad; she did not have time to deal with that right now and shook her head, physically trying to flee from those thoughts,   and made her way up to the counter where a young barista stood, forcing a smile. Laura could not blame him; no one would choose to venture out to work this close to the holidays or even in this weather, yet here he was, responsibility before pleasure. “One hot cocoa, please. Extra whip cream.”

        “Three seventy five.”

        Laura handed over the money and smiled hoping that maybe he would understand that she empathized, “Thanks.”

        “Yep, we’ll bring it to your table.”

        Usually the customers had to wait at the end of the counter but she figured since there were only two other people in the shop they changed their process slightly; it was more convenient for her. She sat down in a booth, discarding her hat, scarf, and jacket onto the seat beside and her and she swung her bag onto the table. Looking around, the light in the shop was different than usual. Maybe it was the light outside affecting it but it was darker than usual, a yellow haze taking over the usually fluorescent atmosphere. A girl was sitting by the window, a phone up to her ear and she was talking quietly, gesturing with her hands at no one in particular. A half eaten scone sat forgotten on the table in front of her and there was a book hanging over the edge of the wooden tabletop to keep the girl’s place in her reading.

        A few tables over from Laura sat an older gentleman, looking very sternly over the top of his glasses at the screen in front of him but not moving. It looked as if he was reading something but every now and again he would punch a button on his computer and then go back to being almost completely still. A cup of coffee was steaming next to his hand, which was hesitating as if he had only set the drink down. He was dressed in a pristine gray pinstripe suit, a briefcase sagging against the table leg. His hair had turned gray but had yet to start to recede and he looked like an older male model that would be seen in the men’s dress wear section of department stores.

        Laura giggled to herself at the thought of that man posing and then for the next five minutes until her hot chocolate was delivered by another employee, it was the only image in her head and she had to keep herself from glancing at him every few seconds and control her laughter so that he did not notice. She eventually overcame her childish exhibition of the last several minutes and opened her laptop to the paper, which she still had no will to complete.

        The hot cocoa was scalding when she took a sip, which after years and years of taking drinks before allowing it to cool she should have learned better, but here she was at twenty and unable to be patient enough. She licked the whip cream from her upper lip where it had settled as a moustache. The middle finger of her right hand tapped out a hollow rhythm on the table, the sound only audible to her over the instrumental tracks the café had playing through the speakers that were well hidden in the wooden boards on the ceiling. Frustrated, her head collided with her hands that were stabilized on the table by her elbows, _This shouldn’t be this hard!_

        As if in answer to a prayer, her phone beeped three times, one after another, distracting her yet again from her work. She pulled her phone out of the side pocket in her bag and upon seeing the screen smiled and rolled her eyes.

 

 **Kirsch (6:07pm):** _You busy?_

 **Kirsch (6:07pm):** _Are you home?_

**Kirsch (6:08pm):** _Are you gonna answer?_

**Kirsch (6:08pm):** _Ur at the lustig aren’t you?_

**Kirsch (6:09pm):** _I’m coming_

 

        Quickly she typed back a response, worried about Kirsch’s sanity if he didn’t hear back from her.

 

 **Laura (6:10pm):** _How did you expect me to respond so quickly? And yes I’m at the lustig_

 

        Not ten minutes later, the door to the shop opened, sending a gust of cold air right in Laura’s direction, causing her to shudder and look up, only to find the smiling face of her best friend as he made his way toward her. “Hey, little nerd! Whatcha up to?”

        She sighed, slumping back against the booth, “I have this paper due in two days as my final and I’m getting nowhere. I’ve been at it for the last week and I have been working at it all day. Nothing. I have nothing to contribute to create twenty pages of halfway intelligent information.”

        “Sounds like you need a break.”

        “No, Kirsch, what I need…”

        “Looks like I’m just in time. Let’s go.”

        She watched as he stood up from the chair, “Kirsch, I really need to finish this.”

        “I know but you aren’t getting anything done right now, so take a break, do it later. Let’s go.”

        Laura huffed out a response and tried to ignore him but the glaring light of the screen reminded her of the amount of work that she was not getting done and so she gave in, shutting her laptop and packing her bag, “Fine, but what are we doing?”

        “I’ve got to drop something off at Will’s and then I don’t know. It’s almost Christmas! We’ll find something,” he slung he arm around her shoulder, the weight causing her knees to bend and then her pulled her to his side, her face scrunched up against his chest, her hair ruffled by large, gentle hands.

        “Please tell me we aren’t walking there,” Laura commented, horrified when they exited the warm shop and she saw no sign of Kirsch’s truck. “Yup! It’s not too far. Just down the street really.”

        “But it’s freezing and then we have to walk back.” His grip loosened on her, “I didn’t think about that,” but then he shrugged, “Maybe Will could give us a ride.”

         Halfway down the street, Laura finally wiggled out of his arm, making walking a lot easier even though it made her colder. There was no one out, the streets were deserted and she had just followed Kirsch when he turned right at the second corner to take them down a more residential street. The snow had piled up in drifts and banks against the front yards, a narrow path trampled through the snow, packed down again and again by boots that furiously traveled to get to their destination as quickly as possible. Kirsch had spent most of the walk in silence, a air of suppressed sadness emanating from his form. Laura was not sure why; she actually could not even guess. Instead, she looked around her and an idea sprung up in her mind, causing her lips to grow into a large smile while she tried to hide her sudden slower walking from Kirsch who was lost in thought. She bent at the knees to lower herself to the ground, reaching her gloved hands in the snow that sent chills through her body. As she packed it between her hands, it quietly crunched and fell away, turning the clump into an imperfect ball of cold, yet fluffy snow.

         Standing up, it was all Laura could do to not start laughing and ruin the surprise attack. She tiptoed closer to Kirsch who had managed to get farther away than she had expected. When she supposed herself close enough, she brought her arm back and through the compacted snow at Kirsch’s back. It hit him, exploding in a poof of snow that showered down around him and left a spray of white sticking to the back of his jacket. She saw his body quickly tense but then his torso slowly turned so that he was facing her, a look of excited incredulity fixed on his face. He seemed to be at a loss of words as laughter exploded out of Laura, caused more by his reaction than by her action. “You don’t know what you’ve just started, little nerd.”

         In one swift movement, Kirsch bent down, made a ball of snow in his fist and launched it at her. Laura ducked and scampered forward just in time for the snowball to go flying over her head, landing in the middle of the street. Dashing to her right, Laura grabbed a bunch of snow and instantly threw it at Kirsch but instead of reaching him, it sprayed everywhere, mostly blowing back into her own face causing her to splutter and Kirsch to laugh.

        Kirsch ran at her and she found herself scooped over his shoulder and she giggled though her scarf had fallen down and the wind was nipping at her nose. He flopped her down in one of the snow banks and she shrieked as snow fell down the back of her jacket and got up the bottom of her pants, “Kirsch!”

        “Sorry, L,” he replied, lifting her out of the bank, but she had not finished her attack and surprised him with a snowy glove to the face. Though he had apologized, he was nowhere near apologetic and so before he could wipe his eyes from the snow she had formed another snowball and thrown it at his chest this time. “Oof!”

        Before he could steady himself, Laura dashed down the sidewalk, laughing freely, and jumping in glee but when she came back down to the ground, her boot caught on ice, slipping out from underneath her and causing her to plummet to the ground. She fell on her butt, slightly dazed by the impact, a dull throb in her head and she heard Kirsch yell something from down the sidewalk. She heard footsteps running before she even realized what had happened and when Kirsch got there, his eyes worried and his mouth spouting a stream of “Are you okays?” and “Are you hurts?” she burst out laughing again, at first alarming Kirsch and then making him laugh along with her. “You are a walking accident, L.”

        “Hey, now,” she reprimanded, brushing herself off as she regained her balance, “Just because I laugh at myself, doesn’t mean you can too.”

        “Whatever you say, L. We’re almost there by the way. Take a right at the next corner and it’s the second house in.”

        Laura rubbed her hands up and down her arms, shivering, teeth chattering, “Good, because I’m now entirely frozen.”

        “You started it.”

        She let out a sharp breath, “Hmph. I know.”

_Ding!_

        Kirsch’s hand slipped into his pocket, ruffling around to find his phone amidst the fabric and spoke when he pulled it out, “Will said to just come in when we get there. The door will be unlocked.”

       “Why are we going there again?”

       “Actually,” Kirsch said, stepping away from Laura and into a driveway, “we are here because I’m dropping off paperwork that the Zeta’s need.”

        The house that Laura saw when she looked up, made her smile with contentedness. It was a rustic, cottage-like building mixed with an old Victorian era style home and the contradicting styles created a image that was surprisingly easy on the eyes. The outside of the house was white but had pillars of dark wood running up the sides at structured intervals. The driveway led up to a closed three car garage and the porch was to it’s left, the wood peeking through white paint, the railing weighed down by snow. Through the windows in the first floor, Laura thought she could see a faint yellow glow and there seemed to be voices drifting through the walls.

        The part of the house that drew Laura’s eye though, was the turret that rose out from partially above the garage. It was more towards the back of the house but had a very commanding presence and loomed over the rest of the house, sending shadows here and there. It was an edifice of authority though it blended in well with the rest of the design. There was one window overlooking the front yard but it was completely dark inside.

        Kirsch’s shout from the front porch drew her eyes from where they had been rooted and he was waving for her to join him. As she climbed the steps, the noise inside grew louder. There were indeed voices and what also seemed to be music playing very loudly. Laura hesitated, nervous in front of the closed door, “I feel weird just waltzing into someone’s house unannounced.”

        “I don’t!” Kirsch exclaimed as he flung the front door open. He jumped through the door like a little kid, holding it open for her to follow him. Laura had been right, there was music blasting from further into the house, what she believed to be “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree.” Laura’s knowledge of holiday music was impeccable and she knew the words to pretty much every single popular Christmas song though her skills were lacking on the not so well known tracks. In her humble opinion, Christmas was the best holiday and not one of her friends ever chose to disagree with her because the one time that it was mentioned that maybe there were other holidays, Christmas exploded in Laura’s dorm room. She had brought in a small but live tree that she had decked out with lights and ornaments. Arts and crafts created snowflakes, which hung from the ceiling at an alarming rate while she even managed to bring in faux snow which most of the time, found its way into the hallway outside her room. The intense decoration caused her roommate to move in with a friend the week before term ended and Perry received so many complaints that she ended up in Laura’s room, hair flying every which way, shaking with anger and frustration. Nothing Laura said would calm her down until she called Lafontaine to come and they removed her from the situation. In hindsight, Laura felt very bad for being the cause of Perry’s anxiety attack but no one had since been brave enough argue anything against Christmas trumping every day out of the year.

        The holiday music seemed out of place against the immaculate interior of the foyer. The wood floor spread as far as Laura could see, through the attached rooms. The dining room to her left was mostly dark, except for a small amount that was lit from a light coming from a different room. The outline of the chairs were beautiful and the chandelier was still but shining. To her right was the sitting room, completely dark and so she could not make out anything about that particular room. Straight ahead was a staircase that led up to a upper floor and to its right was a hallway that led to where the commotion was happening.

        In the time it had taken for Laura to observe her surroundings, there had been loud clanging and yells of laughter from a distant room. Kirsch had already disappeared down the hallway so Laura quickly skipped after his fading shadow. The scene she came upon at the end of the hallway was nothing she had been expecting in the slightest. Her eyes grew wide and her mouth dropped in utter shock. She had entered a kitchen that normally, she could tell would be magnificent with the dark wooden floors, marble countertops, warm yellow light, and an array of mint condition, outwardly brand new appliances. Of course, those were the things that were meant to draw her eyes, but instead, she found herself staring at the cartoonishly funny scene before her.

        If there was such a thing as a powder bomb, one had just exploded in this room. Flour was everywhere, layering the countertops and the floor, the dust hanging in the air, creating a strange mist that traveled at a dreamlike pace through the light. There were remnants of eggshells littered between discarded bowls and empty containers of baking supplies. The music was blasting from a stereo set into the wall behind the island. The part of the scene that immobilized Laura were the two people frozen behind the counter, one of which looked amused, the other horrified, who were stuck in whatever action they had been in the midst of when Kirsch and Laura had charged in. Will was ducking low, his hands above his head to defend against the onslaught from Carmilla who was threatening a blow from a flour bag from which flour was lowly streaming out of and on to the floor; it was the only movement in the room. Will’s foot was up in defense throwing him off balance and so he was holding himself up with one hand on the countertop while Carmilla was arched forward in attack mode. Both of them were covered from head to foot with flour, a thin dust coating their usual choice of black clothes.

        In a flash, Carmilla had dropped the bag to the floor, a smile that Laura had never before seen on her face, disappeared to a terrifying grimace and her body tensed, leaving whatever fun she may have been having entirely in the past. When she spoke it came out as a snarl and her eyes narrowed as she stared them down, “What the hell?”

        “Kirsch!” Will shouted over the music, bounding around the counter and slapping Kirsch on the back. Laura’s eyes were locked with Carmilla’s, the tension mounting, making her squirm on the spot.

        “You can’t just walk into someone’s house, unannounced.” There was no cheer in the voice, no remnants of mirth; it was growled and spat like something untasteful. There was no sparkle in her eyes, no curve of her lips; Laura was staring down the face of a truly murderous individual. She side-eyed Kirsch who was looking conflicted at Will who seemed to be ashamed at his sister’s behavior. “Carmilla, there is no need.”

        His tone was a match for hers and her eyes flicked to the side, glaring at him. Out of the three, he was the only one who did not cower under her glare and instead seemed to straighten up and counter it. “I don’t appreciate being barged in on.”

        He set his hand on his hips, leveling his shoulders. His jaw was set so tight that Laura feared his teeth would crush each other. “I knew Kirsch was coming over because he needed to give me something. I told him to just come in.”

        “That’s great, Will. Some warning next time. That doesn’t explain why the spaz is here.”

        “Excuse me?” Laura challenged, offended by the offhand way in which Carmilla succeeded in insulting her. Carmilla seemed to ignore her except for a hand gesture and a solid look at Will, “See?”

        “If this is about your need to keep your overwhelming love for Christmas a secret, that’s stupid but alright. If this is about you being a jerk, then I’m not sorry.”

        “Laura loves Christmas.” Laura shot a “what the hell?” look at Kirsch who just shrugged nervously. The snarky reply was short, “That’s not too hard to guess.”

        Kirsch was quickly fumbling around in his jacket, looking for whatever he needed to give to Will. She knew they were on the same page and that all he wanted was to remove themselves from the awkward situation and leave the two siblings to fight alone. He eventually pulled out a crumbled, rolled up tube of papers and handed them to Will, “Here you go. We should probably get going.”

        “No, no, no. Stay! Join us in the festivities!”

        “Will!”

        “No really we can go,” Kirsch tried to hint that it might be best but Will just shook his head, refusing to allow them to part ways.

        “Will, you can’t just…”

        Will marched over to his sister and in whispered voices that Laura was almost positive was not English, they started to argue. There was a lot of hand gesturing, narrowed eyes, and tense jaws. Laura had the overwhelming urge to quietly back up down the hallway and run home but when Kirsch showed no signs of leaving until Will gave him word, she overcame that instinct. To Laura and Kirsch, the two were miming to “Jingle Bell Rock” and Laura could feel Kirsch trying to not laugh. She kept her eyes forward, looking at anything but her best friend but eventually she shot a quick glance his way, only to be unfortunate enough that he had been doing exactly the same thing. When their eyes met, they both lost control of themselves. Kirsch was doubled over and Laura was holding her stomach. Maybe the strain of the situation made it funnier than it was but when they got a hold of themselves they found that Will and Carmilla had stopped arguing and were now looking at them with confused and worried glances. Well, Will was. Carmilla on the other hand looked rather bored.

        Kirsch composed himself, “Sorry, bro.”

        “Take off your jackets a stay awhile,” Will announced, seeming rather happy with himself.

        “Are…are you sure?” Laura did not want to overstep any boundaries when not so long ago, her and Carmilla had just gotten over the first incident.

        “Yeah, it’ll be great! We’re just going to finish up this and then we’ll find something else to do. You guys should help.”

        Laura looked to Kirsch, suddenly realizing what day it was, “Hey, Kirsch, are you sure you want to stay? Aren’t you video chatting with SJ today?”

        “Oh, man. I don’t mean to keep you from anything…”Will trailed off, sounding anxious for Kirsch to understand he did not mean to usurp other plans but also a little let down that Kirsch would not stay. Kirsch waved off Laura’s comment a little too lightly for her liking, “No, man. It’s cool. I can stay.”

        Kirsch joined Will on the opposite side of the counter, leaving Laura stranded in the doorway, looking at him questioningly. He never missed a date with SJ no matter what was going on and if something happened they always rescheduled. He also never disregarded Laura’s questioning about her. Laura knew she should keep in touch with SJ a lot more than she did, but Kirsch had always been their phone. He told her everything so she did not feel obligated to always call SJ to talk. SJ must have felt the same way because she never brought it up or called Laura. But this, this was different. It felt different. Laura did not know what, but Kirsch was consciously avoiding discussing it with her. If she had known there would be something to discuss, she would not have brought it up in front of other people but now that it was out there and Kirsch did not answer a simple, harmless question, she was overcome with unease. Had something happened to SJ? Had something happened between the two of them? Kirsch had never said anything was going on and back in October, they had both seemed still totally enthralled with each other. Laura refused to believe that was it because the day her two best friends broke up, would be the day Laura would have to choose between two people that meant the world to her.

        She shook her head of the thoughts just in time to see Will egg Kirsch into throwing batter at Carmilla. Laura was about to shout and stop him but it was too late, the batter had left the spoon and was perfectly align to hit its mark which was the back of Carmilla’s head. There was shift of motion, Carmilla slid about two inches to her right and the batter hit the wall with a splat, dripping down onto the counter. She turned around, her lips pursed so that her jaw was taut, one eyebrow raised, scoffing with the immaturity, “Really?”

        Kirsch looked horrified, Will looked amused, Carmilla looked about one hundred percent done with the entire situation, and Laura felt distant. She felt as if there was an invisible force field between her and them and something kept her out. There was something hindering her from joining them or feeling like maybe it was okay to be here. She felt unwelcome, not simply because of Carmilla’s lack of want, but she felt unwelcome in the general atmosphere of the house. She shook off the feeling, rendering it to the contrast between the baking and lack of actual decoration and freed herself of her large jacket, scarf, and hat. They had left their boots at the door, too polite to track dirty slush through a friend’s house, let alone a stranger’s. Laura was speaking for herself more than anything. Kirsch and Will actually seemed to be pretty good friends even if it was only the Zetas that brought them together. But Laura, she did not know either Will or Carmilla and most of their encounters had been more towards the negative side of things.

        “Laura? Are you just going to stand there all day?”

        “Uh…what? Oh, yeah, sorry.” The trance she had been in lifted and she moved over by Kirsch, “What do you need us to do?”

        “Actually we just put the last batch in so we have to wait for those to come out and so we could just start cleaning up a bit?”

        Laura stuck her face up close to the oven door to peek in at the cookies that were being freshly baked. The warm smell of sugar engulfed her senses and she sighed, “What kind of cookies are they?”

        All she could see were cream-colored balls, neatly set in rows. “These ones are sugar cookies, we made cut outs and chocolate kiss ones earlier.”

        “Didn’t know you were such a baker,” Kirsch playfully punched Will. Will cocked his head and smirked, “When it comes to Christmas cookies I’m pretty much a champion.”

        Carmilla stuck her finger in her mouth and made gagging noises before leaning against the counter and taking out her phone, flicking through screens so fast Laura thought that she was only doing it to avoid conversation. Will and Kirsch did not intentionally leave Laura out of anything, but they had a bond through the Zetas and Laura was not very familiar with Will except for his flirtation and apologizing that had been the majority of their encounters. She was left on her own and wished Carmilla would maybe take pity on her and speak but that was apparently going to be a wish that was never fulfilled. Either it did not bother Carmilla or she was unobservant to Laura’s awkward shuffling near her. Laura soon found out that it was neither when Carmilla snapped at her, not looking up from her phone, “Could you stop for like three seconds?”

        “Sorry,” Laura responded, sheepishly, holding her hands still in front of her. The buzzer on the oven was her savior and she rushed over to Kirsch and Will, who was sticking his hands into dark red oven mitts.

        “Well, this is the last of them,” he said triumphantly, pulling out the steaming cookies and placing them on the stovetop to cool. The sugary smell pricked Laura’s interest more than anything else but when she went to reach out to grab one, a nudge to her side from Kirsch caused her to back off. She glared at him but knew he was only being polite, as Will had not offered them any. The sound of running water competed with the music for control over the kitchen as Will began to fill the sink. When she turned around, Carmilla was gone; she had vanished without a sound. “Where’d Carmilla go?”

        “She dematerializes within three feet of unwashed dishes,” Will shrugged, “If you guys could help me out, that’d be great.”

        “Sure,” Kirsch immediately offered.

        “You guys definitely made a mess,” Laura pointed out. Will smirked at her over his shoulder, “Where’s the fun without a bit of collateral?”

        “If you say so,” Laura said, unsure if she agreed with his philosophy. “What time is it?”

        Kirsch glanced at the clock above the stove, “Seven forty.”

        Will let out a huff, “I don’t really want to do these right now. Just fill up the sink with the bowls so they can soak for a bit. I’ll clean them later.”

        “Are you sure?”

        “Yeah, it’s no problem really,” he turned the knob, cutting off the stream of water. “What about the floor?”

        “Leave that too.”

        “If you say so…” Laura looked to the floor that was covered in flour and batter. It was sticky and she could just imagine the mania if Perry was there.

        “I don’t know if you guys have plans for the rest of the night,” Will looked to Kirsch expectantly but his face was void of emotion besides, “but Carmilla and I were going to marathon Christmas movies.”

        “Kirsch are you sure…?” He cut her question off before she could even finish, “Yeah, I’m up for that!”

        There was too much pep in his voice and her and Will exchanged an anxious look before deciding not to comment. “All right, you guys can have a seat in the living room right there. I’ll be right back.”

        With that, he glided down the hallway and out of sight, causing Laura to recognize the very unique characteristics that the Karnstein siblings seemed to share. Their movements were both very graceful, posture was perfect, and most of the time when they spoke, it was with very clear and thought out sentences, no stumbling over words or thoughts could be detected. Then there were the times where Carmilla did not speak and Will seemed to turn on bro-mode and talk in the same way as Kirsch spoke. She wondered if it was a conscious adaption to fit in or if it was caused by the environment he was surrounded by, but it was interesting nonetheless. They held a presence of importance about them all of the time and demanded attention wherever they were. At the gallery, Laura supposed the same aura from their mother and figured that that was where they had learned the etiquette.

        There was a squeak as Kirsch plopped himself down lazily on the brown leather couch, sprawling out as if this was his own home. Laura pushed his legs to the floor and sat down next to him, earning the dopey grin that he was famous for. “So, about SJ…”

        “Laura, I don’t really want to talk about it.”

        “You’re going to have to talk about it sometime, Kirsch.”

        “Okay, well now is not that time.”

        “Fine.”

        “Fine,” he crossed his arms over his chest, physically closing himself off. Fortunately, Will reentered the room. The one thing Laura did notice was that he was not as silent as his sister who seemed to appear in a puff of smoke sometimes, with no warning. He set a rather ominous stack of movies on the glass top of the coffee table before grabbing one off the top and plopping it into the disc drive. Will laid himself down on the other couch that was pushed up against the wall adjacent to the television. He had not mentioned the movie but when the title scene came on and _Elf_ appeared on the screen, Kirsch whooped, “Yes, man! I love this movie.”

        “Same, bro! I figured we’d start out with a good one.” Laura was not sure that _Elf_ was her definition of a good Christmas movie but it was not her house and so she kept quiet, settling herself in for two hours of mediocrity.

        About a half hour in, she felt Kirsch sink lower into the couch and he draped his arm around her shoulder, welcoming her to cuddle into his side. She nestled her head in the crook of his arm and lifted her feet to join his on the table. “Will, is it okay if I put my feet up?”

        It took Will a moment to respond and his voice lost any dregs of friendliness it previously contained, coming out very robotic, “Yes. That’s fine.”

        “Okay, cool.” If Kirsch had noticed the change that Laura had, he did not react to it. His chest was warm and though muscular, was more pillow-like than people would think. It reminded her of when they were younger and had their own movie marathons in the basement of his house except that those were complete with blanket forts and popcorn.

 

        Two hours later, when _Elf_ had run its course, Kirsch had run to the bathroom, and Will had brought over an a plate of assorted cookies which Laura did not hesitate for start in on, he offered drinks, “Does anyone want coffee? Tea? Maybe hot chocolate?”

        “Yes to the last one!”

        “Laura, how many cups of hot chocolate did you drink today?” Kirsch questioned as he returned. She turned her head from him, “I don’t think that is really any of your business.”

        “Your sugar intake….I don’t understand how you’re still alive.”

        “Well, I am. And as long as I am, cookies and hot chocolate are always on my menu.” Kirsch chuckled and Will’s eyes crinkled with a smile. “I’ll have one too, Will.”

        “Alright, four hot chocolates it is.”

        “Um,” Laura looked around, “you only need three.”

        Will just shook his head and walked away from them into the kitchen. The aroma of hot milk and chocolate filled the room and Laura was bubbling with excitement. “You’re like a little kid.”

        “Is that a bad thing?” She asked indignantly.

        Kirsch ruffled her hair, “No, I guess not. You make it cute.”

        She bumped their shoulders together and he wrapped an arm around her. The clinking of mugs could be heard as liquid was being poured and then Will was back in the living room, setting one mug down on the end table opposite him, handing one each to Kirsch and Laura and cradling his own while he put on the next movie. Laura stared at the abandoned cup across from her as she sipped her own, wincing at the scalding hot liquid. The cup was steaming and she knew that every second it would grow colder, making it a waste of an entire cup. She did not know what Will’s idea was just ruining perfectly good hot chocolate, but she had to fight the urge to grab it for herself. Her eyes continued to dart back and forth between the television and mug enough for Will to notice because he snorted in amusement. “Next up, _It’s A Wonderful Life_! Just wait and watch, Laura. You’ll see. Trust me.”

        Laura was confused by his words but this movie was definitely better than _Elf_ ; it was her dad’s favorite Christmas movie and was definitely in her top five. They had watched it every Christmas since she could remember except of course, for one year, but that was not really the point. Every time she was happy and thinking of something nice, those stupid thoughts always seemed to weave their way in. _Nope. Not today._

        The music and the opening credits rolled, as in most old movies, everything was listed at the beginning, starting the movie off with a screen after screen of acknowledgments. As the title screen appeared, Laura saw a flash of movement near the empty chair by the ownerless hot chocolate. Carmilla was sitting cross-legged in the chair, the hot chocolate in hand, steam still rising up. Her eyes were glued to the screen though there was no expression of interest on her face. An almost inaudible ding caused Kirsch to reach his hand into his pocket. He nudged her and showed her the screen which read:

 

 **Will (10:36pm):** _Show this to Laura_

 **Will (10:36pm):** _Now you see_

 

        Laura looked over at Will whose head was practically hanging off of the couch as he smirked and raised an eyebrow at her before returning his attention to the television. So inadvertently, Laura had learned another couple facts about Carmilla. Number one, _It’s A Wonderful Life_ was one of her favorite movies if it brought her back into contact with people she had never wanted over in the first place. Number two, she liked hot chocolate which was very important. Number three, well there was not a number three. Yet, at least. Laura was determined that Carmilla would eventually become friendly with her or at least civil enough to hold a mature conversation. Anything would be better than the standoffish attitude that turned to flirtation and back within seconds.

 

        Laura watched Carmilla’s body language throughout the movie, more interested in the girl than the film. As time went on, she seemed to relax into the chair more though she never unfurled from herself, staying closed in and pretzeled. At one point she got up from the chair and went to the kitchen, returning with two mugs of hot chocolate, a refill for herself as well as Laura, which she gently set on the table before leaning into the opposite end of the couch from where Kirsch and Laura were sitting together. Laura’s eyes widened at the girl who seemed to not take any notice in her surprise hospitality and whose eyes were again, focused intently on the television. There was a vibration from her own pocket this time.

 

 **Unknown (11:24pm):** _See?_

 

        The number was unknown but when she looked up, Will was smirking at her yet again, one side of his lip curled up showing off a few of his sparkling white teeth so she knew it was him. Kirsch must have given him her number and so she saved it in her phone before responding.

 

 **Laura (11:26pm):** _It’s kind of weird_

 

 **Will Karnstein (11:27pm):** _It’s just how she is_

 

        So Laura was apparently more worn out from her many attempts at finishing her final paper because the last thing she remembered was that Carmilla had spread out more on the couch, causing her to be closer to Laura than she originally had been and she had drained the last few sips of her hot chocolate that had began to grow cold. The movie was of little consequence to her at this point and so when she woke up, she was not really shocked to find that there was a new movie playing. What caused her to jump was the fact that the shoulder her head was currently laying on was not Kirsch’s as she had initially expected but Carmilla’s. She could feel her face grow hot as her head pulled back and Carmilla looked at her. At least she was not alone in embarrassment because Carmilla’s face scrunched up in an expression of discomfiture but quickly recovered and instead, she seemed to smirk with her eyes as she drew her bottom lip between her teeth, and drawled, “Bad dreams, cupcake?”

        Laura found out that Kirsch was still awake when a loud guffaw sounded from behind her, making her quite aware that her and Carmilla were not alone and that both Kirsch and Will had known she had fallen asleep on someone she could not even call an acquaintance. Laura on the other hand, thought that Carmilla allowing it was the more concerning factor in their little exchange but she was beginning to be annoyed with Carmilla’s conceitedness and instead of finding it alluring she found herself flustered into ranting mode, “You should’ve just woken me up. You didn’t have to let me drool all over your shoulder. Oh god! Did I actually drool on your shirt? No? Good. But seriously, it was probably uncomfortable you didn’t have to let that happen.”

        “My god, creampuff. Do you ever stop talking?”

        “Yeah but I just feel bad. Like I used you as a pillow for I don’t know how long,” Laura checked her phone to find that it was going on two in the morning. “For like over two hours! We have totally overstayed our welcome.”

        “If it makes you feel better, which I don’t really care if it does or not, you weren’t sleeping on me the entire time. It in no way inhibited me from continuing on with my life.”

        “That’s because your life consists of texting Emily whenever you’re bored.”

        Carmilla sprung off the ouch and was in defense mode in less than a second causing Laura to scoot back a few inches, “You know what Will? Maybe for once in your life you could keep your mouth shut. Or maybe you can’t because you’re just so jealous that your big sister gets laid more than you.”

        None of her words seemed to bother Will in the slightest, “I think that seeing you hook up with someone kind of ruins that whole thing for me. Where is Emily by the way? Didn’t want to invite her over tonight?”

        “She’s…,” Carmilla’s eyes flickered to Laura’s before she shrugged, “I don’t know. And I don’t really care. It would have been impolite in lieu of the fact that you seemed to take care of tonight’s activities. Though it might have been more stimulating for me if Emily…”

        Will grimaced and stuck his fingers in his ears, “La, la, la, la.”

        Carmilla just laughed but Kirsch looked equally as uncomfortable as Laura felt. She was not used to people being as open about their sex lives, especially in front of people they did not really know and so she squirmed where she sat, the movement not going unnoticed by Camrilla, “Looks like the creampuff doesn’t like sex talk.”

        Carmilla rolled her eyes and threw a pillow at Will which seemed to end their small fight, before she fell back down onto the couch, as far away from Laura as she could possibly get.

        It was hard to hear over the sound of the television, but there was a distant click as if a doorknob had been turned and both Carmilla and Will sat up, straight as arrows, their eyes wide and filled with nervous terror.

        “Shit,” Carmilla muttered under her breath.

        “What do we do?” Will whispered earnestly.

        Laura opened her mouth but Carmilla quickly shook her head.

        “Darlings!” A voice called from the foyer. Will and Carmilla were on their feet in an instant, leaving Kirsch and Laura confused, sitting on the couch. Will kicked Kirsch’s legs off the table. “Seriously, Carmilla. What are we going to do?”

        “Just be quiet. Don’t say anything. I’ll take care of it.”

        “You know what happened when you took care of it last time. I don’t want…” She shushed him and he instantly obeyed as heels clicked across the hardwood and down the hall. A very proper, stern woman paused at the end of the hallway; her eyes scanned the rooms, taking in the destroyed kitchen and then the four in the living room, two of which were standing at attention and two of which were peeking their heads over the couch. A very forced smile appeared on the woman’s face as if she was pretending not to smell something sour, “Well, what do we have here?”

        “We didn’t expect you home yet, maman.”

        “That did not answer my question, Carmilla.”

        “They were just leaving.”

        “Wait a moment. Why don’t you introduce us? Don’t be rude, Carmilla.”

        “Yes, mother,” she paused, her entire body tensed as she turned slowly and gestured at them with her hand. Laura was pulled up off the couch by Kirsch who had a tight grip on her arm. “Mother, this is Kirsch and this is Laura.”

        “New friends?” Carmilla winced, her eyes shutting tight as she turned back to face the woman that Laura now knew was her mother and also the art museum curator. Will was silent, staring at the floor, trying to be as small as possible which was hard for him with the same build as Kirsch. There was complete silence in the kitchen; their mother’s smile now clearly a façade. She turned her attention of Laura and Kirsch, “I apologize that you had to see the house in such disarray. Usually, we are more courteous but my children seem to have forgotten that today. It is getting late though and my trip was long so I would like to retire. It would be best if you two were to head home for the night.”

        It was phrased as a suggestion but the tone of order was perfectly clear to both Laura and Kirsch who quickly began to round up their things. Kirsch called out a quick, “See ya, bro,” before pulling Laura down the hall to the front door. She did not know what it was, but she was reluctant to leave. As she was pulled from the house, right before the front door closed all the way, she was certain she heard a _THWACK_ from the kitchen and a quick intake of breath. Of course, she could only assume what the noise was but none of her thoughts were good and the look on Kirsch’s face not only told her that she had not imagined the sound, but that her worried notions were well placed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have decided to list the songs I listened to while writing each chapter (a lot of them will be repeated many times): This chapter was: How many times can I listen to the acoustic version of Cough Syrup by Young the Giant before I go insane?
> 
> My fan tumblr is: uselessgayshit  
> Any questions you have about the fic, direct them to this as it will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS for updates.
> 
> Saying that, you are more than welcome to follow my personal tumblr as well: just-trying-togetby


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possbile Trigger Warning: Physical injuries; trauma; mention of physical abuse
> 
> Any trigger warnings if they arise will be listed at the beginning of each chapter.
> 
> I am aware that my writing style may be different from many fics because I tend to be exceedingly descriptive but writing is what I love so I do it the way that feels right to me.
> 
> Not only was I on time, but I was an entire week early! Let's see if I can keep it up...probably not.

        “Millie?” He pushed the door open slowly, a resounding creek louder in the silence than he had expected. His eyes narrowed on their own, trying to see through the darkness that enveloped the space ever since he entered the door at the bottom of the stairs. He waded through the discarded clothes and books that existed perpetually on the floor of his sister’s room. A trail of books was the easiest way to find his sister and he meant that beyond the physical existence of pages.

        The curtain that hung limply across the window facing the street was open; winter moonlight sending everything in the room into strange and frightening shadows; monsters that hid on the walls and under the furniture, waiting for a mistake. The light was just enough for a faint lump in the sheets to be outlined so that Will at least knew that she was present though he had not thought much differently. It had already been three days and she had not once left the confines of her room; he would have noticed as he had kept the door to his room open for the exact reason of making sure she did not fall off the wagon yet again. It was too soon; Will was not sure he was strong enough to deal with it after the extremes of the last time. He was already risking enough sneaking up to check on her but his mother had left a half hour before and after waiting to make sure she was indeed gone, his urge to know how Carmilla was coping overcame the pressure to listen to his mother’s command of leaving her alone. She had in her own way forbidden Will from caring for Carmilla and by doing so, cut off her lifeline and his. Their mother had held both of them at fault and though Will did not know the severity of Carmilla’s pain, his had moved into the aching stage. A terrible black and blue bruise stretched across his right side, red spots showing where the blood had moved close under the skin and it outlined his ribs making walking a painful process. Any movement caused a tugging that stretched the muscle taught and caused him to gasp but at least he was no longer feeling that constantly as he had in the beginning. A numbing ache flowed through his right ribs throughout the day, confining him to the couch, though he stayed in his bed, avoiding his mother at all costs. That did not stop her from finding him out and repeating her disappointment with words this time, ignoring the physical incident entirely as per usual.

        He gently lowered himself onto her bed, wincing at the soreness and gritting his teeth to hold any sound that wished to escape. He did not want to alarm Carmilla before finding out how she was. He could not tell if she was asleep; it was very plausible that she was pretending that he was not there. He laid a hand on the top of the covers where her body lifted them up, applying pressure on her shoulder, “Millie?”

        The lump shifted slightly, Carmilla’s head appearing out from underneath waves of hair that had been covering it. He could not make out where she was looking but she did not speak. “Millie? Are you…?”

        “I’m still here, Will.”

        “I just wanted to make sure you hadn’t…” he trailed off, knowing that she understood.

        A deprecating laugh struggled to escape her throat but when it cut off, he knew it was not just her better judgment as the cause, “I think that I look beaten up enough for the moment, don’t you?”

        “I can’t actually see anything in here.”

        A hand reached out from the covers and flipped the light on next to the bed, illuminating a shy smile that showed off a busted lip and an eye that was swollen shut. Will let out a breath he had not known he had been holding because relief flushed through him. He had been expecting much worse.“I showed you mine, you show me yours.”

        He stood from the bed and could see her sympathy with his wincing, and pulled up his shirt, exposing the mangled skin. “Oooh. That table did wonders.”

        “So did the purse. What was in it?”

        “Apparently, bricks.” For them, jokes were the way they dealt with the secret they had been hiding since their youth. The one who enforced the secret though, had brought it crashing down around them this time. Carmilla was on the same track of thought because she asked, “Is he still texting you?”

        “She is too.”

        “I didn’t ask,” Carmilla snapped at him.

        “You need to know. You need to know that there are people that care about you other than me.” Kirsch and Laura had been relentless in their texting, constantly asking if he was okay, what happened after they left and when he tried to lead them off the trail, they pushed back harder, not believing anything he told them. “I don’t need anyone.”

        “You need me,” Will stated confidently.

        She pursed her lips in response, “You know what I mean.”

        “I only see you making problems.”

        “You too now? You can just get out then.” He threw his head back in frustration, knowing he had used the wrong words to make her feel any better. The ground was always rocky when it came to Carmilla and it was so hard on him to care so much for someone who did not want to be cared about. “That’s not…You need to let people in.”

        Her nails seemed to become more interesting than him and the conversation he was trying to have with her and he just sighed, shaking his head at her complete and utter stubbornness. “Is this the first time the light has been on in days? Have you eaten anything?”

        “I haven’t really felt well enough to get up. You took away my stash so no pain pills for me,” she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. It was not a joking matter though and Will reprimanded as carefully as he could, “Yeah, because you were addicted.”

        “I was not.”

        “Carmilla.”

        “Fine.”

        There was silence between them again. “You need to eat.”

        “I don’t feel like it.”

        “Millie, you really need food. It’ll help you feel better,” he stressed, hoping to entice her.

        “I don’t feel like getting up.”

        “Seriously, three days and you’re not hungry?”

        “Nope,” she said quietly, “I just want to rest.”

        She turned over to face away from him. There was something off. Carmilla did not consume as much food as a normal person would need in the first place but even during her worst times, she never starved herself.

        “Hey, what’s wrong?”

        “Nothing, I’m just tired,” she mumbled.”

        “I don’t believe you. What aren’t you telling me?”

        “Will, just go away.” She was lying in the same exact position as when he had entered the room and noticing that is when he really thought something was not right. She retraced her steps, making sure to turn over again and to make her body just as small and curled up as it had been before he had caused her to move. She was hiding something and that fact was solidified when he tried to grab the sheets and her iron tight grip pulled back. “Millie, what is going one?”

        “Leave me alone, Will.”

        “No, give me the covers.” He pulled and she pulled and it turned into an all out fight for control before he ripped them back, horror shooting his eyes wide open as she turned her body even more, trying to hide from view what he had already seen. There was a large red stain on the bed and trails of blood streaked the skin across her stomach that was exposed except for the fabric of a black sports bra that she donned. The trails led his eyes to a gruesome gash, where the skin was flayed back and it was open to the air. It seemed to pulse of its own accord and there was a thing layer of yellow puss that had tried and failed to cover the wound which reopened with any movement. Even as he watched, her breathing was labored from the stinging and sharp pains that he could only imagine she was feeling and with each breath, a small bead of blood leaked out of the opening. “Carmilla, what the hell?”

        “I’m fine.”

        He struggled to keep his voice from raising, “The hell your fine! What is this? What happened?”

        She would not look at him and he realized that she was ashamed of something that was not her fault and she had no control over and that angered him even more. He sat back down on the bed, trying to lay a calming hand on her back but she shrugged it off, “Millie, this isn’t your fault. Please, don’t hide from me. You’ve done nothing to deserve this. You need to know that.”

        Only her head turned to look at him and he wiped away the drop of water that spilled over from her glistening eyes. She looked disgusted at herself; she was grimacing, her temples were pulled taught, and her nose was turned up in revulsion. His voice softened when he saw in that look how much she hated herself, “Please, what happened?”

        She sniffled, pulling herself together, putting on her front of strength that only he ever saw drop, “I came up here…well, the bathroom. I was trying to clean out my mouth from the blood,” she gestured at her lip, “and mother apparently wasn’t done yelling at me about being a disappointment and failure. You know, the usual. Well, she grabbed the mirror and threw it.”

        She quickly deterred his thoughts that their mother had thrown a full mirror at her with a wave of her hand, “No, she threw the mirror at the wall which of course caused it to shatter and the glass sprayed everywhere. A shard got lodged in there and she left me to deal with in on my own. I had to get it out but there were little pieces in there and it was more difficult than I thought. I think I got them all out. I don’t actually know. I dug around a lot and that really hurt but I cleaned it.”

        “We need to get that checked out.”

        “You know we can’t leave right now.”

        “This is serious,” he pressured, “Especially if there could still be glass in it.”

        “Will it’s fine.”

        “No. This is not when you get to decide what is best because this could be infected. There could be glass in there that is still cutting you and it could never heal and fester. You need to stop acting all tough all the time because this needs to be seen by a doctor.”

        She smiled at him, an endearing smile that he rarely saw, “Will. We aren’t getting to a doctor until she leaves. You know that as well as I do. So, just drop it for now.”

        He knew she was right but this could turn into something really bad if they did not have it looked at. Her amateur surgery in the bathroom was not enough to entirely disinfect and treat something as deep as the gash was and who knew what was still wedged in there. He returned to his original track, “You still need to eat.”

        “I can’t really move. I don’t think I can make it downstairs.”

        “I’ll help you. Or I’ll bring you something.”

        Her nose scrunched up and she rolled her eyes, “What a great time.”

        He scoffed, “Yeah, mother returning to her physical reactions like when we were little took me a bit off guard.”

        “Well, it is the holidays. We should’ve expected it.”

        “The fact that we have to expect our mother to revert to physical punishment any time of the year is preposterous.”

        “Maybe.”

        “There’s not really a maybe here.” Carmilla always talked about how he was more willing to forgive their mother than she was but in reality, her mind seemed to be more clouded than his was. She found excuses, blamed herself, and he just wished that there mother would change. “Okay, well it’s how our life has always been. Why should we expect different?”

         _Because we don’t deserve any of this._

            ******************************************************************************************************************************************

        He held his head in his hand, looking through his fingers at the furious tiny girl in front of him who was bouncing with rage and the expression on her face, the accusatory eyes, just made him angrier until his vocal chords decided to work before he could think of words, “Have you even listened to anything I’ve said, L!? You are not the most important person here! My girlfriend is moving to England for…for…I don’t even know how long and here you are, yelling at me for not telling you sooner! You ever think that maybe I didn’t because SJ asked me not to? She knew this is exactly how you would react.”

        Laura threw her arms out, “Then, maybe you should tell her to call me and inform me of life changes that take my best friend farther away from me than she already is!”

        “You ever think that you could pick up the phone and call her yourself. You call her your best friend but you make no effort!”

        They had squared off in the Zeta’s living room fifteen minutes before when Laura had stomped up to the front door, pounded on it until someone answered and had demanded to see Kirsch. Then of course, like always, she had manipulated it out of him. SJ had simply asked him not to tell her yet and he was respecting those wishes but like always, Laura jumped to the worst possible conclusions and ignored the fact that he was only doing what was thought best.

        Laura opened her mouth to shout more words that were not going to calm his storming heart when someone walked in from down the hallways, curious as to the noise.

        “Get out!”

        “Leave!”

        Laura and Kirsch’s voices meshed together and the guy threw up his arms in defense, backing down the hallway with a, “sorry, guys,” muttered as he went.

        The interruption worked to pull Kirsch out of the state of perpetual yelling that they had both gotten stuck in since she accused him of keeping secrets from her. It was more pressure on him than he needed; SJ did not want him to say anything, she needed to tell Laura about the move but she was not making any plans to do so and so Kirsch was forced to keep his mouth shut, something that he struggled with in his daily life. He took a deep breath, the anger still boiling but the fuel for the fire had gone out. “L, please. Do you have any idea how much I’m hurting right now? Do you understand everything that has been going through my head since SJ told me she was going instead of talking through it with me?”

        He poked himself in the chest with his finger, “I had no say. I thought this was our future as a couple but I realized I was wrong. This is her future. And apparently that means more to her than I do. But guess what? I have to deal with that. I have to stay here and deal with the fact that the girl I loved is moving out of the country and leaving me behind. Because let’s be honest, Laura. I’m not kidding myself anymore. When she first told me, I was like, okay, yeah we can make this work. We do the distance thing now. We can do it.”

        He took a deep breath, trying to steady the shakiness that had become apparent in his voice. He had not wanted to say any of this because when the words came out of his mouth, they became true as soon as he heard them aloud. That was it. That was an ending laid out right before him. They had not broken up officially but now that he had said all of that, he realized they both were just too scared to drop what they had. It was already gone. As soon as she made that decision to move on with her life, a life that did not include him, what they had had ended. “I was a fool to think that SJ and I would be together for the rest of our lives. How we lasted this long is a mystery to me now? I’m just a stupid frat guy and she’s a medical student who got this amazing internship because she wowed some big shot doctor when she was over there for study abroad. Why would I even be a blip on her radar now? I don’t have a solid future,” a nervous laughed escaped his lips, “Heck I don’t have much of a future at all.”

        He watched as Laura went through an entire process of calming her body, taking deep breaths; her shoulders lost the tension that they had held and they slumped with her back. She looked up at Kirsch, her eyes pitying as they usually did, the light from the anger fading quickly into sympathy and understanding. He found himself being more ticked off by that then her unfound anger at him for allowing SJ to tell her the news herself. “Laura, don’t…”

        “No, Kirsch. It’s not right. She can’t just leave you high and dry. She can’t just leave me. This isn’t fair!” He heard her voice crack.

        “Come here.” He waved her over to him, opening his arms. He should not be comforting her right now; he didn’t want to be comforting her right now. He was the one whose heart was ripped in two. He was the one who would never see the girl he had loved since high school ever again. The worst part was that he knew she still loved him because underneath all of his anger and doubt, what they had was real. It was not a front, it never had been. The hardest part was accepting that there were now other things that came first and all in all, he was happy for her. Happy that she had these opportunities to make a career for herself when she had been working so hard for this. He was just happy that for a while, he had been able to be a part of what created this happiness.

        Laura was squeezing him really tight around the waist, her head buried in his chest. There were small sniffles and she moved her head back to look up at him. Her lip quivered and he knew she was trying to be strong for him just as he was doing for her, “Kirsch, I’m sorry. I’m so so so so sorry. I just…I miss her so much already.”

        “I know, L. I know. Me too. But you made it all about you and…”

        “I didn’t let you feel sad about it before blaming you for everything. It wasn’t even your fault. Nothing was your fault. I needed to hear this from her and she’s too much of a coward to tell me herself.”

        “If it makes you feel any better, she told me it was just because it was too hard for her to say goodbye to you.”

        Laura’s eyebrows scrunched together, “Kirsch, that doesn’t mean she didn’t have a hard time saying goodbye to you.”

         _Yeah, but it means that I wasn’t the hardest goodbye._ Maybe that was what he was upset about most. Or maybe he had this all wrong and she wanted to try long distance. Maybe she planned for him to move out there with her someday. He shook his head. He’d never move to England. That would mean leaving Laura and his Zeta brothers. This was his life. He might not stay in Silas forever, actually he knew he would move away but Styria was a city that held a lot of opportunities and living there was the number one option for him at the moment. It was the right option for him.

        “Kirsch?”

        “Yeah, L.”

        “You can cry if you want.” He chuckled, “Thanks.”

        Even if she said the wrong thing, Laura always had the best intentions. She did what she thought was right even if it was slightly misguided. He knew she did not mean anything by it because she always came around in the end. It was just too hard right now and her being there, needing him to be all right for her was making the pressure in his chest grow and right now he felt like he could not breathe. There was a hollow space, an empty space. He was a little lost because he thought SJ would always be a constant in his life; someone he could depend upon to always be there and support him and now, well, now she was leaving him, needing him to support her enough to let her go. It was how it was going to be and he could not change that; he would have to get used to it. But, Laura was right about one thing. It wasn’t fair.  

            ********************************************************************************************************************************************

        The metal was cold and hard in her hand, slipping slightly from her sweaty palms. The weight was not anything more than she had done before but for some reason, her muscles did not want to work to their strength. They were giving out and she felt her right bicep spasm, causing the bar to fall on her chest. She struggled to lift it off, trying to roll to the side but before she could, another set of hands grabbed the bar and helped pull it off her, allowing for her to sit up. Her shallow breathing was loud and heavy and she clutched at her chest where the bar had dug into the bone. She looked up to see a tall guy wearing a white muscle shirt and red gym shorts, placing the weight back onto the stack. _Of course._

        “I didn’t need your help.” Kirsch just shrugged while he made sure the weight was secured, “Okay.”

        “Seriously.”

        “You should really have a spotter when you lift.” The way in which he spoke was matter of fact. There was no spite or taunting yet she still found herself more than just a little annoyed that he had been the one to walk by. She scoffed. Working out was her time alone; bringing someone else in would ruin the zone she created for herself when she turned off her brain for a while and focused solely on the physical workout.  “I’m serious. It’s dangerous. You could really hurt yourself.”

        “Why do you even care?”

        “What do you mean?”

        “I hate you. You hate me. Why do you care what happens to me?” She watched as his eyebrows scrunched together as he thought. She was more surprised when his entire face relaxed and became an expression of hurt, “I don’t hate you.”

        Danny looked around, hoping that someone else had been around to hear that completely ridiculous statement. Kirsch had spent the last four years doing everything in his power to spite her and the Summer Society in any way that he could. The most recent of course, being the stolen Halloween bash. But, in previous years, Kirsch had been involved in crashing the Adonis Hunt, tee-peeing the Summer Society house, fighting with the administration against the Summer’s who had tried to get a ruling that the brewing of beer on campus or by any school organization should be banned, and he had been involved in all of the turf wars that had arisen over the last few years, resulting in many injured Summer Society girls who were never given compensation or even apologies for their injuries.

        “That was the most unbelievable thing anyone has ever said to me.”

        To give Kirsch credit, he did look honestly confused, “I don’t hate you. I’ve never hated you. You dated my best friend. I couldn’t really dislike you without her being angry with me.”

        “Thanks for reminding me of that,” Danny snapped. She stood up and grabbed her bag but Kirsch grabbed her arm, “No, no, no. Please. I’m sorry. I just…you hate me?”

        Danny swiped her arm back from Kirsch’s grasp, “I thought I made that obvious.”

        “I thought it was just the usual Zeta vs. Summer Society crap. I didn’t realize you hated me personally.”

        “You are literally in the middle of all of that. How am I supposed to feel about you?”

        He shrugged noncommittally and looked away, “Well, if you ever need a spotter.”

        He seemed to struggle to find an ending to that sentence or a way to say goodbye so instead her shrugged again and hunching his shoulders, he walked away towards the locker rooms. Danny interpreted his offer as yet another dig at her abilities and pursed her lips, her jaw clenching as she stomped angrily to the locker room, forgetting about the rest of her workout routine.

 

        “Kay,” she grunted out, as she pushed the bar up and off her back. The weight slackened as another pair of hands helped her guide the bar back to its holding place. “Another set, Summer Psycho?”

        She glared at his continued use of the insulting nickname, “No. And you can also stop calling me that.”

        “Sorry, Psy… sorry. It’s a habit.”

        “Well break it.” He saluted gallantly, “Yes, ma’am.”

        “Also don’t do that.” Danny ducked out of the weight structure and grabbed her water bottle, draining a quarter of it in one go. So, after some strange occurrence of events in which Kirsch continued to be at the gym during the same hours she was, he had, for convenience sake only, become her spotter and she his in return. Mostly they did not talk and she could pretend he was not actually there which made being around him easier. She did not anger at the sight of hit face as easily anymore and he had been smart not to bring up Laura again. They kept the subject of any talk that was necessary, strictly to the current situation. “Want to take a lap?”

        Danny was tightening the strap of her bag on her shoulder, getting ready to leave. She did not want to spend anymore time with the stupid Zeta brother. “No, I’m…”

        “I bet I could lap you easy.”

        Her head cocked to the side, “In your dreams.”

        “Only one way to find out.” Kirsch turned in the middle of his sentence, jogging to the track that was located on the floor above them. She secured her bag to her side with her right hand and took off after him, the race beginning on the stairs. Once they had reached the rubber track on the top floor, Danny threw her bag off to the side and focused on the heels of Kirsch’s shoes that were only a few feet in front of her. He turned his head, a big grin on his face but the movement caused him to slow down, allowing her to catch up to him. They kept at each other’s pace for a while. “Is that all you’ve got D-Bear?”

        “What did you just call me?” The name almost caused her to stop mid step but she revved back up. He was enticing her to go faster and they had already gone two laps around the track. They were now in a sprinting contest and Kirsch was laughing and throwing his arms up in the air to the chagrin of the others who were trying to keep to themselves and do their workout in peace. Danny’s eyes were focused ahead of her but her mouth was turned up in a smirk. She had seen Kirsch running the track before when she was on the weights. He was indeed fast but she knew she was faster; everyone had their limit and Kirsch had not been pacing himself. He had charged full speed ahead since starting this little competition and she could tell that the extra energy he was using in his exuberant arm movements was taking away from the pumping motion in his legs.

        “One more lap? Let’s see who comes up winning,” Danny yelled over to him.

        His breathing had grown heavy and it was hard for him to speak as he put his arms back down at his sides and lowered his head, “Don’t hold your breath, D-Bear.”

        “If I win, you have to stop calling me that.” Danny side-eyed him and saw an eyebrow raise, “Whatever you say…D-Bear.”

        She shook her head but picked her feet up higher, pulling in front of Kirsch and when she knew that she was entirely in front of him she waved behind her, “See ya at the finish!”

        With that, she took off, blowing past the slower joggers and hearing Kirsch’s desperate yells behind her as he tired to catch up. She was going so fast that she was creating her own wind and as her foot crossed the line that started the track, she let out a loud whoop. A few seconds later, Kirsch showed up next to her, hands on his knees, breathing heavily, “You…you held out on me, D-Bear.”

        “Um, I think I won. D-Bear is dead.” He did not answer but nodded. She swiped her bag off the floor and patted him on the back, “Here.”

        He gladly took the water bottle out of her hand, gulping until he was out of breath yet again. She took the bottle back from him grimacing, “How about next time you keep your nasty mouth off of it.”

       She wiped the top with her shirt before taking a drink. He saluted again, “Can do.”

        “Great,” she responded sarcastically. “I think that I have bragging rights now.”

        “I think I want a rematch.”

        “Right now? Let’s go.”

        He held his hands out to stop her, “How about next time?”

        Unintentionally, she laughed but caught herself, coughing to cover it up, “A little tired are we?”

        “Shut up.”

        This time she did laugh. As long as it was at his expense, she could spare some glee. “I’m out of here. See you tomorrow, idiot.”

        “Bye, D-Bear.”

        “Stop with the name,” she warned as she began her way down the stairs. She did not wait for his answer and instead, pulled on her jacket as she was hit with the cold and still wintery air and made a run for her car, wincing as her legs became numb. She closed herself in, the car not much warmer than the outside air but she turned the heat up all the way and rubbed her hands together, pulling out to make her way back to her apartment.

        Kirsch was an idiot. Kirsch was a Zeta. Danny still did not like him but she had to admit that for a workout partner, she could have ended up with worse.

            ***************************************************************************************************************************************

        “Hello, I can’t come to the phone right now. Leave a message with your name and number and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.” _Beep!_

        “Hey, dad. Sorry, I couldn’t make it home for Christmas this year,” she took a long pause, “Um. So, I just wanted to apologize about that. Hope the holidays were good for you. Alright, well…I’ll talk to you soon, I guess.”

        It was not polite of her to be extremely glad that her dad had not answered the phone, but talking to him, apologizing for a lie that she still had to hold as true, was weighing on her mind. She could never tell him she just had not wanted to go home for Christmas; he would not understand and then she would become entirely too frustrated trying to explain because nothing she said would be an acceptable excuse to her father for missing family time. It was ridiculous that he even called it that anymore. It stopped being family time a long time ago.

        Christmas at the Hollis house had been a grand, extravagant event but gradually it fell from grace and it ended up being her and her dad, sitting around the small, fake tree in silence, pretending to watch some Christmas movie marathon so they could avoid conversation. Laura was not sure she could have dealt with another year like that and so she had called her dad and told him the roads were too bad for travel and she was snowed in. She was pretty sure he doubted the truth of the statement but as always, he had responded with an, “Just make sure to stay safe, kiddo!” and kept the hint of loneliness out of his voice that Laura knew all too well.

         _Ding!_

        The sound startled Laura out of her sad reverie but what startled her even more was the name above the message on her screen. Hesitantly, she slid the screen to unlock the phone.

 

 **Danny (12:05pm):** _Hey, I know it’s late notice but if you’re not busy, would you want to meet up for lunch?_

 

        Danny had been the last person Laura had expected to hear from anytime soon and she was not sure how to respond. Yes, she wanted to meet up with Danny. No matter what their relationship had been and was now, she missed her. She wanted Danny to be considered one of her friends. She still cared about the girl; they were together for three years. If she didn’t care any longer, she wasn’t sure she could still say she had a heart. But at the same time, she questioned whether she was ready to see Danny. Laura was afraid that it would be too hard and one of them would leave hurt or upset. Maybe is would bring up those feelings again and Laura definitely could not go through that a second time. It had taken her long enough, according to her friends, to move past the breakup and she thought she was there now. Doubt always had a way of creeping in a snaring the mind. She steeled herself and responded quickly.

 

 **Laura (12:08pm):** _Yeah, that would be nice. How about The Lustig around 1?_

 

 **Danny (12:09pm):** _See you there_

 

        The tall redhead was easy to spot out of the crowd when Laura hurried through the doors, out of the cold. She was sitting with her back to the door at a table in the center of the café. Laura weaved through the line waiting at the counter worried that she was late since Danny had arrived before her. She put a hand on the girl’s shoulder to announce her arrival which might not have been the best idea as Danny turned around, her eyes wide until she saw that it was only Laura. There was an awkward pause where they both decided if a hug was in order, but instead, Danny gestured to the chair across from her and Laura nodded, taking a seat as she draped her coat over the back of the chair.

        “Uh, so, do you want anything?” Danny pointed at the counter. Laura shook her head and dismissed the question with a wave of her hand, “No, I’m not hungry.”

        “You sure? I don’t mind waiting. I feel bad eating in front of you,” she smiled sheepishly at the sandwich that sat untouched on the plate. “Oh, don’t! It’s fine.”

        “Okay, if your sure,” Danny took a hesitant bite of the her sandwich and leaned back in the chair, chewing slowly as if to put off the inevitable conversation. She looked good. She pretty much looked the same but that was a good thing. Through a swallow she spoke, “So, how have you been?”

        A million and one thoughts ran through Laura’s head from despair over their breakup to the anger she still held against SJ, to missing Christmas, but instead of bringing any of those up as you would normally with friends, she responded simply, “Things have been very busy.”

        A crease appeared in Danny’s forehead but all she did was nod in agreement, “Yeah, I get that. I’ve pretty much been nonstop with the Summers lately. They seem to keep making things up to do.”

        Danny took another bite out of her sandwich and leaned into the table, readying herself to talk, “I want to apologize.”

        Laura cut her off, “You don’t have to. This isn’t what this is about.”

        “I know but I want to.” Her words sounded sincere and so Laura let her continue, a little in the dark about what she was actually apologizing for. “I’m sorry that I have entirely ignored you for the past few months. It was hard on me and I didn’t feel like I could really see you. I thought it would be too much but I really just want to be friends and so I hope this is a little bit of reconciliation so we can start down that road.”

        Laura smiled brightly because being friends with Danny is what she had wanted even when she decided they needed to break up, “Of course I want to be your friend! That’s all I’ve wanted for awhile but I didn’t think you wanted to see me.”

        Another sheepish smile appeared on Danny’s face, “I didn’t before but Kirsch actually…”

        “Wait, what? Kirsch?” That had been the last name Laura expected to hear out of the redheads mouth. What had she been doing talking with Kirsch? Or vice versa for that matter?

        “Yeah, Kirsch is actually the one who helped me get up the courage to ask you to hang out. “

        “You’re talking to Kirsch now?” Her voice sounded more critical than she had intended but for some reason, her best friend talking with her ex did not sit well with her even though she wanted to be friends with said ex.

        “Uh, yeah. I just kind of figured he told you.”

        Laura bit her lip, “Oh, well, we’ve kind of been in a fight for a couple weeks now, we don’t talk much.”

        “Oh,” Danny took another bite of her sandwich in place of words she did not know to say, “Well, we kind of work out together. Spotters. Workout partners. That’s it.”

        “That’s really strange.”

        Danny laughed and the sound brought a smile to her face because it was so carefree and Laura had not realized how long it had been since she had really heard Danny laugh during their relationship, “Believe me, you’re not the only one. He’s still annoying as ever and I still mostly hate him but, it’s kind of a nice change to not be working out alone anymore.”

        “I thought that’s what you loved about it?” Laura remembered Danny’s late night and early morning gym routines that she rarely veered from. She had been told that they were times of solitude that she needed; a time to just get away and not think.

        “I did. We don’t really talk much. It’s still pretty much alone time. But back to what you said before. What’s going on with you and Kirsch?”

        “I’m actually surprised he hasn’t told you.” Laura was not confident that she should tell Danny because it involved Kirsch and if he had not mentioned anything, it might be because he did not want anyone to know.

        The sound of her ringtone made an easy escape from answering Danny’s question and she looked at the number. It was not one she recognized but it was from Styria so she decided to take it, “I’m sorry. Just give me a moment. I need to take this.”

        Laura stood up and walked a few feet away from the table to try and get a little bit of privacy in the crowded café. “Hello?”

        “Yes, hello, may I speak to Laura Hollis, please?”

        “I’m Laura. May I ask whose calling?”

        The voice on the other side of the phone sounded like a middle-aged man. He was very formal and enunciated like a professional businessman, “Ms. Hollis, this is Ian Clark from the Styrian Journal. I was calling to inform you that you have been chosen as part of the internship program in development. Are you still interested?”       

        Laura was bubbling with excitement. She had applied for this internship in the spring prior, under the impression that if was for a summer workforce, and when she had not received a return call, she had assumed and had been very disappointed, that she had not been chosen. Now, she was getting the chance to work for an actual newspaper and she was bouncing on the balls of her feet, trying not to squeal into the phone. Even with the effort, her voice came out higher pitched than usual, “Yes! Yes of course! I am very interested.”

        The man chuckled on the other end of the phone, “Well, the internship will start at the beginning of March and go through the summer. You will be doing mostly office work here but there may be some opportunities to shadow a current journalist. We will send you all the necessary papers and if you could fill them out and return them to us as soon as possible, then we can get everything cleared and you will have no problems starting in March. Do you have any questions?”

        Laura had a hundred questions but none of them seemed to want to stay in the forefront of her mind long enough for her to ask them coherently, “No. Not right now.” 

        “Okay, well if anything comes to mind, feel free to send me an email. We will be sending you more information as we get closer to the start date.”

        “Thank you. Thank you, so much!”

        “I’ll be looking forward to meeting you, Ms. Hollis.”

        She heard the click on the other end of the phone signaling that he had hung up and finally squealed. She turned back to the Danny who was looking at her with a confused and semi-worried expression at the sudden outburst. “I got the internship at the Styrian Journal!”

        Danny’s eyes grew wide and she smiled, “Laura, that’s amazing! I’m so happy for you. When do you start?”

        “It’s in March,” she sat back down at their table, “I just figured I didn’t get the spot since it took them so long to get back to me.”

        “Yeah, wow, that was over a year ago that you applied.”

        Laura nodded still bouncing with excitement. This was an amazing opportunity. She had been running the school newspaper but now, she had the chance to be surrounded by professional writers and reporters. She just hoped that she would get a chance to do some actual writing herself but even learning from these people would be amazing. The Styrian Journal had been her dream job since she moved to Silas and though she was not sure where her life would take her in the future, she still wanted to be a journalist for them. She could move into the city, have her own apartment and be published every week.

        Laura shook her head; she was getting ahead of herself though. This was simply an internship, not a job offer. She would not be getting published yet, that could be years in the making. There was so much she did not know about and she wanted to learn it all. “I wonder how many other interns they hired?”

        Danny shrugged, “You’ll find out when you start.”

        Laura groaned, “A month in a half is so long.”

        “I think you’ll live.”

        “You now what,” Laura said standing up again, “I think I am a bit hungry. And that chocolate chip cookie is looking mighty good right now.”

        “That’s not really…” Danny tried to argue but Laura was already walking up to the counter, the delicious melting chocolate shining brightly in her eyes.

            *************************************************************************************************************************************

        “Perr, can we talk about this?”

        “We’ve already talked about it Lafontaine.”

        “I don’t really think that can be considered a conversation.” Lafontaine had spent the holiday with Perry at her parents house and during the trip, her parents had not been very shy about asking invasive questions which had led Lafontaine to a lot of thinking about what was between Perry and themself. Perry had never once wanted to talk about anything related to feelings with them and had always avoided the conversations, acting like she had not heard what Lafontaine had said, simply refusing to answer, or actually physically walking away. Now, Lafontaine really wanted to discuss the issue that had been brewing between them for years. “Perry, please.”

        Perry twirled around very fast to face them, her face taut with anger, “Lafontaine, I will not have this discussion. You are only talking about it because my parents decided it was there business when it is not. Everything is fine how it is. Nothing needs to change.”

        “But it is my business, Perr. This concerns me too and you just take charge of it like it is only about you. You entirely disregard anything I have to say and most of the time you refuse to hear it in the first place.”

        There was a crack in Perry’s voice as she spoke, “I can’t do this right now. I can’t talk about this, okay? Just let it go.”

        She quickly left the room, closing the door to her own room, and leaving Lafontaine stranded alone in the kitchen. They felt entirely useless and empty. Their best friend consciously decided not to care how they felt. They could not understand why Perry had so much trouble talking about it. Lafontaine did not really enjoy discussing how they felt but not knowing why Perry refused to even consider a relationship beyond their current friendship was eating away at their mind. They loved Perry and knew Perry loved them. There had been so many almosts. Almost touches, almost kisses, and both had backed off right away, worried about the outcome if they had gone through with it. Lafontaine worried because they liked talking things out first, knowing the exact result before going through with an action. It was probably the scientist in them but it was how they worked.

        Perry always seemed nervous when they were alone and the atmosphere changed from fun friends to a simmering of something else. She would get fidgety and her eyes would become panicked. That look cut deep at Lafontaine. Perry kept everything to herself and one of these days she was going to explode and Lafontaine was just waiting for it to be there when she needed them to help calm her down and put her back together. It had happened twice before and it scared Lafontaine to the core. Their usually reserved friend had been shouting and shaking and crying and she had seemed so petrified and surprised by herself. All Lafontaine could do the first time it had happened was stand before her in shock until her breathing calmed and she had apologized. The second time, Lafontaine had wrapped her in a hug before the shaking had stopped on its own and sobs had racked both their bodies until there was nothing left. They were not sure how this next time would go. All they knew was that it was coming very soon and they were not sure if they were ready for it.

        They stuck their hand in their back pocket when a vibration alerted them to a phone call. It was Laura and though Lafontaine was not in the mood to talk to anyone but Perry at the moment, they knew Laura would just keep calling or resort to sending them an enormous amount of texts until they answered. With a deep sigh, “Yes, Laura?”

        “Are you busy?” the desperation in her voice and the quickness with which she spoke caused Lafontaine to forget their current problem. “No, what’s wrong?”

        “We need your help right now.”

        “What with?”

        “I can’t explain. Just hurry please!” Laura rattled off an address that Lafontaine just managed to remember before hanging up. They grabbed their jacket off the counter where they had discarded and yelled into the other room, “Hey, Perr, I have to go. I’ll see you later tonight!”

        They rushed out the door, hoping Perry at least heard them though she gave no answer.

           

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you liked it!
> 
> I have decided to list the songs I listened to while writing each chapter (a lot of them will be repeated many times):  
> Bridges- Broods, Car Radio - twenty one pilots, Heavydirtysoul - twenty one pilots, Doubt - twenty one pilots, Polarize - twenty one pilots, Dead To Me - Melanie Martinez, Sippy Cup - Melanie Martinez
> 
> My fan tumblr is: uselessgayshit  
> Any questions you have about the fic, direct them to this as it will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS for updates.
> 
> Saying that, you are more than welcome to follow my personal tumblr as well: just-trying-togetby


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possbile Trigger Warning: Gore
> 
> Any trigger warnings if they arise will be listed at the beginning of each chapter. 
> 
> So my update schedule is going to probably be even more sporadic than it has been. I'm taking two writing intensive courses (I've written four plays in two weeks so that's been my life), I write article for my university radio station and I have some of my own projects that I'm in the process of finishing. I'm going to do my best for bi-weekly updates like usual but I just wanted to give some warning in case that did not happen.
> 
> Sorry for any grammatical errors if there are any. I edited it but I edited fast. When I'm not completely exhausted I'm going to go back through it a second time.

        A text from Laura had sent Lafontaine scrambling back up the stairs to their apartment to grab medical supplies before rushing out the door yet again. They tried to figure out the direction they were supposed to be headed as they ran.

        Laura could not have been more vague on the phone. Lafontaine was in no way  a doctor but Laura had some strange misconception about being a biology major that Lafontaine had yet to be able to shift. They were not a doctor; they were not medically inclined at all but for Laura they were the go to doctor. Usually that meant dealing with the common cold or small scratches and bruises but this seemed more serious and they were afraid that this was out of their depth. They would give it their best shot and they would definitely find whatever it was interesting, but they also did not want to do anything that would worsen whatever situation they found themself in. Sometimes injuries could be really cool. Actually, for Lafontaine, injuries were always cool.

        Perry was quite put off by that fact about her best friend and Lafontaine was aware and used it to their advantage. Their squeamish friend would practically do anything to avoid the more gory lines of conversation Lafontaine had a tendency to peruse. They knew teasing their high-strung friend was mean but that was a point in their friendship that they had passed long ago and now it was certainly done only in jest. Lafontaine would never do anything to make Perry uncomfortable on purpose but that was leading them down a whole other train of thought that for the time being, they needed to dismiss from their mind. They needed to focus their mind solely on the current situation, whatever that actually was.

        Lafontaine crossed through town as quickly as they could without slipping on ice, as that and their accident proneness never mixed well and being rushed to the hospital for a broken bone would be counterproductive. Turning left on the street following Laura’s instructions, they were met with a grand house complete with a turret and an overwhelmingly menacing presence. Scuffling up to the front door, they found that upon knocking, no on was there to receive them so instead, they tried the handle, which was unlocked. They pushed their way into a completely dark hall and were lost to where they would find Laura. They found nothing by peeking into dark rooms but soon they could hear whispers coming from the floor above and all of a sudden, a tiny ball of anxiety rushed towards them and pulled them up the stairs, “Laf, she’s this way. Thank god you’re here.”

        “Laura, what is going on?”

        “It’s really bad,” she said, her voice shaky with panic. Lafontaine could feel her sweaty palms as they reached the second floor and they stopped, expecting to go into one of the rooms but instead, Laura continued pulling them through a wooden entryway to the right of the stairs. They climbed up another staircase, this one was wooden and steep and Lafontaine’s bag banged along the fragile railings as they went, “Laura, seriously. Tell me what’s going on.”

         Lafontaine barely made out the frightened shake of Laura’s head but there was just enough light coming from a door at the top of the stairs for them to see the response, “I can’t…you just…you just have to see.”

        At the top of the stairs there was a small walkway that led on one side to a very small, cramped bathroom and on the other, led into what looked like a spacious bedroom. It seemed odd to Lafontaine that Laura had led them up into what was practically the attic of the house but when they entered the room, the air became taught with tension and concern and even a underlying tone of calm agitation. Kirsch was standing near the door, arms crossed across his chest, muscles stretching against the blue V-neck sweater he donned, with the tenseness of his stance. He was staring at the bed, his thick brows furrowed and the corners of his mouth slightly turned down, displaying a small frown.

        Laura had let go of their hand as soon as they had entered the room and rushed over to the side of the bed to kneel next to it. Near her, sitting on the bed was a man that Lafontaine was not acquainted with. He was wearing grey sweatpants and no shirt, which allowed Lafontaine to see a large, yellowish blotch on his skin, which indicated the remnants of deep bruising. Lafontaine’s forehead wrinkled at the black medical wrap that lay discarded at the end of the bed. But, what was more pressing, were the indecipherable moans and random thrashing coming from the figure whom lay in the bed.

        As they neared the object of focus in the room, Lafontaine noted that the covers had been pulled to the side, exposing whatever it was causing Laura such a panic. A small gasp escaped from Lafontaine as they saw the damage but it was a inhale mixed with honest surprise and also scientific intrigue. They couldn’t help it. That’s how their mind was wired and though empathy was possible, sometimes the need to inspect and discover outweighed the more emotional aspect of a situation. Perry was usually there to keep them in check but this time they were on their own. So instead, they settled for giving themselves a thirty-second pep talk. They knew exactly what Perry would tell them which was that this was not about science, this was about a person. Laura needed them. That was the most pressing matter of them all. How upset would Perry be if they found out that they had not taken this seriously? The simple answer is very. The not so simple answer is that Lafontaine would sit through an hour or more of a disappointed lecture from their curly-haired best friend after which there would be days of continuing displeasure and most likely silence. This would last until Lafontaine could not stand it any longer and apologize profusely before Perry ended the whole debacle by saying something along the lines of, “I hope you really mean that because you have to take people’s feelings into account when it comes to things like this.”

        Lafontaine steeled themselves and made their way closer to the edge of the bed to get a better look. A dark-haired girl laid on her back, her arms and legs out to the side, her eyes closed but in a state of constant twitching. The sheets underneath her were wet with the sweat that left a sheen on every inch of her skin that was showing. She was only wearing a black sports bra and pajama shorts and so Lafontaine could clearly see her muscles clenching and unclenching involuntarily. The girl’s eyebrows were turned down in pain, each moan magnified by the movement of her head back and forth across the pillow. The same yellowish bruising that the man on the bed had was crisscrossed across the girl's stomach and also framed her eye. Her body was entirely restless. It took a few moments, but Lafontaine eventually realized that this was Carmilla, the girl that they were sure was after Laura. A dozen questions came streaming into their mind that they wanted to pummel Laura with but this was not the time.

        Instead, their eyes were drawn to the ghastly wound on the right side of Carmilla’s stomach. Lafontaine could tell with just looking that it was deep and the brownish red stain on the sheets told them that it had not been covered well with any type of bandage. They almost wished Perry were there but this would have been too much for Perry who was very good at dealing with small matters of first aid. Lafontaine needed to get Perry out of their head so they could solely focus on the task at hand.

        The flayed skin was turning a nasty black, which did not bode well for possible infection. It was oozing at some points and scabbed over at others. The skin around the gash had hardened. Unfortunately, there was a foul smell escaping it but that could only be expected with the state of the injury and no one in the roomed seemed to notice or if they did, it was the last concern that they had at the moment.

        “Laura.” The small girl kneeling on the floor didn’t act like she had heard. “Laura, I need you to move over.”

        There was still no movement, her eyes were glued to the unconscious Carmilla and her hand was on the bed, near, almost hovering, but not touching Carmilla’s hand. Lafontaine nudged her leg with their boot, “Laura, you need to move.”

        With the physical contact, Laura’s head turned to look at Lafontine and she blinked as if in a daze before returning her stare to Carmilla and sliding over ever so slightly. The man on the bed had already moved back, giving them more space. The leaned over the girl, gently touching her stomach to see if she gave any reaction but the moans did not grow any louder and it seemed as if she was pretty far out of it to even know anything was happening. Lafontaine opened the bag on the bed and brought out a syringe and morphine anyways because they did not want to be in the middle of doing something that they were not qualified for and have her jerk the wrong way. They were about to stick her arm with the needle when someone cleared their throat behind them, “Where did you get that?”

        Lafontaine turned to see that Will was looking at them quizzically and skeptically. “I work with Doctor Pierson so I have access to a lot of equipment from the labs and also the medical center but that’s confidential information so…”

        “Do you actually know what you’re doing?”

        “Listen. I’m not a doctor. But Laura called me here to help and I’ll do what I can. I’m not going to do anything that would cause damage but this is really bad. Why she wasn’t taken to a hospital immediately, I don’t know.”

        “I don’t need to be reprimanded like a child,” his eyes glinted with something fierce. Lafontaine put up a hand in defense, “I don’t even know who you are. I was just making an observation.”

        His eyes turned back to Carmilla and any antipathy he had harbored against Lafontaine melted from his face and his voice cracked when he spoke, “She’s my sister. I did all I could. I couldn’t do anything more. And now…and now she’s…she’s…”

        “Ssssh,” Lafontaine shushed him and laid a hand on his shoulder, “I’ll see what I can do. Still, she should still be taken to an actual doctor.”

        Will nodded. It took a few moments, but the very small dosage of morphine settled Carmilla’s body until it was still, shallow breaths the only proof of life. It was not going to be pretty; they needed to get rid of the dead and infected skin on Carmilla’s stomach before they felt safe to clean it out. They brought out a pair of medical snips and leaned down, hovering over Carmilla’s body. Laura was  impeding their ability to get as close as they needed, but she did not seem like she was planning on moving anytime soon. Fortunately, their hesitation before starting to cut away at the skin, alerted Kirsch who spoke up, “Hey, L. Will. How about we go downstairs and get a cup of hot chocolate, hm?”

        “I’m not leaving her,” Will muttered. His hand rubbed his face, covering is mouth that was quivering though he was doing a very good job at holding back the tears.

        “Laura?”

        “I want to stay.” Lafontaine started slowly snipping off the blackened skin that was easiest to reach as Kirsch walked behind them, pulling Laura to her feet. “L, give them some space. Let’s go downstairs for a little bit. We’ll come back up.”

            Laura worked against Kirsch’s hands as he directed her from the room but his strength was much greater than her and the effort was futile. Lafontaine made eye contact with him before he left the room and mouth a, “Thank you,” before focusing on the gruesome sight in front of their eyes.

 

            *******************************************************************************************************************************************

 

        The humming. That’s what was causing her to want to scream. The incessant humming that did not just have one source and filled the otherwise soundless space that she was forced to occupy. Her leg bounced madly against the bar of the stool. Her elbows painfully dug into the marble countertop and her hot chocolate sat steaming, untouched, feet in front of her. “Laura.”

        The voice sounded as if it was coming through deep water and she ignored it, her thoughts consumed by the dark-haired invalid laying motionless in the bed two floors up. She was scared for the girl and worried about Will. Lafontaine had been the only person she knew who might be able to make it better. It just needed to all be better. For Carmilla. For Will. They did not deserve any of what had happened and at first Laura had been angry with them for not seeking out help but then she just felt terrible and filled with empathy. For some reason this voice would not let her live in her thoughts and sympathies though, “Laura. Laura. Hey.”

        Across the island, Kirsch was trying to get her attention. She raised her eyebrows to signal him to go on. “What’s going on?”

        “Um, there’s a girl upstairs almost dying.”

        Kirsch closed his eyes and opened them slowly, “That’s not exactly what I meant.”

        “Then what?” she snapped a little harsher than she meant to. He fiddled with his mug for a few seconds, “I meant…I don’t know. Nevermind.”

        She had no idea what he was going on about so she let the subject drop. “Can we go back up yet?”

        “Yeah, let’s go.”

        Laura’s already forgotten hot chocolate stayed forgotten as she almost dashed up the stairs but was held to a steady walking pace by Kirsch. She did not understand why he seemed so insistent on keeping her from making sure Carmilla was okay but eventually they made it up to her room again. Lafontaine was wiping their hands on a cloth while shuffling blood-stained rags into a plastic bag. Will was still sitting on the bed, holding tightly to Carmilla’s hand. Lafontaine looked up, “She still needs to see a doctor. I cleaned it as best as I could and got rid of the dead and badly infected skin but I can’t promise the infection has not already spread. She’s still out but she should be waking up soon.”

        Laura’s eyes were drawn to the rather large swatch of gauze that covered most of Carmilla’s stomach. She could already see whatever fluids from the newly cleaned injury seeping through though and Lafontaine must have noticed because they added, “The gauze will need to be changed. Will knows how. He watched me do it.”

        They moved out of the way as Laura made a beeline to the side of the bed again. Carmilla’s face was pale, blue veins were visible underneath the almost translucent skin. The yellowing bruises that colored her face and stomach looked even more defined and revolting and though the almost seizure-like movements of her body had stopped, sweat still dripped off of her skin and Laura picked up a clean towel to dap her forehead dry. Laura could hear Lafontaine whispering to Kirsch near the doorway and only halfway paid attention to the words they spoke, “She has a pretty high fever still. I had to use more morphine than I thought because the fever broke through the drugs. It has lowered but I’m not hopeful. She needs an IV and professional help. I can’t give that to her.”

        “I know. And I know you haven’t been given all the information.”

        “I’d like to know what I’ve gotten involved with.”

        “Let’s go downstairs and I’ll fill you in.”

        They left the room and Laura sat in silence with Will until he patted the bed next to him, “Come here.”

        She climbed up into that space and he put his arms around her as they both watched Carmilla intently, wishing and praying that she would come back to consciousness.

        “I don’t know why you helped like you did. But thank you,” his voice cracked slightly and Laura was taken by surprise at the show of emotion. He was always put together and sarcastic, just like his sister. “I don’t know what I’d do without her. She means the world to me. You barely know us and here you are, saving her life. I know she needs a doctor still; I’m just not sure when I can get her there. I wished I had thanked your friend more. They were wonderful.”

        The use of correct pronouns for Lafontaine caught Laura off guard as well. Will barely knew them and even in the midst of this panic and trauma, he had made sure to know how to refer to them. She set a hand on his back and he wrapped his arm around her, pulling her into his side where she rested her head against his shoulder. There are some things you cannot go through with someone without an unspoken bond being created where there was none before; saving someone’s life might just be one of those times.

 

         She couldn’t understand why it felt like she was under shallow water but there was a tremble and her mind was groggy. She could breathe so it must have been very shallow water but there was a pressure in her head that she could not quite understand and the shaking was getting more frequent. An eye opened to a soft, yellow light and a whisper, “Laura. Laura.”

        Her mind caught up and she realized the shaking was Will, trying to wake her up. She was laying on the end of the bed, perpendicular to Carmilla who had not moved since Laura had been conscious. Her upper back was sore and she winced as she sat up but her head seemed clearer than earlier. She had been awake for almost thirty-six hours and it had taken its toll. Will’s hands were still on her arm and he laughed quietly as she looked at him with wide-eyes blinking. The amusement did not last long as his face quickly returned to a serious expression of importance and Laura worked to fully clear her head and rub the sleep from her eyes so he would say what it looked like he was bursting to tell her. “She’s starting to wake up.”

        Laura was not sure if the whimpers had been sounding since she woke but now, with Will’s words, they were magnified and her head flipped to the side to look at Carmilla whose eyebrows were creased with confusion and her mouth was slightly parted. Laura crawled off the bed to stand beside it with Will as they watched Carmilla slowly return to the world she had seemed to forget for a few days. Will leaned down close to her ear, “Millie?”

        She stirred then, her fingers clenching and unclenching until her eyes finally opened. She seemed scared at first and Will was right there for her, “Hey, hey. It’s okay. Millie? Do you know who I am?”

        She nodded and her lips tried to form words but her voice was gone, replaced by a squeak sound and then a cough from which it took her a minute to recover. Will pushed her hair back from her face, “How are you feeling?

        There was another cough, “Like an overly-enthusiastic veterinarian just played Operation with my innards.”

        Laura could not help but let out a giggle, “Well, you’re not exactly wrong.”

        “Whose that?”

        “Laura’s here.”

        “Oh, perfect.”

        “Yeah…It’s terrific to see you too,” Laura mumbled, fidgeting uncomfortably where she stood. She was not sure what type of welcome she was expecting but something more than disdain. Maybe a small thank you. But of course, Carmilla waking up from anesthetic would not miss a beat to make a rudely sarcastic remark. “Carmilla, she’s been here the whole time. She’s only trying to help.”

        “I’m surprised you got miss too tightly wound to agree.”

        “Agree?” Laura questioned, indignantly, “I didn’t have to agree to anything. Will called me here because he didn’t know what to do. You were hurt badly, Carmilla. I only wanted to make sure you were okay. I don’t need your rude comments. I’m tired. I’m exhausted and so is Will. You could be a little more appreciative.”

        “That’s not really my thing, cupcake,” she drawled. There it was; the nickname that Laura had been waiting to hear. Except now, she was not in the mood to pretend it did not irk her that Carmilla called her these names. “Don’t. Don’t call me cupcake after you made it pretty clear I wasn’t welcome here.”  

        “Then leave.”

        “Fine,” Laura said as she spun around and marched out of the room. There were footsteps behind her and a gentle hand on her arm. “Laura, wait. Please don’t go. I know she can be an ass most of the time but her spite is well founded. She just places it on the wrong people.”          

        His eyes were begging and she looked away. As much as she wanted to stick it to Carmilla that she actually did not care enough to be made fun of, Will needed her and she did really care about the girl and her recovery. Her shoulder fell, “Okay. But don’t expect me to be nice.”

        A grin broke across his face, “She’s asking for it.”

        A frail voice sounded from across the room, “Did you call Emily?”

        Laura had no idea who this Emily was and Will seemed just as confused, “Emily?”

        “Yeah, did you call her.”

        He left Laura standing in the doorway as he went back over to Carmilla, “Um…no. I don’t know who Emily is.”

        “Yeah, you met her on Thanksgiving.”

        “I didn’t realize you would want me to contact the girl you were hooking up with.”

        “Well, I planned on meeting her for you know,” Carmilla wiggled her eyebrows and Laura’s face turned red. Will only rolled his eyes, “So you mean, when you were halfway unconscious, in extreme pain, and could barely speak, you scheduled a booty call?”

        “Well, that would not be the words I used to describe it but if that’s how your small brain can comprehend it…then yeah.”

        “You’re ridiculous.”

        “I simply have a healthy sex life.”

        Laura watched them bicker silently but there was a strange roiling in her stomach at the thought of this girl that Carmilla seemed infatuated with. The word “infatuated” though seemed entirely opposite of Carmilla’s relationship with the cavalcade of study buddies that she was surrounded by. She was not the only one who found this off the norm as Will’s eyes were narrowed and he was looking at Carmilla as if the last few days might have caused brain damage. Laura figured that could actually be possible and she really wanted Carmilla to get to the hospital but they had already been pushing their luck with the three extra people in the house when Ms. Karnstein could materialize at any moment. Laura did not want to think about the repercussions of that appearance.

        She also did not want to think about Emily for reasons she could not quite grasp.

        “Fine. If you’re not going to do it for me, give me my phone.”

        “Carmilla, do you really think this is a good idea?”

        “I’m gonna ask over whoever I want to.”

        “You’re going to ask her over here!? Carmilla, you do realize she is going to ask questions.”

        Carmilla shrugged as well as she could without wincing, “She won’t.”

        “How do you know?”

        “I just do, okay? Now, where is my phone?”

        Laura noticed it lying on the desk and she grabbed it and took it over to Carmilla, “Oh, you’re still here.”

        Carmilla typed out a quick text and the response was almost immediate, “She’ll be here in about ten minutes. Maybe I should clean up.”

        “We can’t move you anywhere yet. Lafontaine said…”

        “Who?”

         “Lafontaine,” Laura piped up, “they are the one who did all this.” Laura gestured to Carmilla’s stomach, “You’ve met them before.”

        “One of the ginger twins?”

         Laura rolled her eyes but answered with politeness that she could only barely muster, “If that is what you insist on referring to my friends as then yes.”

        “I’ll go wait for Emily downstairs.”

        “Why? She knows where my room is.”

        “Just good hospitality,” Will mouthed a, “sorry,” before fleeing the room and Laura narrowed her eyes after him for leaving her with a moody and unapologetic Carmilla. Laura fell onto the bed, causing it to bounce and Carmilla let out a faint cry. “Oh my gosh! I am so sorry, Carmilla. I didn’t think…”

        “Apparently,” she said through a grimace, “Let’s be careful next time, cupcake.”

        Carmilla closed her eyes and there was silence, making Laura think she fell asleep. That being so, she jumped when Carmilla spoke again, “Why are you here?”

        Confusion appeared on Laura’s face, “I told you. Will called me.”

        “Yes, but why did you come?”

        “I wanted to make sure you were okay. I knew something was wrong that night your mother came home but I didn’t know what. When he called, he sounded so scared. I wanted to know you were okay.”

        “When did he call you?”

        “Two days ago.”

        “And you haven’t left?”

        “No. Why do you keep asking that?”

        “I just don’t understand it.” There was more silence as Laura was not sure what Carmilla wanted her to say. _What was so hard about understanding that someone cared?_ Maybe that was what Laura was missing this whole time. Carmilla really didn’t know that people outside of Will cared about her. Before she could bring this up though, Carmilla continued, “I just don’t understand why, after I was horrible to you, you kept caring. I don’t. Why do you?”

        Laura’s jaw tightened, “We aren’t the same people.”

        “I can see that.” There was a creak on the stairs outside the door and Laura turned around in time to see a girl walk in followed by Will. She had long blonde hair which was not was Laura had imagined when Carmilla had first mentioned the girl. The ends were dangling wet from the falling snow and they lay against a maroon Silas U sweatshirt. She was wearing a pair of jeans and Laura figured she had had on snow boots and had taken them off in the foyer because she appeared in white socks. She gave no notice to Laura but walked right past her to the bed and Laura tensed when she passed only calming slightly when Will put a hand on her shoulder. She could not understand why this girl made her so angry and insecure and there was something else she could not give a name too. There was a sarcasm to match Carmilla’s in her voice when she spoke, though it was higher and not as smooth, “Well, don’t you look like hell?”

        “I’m not gonna argue there. I smell like the basement of an abattoir.”

        “That’s true,” Emily said confidently, sitting herself on the edge of the bed near Carmilla’s head. “I guess you didn’t decide to leave me high and dry after all.”

        “Being unconscious for two days creates some communication inconveniences.” It was here that Will tensed. Laura knew he thought she was going to ask why Carmilla had been unconscious but she moved right past the topic, not even seeming to be bothered by it, “I guess that’s excuse enough. Are you gonna introduce me to the peanut gallery over there?”

        Laura saw Carmilla’s head peek around Emily’s back, “Well, you’ve met Will before.”

        Emily nodded, “Though I was in a...more compromising position.”

        Will shut his eyes as if to block out a memory. “And that is Laura.”

        “I’m just a friend,” Laura finished the introduction and held out a hand to Emily who shook it cordially.

        “Well, I wouldn’t necessarily say that, cupcake.”

        “I’ve been here for two days, I think I deserve that standing.”

        “Two days in which we didn’t speak because I was out of commission. Recent acquaintance is more like it.”

        Emily watched the exchange with amusement written all over her face, “I think I’m going to want to get to know this…cupcake.”

        Laura blushed as Carmilla chuckled. She did not like the use of the nickname. She barely liked it when Carmilla called her that but she had gotten used to it. Carmilla had never used her real name but hearing something that was theirs… _Wait, ours? Nope. No. That’s not happening._ Hearing that word out of Emily’s mouth just felt wrong. “It’s Laura.”

       “Well, Laura, I think we’d get along.” _I’m not so sure about that._ Despite her true thoughts, she smiled at Emily.

        “I’m not so sure…” Something about Carmilla’s insistence against it spurred Laura to agree, “It’d be great to get to know you.”

        The tension was palpable as Laura forced a smile at Emily whose smile in return was just as fake. Whatever they would be doing, Laura knew getting to know each other was far from the top of that list.

 

        Laura was in and out of the Karnstein house every day for the next few weeks until her class work started piling up and she had no other option but to spend most of her days, holed up in the library, at newspaper staff meetings, or working a few hours here and there at _The Nook_ so that she could still pay her rent. The Silas snow had not given the town a breather and Laura’s heavy jacket was balled up on the floor, staining the carpet with water as she was distracted by the flurry falling lightly past the window. It was better that she had stopped going to visit Carmilla everyday; the situations she had gotten herself into being around Emily had been stressful nonetheless and though Laura had seen the softer side of Carmilla before, the girl seemed to refuse to allow that to show more than the other. She was callous and sharp and Emily’s presence encouraged that and emphasized it. Emily was another thing altogether. She seemed to never leave the house but also not care about Carmilla’s health.

 

_“Hey, Laura. I just wanted to let you know that if you were going to stop by, we aren’t home.”_

_“Is Carmilla even well enough to be up?” Laura questioned, worried that they were both trying to move the healing process along too quickly._

_“Well, yes and no. We’re still waiting for the answer. Mother has not been around lately and Carmilla really needed to see a doctor so I called the Silas ER…”_

_“You mean the tiny building that doubles as the university health center?”_

_“Well, yeah. Forty-minutes is a long way to go to Styria and Carmilla can’t do that drive. They ambulance came and sedated her and now she’s in a room. The doctor hasn’t been in to see her yet but I wanted to let you know in case you want to come here instead.”_

_“Um…sure.” Laura did not blame Will for not wanting to make the trek out to Styria when the ER in Silas could do almost as much. The fact though that Carmilla had to be sedated for the maybe ten minute ride to the hospital caused her to speed up her walking. That seemed unnecessary unless Carmilla had fallen unconscious again but Will did not seem overly worried about her condition. It did not add up._

_The doctor walked into Carmilla’s room almost as soon as Laura did and to her surprise, he did not ask her to leave. “Miss Karnstein, we have the infection under control. I don’t know who sutured the wound but they seemed to have contained the spread of the infection to one area. You really should have been emitted earlier but we want to keep you here on an IV for a few days and the infection should be cleared up by then.”_

_“I really have to stay here?”_

_The doctor smiled, knowingly, “It’s for the best. We’ll get you released as soon as we can.”_

_The doctor’s words did not hold much concern and Laura pulled Will aside, whispering so Carmilla would not hear her, “Is she actually okay?”_

_“The doctor seems to think so. We can only hope.”_

_“Most people don’t need to be sedated unless the pain is beyond…”_

_“That’s not anything to do with the injury. That’s just Carmilla.”_

_“I don’t und…”_

_“Just leave that alone, Laura.” It was all she could do to respect his wishes so she tried changing the subject, “Did you get yourself checked out?”_

_“I’m fine.”_

_“Will,” she spoke his name sternly, crossing her arms._

_He laughed a little bit at her stance, “You may be feisty but you don’t scare me. I’m fine.”_

_“You had broken ribs!” Laura exclaimed as calmly as she could which in hindsight was not very calm._

_“The key word there being ‘had.’ I’m fine now. They healed on their own. I wrapped them and took care of it. I don’t really want to discuss this but we’ve dealt with worse. Carmilla was being her usual stubborn self. If she had told me about the cut sooner, we would not be in this situation.”_

_“What does the doctor think it is?”_

_“I told him glass but he didn’t ask how it happened.”_

_"That seems odd.”_

_“Carmilla has a very intimidating presence. No one asks questions once she decides the conversation is over.” Laura was well aware how one narrowing of the eyes or a smirk ended a conversation that was not nearly at its finish. She had fallen and still fell victim to that manipulation from Carmilla but she was glad to know that people who were much more qualified than her and probably more intelligent were just as susceptible._

_A commotion in the doorway announced Emily’s arrival, “Oh my god, SHE'S here again?”_

_“Ask Will,” Carmilla commented offhandedly. Laura turned back to Will, “She never wants me here. I don’t know I keep coming. I don’t know why you keep calling.”_

_He settled a hand on her shoulder and the charismatic smile washed away any worries about her presence, “Laura, you should know by now that half of the things she says are a front. I can’t go as far to say that she wants you here but you being here doesn’t bother her as much as she pretends it does. And Emily,” his voice became almost inaudible, “I don’t like her either but Carmilla does and maybe she needs this.”_

_From her own experience, Laura knew that most of the time, people outside the relationship (if she could even call this a relationship) saw with a clear  and objective mind. She refused to listen to anyone for a long time and she knew Carmilla would never take advice directed at her well-being. That much was always quite obvious._

_The gray clouds obstructed the sun but the change of light through the window was enough to show that the sun was setting and evening had come. Laura was laying on her stomach on the right side of the bed, laptop open. She was typing feverishly, a pencil clutched in her teeth and her brows were furrowed in thought. She jammed the backspace key a couple times and then her head fell, “Ouch.”_

_She picked her head back up and grimacing, rubbed at her forehead where it had connected with the laptop. There was a chuckle behind her, “Nice going, cutie.”_

_Laura glared at her but she simply returned her eyes to the book she had been occupied with for the last hour. Though her face was stoic, Laura noticed a slight pull at the left side of her mouth._

_The bed was a mess, sheets pulled this way and that, the comforter almost completely hanging off the edge. Laura was pretty sure nothing had been cleaned or organized since the end of December. It probably should have grossed her out but she did not find herself caring much. Books littered the floor more than usual. Each time Laura visited, there were more books, sometimes due to her. If she saw something in the store that she thought Carmilla might like, she always made sure to grab it after her shift and drop it off. Even though Carmilla acted like she didn’t care for the gesture, they were always added to the pile of books that Carmilla had finished reading. So, Laura continued to bring them._

_Today though, she had showed up and Will was out at some Zeta event so she had pulled out her laptop and gotten to work on editing for the next edition of the newspaper. It had fallen behind lately and because of her internship, she decided she wanted the practice and also it would look good if the paper was still successful when she started at the Styrian Journal. She wanted to keep Carmilla company and this was their way of doing exactly that. They did not speak and they each just worked on whatever they wanted to. Laura was always bubbling to talk but Carmilla never answered so it was a waste of effort. One thing was bothering her though, “Where’s Emily?”_

_Laura looked at Carmilla for the answer but the girl just shrugged. “She’s usually here so I just expected…”_

_“You’re here more than she is, cupcake.”_

_“Why do you still call me that?”_

_“What?”_

_“You still use the nicknames. You’re dating…”_

_The book almost flew out of Carmilla’s hands as they shook in front of her, “No, no, no. I’m not dating anyone. I don’t do that.”_

_“Then what is Emily?”_

_Carmilla looked up at the ceiling as if she was thinking, “Friends with benefits.”_

_“She seems more than that.”_

_“Well, she’s not,” Carmilla snapped back. Laura knew she had crossed a boundary. “Sorry.”_

_Carmilla rolled her eyes and looked back at her book but Laura could tell she was not actually reading. It took a few moments but she spoke again, “She said she gets bored with just sitting around so if I want her for…more exciting activities, then she’d be over right away. I don’t right now so…”_

_Carmilla let the sentence trail off but Laura felt weird laying in her bed now so she closed her laptop and climbed off. “What? Are you deserting me too now, creampuff?”_

_“I have to get to work,” the lie was obvious but Carmilla shrugged again and let Laura leave without another comment._

There was one day, a little over a week after Carmilla had been released from the hospital that Laura had escaped from the house before she saw the full blown war between Carmilla and Will. He had walked into the room when Laura was lounging gains the side of the bed and Carmilla had lost it.

        _"Millie?"_

_"What is it now?"_

_"I called Mattie." The book she was holding flew across the room and Will ducked just in time to avoid a collision with his head, "YOU DID WHAT!?"_

_"I called Mattie," he stated again, trying to hold his own._

_"And you didn't think it was pertinent to ask me first?"_

_Laura had started to grab her bag and inch towards the door. She did not know who Mattie was; she had never hear the name before. It was apparent that it was a sore spot between the two. "I knew you would say no so I just went ahead and did it."_

_"And I bet she's on her way over here right now. Right? She said she'd come visit poor, little Carmilla?"_

_"Well...no...but..."_

_"Exactly because all Mattie cares about is Mattie. I don't need her..."_

 

That was all Laura had heard before she got out of hearing range but the event and the name had never been brought up again.

 

_The door was unlocked and though Laura would not usually walk into someone’s house without knocking, it did not seem like Will was home and Carmilla was in no state to climb the stairs. She had just been to turn in a paper to Professor Cochrane and decided to stop by Carmilla’s on her way home. The house was silent, deserted on the ground floor. Laura found the door to the closet staircase opened and so she let herself in, figuring the lack of noise was due to Carmilla being asleep. She slept a lot and Laura was not entirely sure that was only because of the injury. She arrived at the idea that Carmilla spent most of her time sleeping; the waking hours of the day were the bane of her existence._

_When she reached the top of the stairs, the door was open so she walked in only to find her face heating up and her eyes shutting as she turned to the side. She had not walked in on anything in particular except for the fact that while Carmilla was sitting up, reading a book, Emily was lying next to her, halfway under the blanket, the only covering on her body was the blue lace underwear that in reality, did not cover as much as they should have. Her bare back creased as she turned to look at Laura, smiling. Carmilla only raised an eyebrow. Neither of them seemed as disturbed as Laura was and she ended up saying a random string of nonsense words before quickly shuffling from the room, trying not to imagine what they had been doing before she arrived._

        That had been the last time Laura was at the Karnstein household. Now the library felt like it was her temporary home and the snow outside the window had been too easy a distraction from the cross-cultural journalism notes vying for her attention. It was not that the class wasn’t interesting. Anything to do with journalism interested Laura in a way that was far past the norm, but she had been at these notes for a good three hours, cramming for the next day’s exam. It was only the beginning of February and the professors were not giving them any slack after the holiday. She turned back from her notes, hoping to rid her mind of the pox that was Emily and Carmilla.

 

            *************************************************************************************************************************************

           

        “So, you’ve been absent for a while?” Kirsch wiped the sweat from his face with a towel, tossing it the ground as he put his hands on his hips, trying to catch his breathe, “Yeah, I’ve just been busy.”

        Danny was shuffling around in her bag and didn’t look up when she spoke, “What with?”

        “Just been spending a lot of time with Will and his sister.” Kirsch slung his bag over his shoulder.

        “Not like I know who that is.”

        “Will is one of the new Zetas…”

        “Oh, joy,” she rolled her eyes, adding emphasis to the sarcasm.

        “No, he’s really cool. His sister got hurt and so Laura and I have been spending a lot of time at their house helping him take care of her.” Danny had frozen in her motions and Kirsch backtracked through his words until he realized that the one rule they had was to never mention Laura and he had just done exactly that. “Look, I’m sorry Danny.”

        “No, I don’t care.”

        “You obviously do…”

        “I don’t care about what Laura does or who she hangs our with.”

        He threw his hands up in defense at her biting words, “Okay, okay. I just…sorry for bringing her into it.”

        Danny let out a deep sigh, “She’s part of your life. It was bound to come up.”

        “Wait, didn’t you get lunch with her?”

        “Yes, but it’s still weird.” There was an awkward silence between them before she asked another question, “Whose this Carmilla anyways? I didn’t realize Laura was seeing someone.”

        Kirsch let out a loud guffaw that was quickly extinguished in the biting air as they exited the building, “No way. She’s not. I mean maybe there’s something but neither of them,” he stopped mid-sentence and side-eyed Danny whose jaw was taut and so he went another route, “They’re just kind of friends. Not even really. Laura is being more nosy than Carmilla really wants. It’s a long story and not really mine to tell.”

        “I didn’t ask.” The sentence was too short for Kirsch’s liking so he just dropped the whole thing entirely. They were about to part for their separate cars when an idea popped into Kirsch’s mind, “Hey! I know we’re just workout partners and everything but…you know maybe it’d be cool…do you wanna go get a beer or something?”

        Her eyes widened and her jaw quivered as if it was about to drop and Kirsch rubbed his hand over his head that was growing colder each second they stood in the middle of the parking lot. He wasn’t sure if her lack of speech meant he crossed a line but she stuffed her hands into her pockets, “I never thought I would say this, but I don’t see why not.”

        A huge grin spread across Kirsch’s fist and he jump a few inches off the ground, pumping his fists at his side, “Yes!”

        “But don’t do that.”

        He saluted, “Yes, ma’am!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you liked it!
> 
> I have decided to list the songs I listened to while writing each chapter (a lot of them will be repeated many times): Lauren Aquilina EP's, "Take Me To Church" (Cover) - Demi Lovato
> 
>  
> 
> My fan tumblr is: uselessgayshit  
> Any questions you have about the fic, direct them to this as it will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS/STAHTCB for updates.
> 
> Saying that, you are more than welcome to follow my personal tumblr as well: just-trying-togetby


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possbile Trigger Warning: Panic attack, hints at self-harm and physical abuse but no actual discussion
> 
> Any trigger warnings if they arise will be listed at the beginning of each chapter. 
> 
> I went overboard. I recognize that it happened and apologize for the word count. I was trying to shirk my responsibilities and I definitely succeeded.

        Wooden floors stretched throughout the entire building; they were light brown with knots that appeared every few inches without fail. The walls were a darker brown and laid in boards but was mostly covered in old posters and fliers along with lights and a sign and even one dartboard in the back right corner. A pool table was squeezed into floor space made by pushing the tables closer together than was comfortable for the patrons. The green was smooth and new though the edges were covered in rings from the bottoms of bottles. The sticks stood against the wall to the table’s right, the holder having cracked too much to hold them any longer.

        Besides the cramped tables, the only other seating place was at the bar, which took up the majority of the space, as it should. Lights glowed underneath, casting more like on the floor than the ceiling lights cast in the rest of the one-room bar. The bar stools had no backs and were covered in red leather that was ripped, white foam spilling out in a few spots. Behind the bar were racks that stretched the same width as the bar itself and were filled with bottles of numerous sizes and shape and filled with all colors of liquid.

        As with most places in Silas, _The Governor_ was rather small but quite authentic to the town itself. Though not unclean it was somewhat dingy, but no matter, it was still the best place to find a drink. Which was the reason that Danny had just thrown back a shot, laughing as Kirsch grimaced at the sting. “What? The big Zeta isn’t a fan?”

        Spluttering through coughs, “Excuse me. I’m a drinking champion. We just usually stick with beer.”

        Danny motioned for the bartender, a guy in his fifties whose hair was just starting to gray and who wore a black t-shirt with dark jeans, to bring over  another round. “I’m not sure I can take another one, D-Bear.”

        “What did I say about that nickname?” Danny growled. For some reason, no matter how much she had impressed upon him that the name was not acceptable, Kirsch had not been able to stop using it. “Not to use it.”

        “Exactly.”

        “Fine, Lawrence, “ he made a great show of emphasizing her last name, “I do another round and you let me call you that.”

        She laughed loudly, “No deal. You do another round because we’re out for drinks and you need to learn how to drink real liquor.”

        “I’m not sure that’s how it works.”

        “Listen, Kirsch,” Danny took on a serious tone, changing the subject, “You asked me out for a beer once and I agreed. Now, it’s become a weekly thing…”

        “Sometimes two times a week,” he cut her off, reminding her that she for some reason had agreed every single time.

        “No need to remind me. Anyways, I want to make sure we’re on the same page.”

        “What do you mean?” To give him credit, Kirsch looked honestly confused by the track the conversation had taken. She turned her head down slightly and looked at him as if she was looking over the top of glasses, “We’re workout partners who occasionally grab drinks.”

         Kirsch’s eyebrows scrunched together and his lips tightened before his eyebrows raised and his lips turned into his usual stupid looking grin though something was missing and his words were only half-heartedly happy, “Oh, yeah! Of course.”

        He grabbed the shot, “Ready, Lawrence.”

        She looked at him to see if he really was moving away from topic of discussion before grabbing hers, “On my count. Three, two…”

        Before she finished Kirsch winked and downed his shot so she quickly followed, almost choking as he waved his hands frantically trying in vain to relieve the pain that was burning down his throat. His wagged his finger at her, “Oh!”

        His voice was scratchy and it looked like it was hard for him to speak without wincing, “I wanted to talk to you. Will’s birthday is coming up and I’m planning a night out and I wanted you to help.”

        “Um, I have no idea who Will is.”

        “He’s a Zeta. He’s like my best friend.”

        “I’m not helping you plan a party for a Zeta, Kirsch. Despite our constant contact, I’m still a Summer.” She waved the bartender over, “Two beers. Stiegl.”

        “Come on, Lawrence.”

        “No,” she spoke sternly enough for him to concede.

        “Okay, fine. But you’ll come right?”

        “Kirsch,” she said, grabbing the beer from the bartender and taking a sip, “I don’t even know the guy.”

        “Okay, then can you come for me?”

        “Kirsch…” she sighed.

        “No, no, no. Just cause we’re like kind of bros and I would like you to.”

        “Don’t ever describe me as being your bro ever again.” He nodded and the pleading in his eyes was working at her willpower until he looked dejectedly down and fidgeted with the bottle. She threw her hands up, “Alright fine! Where is this so called night out taking place?”

        “Well, we’re all gonna drive to Styria and go to this new club that opened called _The Pit_ …”

        “Sounds disgusting.”

        “No, it’s supposed to be really cool. It’s one of those silent clubs.”

        “What is that?” Danny could not figure out how a silent club existed. It was the opposite of anything a club was supposed to be but Kirsch’s eyes widened in disbelief at her question and she was taken aback that this was such common knowledge, “You don’t know what a silent club is? How?”

         She was irked by his condescension even if it was not on purpose and snapped, “Explain then.”

         Kirsch was too excited to notice her tone, “It’s so cool. So you go in and you have headphones, right? And so everyone wears headphones and the DJ plays music but it only comes through the headphones. It’s brilliant!”

        “It seems like a waste.”

        “No, because it can never be a noise complain because there is no noise, except there really is! Don’t down it ‘til you try it.”

        Danny downed the rest of her beer and went to get up when Kirsch spoke again, “Before you head out, I just want to let you know that everyone’s going to be there.”

        Danny had an inkling of what he was trying to tell her but she was not going to give him any idea that she knew, “And by everyone you mean?”

        Kirsch ran his hand through his hair, “Well, Will’s sister and I think she’s bringing someone. Theo, Charlie, Jared…”

        “Woah, all those Zeta’s?”

        “Well, Will is a Zeta so yeah…”

        “I can’t deal with that.”

        “D-Bear, please, that’s not even what I was trying to say. I just wanted you to know that Laura would be there too.”

        Danny swallowed hard, “That’s fine.”

        “Really?”

        “Sure.” Danny grabbed her leather Silas letterman jacket, shoving her arms through with more force than necessary.

        “If you’re not…”

        “I said it’s fine, Kirsch. I’ll see you later.” She rushed out the door before Kirsch could say another word. She and Laura were working on their friendship; as hard as it was, they had been trying to get lunch at least once and week and talk through everything so they could move past it. It brought up a lot more than Danny wanted to recognize as truth but it was needed and so far, they had sailed through previously uncharted territory so that had been an improvement. This party was going to be a night out with friends, not just her and Laura. She could totally deal with that, no problem. _I can do this. Right?_

              ***********************************************************************************************************************************

        “Corinna the deadline is in two hours. The paper needs to go to print,” there was a pause. “Yes, I know I haven’t been there for…yes, the last three releases. I’m sorry but I’m at _The_ _Styrian_ everyday, there’s nothing I can do about.”

        Laura’s left fist was clenching in frustration as the girl on the other end of the phone argued with her, “I know I’m the editor but as the assistant editor, it is your job to abide by the deadlines when I’m not there. If you can’t do your job then…that’s what I thought. Thank you.”

        She dropped her phone into her lap, sighing and leaning back in her desk chair. _The Voice of Silas_ was crumbling without her guidance; possibly her greatest fear was losing what she created when she left. The paper had been slipping from her grasp but when she accepted the internship, she was pulled even farther away from the organization’s workings and felt that those under her command no longer respected her as their boss. Maybe she took the paper more seriously than the rest of them, but it was experience for her career and in the journalism business, unless you write, no one will pay you any attention.

 

**Kirsch (4:13):** _You still coming tonight, L?_

 

        Laura rolled her eyes at the message and quickly typed out a response.

 

**To Kirsch (4:13):** _Yes, Kirsch. I said I was._

**Kirsch: (4:14):** _(: Good_

 

        She had only been at _The Styrian_ for a little over two weeks, working more hours than expected of the internship but Mr. Clark had seemed to take a liking to her from the start, much to the chagrin of the others in the program. She had come in thinking she would be taking care of secretarial duties but two days in, Mr. Clark had set her up with one of his lead reporters, Samuel David Ellis, who had her doing a lot of fact checking for him but she could not complain; it was an upgrade and she was working with a professional reporter. Of course, that had meant extra hours and even a Saturday was necessary so she had not seen much of her friends outside of Betty but that was only because they lived together. She had not spoken to Carmilla since she had barged into the girl’s room, only to find her, for lack of better words, engaged. She had not used the girl’s number though she had found herself staring at a blank message page more often than she would care to admit. Kirsch had not been around either, wrapped up with his Zeta business and apparently now, Danny. But Laura was never keen on talking about that and Kirsch knew without asking her to let the subject alone. Lafontaine and Perry were the only two that she ever saw, though briefly, and only if they happened to be leaving from or arriving to their apartments at the same time.

        Laura was a workaholic, no doubt there, but this internship took up more time than any job she had ever had. Her job at _The Nook_ had to be put on hold but Claire was nice enough to keep her on the payroll just in case she needed some extra money. Laura missed the bookshop more than she expected to. It was always calm and quiet and though sometimes boring, there was always the chance of running into Carmilla there and she really wished she had the courage to speak to the girl whom she had thought was becoming her friend.

        Kirsch had called her a week before, saying he was organizing a nineteenth birthday party for Will to which she responded with a joking remark about how he waited until the last minute for everything. She had asked him who was going and he spouted off a list that seemed to be more his friends, than Will’s. She had promised him she would go and now sitting at work, she was worried that Ellis was going to ask her to stay late. In retrospect, she should have inquired about the day in question but she was too afraid. She did not want to come off as expecting or entitled and start a bad reputation for herself as someone who was not committed to their work. She just had to wait another half hour and hope that she could escape.

 

         _Bbbbbbbeeeeeeeeeeepppppp!_

        Her head dropped against the steering wheel. The one thing that she had not taken into account was the rush hour traffic. It was going to take her longer to get home than she had figured which would drastically shorten the amount of time she had to get ready. She was leaving the city, just to return later that night but Kirsch had wanted them all to meet up and leave together so no one would get lost. She was not sure he understood that anytime during the forty minute drive, someone could go the wrong way but she had let it go as he was very excited with the plan he had devised.

        She turned up the music, trying to drown out thoughts of work and focus on nothing. It was Friday, she had the entire weekend ahead of her and the last thing she wanted to think about was the political scandal that Ellis was covering. Honestly, politics had no interest to Laura in any way and she would never want to become a political writer, but, she had taken the opportunity that had been given to her and if that meant shifting through facts upon facts about public figures, then so be it. Her mind was swarming with statistics and names that meant nothing and the loud top 40s station was doing nothing to assuage the headache.

***********************************************************************************************************************************

        They walked, her arm was thrown casually around Emily’s shoulders and despite the look of disdain on Carmilla’s face, the blonde-haired girl was smiling happily, her arm around Carmilla’s back and rubbing gently against her side. Carmilla figured it was her way of showing support but in reality, it did nothing but make her more irritated. The cause of the irritation was their destination; some most likely to be lame party that one of Will’s meathead friends had arranged. She had not actually agreed to go, but after Emily’s begging and Will’s look of sorrow when she refused, she had let herself be dragged into the plans. She did not understand why he was so caught up on her going. It was only his nineteenth birthday, nothing special.

        The thought of having to hang out with people and be civil so that Will would have a good time was something she wanted to forget about. Carmilla would much rather be curled up in bed already, reading Emmanuel Kant for the thousandth time. Emily of course would hear of no such thing and against her will, she had been unceremoniously pulled from her bed, hit in the face with a pair of pants, and then pushed out the door. The pushing had been literal until she had gasped loudly at the pain in her stomach. Maybe it was phantom pain; she could not quite tell anymore. Everything seemed to be some sort of blurry and vague physical memory at this point and figuring out what she was feeling versus what was laying in wait under the surface was a complicated mess of deeply-rooted issues. If she had anything to say about it, they would never be shifted through but instead left in a compiling chaos of what should have beens and what could bes.  

        But like usual, that was not the most important thing at the moment. The three of them had come up to front campus where Will said they were to meet and she could see a shadowed group in the distance, blacked out by the lack of moonlight and the tree coverage. She saw one of the two exceedingly tall people turn their heads, “Will! Happy Birthday, bro!”

_Well, there’s meathead number one._ Will took off, running up the hill and colliding with Kirsch in what could only have been described as a bear hug. A term, that if said out loud to the two, would cause immediate destruction of their mannish pride. Carmilla smirked at the thought. “What’s so funny?”

        Emily’s head had turned to look up at her, mirroring her smirk with a less mischievous but still as amused smile. Carmilla moved her right hand from where it hung off the girl’s shoulder and placed it on her head, dipping her chin to lay a quick peck on her temple, “Nothing but my own thoughts.”

        Emily answered with a scoff, “I should’ve known.”

        “What?” Carmilla questioned, caught off guard by the hostile words spoken in an offhanded manner. Emily just shrugged so Carmilla figured she should not care about it; which she did not because that is not something she ever did. Why did it matter if she was in her head a lot of the time? That was her space; it was her haven from reality and had been for years. Even the times when it was not such a haven but a swirling vortex of agony and self-deprecation, she welcomed it with open arms. That was the one place where no one could touch her, physically at least; the warping of the psyche was rocket science in comparison.

        There was a squeeze around her waist as Emily’s other arms wrapped around her body, “Hey, I didn’t mean anything by it.”

        It was Carmilla’s turn to shrug and Emily just rolled her eyes, “Better get yourself ready for this lot.”

        Will had already joined the group casually standing on the sidewalk on the other side of the green as Carmilla and Emily came up to them. Her eyes scanned the crowd, passing over three of Will’s Zeta brothers, a pair of redheads where they stopped for a second and she allowed a miniscule nod in recognition of the amateur and not at all licensed surgeon that stitched her up only about a month before. Next was yet another red-head but this one was substantially taller than the rest. And finally, though she should not have been surprised, her eyes locked onto Laura’s before the tiny girl bent her head to look at the ground, causing Carmilla’s lip to twitch. Emily however took on Carmilla’s earlier look of contempt upon finding that Laura was in attendance. “Be nice.”

        Emily’s eyes widened in disbelief, “Are you actually saying that to me?”

        “I know you get testy when Laura’s around.”

        “Maybe that’s just because I don’t like the way she looks at my girlfriend.”

        There was a considerable flinch when the word hit Carmilla’s eardrums. “That’s what we are, Carmilla. Don’t even start with me.”

        Carmilla kissed the girl on the temple again, “I’m just not used to it.”

        “My girl’s a lady-killer, right?”

        “Exactly. And don’t you forget it.” That caused a chortle from Emily. Carmilla looked back up to the people standing in the circle. She noticed quite quickly that Laura and the ginger giant were standing at an awkwardly far distance from each other while trying to keep up a conversation that did not seem to move past anything but the usual small talk topics. “You two used to date or something?”

        Carmilla had pursed her lips, keeping her sarcastic comments to herself but Emily apparently did not have as much tact and the words came spluttering out, dripping with mockery. Both of their faces immediately turned red and Will sharply turned to them, “Do you think you could keep your business to yourself and let others do the same?”

         Emily raised her eyebrows and made a big show of pulling an imaginary zipper across her lips. Will’s glare turned on Carmilla, “You two are too much alike for comfort.”

         Carmilla’s eyes narrowed, reflecting the tenseness in his face, “How about we just get going?”

         “Alright, great idea!” The Zeta that hung around Laura spoke a little too excitedly, trying to get back in control of the party. “You’ve got two choices. Laura’s car or Theo’s.”

         Upon those words, Carmilla’s entire body solidified, becoming as a statue and her eyes widened in fear. It was hard to swallow but her throat had completely dried up anyways, making any attempt completely useless. Her mind raced faster than she could think and she felt faint. The light-headedness caused her vision to blur and she swayed. It was a good thing Emily was holding onto her because she was sure she would have fallen right to the ground. Her knees buckled but someone else was on her other side, talking calmly in her ear, “Carmilla? It’s okay. Deep breaths.”

         Carmilla tried to pull in air but her lungs would not expand and her fight for air left her coughing and gasping loudly. She clutched her chest with her hand as sweat trickled down her forehead. Someone let go of her but the familiar voice kept speaking so she knew Will had a hold of her, “Carmilla. Ssssshh. It’s okay.”

        “Carmilla?” The voice was higher and sweeter, concern lacing the way in which her name was spoken. It was recognizable but not as familiar as Will’s. Her vision had almost completely gone black, fuzziness throwing everything out of focus and she could not concentrate on any one thing and pick out the details. All of her muscles were engaged as she felt someone near her, “Carmilla?”

        She was not there anymore. There were bright lights and loud screeching. Red and yellow. Screaming.

        Something wet rolled down her face and soft skin collided with her cheek, wiping away the tears and drying her skin. A hand cradled her face but she could still not see who it was. She knew Will had a grasp on her left arm and her torso, keeping her from collapsing all the way to the ground. Her right hand was supporting her, the grass cold underneath but then a warm, gentle hand fell atop her own. A thumb rubbed against the back of her hand in soothing circles. “Carmilla?”

         There it was again. The sweet and innocent voice that seemed to be causing the fuzziness to recede. Every time she heard it, a muscle loosened, or her vision cleared. The ringing in her ears was starting to fade, no longer deafening. She wanted to speak, she tried to, opened her mouth even, but nothing would come out. There was another coughing spell that seemed to release her throat from the silence that had imprisoned it, “Emily?”

         She picked her head up more, her eyes connecting with golden brown irises that were glistening with hurt. The girl immediately dropped her hand from Carmilla’s face and pulled away entirely, being replaced by the bright blue eyes she had asked for. Emily and Will pulled her to her feet and she saw the body that held those brown eyes walking towards the car, shoulder hunched, becoming only an outline the farther she got.

        Hands clasped on both sides of her jaw and pulled her head forward, “You good?”

        Carmilla did not move and her eyes stared past Emily’s searching face. “Will, you didn’t tell me.”

        His voice came from close to her left, “I am so sorry, Millie. I just thought you would…I should have told you.”

         “I can’t…,” was the only two words she could utter. Her breathing was only starting to come back to normal and the flashing in her mind was fading so she could think again. She looked around and everyone was blatantly staring, not even trying to hide their confusion at her sudden panic attack.

         “You don’t have to come.”

         “What do you mean?” Emily asked, looking between the siblings.

         Carmilla turned around, “I’m not going.”

         A hand clamped around her arm, “Of course you’re going.”

        Her eyes shot daggers at Emily when she turned around and Will put a firm hand on Emily’s shoulder, “She doesn’t have to go. Now, let go of her.”

        Emily released Carmilla’s arm and stormed away towards the cars. “Um, Will…”

        “Give me a second, Kirsch.” There was mumbling as Kirsch directed the rest of the group towards the cars as well. “Carmilla are you okay?”

        “It hasn’t been that bad in awhile.”

        “I know you scared me.”

        Carmilla could not explain what had happened. When she had been forced to take the bus through Styria and then a taxi home the last time she was in the city, she had done it. She had forced everything she felt to the far recesses of her mind, swallowed the fear and had gotten home. Maybe it was the surprise of this situation. Of course, it should not have been a surprise; she was not sure how she expected they would get to the city save from driving but still, she had been caught off guard and her body shut down. “I didn’t mean to surprise you like that.”

         Carmilla only shook her head. “You don’t have to go if you can’t.”

         “Guys?” A shy voice sounded from the darkness, “I don’t mean to interrupt but we need to get going.”

         “Oh, yeah, sorry, I’m coming.” Will squeezed her arm in reassurance once more before truning to walk away.

         “Carmilla?”

        “She’s not coming.”

        “Will, it’s your…”

        “I know, but I already said you didn’t have to.”

         Carmilla steeled herself, standing up a little bit taller. She had to overcome this; she could not live her entire life in one place. “No, I’ll go.”

          Will looked at her in surprise but Laura stared at the ground, “You can ride with me if you’d like.”

         “No, I can’t. Will, the cars…”

         Will walked back towards her and put his arm around her shoulder as he helped her walked towards the cars, Laura following silently in their wake. “Hey, bro!”

         Kirsch turned around instantly, “Yeah, dude?”

         “Would you mind driving Carmilla? Take the truck?”

         Kirsch’s eyebrows scrunched together but he waved her over, “Yeah, no problem, man.”

         Carmilla leaned closer to Will and whispered, “Thank you.”

 

         She had to give Kirsch props. He did not question the request to take an extra vehicle. He did not question her choice to sit in the back seat. He did not even question her when she laid flat on the seat, closed her eyes, and did not speak to him for the entire drive. He sat in the front and listened to the radio. Carmilla could not tell if she had fallen asleep or she had built up so much anxiety that she had caused herself to pass out. She assumed the latter as there was no way she could possibly fall asleep on the road.

        She almost fell trying to get out but luckily Kirsch was there to catch her. He had parked the truck at a meter on the street and was currently paying as she stabilized, trying to bring her surroundings into focus. She had lived in the city before, but Styria was new, and from her many moves, she came to the conclusion that no city is even remotely alike. Maybe on the surface they look similar, but if you explore or dig deep enough, there is an authenticity to each and every one. There were still a lot cars driving up and down the street and a long queue was lining the wall of a seemingly insignificant brick building. There was a broad-shouldered bouncer at the door, refusing to look at the people who were begging to be let it. Behind him was a very small door and above it _The Pit_ was displayed in vibrant, purple lights.

        “Can I have your phone?” She looked back to Kirsch who was holding out his hand expectantly. “Why?”

         He smiled and rolled his eyes, “Just give me your phone.”

        Carmilla narrowed her eyes but handed it over and he laughed, “You wanna unlock it?”

        “Not particularly.” She tried to swipe the phone back but he held it out of reach. “Just because you’re gigantic does not mean I don’t have other ways of getting that from you.”

        “Oh yeah, let’s see it.” Carmilla was positive that she could easily think of way to get her phone back but she was exhausted and a fight with the big brute would not go over well. She stared at him, waiting for his next move. When he realized she was not going to do anything he handed it to her, “Unlock it please.”

        “If you go through…”

        “I’m not gonna do anything, Carmilla.” For some reason, the way he said her name aroused a suspicious feeling within her stomach. She could not remember ever hearing it out of his mouth and the way he said it, like he cared about her, put her on edge. Yet it was not menacing. It was kind. The only person she was ever used to hearing that concern from was Will, not a stranger. And that was what he was. Maybe he had been there in January to support Will but they never talked; he knew nothing about her and he seemed to be immediately accepting. If it was not for Will she assumed he would try something but then again, with the face of a puppy, maybe not.     

        She placed her phone back in his open palm and he looked at it as if he had won some sort of game. His fingers blurred across the screen as he typed something in and then gave it back, “I just want to let you know that I’m not going to pry, but if you ever need my truck, call me.”

        A rumbling sounded as someone pulled up behind the truck, “Must be the gang!”

        He ran towards the newly arrived cars, leaving Carmilla staring after him, lips parted and eyebrows furrowed. _Why?_ That was the only question she could ask herself because nothing else made sense. There was not even an answer to it. He was genuinely being nice and if that was normal for people, she had never experienced it before. _Why?_ She knew her reputation preceded her and that was how she wanted to live yet she had never given Kirsch any reason to offer her friendship, if that is what it could be called. Her eyes glanced at the number in her phone and her thumb hovered over the delete button but she shook her head and pocketed the phone.

        She was engulfed in light hair and stumbled backwards, “There you are!”

        “You knew where I was the whole time,” Carmilla deadpanned back. Emily was pouting, “I’m sorry, I threw a little hissy fit. You okay?”

        Carmilla nodded, throwing her arm around Emily’s shoulders. What was she going to do? Be mad? It’s not like Emily owed her anything; she did not even know anything about the situation and Carmilla was not upset with her. They were in all outward aspects dating but they both knew their relationship was more one of convenience and lust than anything else. They lacked connection which Carmilla accepted warmly; she had no need to become close to someone else, only to have them…

        There were roads she chose not to travel and she was getting way too close for comfort to one of them. Emily was drawing a finger up her arm, “You’re not gonna be like this all night, right? I wanna dance.”

        “Of course,” was what she said, but at the moment, all she really wanted to do was go home.

               ***********************************************************************************************************************************

        After Kirsch had talked with the bouncer who had checked them off a list, she had followed the group down a steep staircase. At the bottom was what would be considered a lobby, though it was just a room in the basement of the building above. It was entirely cement and the lighting was bad so she could not see much else except the next set of doors in front of them. Kirsch turned to them, a large grin on his face, “I welcome you, to the silent dance party!”

        His pulled the door out as he yelled, the noise sounding off in the peculiar silence of the building. Through the door was the strangest scene Perry had ever laid eyes on. Though she was not a regular at clubs and never would have come out if Will had not personally invited Lafontaine and her, she was positive that most were ridiculously loud to the point of causing hearing damage. No music could be heard; only the sounds from the bar were prevalent. It was uncomfortable to watch people dance, gyration being the most common form of movement, without knowing what they were moving to. A girl on the other side of the door held out a basket of headphones which everyone but Perry took. “Perr? Are you going to get a pair?”

        She could tell disgust was sprawled across her face, “Lafontaine, do you know how much bacteria are on these?”

        She lowered her voice so as not to offend the female employee who was still standing near them, “These have probably never been washed.”

        “Oh come on. Have some fun tonight.”

        “You can take a pair but don’t complain to me when your ears start growing a foreign fungus.” Lafontaine snorted and she huffed indignantly. They never took into account the health risks of their behavior but she would not be seen with a pair of those disease-ridden headphones on. Lafontaine must have realized she was not joking because they put their pair back in the box, “I’m not going to let you sit it out alone.”

         Perry was only a small bit remorseful that she stifled Lafontaine’s fun night but she was more overwhelmed with relief that she would not be worried about a possible infestation of lice in their apartment and Lafontaine did not seem to bothered to let the rest of the gang dance the night away. Neither of them were much into the club scene; Lafontaine was just more willing to try new things.

        The room they were in was rather large, most of it occupied by empty space for the crowd of dancers but to their left was a bar almost covering the entire length of the wall except for the corner in the back where there were booths and tables. She was pulled, by her best friend, over to one of the booths, “I’ll get us drinks.”

        As she waited for them to return she looked out seeing Will and the boys named Theo, Charlie, and Jared jumping around like idiots, not paying attention to the people around them who had spread out, giving them a wide berth. Kirsch had his headphones off as did Danny and he was leaning in, speaking to her as she shyly smiled. Perry quickly passed over the next duo, which consisted of Carmilla and Emily who were engaged in actions that Perry considered to be way too sexual for public. It made her uncomfortable and she diverted her eyes as quickly as she could. For some reason she could not spot Laura in the group and that worried her. _She followed them in. I know it. I made sure no one was left outside._

        Lafontaine interrupted her search as they slid into the booth seat across the table from Perry, setting down a glass of water in front of her.

        “Thanks,” she murmured, sipping gratefully at the refreshing drink.

        “Did you see, Laura?”

        Perry pursed her lips, “No actually. I didn’t see her with everyone.”

        Lafontaine made a noncommittal gesture to their left with their head. Perry’s eyes tried to follow the direction and it took a few seconds but eventually she found Laura who was standing just inside the door, looking at the floor and fidgeting with the headphones. Perry made to get up but Lafontaine set a hand gently on her arm, “Let her be.”

        “But we should see if she wants to sit with us.”

        “If she wants to come over here, she will.”

         Perry was confused. Laura had seemed very excited for the party; it had been her chance to get away from work for one night. Perry knew she had been bogged down for the last few weeks without a break and so the fact that she was choosing to be alone was rather off-putting for the overly social girl Perry was so used to. “Have you spoken to Laura recently?”

         Lafontaine mumbled something that sounded vaguely like, “I’ve barely spoken to you.”

        Perry would not deny the truth of that statement and she would also accept that it was based on the fact that whenever Lafontaine started talking, she barely listened, hoping beyond hope that they would forgo the one conversation Perry wanted to avoid. Of course, that was the only conversation Lafontaine wanted to have and Perry knew sooner or later she would have to sit down with them and talk but she was not ready. Whenever the subject was brought up, the anxiety started to rise and well…the need never really goes away. Yes, it hides and does not bother but it is still there, lying in wait just under the surface for the worst time to strike. She had other people to think about than just herself and putting Lafontaine through that again would be a betrayal of their friendship.

        “I think its Carmilla,” Lafontaine stated plainly, sipping calmly on their water.

        “What?” Perry almost shrieked, forgetting that there was no noise to drown out her voice. Lafontaine raised their eyebrows, “Woah, Perr. I didn’t mean anything by it like that. Laura started spending a lot of time with Carmilla and then all of a sudden Emily came into the picture and that stopped.”

        Perry had not known about this sudden closeness between the two girls who had been on bad terms with each other in the fall. She had not known Laura had any time to give to someone. “They’re friends?”

        Lafontaine shrugged at the comment, “Well, Laura thought they were. I’m not sure Carmilla did; though she never turned Laura away.”

        “How do you know this?” Perry knew she had been absent a lot lately, keeping to herself but she had thought it strange that Will had come by the apartment and asked to speak to Lafontaine, resulting in the invitation to his party. She knew nothing of Will and had not expected Lafontaine to either but to her surprise, they seemed to have some understanding between them. Lafontaine did not turn down his invitation, instead asking if Perry could join and he was only happy to accommodate. Lafontaine did not look her in the eyes, “It’s nothing.”

        “Lafontaine,” she admonished.”

        “I helped him out earlier in January. That’s all.” They still weren’t making eye contact, which was the first telltale sign of a lie or in this case, more probable, a half-truth. Perry sat back, ramrod straight against the seat and folded her hands on the table. Lafontaine’s eyes had wondered out amongst the crowd but they were not actually watching; it was an act, a hope that Perry would drop the subject. She was planning on doing no such thing, “Lafontaine, I think we need to talk.”

         That statement was against anything Perry actually wanted, it scared her but the look on Lafontaine’s face as they turned back to her was pure happiness with a tad of apprehension. They had been bugging her for weeks and though this was not the place she wanted to have that discussion, it had to start here in order for them to go forward. “We need to talk. This is going to make me very uncomfortable but I understand it needs to happen.”

         Lafontaine only nodded, avidly listening. Perry’s head tilted and her voice softened, “I’ve missed you. I’ve really missed you and I know I’ve been avoiding you like the plague…”

        “That’s an understatement.”

        “But I’ve missed things. I didn’t know you knew Will or Carmilla. I didn’t know any of that. I want to be a part of your life. I guess which part is what we need to talk about.”

         Lafontaine was taken aback, “You want to talk about that here?”

         “No, no, no,” Perry hurriedly shook her head, “But I want you to know that though I’m not entirely ready, I’m want to try.”

         “Okay, I can accept that,” Lafontaine’s eyes glistened, “Thank you.”

         “Will you tell me what you helped Will with?”

         “Will you not freak out?”

         “How do I know?” Perry replied, exasperatedly. “I have absolutely no knowledge of the situation.”

         “I don’t know how to explain,” they paused for a few seconds, “I basically did amateur surgery.”

         “Lafontaine, you are not qualified for…”

         “No kidding, Perr. But they were desperate and Carmilla could have died and I just needed to help.”

         “Carmilla could have died?” Her eyes widened; the situation had escalated far past anything Perry had imagined.

         “Yeah, it was really bad. Eventually they got her to the hospital but I had to make sure she lived for the time being.”

         “You never told me?”

         “You wouldn’t talk to me. You didn’t ask where I had gone off to that day. I didn’t want to bother you.”

        Perry was disappointed in no one other than herself because she had failed her best friend during a time that she could only imagine was incredibly stressful. She had not bothered to be there for them like she always had. That was their relationship dynamic. Together no matter what and because of one stupid subject that her heart and mind could not agree upon, she had thrown it all to the wind and abandoned them.

        Her hands clenched on the table in frustration and she shut her eyes tight. _This isn’t right_. But a hand reached on top of her and stayed there.

        “I’m here, Perr. I know you’re sorry. I know you’re going to say it over and over and over again but I know. And it’s okay to be scared,” there was a small chuckle, “I’m so scared. You can’t even imagine…well, maybe you can. But this is just a small bump in the road. We’ll get through it. No matter what.”

        Perry finally opened her eyes, meeting with a blue gray that depicted only the frankest sincerity.  They had a small, conscientious smile upon their face, “No matter what.”

***********************************************************************************************************************************

        She begrudgingly admitted that the idea of a silent club was not as idiotic as she had previously decided it to be. The reason could very easily be the girl who was not afraid to dance on her in the middle of familiar faces. Carmilla had her hands clenched to Emily’s waist, the girl in front of her, relentlessly grinding against her. Her hands helped with Emily’s motions as she leaned her head down, turning her face into Emily’s neck. Her nose brushed slightly cold skin, the temperature enhanced by a thin layer of sweat, until her lips met the skin. She sucked at the skin and Emily’s head angled back at the touch. Carmilla nipped her ear, smiling, and then set their cheeks together as they continued to move, the beat in their ears driving their bodies.

         She was used to this, the physical instead of the emotional or even the conversational. It was easy to fall back into the pattern that she had never escaped but that had simply become less available to her in her current living situation. The sex was not the problem, but the chase was lacking. She missed the thrill of having the girl crumble beneath her gaze. She missed the girl’s who flirted without shame until she shoved them up against a bathroom wall. She missed the absence of obligation and though her relationship with Emily was not serious, there was still a line of boundaries that were not to be crossed and hooking up with other people was in the red zone. Lately, it was not a problem as Carmilla had lost any desire to search out if she could simply have instantly.

        As they danced, her eyes drifted upwards, away from looking down on Emily and they flitted across a face with lips pursed and turned down and eyes that were full of an unintentional fire that burned through Carmilla. Her motions stopped as they stared at one another. Laura alone by the door, seemingly not having moved since they arrived; Carmilla, now standing stoically as Emily moved around her. And they just stared. There was nothing there; no gestures of head, no smirks, no winks, not even an eyebrow raise. Brown paired with black. But then, Laura ducked her head and disappeared behind the crowd where Carmilla’s eyes followed but lost the subject of their trance. Yet, she could not go back to dancing; something felt off and Emily seemed to notice. She turned, bringing her hands up to Carmilla’s face and mouthed, “You okay?”

        Carmilla brushed her off and pointed to insinuate she was going to sit out for a bit and Emily just nodded, instantly turning to the three immature fools that Will was going crazy with in the center of the room. She did not seem to have a problem assimilating herself into the group so Carmilla pushed her way through the hot bodies that were all squeezed into the one tight space. The room was large, yet, people chose to be clustered instead of spread out, making it difficult to find any breathing space. Once she found herself free from the mass, she pulled off the headphones, a calming silence filling her ears, a great contrast to the pounding house music of moments before. It was a strange sensation, knowing that escape was but one step away. Maybe she liked silent clubs more than she thought.

        To her right was a small corner of tables, where she noticed the ginger twins seated, more intimately than she had ever seen them, though that had not been often. Directly in front was a large bar and of course, standing there was the head of caramel hair that haunted her wherever she went.

        “Cutie,” she announced, leaning up against the bar next to the shorter girl.

        “Where’s your girlfriend?” Her sentence was short and sharp. _Again with that word._ It left a funny taste in her mouth and she could not bring herself to say it, “Emily’s still dancing.”

        “You just left her there?” Laura had yet to look at her and instead was staring straight forward behind the bar. Carmilla turned, leaning both of her elbows against the bar top and motioning with her hand for the bartender. “She can handle herself. I wanted a drink.”

        “Good luck getting him to…” Her sentence was cut short as the bartender indeed answered to Carmilla’s hand gesture. “Whiskey. Neat.”

         Laura’s head swiveled quickly, both eyebrows up in surprise. Carmilla shrugged, “It’s been a rough day,” she turned back to the bartender, “And a grape soda.”

        “Excuse me,” an indignant voice came from beside her.

         Carmilla was amused at the frustrated look on Laura’s face, “Yes, cupcake?”

        “Grape soda? Really?”

        Carmilla feigned confusion, pressing a hand to her chest, “Whatever do you mean? I happen to be a grape soda connoisseur myself.”

        “You know…”

        “I know you’re not twenty-one.”

        “But you could have ordered for me.”

        Carmilla nodded, “I could have. But that bunched up face you make when you’re angry is adorable, buttercup. Wouldn’t want to miss out on that.”

        With a rather suggestive smirk, she grabbed her recently placed drink from the counter and sauntered off to one of the free tables near the back.

 

        One sip later, the short crystal glass sat abandoned in the middle of the table. It had been a necessity for conversation instead of an actual need to quench thirst. The offering of company at the bar had been rejected as Laura stubbornly trudged towards the ginger twins’ booth instead of accepting the open seat next to Carmilla. She did not feel slighted; she was humored. Emily had not returned and none of the others had appeared outside of the throng.

        Part of her wished Will would make an appearance but she let him be, seeing that this was his party and he was having more fun than she had seen him have in quite some time. He seemed like a little kid again. The three year old who stumbled around their backyard as she watched. The fifth grader who had his first crush on this nice little girl in his class. Of course, every single moment of their childhood was covered in gray clouds by their secrets at home but there were some genuinely happy moments. For Will at least. She was happy whenever he was happy but she knew and had always known that nothing they did would change the way Mother treated them. She lived in a constant state of fear because she was never safe. Will never had it as bad and for that she was ultimately grateful because if she saw her little brother, broken and bleeding on the floor, she would have died right then and there. Her apathy did not extend to him. He was her one weakness, the one flaw in her character that could shatter her into a million pieces without effort. Will had kept her alive despite everything she had put him through; he had nursed her and comforted her and had extended love she did not deserve.

        She let out a deprecating chuckle, glad she had not drank the rest of the whiskey. Her thoughts were dark enough without the added depressive.

        There was a quiet squeak and the chair next to her became occupied, “I thought you looked lonely.”

        “Just waiting for you, cupcake.”

        “What was so funny?”

        “Nothing but my own thoughts,” she muttered, repeating her words from earlier that night. The chair scooted closer and Laura leaned forward, placing her elbows on her knees to hold her head up. She looked at Carmilla quizzically, brown eyes searching for an entrance Carmilla was not willing to give. Laura’s mouth parted slightly but she hesitated before she poke “I want to know what you’re thinking.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you liked it!
> 
> I have decided to list the songs I listened to while writing each chapter (a lot of them will be repeated many times):  
> No music this time because I just went on 8tracks and listened through a multitude of hollstein playlists to get me over the end of the season. Season zero here we come!
> 
> My fan tumblr is: uselessgayshit  
> Any questions you have about the fic, direct them to this as it will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS for updates.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any trigger warnings if they arise will be listed at the beginning of each chapter. 
> 
> I had planned for this to be posted last Saturday and on Wednesday I realized I had not even finished half of it. Sorry, my life is just crazy right now. But here it is!

        The drop of water spread over the paper, soaking through to the next and smudging the line of ink that it had touched. Carmilla looked up to the sky, which had suddenly become gray, the dark clouds covering the sun and dimming the trees under which she sat. She sighed, closing the small notebook to keep it safe from the drops of rain that had begun to fall slowly and placing it in her back pocket. She brought her legs up to her chest, laying back into the tree. It was peaceful. The sound of rain gently hitting the leaves and the silence as all of the birds had gone off to stay dry, lulled her into a state of calm. The tree she sat under did a good job of sheltering her from getting too wet until the clouds seemed to open up and let go of all the water they had been holding onto so dearly. _Shit_

        Carmilla scrambled up from the ground, annoyed at the weather for ruining her afternoon. She had no jacket or umbrella to shield her skin from the rain and after a few steps out of the square she was already completely soaked. Giving up any hope of hurrying home, she slowed her pace, resolved herself to the fact that she would be drenched, and took her time walking home.

        Though there was no part of her that was dry anymore, the rain was warm and though it came down heavy, it was soft and so she was not chilled. She found herself alone on the street as she made her way home, no one else desiring to step out until the sudden bad weather let up. It had been very bright and sunny before the change in weather and there was a slight breeze to lessen the intensity of the humidity that had settled over Silas.

        Carmilla rounded the corner and found herself splayed out on her butt on the wet pavement. Her hands were planted on either side of her as they had tried to prevent the fall but to no avail. Her dark, now dripping hair, had fallen in her face, covering her left eye and she looked up quite stunned by the unexpected predicament. Upon seeing the frazzled brunette that was standing in front of her, eyes open in shock and horror, Carmilla smirked and arched an eyebrow, “Nice running into you, cupcake.”

        “Oh my god! I’m so sorr..” in her haste to help her up from the ground, Laura slid on the wet pavement, falling and landing hard on top of her. Carmilla held in the groan that tried to escape with the pressure of the small girl landing on and instead let out a loud laugh. It was the first time she had really laughed for as long as he could remember and the sound was foreign to her ears.

        Laura had not moved from her place on top of her but instead looked at Carmilla’s face as her body was racked with amusement. Carmilla noticed that the brunette’s face had turned bright red and she was looking quizzically at Carmilla’s reaction.

        “I’d get up but um…” Carmilla gestured to Laura with her head and Laura turned even redder as she scrambled up from the ground and held out a hand again. “I think I’ll take care of it myself this time.”

        Carmilla easily pulled her body off the ground and stood, dripping, in front of Laura. The muscles around her mouth felt strained and she realized that she was wearing a dopey grin, reminiscent of that big puppy, Kirsch’s, usual expression. Immediately, she wiped it from view and replaced it with utter indifference. “Well, that was fun.”

        “Not exactly the word I would use to describe it, cutie.”

        “You’re soaked.”

        “So are you.”

        “Where are you headed?”

        “Home.”

        “Uh-uh. Nope,” Carmilla’s arm was instantly stretched so far, her shoulder protested, as Laura pulled her around the corner in the direction from which she had come, “My apartment is right here. We both need to get out of these clothes.”

        “At least buy a girl some dinner first.”

        “That’s not what I…” Carmilla pursed her lips, holding back a smile, as Laura whipped her head back to the front to escape from her embarrassment. After a few seconds of silence when it seemed as if Laura was not going to talk again, Carmilla relieved her from her misery, “It was just a joke, sweetheart. I know what you meant.”

        Carmilla watched as Laura fumbled through her bag to find her key to the building. When she finally located the ring, she dangled them in front of Carmilla’s face. In return, Carmilla swatted at them, causing Laura to silently chuckle as she went to unlock the door.

        Carmilla was not unaware that Laura was still holding onto her hand; honestly, she was hyper aware of the contact. Laura’s hands were soft and even warm, despite being wet from the rain, and the contact alone sent a tingling sensation through Carmilla’s hand and up her arm. She shrugged the feeling off, completely aware that it was out of place and inappropriate. It was nothing; simply body heat warming the chill of her skin.

        She was dragged past the elevator to the stairway which caused her to groan, “Cutie, it’s not that I’m averse to physical exertion but…?”

        “It’s broken. It’s been broken. I don’t think they are ever going to fix it. I’ve contacted the landlord. Nothing. I contacted him again…”

        “Well, that’s your problem.”

        “What?”

        “Being an annoying tenant.” Instead of taking it as a joke like Carmilla meant it, the statement only seemed to feed Laura’s fire, “Well, it’s absolutely ridiculous. I’ve paid to live in this building. The elevator should be fixed. He should really take the complaint of a tenant seriously if he wants to be successful. I could easily move out.”

        “Then do it.”

        Laura paused in her movement before starting up the stairs again, “Okay, well I can’t easily move out but still.”

        The entire building appeared to be rundown, starting from the outside. It was a red brick building that was stained from the wear and tear the years had had on its rough edges. The sign hung loosely from the brick and was only held up by the top left corner screw. The words were no longer legible, faded into the now browned metal surface. The call box on the left side of the front door was out of commission; deliveries being dropped off inside the door without announcement. The front door was miraculously still attached in full but made ungodly squeaking noises as it was pushed or pulled inwards. The elevator stood as the only beacon of light in the entire lobby if that’s even what if could be called. There was no tape or sign informing people that it was out of order, it just never responded to the signal button.

        The stairs were located in a dark and dingy room off the main floor. The covers of the lights in the stairwell were soured yellow, dimming the lights into an eerie glow. The stairs themselves were concrete with rusted metal railings on each side that led up to the floors above. Carmilla noticed the exit sign set gently against the angled radiator next to the entrance door as if it was trying to say sorry for the state of it’s surroundings.

        Carmilla was hauled up to the fourth floor and halfway down the hall before the Laura found her keys to unlock the door, “Home sweet home.”

        Carmilla found herself standing on tiled floor in a small entryway that led into a tiny kitchen on the left that she found to be the perfect size for the tiny girl standing in front of her. The short hallway if it could even be called that led directly into the living room to which she was directed next.

       “I don’t think Betty’s here,” Laura must have sensed a sort of confusion from Carmilla because she continued,” Oh! She’s my roommate. I’ll show you my room so you can change.”

        Before Carmilla could answer Laura, the girl had taken her by the hand and led her into a room to the right. The first thing that Carmila noticed was the bright yellow pillow that seemed to be the centerpiece of the room; the object from which everything else derived energy. It was a simple layout yet seemed to hold purpose and an overwhelming need to know the why of everything in the room passed through Carmilla but she let it go quickly; not wanting to cling onto the feeling. Still looking around, Carmilla nonchalantly pointed out what she thought the obvious problem was, “I think you might be forgetting something, cupcake.”

        “Oh? What?”

        “I don’t have any clothes to change into.”

        A blush crept up Laura’s cheeks and Carmilla found it endearing. _What? Endearing? Fuck no._

        “I can get you something,” Laura replied, moving towards the dresser and trying to hide the red in her cheeks. “I am not wearing that.”

        “What?” Laura looked down at the clothes in her hands in confusion before her eyes traveled to Carmilla, assessing what she was wearing. Carmilla raised her eyebrows and spread her arms slightly, trying to get it across to Laura who responds with an amused smile, “Oh, I get it.”

        “Yeah, I don’t think hot pink is really my color, sweetheart. It’s fine, I can just go home and get something.”

        “Don’t be ridiculous! Its still raining and you’ll get sick in those wet clothes. Just because I’m not as dark and mysterious as you, doesn’t mean I don’t own anything black?”

        “You think I’m dark and mysterious?” Carmilla asked, amused and confused by Laura’s words. “Okay, maybe more like standoffish and rude.”

        “Ouch. Harsh words. Didn’t know someone so sweet could be so mean.”

        “You don’t really know me at all,” Laura responded easily, tossing Carmilla a black t-shirt but still holding out the orange and purple gym shorts, “You don’t have to like it, but these are the only shorts I’ve got left right now. I haven’t really had the time to do my laundry.”

        Carmilla sneered at the pants in Laura’s hand but snatching them anyways. She threw the clothes on the bed and then slowly dragged her wet, now clingy shirt up her back and over her head. She heard the very quiet intake of breath behind her and bit her lip. Carmilla knew exactly what she was doing. She knew she was hot and she was not trying to be conceited at all; it was just something she had always been aware of. Her mother had taught her to use her looks to her advantage and though she was not getting anything out of this, the girl’s reaction was enough. “See something you like, cutie?”

        The blush on the girl’s face deepened as she turned her head to the side, rummaging through the drawers again, “Wh…what? No…I was…I was just…”

        “It’s fine, sweetheart. I’m used to it.” Carmilla said offhandedly, tugging the shirt over her head. She shimmied out of her shorts and pulled the new ones up, turning around to see Laura, which caused her breath to hitch in her throat. The smaller girl had stripped down entirely, the only covering being her light pink bra and polka dotted underwear that hugged her butt in a way that made Carmilla feel embarrassed about looking. Usually, that was not the case. Carmilla had seen many girls with less clothes on that Laura was currently wearing and it never bothered her to stare before now. The only problem was, now, she could not look away; she could not even blink. It felt as if her eyes were glued open. Laura’s arms were slightly toned, something Carmilla had not noticed before but the girl’s leg muscles were extraordinary. Laura’s stomach was not muscly but was still flat and Carmilla tried to avert her eyes from the small rise just sticking out from above the bra but they seemed to be drawn to that exact spot.

        “See something you like,” Carmilla’s eyes popped up to Laura’s face at the sound of her voice that had drastically changed. Carmilla had not expected such a seductive sound to be able to flow from the brunette’s lips, but that was what she had just been hit with and she could not respond. Laura pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and then let it go while raising her left eyebrow, “sweetheart.”

        Carmilla stood there staring, open mouthed, at the girl in front of her who had made no other moves. She looked back into Carmilla’s eyes. There was something familiar to Carmilla that flashed across the wood green eyes that Carmilla had once thought were brown but now when looking into them, realized they were a mixture of colors, green being the most prominent.

        After a few moments that seemed like hours, Laura nervously ran her hand through her hair without breaking eye contact, but the movement still knocked Carmilla out of her trance, “I see I don’t know you very well.”

        With a timid giggle, the girl across from her pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a large t-shirt. Why this was a reoccurring issue in Carmilla’s mind she did not know. It’s not like she liked the girl, she did not even know her. It was entirely need based and that was stupid. She could control that; she had always been able to. She had slept with…well, a lot of girls and never once had she had a mental block when it came to them. She always had words to say, she always knew what to do next but for some reason, with a girl that there are no prospects of her sleeping with, she could not even form a coherent thought. _Carmilla Karnstein, you are losing your goddamn mind._

********************************************************************************************************************************

        The lush green lawn stretched out before her as her feet padded along, leaving footprints in the soft ground as she headed towards the front of campus. The _Voice of Silas_ staff meeting had been more successful than Laura had hoped. It seemed as if the staff, Corinna especially, had finally become invested in the paper, wanting it to succeed along with their names. That made Laura’s job easier now that she was stretched very thin between the school paper and _The Styrian_. The deadlines were being met without a hitch and Laura left the meeting finally feeling as if she had chosen the right person to be assistant editor. This paper was practically her baby; having created and produced it from the beginning, she felt as if she need to see is succeed and she only had one year left before she would have to part with the newspaper. Of course, she would be on to bigger and better things but she would never forget where she had started, that was something that should not be forgotten and her father had taught her that well enough.

        For spring, it was a warm day and she had forgone a jacket at home, letting the sun warm her skin as she walked through campus. She was halfway to the entrance of the esplanade, just passing by the fountain, when the grass began to be thrown into shadow and looking up, she saw a group of gray clouds slowly rolling in. _Of course I didn’t bring an umbrella._ In any situation of chance or luck, she always seemed to lose. The sprinkling did not bother her so much and was much warmer than she expected. The chill of winter had entirely gone, opening the doors to a more summer rain that excited Laura for the coming months off of school.

        Laura safely reached the entrance to campus before the clouds decided to open, letting go of all the water they held which fell in large droplets against her skin. Within second she was soaked and holding up her arm over her head as she ran did nothing to hinder the downpour. The streets of town were deserted, save for parked cars, as most people had dashed indoors to stay dry. Laura just wanted to get home, curl up on the couch, and marathon Doctor Who until she could not keep her eyes open. It was simply an excuse to put off the research that Ellis wanted her to get done but she had all day Saturday and Sunday to deal with that workload and she could allow herself one night off.

        She was rounding the corner onto Main Street when she collided hard with another body and stumbled backward, arms flailing before catching her footing. Unfortunately, that was not the case for whomever she had collided with. In front of her, a girl was sitting indignantly on the ground, her black hair stuck to her face. The girl’s head moved upward and Laura recognized the familiar face. _Of course. Out of everyone, it had to be her._ Carmilla Karnstein was smirking up at her from the ground, her stunned expression dissolving into the usual sarcastic one, “Nice running into you, cupcake.”

        Laura’s eyes widened in embarrassment, “Oh my god! I’m so sorr..”

        Before she knew it, her shoes were slipping against the pavement before flying out form underneath her, sending her body crashing to the ground and landing directly on top of Carmilla. She jumped as a loud and free laugh sounded from beneath her; one that she had never heard and never thought she would ever hear from the usually silent girl. Despite her surprise, she lifted herself up onto her hands to relieve the pressure on Carmilla’s chest that she knew she must be causing. She was met with dark eyes covered in flecks of gold, the corners of which had been turned up with the girl’s laughter. She could feel the heat rising in her cheeks but was more concerned and confused with Carmilla’s unexpected reaction. Carmilla’s head moved slightly, “I’d get up but um…”

        Laura had been trying to figure out what about the situation that Carmilla had found amusing, but the words pulled her from those thoughts and she scrambled up haphazardly. She had most likely looked absolutely ridiculous in her haste but she needed for her body to be free from the touch of Carmilla’s. She reached a hand down to be polite but Carmilla rejected it, pulling herself up from the wet ground with a smile that Laura had yet to get used to. It was not that she did not like to see the expression on Carmilla’s face, she was just not used to seeing something so, dare she say, happy? But as if Carmilla could read her mind, the expression disappeared and was replaced with unconcern. There was a difference though; this was not cold unconcern, Laura knew enough about her to understand that and see through the façade. It was simply the face Carmilla chose to show the world and Laura could live with that much…for now.

        When Carmilla informed Laura that she was headed home, Laura grabbed her arm and pulled her around the corner towards her own apartment. There was no way she was letting Carmilla walk all the way home in the rain; she could catch a cold and then Laura would be full of guilt for not intervening. Inevitably, Carmilla had to divulge some sexual innuendo to which Laura stuttered a response before choosing to continue in silence. “It was just a joke, sweetheart. I know what you meant.”

        She was grateful for Carmilla’s acknowledgement of the situation and suspected that that would be the best apology she would receive.

        After some difficulty and a few complaints from Carmilla, they finally got into Laura’s apartment. She realized a little late that Carmilla had been there once before and memories of that drunken night brought the redness to her face yet again. It had been embarrassing then and was still embarrassing. She had gotten so intoxicated that she had to be literally carried back to her apartment by, at that time, a complete stranger.

        Laura set her bag on the counter and flicked on the lights, the knowledge that Betty was not home making her feel less uneasy at the thought of explaining her and Carmilla’s dripping forms, trailing water throughout the apartment. After informing Carmilla of the absence, she grabbed ahold of the girl’s hand from which long, slim fingers were reluctant to hold back. Maybe the contact had been a mistake but it would be even more awkward if she just let go so instead, she gripped tighter and pulled Carmilla through the living room and into her own room and immediately let go of Carmilla’s hand.

        Laura was rifling through drawers when she noticed the silence behind her and turned confused to see Carmilla looking around, hands stuffed indifferently into the pockets of her wet shorts, “I think you might be forgetting something, cupcake.”

        Laura’s forehead scrunched up as she thought, not certain of what Carmilla was insisting, “Oh? What?”

        Carmilla shrugged, “I don’t have any clothes to change into.” 

        Laura almost face palmed but was very glad that she chose the opposite route. _Why am I such an idiot sometimes?_ “I can get you something.”

        Laura reached in and pulled out a hot pink shirt that was lying on the top of the rest of her clothes. Before she could turn around, Carmilla spoke in a voice that sounded commanding, “I am not wearing that.”

        Laura was confused but when she looked at Carmilla the girl was gesturing at what she was currently wearing which happened to consist of all black. “I can just go home and get something.”

        That was out of the question in Laura’s mind and she waved her hands, “Just because I’m not as dark and mysterious as you, doesn’t mean I don’t own anything black.”

        “You think I’m dark and mysterious?” The hidden chuckle behind Carmilla’s words brought another blush to her cheeks. That insinuation was not what she had meant but of course, she should not have expected Carmilla to take it any other way. Backtracking, she decided that maybe taking a jab at the girl would alleviate how uncomfortable she felt, “Okay maybe more like standoffish and rude.”

        Carmilla pretended to be hurt, “Didn’t know someone so sweet could be so mean.”

        "You don’t really know me at all,” Laura said. The word were true; no matter how much time they had spent together, Laura had always been the one trying to figure out Carmilla. The other girl had no interest in her life whatsoever and only knew things about her because Laura happened to mention them in passing. They were not close and Laura was becoming more and more aware of that each time they met. She would most likely call them friends yet that may be too early in the making to have any standing. The draw that Laura felt to Carmilla had never dissipated and though the girl was annoying and could be exceedingly rude, the tug never ceased.

        Laura opened a new drawer and pulled out a black shirt but unable to find any pants other than the orange and purple gym shorts that stuck out underneath the shirt. _I really need to do the laundry._ It had been weeks since Laura had managed to have time to wash her clothes and the lack of options was blatantly apparent. The vicious sneer on Carmilla’ face clearly showed her distaste but she grabbed them anyway; no other options were available and Laura’s wet clothes were getting to be very uncomfortable, she could imagine how Carmilla felt. Without hesitation, Carmilla grabbed the bottom of her black tee shirt and slowly dragged it up her body, revealing a slim and faintly toned stomach. Laura had seen Carmilla with less on during the time of her injury but that had been under entirely different circumstances and Laura’s attention had been occupied by other things. She could not stop her eyes from traveling from the girl’s stomach where the scar from the stitches was clear and deep red, not having had enough time to fade. to the larger than necessary swell of breast that was visible above the black lace bra that Carmilla was wearing. Laura’s breath caught in her throat and it must have been audible because Carmilla noticed, “See something you like, cutie?”

        She stuttered something unintelligible as her mind raced to remedy the situation but Carmilla’s sarcastic response made her blood boil. _Two can play at this game._ For Laura, wearing a bikini and standing naked in underwear were two entirely different experiences and she was not one who was normally comfortable exposing her body to the world. Yet, she steeled herself and removed her shirt and pants, realizing that her pink bra and polka dot underwear were not of the same caliber as Carmilla’s expensive lingerie.

        Carmilla had gotten entirely dressed before she had turned around but the look on her face made Laura feel very smug about her actions. Carmilla swallowed hard and her eyes raked down the entirety of Laura’s body, which made Laura want to squirm, but she held firm. Carmilla’s eyes seemed to hover on her cleavage as Laura’s had when Carmilla was shirtless. In her best mimic of Carmilla’s seductive tone, she repeated the girl’s own words, “See something you like,” Laura bit on her lower lip and dipped her head, “sweetheart?”

        Carmilla’s jaw dropped slightly so that her mouth was hanging open, goggling Laura. There was a flash of heat through Laura’s body, causing her to nervously run her hand through her hair to try to rid herself of the feeling. “I see I don’t know you very well.”

        She ignored Carmilla’s statement, a shy giggle that she had no control over, escaping from her mouth. Laura quickly pulled on a pair of gray sweatpants and a tee shirt that was a size to big. She was still recovering from her courageous show from before and she was not quite sure what to say to Carmilla to move on from their strange moment. At one point, their eyes had met and Laura swore she saw a flash of gold before it quickly disappeared and Carmilla’s eyes darkened ever so slightly, but that could have very well been the change of lighting in the room. Either way, Carmilla apparently had no words either which was not much of a change from the norm. Laura turned to shut the drawer to the dresser, _Get it together Hollis._

******************************************************************************************************************************

        He looked at the clock and then back to the door and once more at the clock before sighing and hanging his head back over the chair. She had been gone longer than he had expected which was not unusual, just annoying. He never understood why he constantly needed to know where she was because his checkups were not looked upon in favor by her and she usually never responded.

        There was a faint knock on the front door and a flash of his mother flickered in front of his eyes. The woman had been gone for months without word and it would be just like her to show up unannounced and surprise them with her presence. His fear quickly receded because his mother would never knock, especially in her own house. Alerting them would be the last thing she would do. Catching the two of them off-guard brought her great pleasure.

        He pushed himself off the couch and opened the door to be met by an annoyed looking Emily. His eyebrows furrowed, “Uh…hi?”

        “Is Carmilla here?” she questioned, getting straight to the point of her appearance.

        Will settled himself against the doorframe, putting his left hand into his back pocket, “I haven’t seen her all day.”

        “Do you know where she might be?”

        “Did you try texting her?”

        “I’m not an idiot, of course I texted her. She won’t respond.”

        Ever since his birthday and Emily’s complete lack of care for Carmilla, she had started to annoy him. Originally his thought was that they seemed to work for each other but he could not ever be okay with Carmilla dating someone who showed no concern for her well being. Of course, that is exactly the type of person Carmilla would want to get involved with.  He was not even sure they were dating and if they were, Carmilla ignoring Emily would be due to the girl’s recent attachment. She was getting clingy and one thing Carmilla did not stand was clingy. She had always just gone for girl’s who were easy to deal with and did not expect much. “I don’t know what to tell you, Emily, she’s not here.”

        The girl pursed her lips in a very unflattering way, “Would you mind texting her? Maybe she’ll respond to you.”

        Will did not move but just raised an eyebrow. Emily’s shoulders fell, “Please, Will.

        He rolled his eyes but dug his phone out of the pocket of his dark blue jeans and slid it open to the messaging screen.

**To Millie (6:03pm):** _Where are you?_

He turned off the phone and looked up at an expectant face. He pushed himself off the doorframe, “It’s Carmilla. Who knows when she will get back to me…”

        Surprisingly there was a faded ding from his pocket and his eyes widened in shock.

**Millie (6:04pm):** _Laura’s_

        Will could not stop the smile that spread on his face at the mention of Laura whom he had hoped would be able to crack Carmilla’s shell. He had always thought Carmilla had taken a liking to the short brunette the first day they had come across each other in the bookstore. He sure had but his advances were quickly put to rest when he realized that he was not anywhere near the category of her type. It was fine in the end because she was genuinely nice and no matter how Carmilla treated her, she always found a way to come back and try again. It was the kind of person that Carmilla needed in her life, even if it was just friendship. Anything was better than nothing. He was positive though, that Emily would not be ecstatic to hear the news. Laura and Emily never got along; from the moment they had met there was a tension between them that could not be broken. Emily was quite rude to Laura and Laura either snapped back or left without a word. He was not sure where the immediate hostility had stemmed from but he had a hunch that Laura’s feelings for Carmilla were more than even she realized.

        It was strange to him that people could develop feelings for each other without even realizing it. Maybe he was wrong, but that concept was still strange. Not that he had much experience in that area. He had a few girlfriends through high school but nothing seemed to stick and he was not sure he had ever felt the elusive feeling that he searched for. Anyways, the thought of Emily’s reaction interested him more at the moment. “She’s with Laura.”

        Instantly, Emily’s eyes darkened and her mouth turned into a thin line, “What?”

        “She’s at Laura’s.”

        “And where is that?”

        Will shrugged, “I honestly have no idea. Not that I would tell you if she did. Leave her alone, okay? She obviously does not want to talk to you today.”

        With a dramatic twirl, Emily marched down the steps of the porch, got into her car, and slamming the door, backed up and drove away in a fury. Will figured it was his brotherly duty to inform Carmilla that her maybe girlfriend was going to be quite upset with her.

**To Millie (6:08pm):** _Emily’s not too happy you’re with Laura_

**Millie (6:20pm):** _Good for her_

**To Millie (6:20pm):** _You don’t care?_

**Millie (6:21pm):** _You definitely didn’t need to tell her. But, I don’t really care right now. I’m busy._

**To Millie (6:22pm):** _Busy, huh? (;_

**Millie (6:23pm):** _Don’t be a child_

        Will dropped the subject but smiled at the knowledge that Carmilla would rather spend time with Laura than talk to him. That would not fly with him everyday obviously, he was still her brother, but she seemed to be making some sort of effort in being friendly to the girl and he did not want to ruin that for her. Anyways, when she got back, he would get it out of her one way or another.

*******************************************************************************************************************************

        “Creampuff, please no,” Carmilla whined, covering her face out of exasperation at the tiny girl behind her who, somehow, had managed to get Carmilla’s agreement to stay the afternoon and now it was turning into evening and Carmilla had yet to acquire the urge to rush out of the apartment.

        “Just one more, Carm,” the girl giggled.

        “We’ve been watching this all afternoon and I’m sick and tired of whatever that thing is called and it’s noises.”

        Laura’s eyes frowned, “The Tardis. The Tardis. It’s not hard to remember.”

       They were sitting on the brown, corduroy couch in Laura’s living room with and episode of some science fiction show that Carmilla could not be bothered to remember the name of, streaming on the television. Two cups of hot chocolate were sitting, empty and forgotten on the coffee table in front of them and an empty plate of cookies, which Laura had eaten most of, was sitting in a pile of crumbs. Carmilla was lounging across the couch, her legs across Laura’s lap and a light gray blanket covering them both. The only reason that this was their current seating arrangement was because Camrilla refused to move once she had gotten comfortable and Laura had said that the couch had the best angle to see the television from. Carmilla would much rather preferred to be sitting in the other chair because there had been a constant reminder in the back of her mind, since they had sat down, that they were in very close quarters.

        Though it had been quite awhile since that time, Carmilla had grown used to Laura’s close presence during those days where she was bed-ridden and Laura had come and sat silently with her as she read. This time it was different simply because she was not injured; this was casual, as if they were friends, which Carmilla could not attest to. Friendship was not one of her fortes and she avoided the term at all costs, or had. Now she was unsure of what led to this unsuspected connection between her and the tiny brunette that seemed to have arisen in the bookshop that started everything. Carmilla never cursed a bookshop but she almost had the mind to do so this time. _Ding!_

        The sound shocked her back to reality as a message from Will acquiring about her current location appeared on the screen. Laura looked at her quizzically, “Who is it?”

        The words were trying too hard to be uncaring for Carmilla to truly believe they were. “Just Will.”

        “Oh,” Laura looked back to the television set but Carmilla saw the struggle to keep a smile at bay on the girl’s face. Carmilla answered and then poked Laura’s side with her foot, eliciting a small giggle, “Someone’s ticklish.”

        “Don’t you dare,” Laura responded, glaring, her arms set in defense.

        “Wouldn’t dream of it, cupcake.” She honestly had not been thinking of any more physical contact than was already happening. She was aware of her thoughts and it would lead to a place that there was no turning back from. Carmilla was not blind; Laura was attractive and she was aware of her own attraction towards the girl. She was also capable of not acting on her attraction and was satisfied with the red blush in the girl’s cheeks whenever her flirting turned to a more sexual subject. She had caught herself staring and wanting to be in Laura’s company but she had kept any more physical altercations at bay because whenever she was in Laura’s presence, it was as if every annoyance the girl could possibly muster up turned cute. It was ridiculous but there seemed to be an air around the girl that no matter what she did, Carmilla would put up with it. They were four episodes into a television show she had never watched before, a perfect example of this problem.

        All of a sudden the television went quiet and Laura almost jumped up from the couch, “Want more hot chocolate?”

        She asked the question as she moved, but her foot got caught on the little part of the blanket that was lying on the floor.

        “Be careful.” Carmilla had instinctively stuck out her hand to catch the girl. Laura was looking at her as her hand lay against her stomach, warmth radiating through Carmilla’s arm. The green of her eyes glistened and her eyebrows twitched as if figuring out a difficult thought. Laura’s right hand was grasping Carmilla’s forearm for support and there was a tingling sensation that spread out from where her fingers touched Carmilla’s skin. The heightened physical attraction was the exact emotion Carmilla was trying to subdue; yet with the contact, it flared up. She did not deny that she was more of a sexual being than many of the people she knew and that her sex life, when she chose, was quite active. Emily had been the source of that lately but this feeling of attraction was not the same as it was towards Emily. Instead of a want of pleasure, there was a want of this particular girl.

        Her eyes glanced towards Laura’s lips, which were parted. She lifted her hand up, it’s destination the skin against Laura’s jaw but before her hand laid down, Laura had released her arm and grabbed the mugs, almost tripping again as she made her way around the couch, “Two hot chocolates coming up!”

         _Shit. What are you doing?_ Carmilla mentally punched herself for even trying when she had promised herself she would not.

           

        Laura was in the kitchen longer than necessary and Carmilla came to the conclusion that the girl was trying to avoid her for as long as possibly. Eventually, she would have to come back and they could forget it ever happened. _Ding!_ The screen depicted that the message was again from Will, but this time, the contents were not something Carmilla cared to hear. At this point, she was practically done with Emily. Needy and clingy was not something Carmilla ever did and Emily though seemingly of the same mindset in the beginning, had started to become very jealous and wanted to be with Carmilla all the time. To her, the girl was simply one of the ones that happened to stick for a while. There was no more feeling towards her than any of her previous hookups; she had just tolerated her for longer.

        It would have made the situation better if Will had kept his mouth shut about her being with Laura. She knew the two were not fond of each other and she wanted to keep this as uncomplicated as possible; her brother apparently did not have the sense.

        When Laura re-entered the room, her jaw was clenched tight and she was glaring at her phone, waiting for Willa’s text back. Laura set down her hot chocolate and in a small voice asked, “Is everything okay?”

        “It’s fine,” she snapped though she had not meant to. Laura seemed to understand because instead of letting it slide like she usually did when Carmilla became distant, she inquired further, “Is Will okay?”

        “Will is fine. Emily on the other hand is not too fond of the idea of us spending time together.”

        “Was that her?”

        “Fortunately not.” The text was from Will, but Emily had been texting her earlier and Carmilla was ignoring those messages. She was busy as she had informed Will and not in the mood to be forced to explain herself. Nothing was happening between Laura and her, the earlier situation, nothing but a fault on Carmilla’s part. Laura nodded curtly, “Good.”

        Carmila smirked, “Wow, cupcake. Didn’t figure you were one to throw punches.”

        “I’m not…”   

        “Don’t worry, it’s a known fact that you two do no get along.” Laura scooted her body a little closer to where Carmilla had pulled her knees up under the blanket and Carmilla took a deep breath, grabbing for her hot chocolate to distract her. “We don’t have to keep watching this.”

        “I don’t have anything better to do,” Carmilla shrugged though she did not want to continue watching, she also did not want Laura to be upset. _What? Why do I care about that?_ “Actually, I haven’t been paying attention to this at all.”

        Laura playfully smacked her knee and laughed, “Carm! I was showing you this for a reason,” and then added after a pause, “I knew you weren’t actually watching.”

        The laugh was intoxicating and filled Carmilla’s head until she found herself laughing along, “I have no idea why this overly exuberant man flies around in a blue box. I also don’t care.”

        Laura leaned forward and unplugged the laptop before shutting the TV off. She grabbed her mug from the table and turned toward Carmilla, her eyes closing as she took a drink and smiled at the warmth that rushed down her throat, “Then what do you want to do?”

        There were a few things Carmilla wanted to do; all happened to be indecent. The lust was for some reason filling every single cell in her body unlike it had ever done before and her mind was becoming foggy with a red smoke that would not clear no matter how hard she tried. The urge to feel those lips overpowered her and she wanted to know what reaction she would gain from kissing Laura but she also did not want to frighten the girl away. She had started to see that though there was not reason, Laura cared about her almost as much as Will. She had stayed with Carmilla throughout her recovery even when Carmilla had almost physically pushed her out. She had stuck to unspoken boundaries and…the flash from Will’s birthday party caused a sudden realization. She had been the only one able to bring Carmilla out of the panic attack. No one, save for Will, had ever been able to do that before. And at Will’s party, Laura had been genuinely curious to know what Carmilla was thinking about and what kept her in her head for most of the time.

        Carmilla’s eyes found Laura’s and there was a new softness in her face, a new innocence in the smile and the green eyes were bright, waiting for an answer from Carmilla who was speechless. Had she always tucked her hair behind her ears? Did her lips always seem so inviting and welcoming and warm? Were her eyes always jovial and excited and happy? The eyes that were forest green with splotches of brown. “Carmilla, are you okay?”

         _Absolutely not._ She shook her head, the fog finally clearing, but the clarity was even less welcome, “Yeah, cupcake, everything’s perfectly okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you liked it!
> 
> I have decided to list the songs I listened to while writing each chapter (a lot of them will be repeated many times):  
> Over The Rainbow - Ingrid Michaleson, Laura - Celia Pavey, Send Me To The Moon - Sara Bareilles, Love Like This (Acoustic) - Kodaline
> 
> My fan tumblr is: uselessgayshit  
> Any questions you have about the fic, direct them to this as it will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS for updates.
> 
> Saying that, you are more than welcome to follow my personal tumblr as well: just-trying-togetby


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possible Trigger Warning: Brief talk of abuse
> 
> Any trigger warnings if they arise will be listed at the beginning of each chapter. 
> 
> This is an absolute miracle! Another chapter already, you may be asking. Yes. I don't know how or why but it happened so here it is.

        “I want you to understand that if tomorrow you change your mind, or next week, or next month even, you need to tell me. If you can’t do this, please let me know because I don’t want to make you feel like you have to do something you’re uncomfortable with,” they hesitantly laid their hand on her cheek and nudged her head so she would look them in the eyes, “Okay? You need to tell me. But I don’t want to not even try.”

        Having to explain and try to reason with the girl before them allowed them their own time to reflect and they realized that this was one of the scariest things they had ever had to do in their life. It may sound superficial but for someone who could very well lose their best friend in the long run, it was frightening beyond words. They did not think that Perry would ever truly leave, but the relationship that had been built over the years would no longer exist in the same form. It would be strained if this did not work out but Lafontaine had had about enough of them skirting each other and the subject. They knew that even if Perry did not feel exactly how they did towards her, she felt something different. There had been a touch here or there or a look that told more than words and they thought that if they lived in uncertainty any longer they would implode.

        Perry had not answered yet and her eyes had turned back to her hands, which were fidgeting in her lap. She was outwardly uncomfortable, that was clear, but Lafontaine had not forced this; Perry herself had said they needed to talk and had gotten Lafontaine to sit down with her. Her eyebrows were furrowed, sending shadows over her eyes that were not sparkling green as Lafontaine had wished but were faded as the girl thought over the proposal. “Lafon…”

        “Perry, do not try to make excuses,” Lafontaine sighed, weary at the thought of another round of reasoning.

        The look on Perry’s face was one of hurt, her lips slightly curved downwards into a frown and the brows less furrowed before but still slanted, “That’s not what I was going to say.”

        Lafontaine took a deep intake of breath because if Perry had not been about to argue, then the only other available option was for to have agreed and though they wanted this more than anything, they had been bracing themselves for the worse. Perry took Lafontaine’s hand in hers and looked at it for a few moments, her curly hair falling into her face before she spoke, still looking at their hands, “I want to try this. I’m really scared, but I want to try.”

        The smile that spread across Lafontaine’s face was so large it hurt their cheeks but they could not help it. Perry’s words sent a warmth of joy throughout their entire body and all of their facilities were overcome so much that they had no control over their muscles which felt as if they were going limp all at once. They ruled that out immediately as they were still sitting up straight and they could feel as Perry flipped their hand over and over in her search for some aspect of structure where she would find none. This was going to be tough but Lafontaine was ready for whatever came their way.

        It took Perry a long time to build up the courage to raise her eyes but Lafontaine let her work through her thoughts. When she did, the glisten was back even though it was in contrast to the worry lines that creased her forehead. They were sitting on different pieces of the living room furniture; Perry had sat poised on the edge of the couch cushion as Lafontaine had settled themself in the recliner. Now, without pulling their hands from Perry, they quickly moved to sit next to her on the couch and leaned back into the cushions. Surprisingly, without much egging, Perry turned to them and laid her head in the crease of their shoulder as she pulled her legs up onto the couch. It felt slightly off, not in the way that they did not fit together, but because they were both fairly uncomfortable with physical contact, this aspect of the relationship was going to be one of the biggest hurdles. Lafontaine stretched their arm over Perry’s back, resting it on her upper arms and gently stroking it with their thumb. They hoped this was not overstepping a boundary too soon but Perry seemed okay with it. Anything else though, Lafontaine could not picture it themselves. That was not the point of being with Perry; it was not even one of the deciding factors. They could, without a doubt, do without that for now and for the foreseeable future. Lafontaine knew Perry would see things the same way so that was not of any concern for the present moment. 

        The silence of the house was more comforting than suffocating but there was a pressure of something new that seemed to evade every atom of the air. Perry sat up, sniffling, though she had not seemed to be crying before. They did not want to see Perry cry because the girl so rarely did that it broke their heart whenever tears appeared. It would have broken their heart no matter how often it happened but they were eternally grateful that it was not often; they were not so great with dealing with emotional breakdowns. “So, what happens now?”

        Lafontaine could think of many different possibilities that line of conversation could go down. Even more pressing than their new relationships status, if it had even changed just yet, was the more menacing event that was graduation. It had seemed to appear out of nowhere, a train speeding uncontrollably towards a station and Lafontaine was not sure they were ready to take the next leap. University may have been drastically different from high school, but it was still a shelter from the real world and what lay out there was haunting their every thought. They had yet to decide if they were going to instantly continue their schooling in the next year or if they were going to take a gap year and work. Dr. Pierson had already offered them another summer job doing research with him which Lafontaine had instantly accepted as the summer before had been one of the best of their lives. They got to spend everyday doing professional grade research in a professional lab with a professional biologist. They published papers so they were practically a professional themself, or so they liked to think.

        Now though, their decisions affected more than one person. It had pretty much been that way before, but now, it held more weight. Perry had not be open about her plans though Lafontaine was positive that she was going to stick with a bachelor’s degree and work now. Where that work was going to be taking place, Lafontaine could not say? They had hoped to continue their education, if they deemed to do so, at Silas with Dr. Pierson but if Perry wanted to up and move, Lafontaine was not sure that the rocky relationship, even that their friendship was before, could survive distance. They had the ability to remove emotion and stick with science; it had been very helpful throughout their life when they needed an escape, but when something involved Perry, that always became much more difficult to accomplish and they usually ended up picking whatever option included her.

        Instead of bringing up this track of thoughts, they concluded that Perry most likely meant what happens now between them. A simple thought brought another smile to Lafontaine’s face and Perry returned it with a quizzical look.

        “I’m taking you on a date,” they said confidently, without tripping over the words.

        Perry raised an eyebrow, “What?”

 

        Nothing in Silas had been fancy enough in Lafontaine’s mind to qualify as an acceptable first date, so instead, they found themselves in Styria, in a small, yet upscale Italian restaurant. The dim lights cast strange shadows upon the table as knives and forks clinked, overpowering the opera that was playing through the speakers in the corners of the ceilings. There were small trees scattered about, covered in twinkling fairy lights that could also be found strung across the wall near the ceiling. Each table was laid with a white tablecloth and a place setting at each seat while a yellow-tinted lamp hung down almost to eye level. The hostess had smiled and directed them to their table before swiping away the unnecessary extra place settings and wishing them a good evening.

        Their waiter had arrived not too long afterwards, sporting short black hair with a lanky athletic build dressed in the standard uniform of black pants, a white button down, a slim black tie, and a white apron which held a stack of specials cards and his bill pad. He was nice enough, encouraging them to try the specials and giving his own two cents about which was the best choice of wine. Of course, Lafontaine ordered Perry’s favorite, Provence Rosé, causing a shy smile to light up the girl’s face. The first minutes were spent in silence as they browsed over the plethora of menu items, Lafontaine deciding on fettucine alfredo while Perry chose a more intricate shrimp dish that Lafontaine could not pronounce. They placed their order and dug into the bread dish, smothering it in the garlic butter that was given as the spread.

        It had never been hard to talk to Perry, words seemed to come naturally when it came to their best friend and so they went on and on about their day, asking Perry questions about her and before long, their main dishes had arrived and the waiter poured each of them another glass of wine. They were driving, but another glass would not hurt; they knew their limit and two glasses of wine over dinner was perfectly suitable. Lafontaine had inquired about Perry’s shift at the bakery when the girl stopped the conversation, “This doesn’t feel like anything different than our everyday.”

        Lafontaine set a hand over the lapels on their dark purple jacket, “That hurts, Perr. This is a date. I can’t believe you would say something like that.”

        Perry laughed at Lafontaine’s sarcasm, “I just meant that it’s not hard.”

        Lafontaine leaned into the table, clasping their hands in front of them, “Did you think it would be hard?”

        Perry shrugged vaguely, “I just thought it would be different. But it’s not.”

        “Is that okay?” Lafontaine asked, concerned that Perry had brought this to attention. Perry shook her head vigorously, “I didn’t mean it wasn’t at all. I’m glad it’s the same as always. I was worried things would have changed but I can still talk to you like my best friend.”

        “Perr, you can always talk to me; I am your best friend.”

        “Yeah, but now we’re…” Lafontaine did not let her finish the sentence, “But we’re still best friends. That’s never going to change. If you aren’t best friends with the person your in a relationship with, it’ll never work,” Lafontaine threw her a lopsided smile, “We’ve got that part down pat.”

        Perry’s eyes shone even in the dark lamplight, her green sweater illuminating the green in her eyes to a different shade than usual. Nothing had really changed between the two in the last few days since they had decided to give dating a try. Of course this was their first actual date so maybe things did not really start until after this but they for one, were already living together, which actually, might not be the best thing. They already knew everything about one another so there was no need for the “get to know” phase. They existed in each other’s space like before but this time, they understood that if they wanted to hold hands, they could. In the evenings when they would watch a movie, Perry would lie in Lafontaine’s arms unlike before when had simply shared a blanket and possibly shoulder space. Those were the only steps they had taken so far but slow was fine; it was how it should be. Perry had also asked Lafontaine not to tell anyone quite yet, which they were fine with. It was best for them to figure this out on their own first before anyone else came into the equation.

        Across the table, Perry took a sip of wine, looking intently at Lafontaine over the edge of the crystal class and Lafontaine tilted their head, “What?”

        Perry took a second to swallow her drink and then a close-lipped smile appeared on her face before her mouth opened to speak, “I’m happy to be on a date with you.”

        A surge of euphoric happiness enwrapped Lafontaine’s mind and they could do nothing but smile lazily back at the girl that sat across from them, her curls hanging loosely against her face and think, _God, she is so beautiful._

*************************************************************************************************************************************************

        “Dude, I’m still so fucking pumped from my party. That was fantastic. Thanks, man,” Will’s voice came crackling through the phone. Kirsch smiled to no one in particular, “No problem, bro. That’s what I’m here for. I’m glad you liked it. It could’ve gone wrong.”

        “Nah, man. Hey, we should hang out.”

        “Yeah, definitely.”

        “What are you doing right now?” Kirsch looked over at the tall red-head that sat next to him, “Uh, I’m kind of busy but soon. I’ll text you.”

        “Uh, yeah, cool, I guess,” Will sounded slightly dejected on the other end; either that or confused at why Kirsch was brushing him off but Danny was in earshot and she would kill him if she found out he was telling people they spent time together. “Okay, gotta go.”

        He hung abruptly and set the phone down on the table just as Danny was scooting out of her seat to stand, “Sorry to cut today short. I have to head out.”

        Kirsch flung his hand across the table and grabbed her hand, partially standing partially still sitting and her eyes widened at his touch, “Don’t go.”

        “Kirsh…” She reproached, her eyes narrowing as she pulled her hand from his grip, “I have a Summer Society meeting and I can’t be late. If they find out I’m hanging out with you, they could take my presidency.”

        Kirsch stood up, not bothered the slightest by the fact that the Summer Society girls were terrible enough to hold the presidency over her head for hanging out with him simply because he was a Zeta. His brothers though they may not be particularly fond of the association if they found out were not controlling; it was his life and he was welcome to befriend anyone he wished. That did not stop Theo from warning every new Zeta that the Zetas always came first and if anything started to cause problems, then it would have to be stopped. Kirsch did not think anything of the sort would happen because originally, Danny refused to even call them friends, which by now, was definitely their title.

        He moved to the opposite side of the table and blocked her path to the exit, tired of her dodging him whenever he tried to ask. She had made it very clear before that they would be nothing but workout partners but that had since changed and so he was sure her feelings towards him could have changed as well. They had hung out pretty much everyday at the gym and would go for drinks afterward, though that may have been negating the workout in the first place; he would do it if it meant being able to spend time with her. And yes, he really wanted to be her friend because he thought she was amazing and super intelligent but he also thought she was really hot and he wished that she would give him a chance.

        She glared at him as he stepped in front of her, “Kirsch, I have to go.”

        “Danny, I like you,” she opened her mouth to speak but he continued so she couldn’t, “No, let me finish. I like you and I know you know that. We always hang out and you told me we should just stay friends and if that is really what you want okay, because being your friend is awesome,” he paused because there was really no other way to go about saying what he needed to say next that was not so blunt, “And I know you like me to.”

        Her mouth parted slightly and her forehead creased but she did not refute him so he went on, “I know you like me and I don’t understand why you keep pretending you don’t.”

        Her face reddened in an anger he had not been expecting, “You have absolutely no right to say that. None,” she looked him straight in the eyes and without blinking emphasized each word, “I. Do. Not. Like. You. Get that through your head. I don’t like you, Kirsch. And if this is what you are going to do, then we can’t hang out anymore. Maybe I’ll see you around but I’ve got to go.”

        He turned to follow her as she stormed out the door but thought better. His chest felt like it was opening and it hurt because her words had been sharp and she had meant each and every one of them. He had been so sure that she was starting to like him back. This positivity is what led him to have the courage to say this to her in the first place but now, he felt as if any emotion had just slipped out of his body and he could not quite grasp what he had felt before. He had given her an ultimatum and she had taken it and now he would have to pick himself back up if he still wanted to be around her. He would do friendship; he just had to make sure his feelings did not get in the way.

        Kirsch picked up the phone off the table and dialed, “Hey, you still want to do something?”

 

        “When I said let’s do something, I didn’t mean hang out at the Zeta house,” Kirsch complained, using the paddle to hit the ping pong ball over the net to Will. “Well, you didn’t come up with anything better so…”

        Will did not need to finish because Kirsch had not had any better ideas; he was still a bit let down by Danny’s utter rejection and missed the next return. Will dropped his paddle on the table, “Alright bro, I was gonna let it go, but what’s up?”

        Kirsch’s waved his hand, “It’s nothing.”

        “You’ve been sulking since I got here. Something’s up.”

        “It just hasn’t been the best day,” Kirsch mumbled, rolling the ball back and forth across the table, between his hands.

        Will leaned forward, sending the edge of the table into Kirsch’s thighs, “Ah, watch it.”

        “Sorry, bro, but I’m guessing this has to do with whatever you were busy with earlier.”

        “That wasn’t a question.”

        “No, because I know it was. Besides being shady on the phone, you were perfectly cheery, now you’re acting like a puppy who just got his tail stepped on,” Will pushed off the table, sending it once again into Kirsch’s legs and he glared before Will asked his last question, “What gives?”

        “Like I said it’s nothing.” Even though Kirsch did not have a problem telling Will about Danny, he did not want to talk about it with anyone. Before he could have said that they were friends but now they were not necessarily friends but also not more than friends and they did not hate each other either, so all in all, it was so confusing in his brain that he could not figure out how to tell Will. “Don’t give me that shit, man.”

        “I just don’t really want to talk about it.”

        “Girl trouble?” Will seemed hesitant to ask and Kirsch looked up in time to see him struggle with the decision to continue or not, “Is it SJ?”

        That was something Kirsch had not been expecting at all. The topic of his ex-girlfriend was pretty much off limits and everyone knew to not bring her up. Yet here Will was, stirring the pot and making his brain hurt even more. SJ was in the past and apparently she wanted to stay there as she had made no attempts to contact either him or Laura…well, he was not entirely sure about the latter but Laura had not brought her up. Kirsch was sure even though he had asked Laura to keep her name out of conversation that Laura would have slipped up if she had actually spoken to SJ.

        Kirsch’s hands unconsciously balled into fists and he only noticed because Will tried to backtrack, “I know you don’t want to talk about it, but something seems to be really bugging you and I’m just trying to help.”

        He shut his eyes and took a few deep breaths because he knew Will was just trying to help and he did not want to lose his cool on his fellow bro. Opening his eyes again he finally replied, “You know what. No. SJ is in the past, I try not to think about her because it still hurts but that’s said and done. Five years is a long time to just forget about though.”

        “No one is blaming you for still caring about SJ.”

        “I know, I know.”

        “So it’s about SJ?”

        “No, it’s not about her.” Kirsch stared at the ground as he had not entirely decided whether to spill about Danny to Will. “Then what is it about?”

        “Okay,” Kirsch met his eyes and adamantly spoke, “You cannot tell anyone. You swear?”

        “Yeah, as a Zeta.”

        “You understand you can’t tell any of the other guys?”

        Will placed his hand on his chest and nodded. Kirsch hit his fists against the ping-pong table gently before starting, “Okay, well, I’ve been kind of hanging out with Danny.”

        “Danny?”

        “Oh yeah, um, Summer Psycho.”

        Will’s jaw dropped open in surprise but no expression of anger appeared on his face, which relieved Kirsch of his fears that Will would hate him for getting close with a Summer. Will gathered himself back into his usually very well mannered and postured self, which seemed to only disappear whenever Will was hanging out around him or his sister. Otherwise, he carried himself with a demeanor of importance and perfect posture and spoke very well, despite the Zeta talk that had maneuvered it’s way into his vocabulary. “Okay…”

        “I know, it’s weird. I know.”

        “No, dude. It’s fine.”

        Kirsch’s eyes popped open, “Yeah?”

        “Yeah, man. Maybe I haven’t been around enough to understand why you guys hate each other in the first place but I don’t get it. I just usually pretend to care whenever something comes up,” he walked around the table towards Kirsch, “You do realize how many great things we could do if we teamed up with them. Not only that, but think of the magnitude of future parties. They would be made for the books.”

        “Yeah,” Kirsch was a little disappointed and he did not know why. He had built up these expectations of keeping this a secret and now it was out and maybe it was the fact that he knew he was going to have to explain exactly why he was so dejected.

        “So…” Will started with no intention of finishing.

        “So, we’ve been hanging out for a few months now and I kind of,” he paused not sure how to describe his feelings. He liked her but it felt like more than a simple crush. _Is there a word for that?_ Unfortunately he could not think of one, “I kind of really like her, man.”

        Will smiled knowingly, “I know.”

        “What?”

        “I mean I didn’t know it was her but you’ve been scarce and at my party, you guys stuck together basically the whole time,” he shrugged, “Yeah, you were with me but you were still together. She didn’t even seem to be bothered by Laura’s presence when you guys were hanging out.”

        “Seriously?”

        “Yeah, man. You should definitely go for it.”

        Kirsch felt as if all the air had left his body and his shoulder slumped, “I did.”

        “Oh,” was all Will could say.

        “Yeah and she rejected me and said if my feelings got in the way then we couldn’t hang out.” A warm, strong hand settled on his arm, “I’m sorry. I just thought…”

        “I thought to. I even said that and that made her even more mad.”

        “Well, you probably should have left that out.”

        “I know that now,” Kirsch mumbled. He did not like the look of pity Will was giving him, “But you know what? If I can still be her friend, then that’s fine.”

        Will slapped him on the shoulder, “There you go, bro.”

        “But you still can’t tell anyone.”

        “Not a chance,” Will’s face scrunched up in thought for one second, “Am I the only one who knows?”

        “Kind of.”

        “Kind of?”

        “Yes, you are the only one who knows. She’d probably kill me still if she knew I told anyone.”

        Will snorted, “You did used to call her Psycho Society.”

        Kirsch glared at Will, “Not anymore.”

        “I know; I never called her that. That was all you,” Will spoke quickly, throwing his hands up in defense, “But, Laura doesn’t even know?”

        Kirsch looked at Will like he was crazy, “How in the world am I supposed to tell the little nerd that I have a thing for her ex?”

        “I just figured since she was moving on, she wouldn’t care.”

        “I’m not sure that has anything…wait, what do you mean moving on?” Laura had not spoken of anything of the sort to Kirsch who felt slighted that Will knew before him. Will and her had become close during the whole mess in the winter yet he was still her best friend; he should be finding these things out before anyone else. To his credit, Will looked honestly confused by his lack of knowledge.

        “Her and Carmilla…”

        “What!?” Kirsch yelled a lot louder than he had meant to.

        “They’ve been hanging out lately. Carmilla was absent for an entire day once until I texted her and she said she was at Laura’s. She didn’t come home for hours,” he looked at Kirsch as if they had a secret between them, “We both knew there was something there but I still think they are both oblivious.”

        Kirsch chewed on his bottom lip, worrying it over his concern about Laura getting involved with Carmilla. The question he wanted to ask Will did not necessarily shed a nice light on Carmilla and he could not help but wonder if Will would be extremely offended but he really needed to know for Laura’s sake. He could not watch the girl whom was practically his baby sister go through what she had after Danny. That of course was an entirely different situation but if Carmilla was going to just use her and drop her, he had to know and stop Laura before it was too late. “About that. This is going to sound bad but…”

        Will cut him off without hesitation, “You want to know if it’s a good idea.”

        “Well, yeah. We all know how Carmilla is and I just want to make sure that if anything does happen, Laura isn’t going to end up hurt.”

        “I can’t promise anything. I’m not my sister. I just know that this feels different and I’ve never known Carmilla to spend hours at a girl’s house without, well, you know,” Will winced. Kirsch could imagine that Carmilla’s open sex life was not easy or comfortable for Will to have to deal with constantly. It was a little different when it came to Laura because even though he cared for her like a sister, she was still his friend and therefore, talking about that was easier and they had both helped each other. She had pushed him towards SJ, which had resulted in some of the best years of his life. This time around though, he could help her but he could never ask for her help.

        Thinking about it more and more, Kirsch was becoming less positive that Laura would be accepting of him dating her ex and maybe it was not a good idea at all. Danny did not return his feelings anyway so it should not be a problem, but even hanging out with her was beginning to feel like a betrayal. But, he could not help himself. Danny was amazing and he was so happy whenever he was with her. He never thought about SJ when they were together, which was a relief, a welcome one. Kirsch hoped that if Laura found out, she would happy for him, happy that he was finally, maybe, moving on. She would probably have hoped it was not moving on to Danny, yet that was the situation and he could not help it. His feelings had come out of nowhere, catching him off guard.

        Kirsch had never hated Danny as she had seemingly hated him. He had returned her arguing with more arguing and that had just been how it was. But when he realized that she was not annoying in anyway as he had thought she was simply because she was associated with the Summers, he recognized that it was all a front between them. No matter how many times she told him that she actually had hated him and those feelings had just matured, he never believed her. She was covering and he knew that deep down, somewhere, she actually did like him back and refused to admit it to herself. If that was how it was going to be though, he had to respect that and allow the distance. Friendship was the end goal and he was pretty sure they were already there.

*************************************************************************************************************************************************

        “Fucking shit,” she groaned loudly. The pillow sailed through the air, smacking against the door louder than expected. As soon as the pillow had dropped to the floor, the door opened wide, and in the doorway stood her mother, straight backed, dressed in gray slacks, a black blouse, and a gray blazer. She wore a scowl that burned Carmilla’s eyes before she smiled, an expression that distorted her features into some type of monster, “Darling, that is no way to welcome home your mother.”

        The voice was so polite that it felt like it was scraping against Carmilla’s eardrums. What she had been thinking about before had entirely slipped from her mind as her nerves numbed and she fought to sit up against the wall behind her bed as she stared back at her mother. A violent pain shot through her abdomen as if the injury had sensed the aggressor. She held back the cry that attempted to burst forth but the wince was inescapable. Surprisingly, her mother did not draw attention to the sudden expression change and she was able to compose her self as her mother sauntered into her room and settled herself elegantly on the edge of Carmilla’s bed. The look she gave her surroundings was one of pure disgust though that was not unusual; the clutter had always been an issue but not one that Maman had ever worked to change. It was as if Carmilla’s room held an aura of safety and there was an un-discussed trust between mother and daughter that this room was sacred. As far as Carmilla could remember, her bedroom had never seen the horrors seen in the rest of the houses they had inhabited.

        No matter how hard she tried, Carmilla could not get her voice to work and struggled with speech. Her mother simply smiled at her, “You did not seem to be expecting me. Well, I have returned for a short time before I will need to be in Paris for the summer. JP has been taking great care of running the gallery but I thought it appropriate to show my face before I left once more. We will have another event there, not a new opening, but simply a networking event this coming Friday. Both yours and William’s attendance is required. I will have Paige sent over with dress options for you and I want to hear no complaints about your wardrobe, per usual. I assume you understand.”

        Carmilla nodded, swallowing hard, “How long will you be staying?”

        “Are you trying to rid yourself of me so soon?” Carmilla did not answer, just stared back. “My plane departs early the morning after the event.”

        A week. She could handle one week as long as she stayed out of her mother’s way as much as possible. “Have you been to see William?”

        When her mother was around, her brother’s shortened name was non-existent and though William sounded strange in her mouth, she had not other choice but to use his full name. “I met William when I arrived last night but he said you had already retreated to your room and so I felt it best to leave my announcement until you were awake.”

        Her entire body tensed when a hand settled on top of the comforter that lay over her legs. Her mother had not just set her hand there but was applying pressure, crushing her leg farther into the mattress. “Friday night is not an option; it is an obligation. You will be there.”

        Carmilla nodded again, not sure why her mother found it necessary to command twice. That had never been the case before; she was far too afraid of the consequences to ignore an order.

        Another smile to incite fear appeared before her mother passed out of the room like a ghost and Carmilla only believed she had actually been there by how much her muscles protested as they relaxed into the sheets. Their mother never announced her return but instead took pleasure in their surprise and anxiety that was caused by her sudden appearance. She was used to being forced into professional situations so that her mother could show off an image of the perfect family or at least the most elegant family that everyone mistook as a picture of perfection. There was absolutely nothing about them that was near unspoiled. Carmilla and her brother had both been born with defined and chiseled to faultless physical attributes. They had been raised with flawless posture and poise and were taught to speak fluidly and succinctly. With as much practice as they had had, they now walked with an aura of power and intimidation that was not conscious, simply an affect of grooming.

         _Ding!_

 

  **Will (10:41am):** _I’m sorry I couldn’t warn you_

  **Carmilla (10:41am):** _I understand_

        Her phone dinging reminded her of what she had been mulling over before her mother entered the room and maybe her need to get away and stay away for a while would be the excuse she used. The problem she was dealing with was a sudden want to be around Laura. Since they had spent the day together, Carmilla had been fraught with this constant desire to see the girl, which in her mind was entirely disgusting, yet she could not figure out how to get away from the feelings. She groaned again, wishing she had another pillow to throw at the wall, but unfortunately, she had used up all of her ammo. She sat up abruptly. She had to return Laura’s clothes anyways so really, she already had to go over to Laura’s apartment.

        Opening her phone, she addressed a new message to Laura, whose phone number she had not known she had until Laura had texted her one day. Apparently the girl had grabbed Carmilla’s phone and entered her own number when she had not been looking. The conversation had been short and not entirely terrible though it had taken Carmilla an inordinate amount of time to think out her responses to Laura’s texts. Carmilla began to read through them again.

**Laura (2:34pm):** _Hey, I just wanted to thank you for hanging out the other day._

**Carmilla (4:05pm):** _How’d you get my number?_

**Laura (4:05pm):** _You left your phone unlocked. That’s not the point. I just wanted to say thanks_

**Carmilla (4:09pm):** _You didn’t give me much of a choice, cupcake_  

**Laura (4:09pm):** _I know, but still_

**Laura (4:10pm):** _um…we should hang out again_

**Carmilla (4:18pm):** _If you insist_

**Laura (4:18pm):** _I mean only if you want to_

**Carmilla (4:25pm):** _sure thing, cutie_

**Laura (4:25pm):** _(:_

        After that, Carmilla had not known what to say so she settled with not saying anything. It worried her that Laura thought she might be blowing her off, but it had only been a few days and Carmilla had not wanted to be the one to bring it up again. Now though, she really needed the girl as an escape from her own life and maybe that was not the best light to shed on the situation, but it was the most honest.

**Carmilla (10:55am):** _Are you home?_

        She was expecting an immediate response like the last time but she did not receive it. Her impending first class of the day distracted her from her frustration and she threw Laura’s clothes into a bag, hoping that maybe she would run into her and could pass them off.

 

        She was sitting in her honors psychology research seminar when she saw a message appear on her phone but there was no way of answering it with the speed in which she was taking notes. But, when her professor began reiterating their assignment to them, Carmilla was already halfway out the classroom, her phone open and reading the text.

**Laura (1:13pm):** _I’m so sorry. I’m at work_

_Fuck._ Carmilla had briefly forgot that Laura no longer worked at the bookstore down the street but at the newspaper all the way in Styria. She had explained her long hours and crazy schedule and now Carmilla doubted that her plan of escaping to Laura’s would work; there was really nowhere else for her to go. Laura’s had been her first and last option.

**Carmilla (1:16pm):** _I forgot_

**Laura (1:16pm):** _What do you need?_

**Carmilla (1:20pm):** _I have your clothes_

**Laura (1:21pm):** _I’ll text you when I get home, if you want_

**Carmilla (1:25pm):** _Sounds good, cutie_

        So maybe there was a saving grace in this whole fiasco. Even if she dropped off the clothes, then she would have to figure out a way to convince Laura to let her stay over. Otherwise, she would not sleep for the rest of the week with her mother in the house; it was impossible. It used to be different but now with her mother gone for such long periods of time, Carmilla had grown used to the house having a more safe and comforting feel. With her mother inside of the building, it grew cold and tense.

         _Shit. Will._ She pulled out her phone once more and this time called her brother who picked up on the second ring, “Hey, Millie.”

        She growled but continued, “I’m going to try to find a place to stay.”

        “Good idea. I’m already staying at the Zeta house. I should have let you known sooner but Kirsch just gave me the thumbs up.” She sighed in relief knowing that she would not be leaving her brother alone in a house with their mother. “Where are you staying?”

        “I haven’t really figured that out yet. Maybe Laura’s.” There was no voice on the other end and she wondered if the call had dropped, “Will?”

        He cleared his throat, “Yeah?”

        “You were just going to stop talking?”

        “I didn’t have anything to say that wouldn’t get me slapped so I figured it was better to just not say it.”

        “You’re unbelievable.”

        “What am I supposed to think!? I’m glad you and Laura are becoming friends.”

        “We aren’t friends,” Carmilla emphasized the middle word and apparently Will found it very funny. “Then, I’m not sure she’s going to let you stay with her.”

        “I don’t know what is going on Will but she’s pretty much my only option. Can you just let it go?”

        “Millie, I’ve known you’ve had a thing for this girl since the first day we were here so don’t even try that with me.” Sometimes Will could be so annoying that she could hardly stand it. She wished they were doing this face to face because she had the urge to punch him and instead, her fist was forced to uncurl itself at her side. “Nothing is going on between us but again, she’s the only one I can even think of who would let me stay. I just wanted to tell you that and see if you had found some place.”

        “Mother is going to be mad.”

        “What is she going to do? We aren’t there for her beat on.”

        “She’ll find a way.” 

        “As long as you show up to her event, everything will be fine.”

        “You keep telling yourself that, Millie.”

        “I’ve survived so far. Talk to you later, Will.”

        “Bye.” She clicked off the call and hoped he was wrong. She hoped upon hope that their mother was not going to find some awful way to punish them for staying away from the house. Carmilla could only imagine the fury their mother would be in if she wanted them for something and they were not around. Of course, one call or text would send them both scampering back to her to avoid further punishment, but it would still be an inconvenience and she would not let them get away with it easily. They both had chosen the best option out of the two.

        Carmilla thought about skipping her French class but there was nowhere for her to go so she hitched her backpack up on her back and stuck her earphones in her ears, warding out the rest of the world as she strode across the quad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you liked it!
> 
> I have decided to list the songs I listened to while writing each chapter (a lot of them will be repeated many times):  
> Hello - Adele (obviously), I Was Made For Loving You - Tori Kelly ft. Ed Sheeran, Like A River Runs - Bleachers, Sia, honestly it was mostly Adele on repeat
> 
> My fan tumblr is: uselessgayshit  
> Any questions you have about the fic, direct them to this as it will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS for updates.
> 
> Saying that, you are more than welcome to follow my personal tumblr as well: just-trying-togetby


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possible Trigger Warning: Mention of past trauma
> 
> Any trigger warnings if they arise will be listed at the beginning of each chapter. 
> 
> Usually I write other characters as well but that simply did not happen at all this chapter.

        The days had started getting longer about a month before, but she had not taken the time to notice until now and with the sun just starting to set behind the trees across from the apartment complex, the stretch in time seemed obvious. It cast warm orange and yellow and even bright red between the leaves creating strange shadow patterns on the ground. There was no wind yet the coming of night was creating a chill in the still air and she was trembling though she did not think it had much to do with the temperature. She stomped the heel of her boot repeatedly against the stair of the steps she was currently sitting on outside of Laura’s apartment. The metal rail her head was lying against was calming, cooling down her anxiety and releasing a headache that had accumulated over the entirety of the day.

        Laura had not texted her yet, but there had been nowhere else for her to go so she found herself, after her last class, headed over to the apartment building. It was a ridiculous way to spend four hours, she was aware of that. She had gotten most of the way through reading _Notre Dame de Paris_ for the third time as it was required reading for her class and Hugo seemed to be able to keep her company in her solitude for the time being.

        She placed the book on the cement stair next to her and leaned forwards, placing her elbows on her knees and looking down the street. The biggest question she was dealing with was why on earth the stairs she was using as a seat even existed. Their destination was from the ground to a solid brick wall; they were of absolutely no use but someone had taken the time to build them. It seemed like a decent representation of her current stage of life and she could not help but scoff to herself in amusement at the pointlessness of it all.

        The entrance squeaked open obnoxiously but she did not bother to look at the cause until someone spoke her name in confusion, “Carmilla?”

         _Oh, great the ginger twins._ The last time she had seen the two was at Will’s birthday party. The short-haired one, whose name was escaping her asked,  “What are you doing here?”

        Carmilla sneered, “I don’t think that’s really any of your business.”

        The one named Perry gestured with her right hand at Carmilla who noticed that it was tightly entwined with the others. _That’s new._ From her original perception of the two, they were very much interested in one another but her knowledge was that they were just best friends and had always been. That had apparently changed, as Perry’s eyes widened and she released her grip when she saw Carmilla eyeing their hands. It meant absolutely nothing to Carmilla one way or another and she shrugged while Perry composed herself, “Well, this is right outside our apartment. I would say it is.”

        “I disagree,” Carmilla muttered. All she wanted them to do was leave her alone; she was in no one’s way and so her business did not matter to anyone else. “Laura’s not here.”

        “What?” Carmilla’s head snapped back up to a cocky grin that had settled itself on their face. At least without a name, she still remembered the pronouns; she did not have to enjoy someone’s presence to respect them. They pointed at the call box next to the door, “Well, that’s broken but Laura’s not home anyways.”

        “I know,” Carmilla snapped. She was not in the mood to be interrogated by the Bobbsey twins, which may very well be an inappropriate nickname now that they appeared to have moved forward in their relationship. Either way, they were bothering her, bringing her out of her head and the distraction she was making for herself by alerting her to her current predicament. To her further annoyance, the two had not made any move to continue on their way and she turned her head to them once more, her eyes narrowed, “Are you guys just going to stand there and stare all day?”

        “Okay, then, well, have fun doing nothing?” They looked at Perry as if to see if they should continue but she gentled prodded them on. In a cheery voice she asked, “Do you want us to tell Laura you’re waiting for her?”

        “I want you to stay out of my business.” Perry looked at her with uncertainty shining from her eyes, “Okay, well, it was nice to see you, Carmilla.”

        Carmilla scoffed in their wake and leaned against the metal railing once more. If she had wanted Laura to know she was there, she would have texted the girl already. It was pathetic enough that she had to come to Laura in the first place. She lived with her mother for years so why all of a sudden was a week period so threatening to her sanity? She should really just go back and stay out of the way as she had been taught to do. Imposing her presence on someone she barely knew was impolite and she was not even sure Laura would agree. Technically, she was inviting herself to stay at a stranger’s apartment for a few days and Laura had a roommate; she could easily say no and reject the hospitality. Carmilla only wanted the couch; she could easily be out of the apartment all day but all she needed was a bed for the night.

 

        When the light became too low in the horizon for Carmilla to be able to see the words on the page very well, she packed it in her bag. The street lamp did not have a far reach and she happened to be just out of the circle of light given off by the light above the doorway. She could have moved a foot to her right but she was growing tired of Hugo as it were. Instead, she leaned back, the cement digging uncomfortably into her back, and rested her weight on her forearms behind her before looking upwards. The sky was entirely clear of clouds, the dark blue almost black but not quite. And amidst the vast sea, small lights twinkled freely. Her lips turned into a small smile as a wave of calm washed over her; the same feeling that the stars always seemed to bring. They were an escape; they told of the immensity of the universe and allowed for Carmilla to briefly forget about her own troubles. They consumed her and while she stared, time seemed to stop altogether.

        “What are you thinking?” The sudden voice in the silence of the night shocked her out of her trance. She sat up quicker than she expected and all the blood rushed to her head, blocking out her vision for a few seconds before it cleared and produced the image of a small brunette with a curious face. Her head was cocked slightly to her right, her eyebrows wrinkled over her probing eyes, a light strand of hair fell out of the loose ponytail and settled against her cheek. She was wearing a forest green blouse, with two buttons at the top undone, and that was tucked slackly into a black skirt that fell like the petals of a flower. A dark brown bag, larger than a purse, was slung over her shoulders and she was holding a key ring in her hand that was hanging at her side without purpose, the other was holding onto the strap of the bags.

        There was a hint of a smile on her face, one of amusement and genuine interest that blocked Carmilla’s words in her throat. She swallowed hard and because she had not understood the words spoken, asked, “I’m sorry, what?”

        Laura took a few steps towards her and braced herself with her hands on the top bar of the railing while leaning in, “What are you thinking?”

        “Nothing,” Carmilla responded easily, the truth easier than a brush off. Laura raised an eyebrow, “If you say so.”

        “I do,” she insisted, pulling herself up off the ground and slinging her backpack over one shoulder. Laura held out her hand and Carmilla just stared at it. Was she supposed to take it? And then Laura stretched it out more “You said you were bringing me my clothes?”

        Carmilla’s spirit fell but she made sure to keep the expression on her face as it was before, not betraying any loss of hope. She had been expecting the girl to ask her inside, not demand her clothes on the sidewalk in front of the building. She shook her head slightly as she quickly moved the book bag and dug around inside of it, “Uh…yeah…here.”

        She handed over the clothes which Laura grasped but didn’t move her hand. She looked at Carmilla, their eyes studying each other and Carmilla watched some change, some discovery being made before Laura gestured with her shoulder and smiled a smile that showed off bright white teeth and created a tiny crinkle under her eye, “You wanna come up?”           

        Trying to be as nonchalant as possible, Carmilla shrugged, “Yeah, I have time.”

        Laura had already started walking away but Carmilla could still hear what she said, “You apparently have a lot of time. How long were you out here again?”

        “What are you talking about?” There was no way Laura could know she had been sitting out there all afternoon. She had not seen or told anyone except for…

        “Did you really think Perry wasn’t going to tell me? She called me as soon as she finished talking with you.” Carmilla had to fight a blush because she knew it was embarrassing. As much as she wished she did not care that Laura had found out, she really did not want to scare Laura away. That was already possible with what she was going to have to ask but she was not ready for that question yet. “Why didn’t you go somewhere else to wait for me? Like _The Lustig._ ”

        “Crowded.”

        “ _The Governor?_ ”

        “Intoxicated.”

        “The library?”

        “Idiots.”         

        Laura’s tinkling laugh sent a chill through Carmilla’s body, a good chill and one that she welcomed. She could not help but smile as Laura spoke, “You have an answer for everything, don’t you?”

        Carmilla was trudging up the stairs behind Laura, internally complaining about the lack of elevator, when Laura’s questioned was asked. She looked up, the brunette focused forwards and oblivious to her unapologetic staring. She took the next few steps faster than she normally would, putting herself on the same level as Laura. She turned around, walking backwards on the first landing of the stairwell and leaned close to Laura so that their noses were almost touching. Carmilla registered the appearance of the blush rising on Laura’s cheeks and she smirked, her eyebrow twitching, “Maybe you’ll just have to wait and see.”

        At first Carmilla could not name the urge that caused her take such actions but when the rouge appeared on Laura’s cheeks and her eyes dilated just a tad before she ducked her head with a shy smile, Carmilla realized that she had always been able to fluster Laura, even with a simple word, and that constant was something she grasped and held on to. It was the only thing that still made sense wherever their relationship currently laid and that was the normal she could hold on to. More than that even, she found that she loved to see the girl blustering about and trying to hide her embarrassment. There was a roiling in her stomach whenever Laura smiled, a tingling in her fingertips when Laura laughed, and strange warmth whenever she even saw the girl. It had come completely out of nowhere and the last time these feelings were aroused, the implications had led to…Maybe it was time for Carmilla to stop kidding herself. Those feelings had led to the one of the greatest times of her life but then, it had led to the most devastating thing she had ever had to live through and she was still working on moving on from that. Almost five years later and the images and emotions were still strongly connected to the past, holding her back, not allowing for an escape.

        That was why she needed to be hesitant. Carmilla stepped aside and allowed Laura to pass as she had only been to the apartment once before and did not remember exactly which number Laura lived in. They came upon a door with a plaque that read “ _307_ ” bolted to the outside and Laura unlocked it, more fluidly than the last time, and held it open, gesturing Carmilla inside, “M’lady.”

        Carmilla held back a laugh but quirked an eyebrow, trying to hold back the side of her mouth that was turning up, and dipped her head, before passing through the entrance. It was dark, the quickly fading sun coming through the window was the only light as the blinds had not yet been closed. She figured that the roommate whom she had yet to meet was yet again, not around. “Is your roommate ever home?”

        Laura flicked on a light and her eyes glanced at the clock on the microwave, “She should be home soon. I thought she’d be here already.”

        Carmilla shoved her hands into the pocket of her black shorts and stood in the hallway waiting for Laura who seemed lost as to what to do next. She was squirming in the blouse she had on and finally spoke, “Do you mind if I change?”

        “Not at all.”

        Laura drifted past her, a hint of lavender filling the air and Carmilla breathed in sharply because she found that her body wanted to follow the smell and she had to fight to stay still rather than fall after the girl. Laura called through the open door of her bedroom, “Make yourself comfortable.”

        Maybe it was a total breach of privacy but Carmilla peaked around the corner of the living room and it was entirely Laura’s fault for not closing the door but entirely her fault for not being decent enough to not look. She could see the right half of Laura’s back through the opening and the muscles flexed and moved as the blouse fell off of her back and she slid her arms out of the sleeves. The light fell in a way that made the skin glow and it looked so soft and enticing and Carmilla imagined herself running her fingers lightly over Laura’s shoulder blades, building the electricity that already seemed to exist between the two. And when her mind drifted to caressing Laura’s cheek she shook her head wildly, black waves of hair bouncing off of her face. _Shit, Karnstein. You’ve done it again._

        So admittance felt no better than utter denial and now she had to live with the knowledge of her misplaced feelings and hopefully hide them from the one girl who simply wanted to be her friend and who had gone out of her way to help her and be there for her. Here she was, ruining things before they even started. Now the question was whether she should run; go back home and hope that maybe Laura would forgive her and move on from the strange push and pull they lived under together. But then the shadowed cheekbones of Maman came before her eyes and the one thing she could not do was live under fear of a strike and blood. Carmilla’s hands balled into fists and her eyes shut tight against the memories that flooded in from her youth; they were more painful than any recent recollection, worse than the month of pure agony from the stab to her abdomen.

        Behind lidded eyes, she decided that she had before and could control any sexual urge because in reality, that was what was driving this force towards Laura over anything else. Touch. It could be held in, pushed in a recess behind steel bars so that maybe she could be saved from one horror for the time being. As if in an answer to an unspoken and even further, an unthought-of prayer, her hands were enveloped in even gentler ones and her eyes shot open in surprise as she had not heard anyone approach and Laura intertwined their fingers in a way that made it very difficult for Carmilla to not unlock the steel bars that she had shut. The deep chocolate eyes that met her were void of their usual green and searching, “I want to know what you’re thinking.”

        That was the second time Carmilla had heard the girl speak those exact words and she remembered because they held a different meaning than, “What are you thinking?,” though that still held a great amount of hidden thought. It held a different meaning than, “Are you okay?” It held a deeper meaning than anyone outside of Will had ever shown for her life and it was frightening in it’s depth and the pressure that Laura’s eyes laid upon her in that moment was heavy and light at the same time. She was offering Carmilla an escape from her own head but there was something that was clawing at her and dragging her back into the void from which she found herself. As if some sort of demon, an invisible creature, had more power over her than she herself did. It was true because she envisioned that creature with the face of her mother and that image incited enough fear to make her numb and paralyzed.

        Laura squeezed her hand and Carmilla realized how close they were standing; there was barely any space between them and Laura had changed into a pair of grey striped lounge shorts and a not-so-loose dark green tank top that showed off the muscles in her shoulders and arms. But Carmilla worked to drag her eyes away from the girl’s skin and shook her head, “Nothing.”

        A sadness spread across Laura’s eyes and her mouth quirked into a knowing and disappointed smile, “One of these days, you’re going to answer that question.”

        Laura let go of one of Carmilla’s hands as she went to turn around but the loss of warmth ignited a courage in Carmilla that she had not been able to muster before. With their remaining hands still intact, she pulled Laura back towards her and the girl stumbled a little, catching herself by grabbing ahold of Carmilla’s shoulder and when her head came up, a blush crept up her cheeks and it was beautiful. _Dammit. Get the words out before you do something stupid._

        Carmilla let go of Laura’s hand, sorry for the loss of warmth, but it was necessary if she was going to speak. She dragged her hands through her wavy hair and it fell gently back down, “Um, I wanted to ask you something.”

        Laura’s eyebrows shot upwards, “Yeah?”

        “Yeah, um…could I sleep on your couch…” Laura had begun to smile and open her mouth to speak so Carmilla hurried through the end of the question, “until Sunday?”

        Laura’s mouth turned into the shape of an ‘o,’ as she was taken off-guard. Carmilla knew it was a lot to ask, she had known that from the beginning. “I won’t be in the way. Really. I can be out of the apartment until night. I just need somewhere to sleep.”          

        She had not expected for the words to tumble out of her mouth so quickly and Laura actually giggled, “You sound like me.”

        Carmilla’s eyes narrowed which simply made Laura laugh even more, “I don’t appreciate the amusement, cutie.”

        Laura did her best to look serious again, but her lips were still slightly curled, “I’m sorry,” she paused, “Can I ask why?”

        “I’d rather not talk about it.”

        Laura sighed and it sounded more frustrated than Carmilla would have hoped, “I had thought maybe you would finally trust me enough to open up a little bit.”

        That made Carmilla think. Did she not trust the girl? It was not just Laura; she did not trust anyone, especially when it came to problems with her family. People just did not understand and would not try to. They were uncomfortable and made excuses to push her off onto someone else and the thought of Laura doing that cut her to the core; her frayed insides ripped deeper. Maybe Laura would not do that but the small amount of doubt lingering in Carmilla’s mind would not allow her to divulge any more information. The steel bars became thicker “It’s fine, cupcake. I can find another place.”

        Carmilla maneuvered her bag so it sat more comfortably on her back and moved to walk back down the hall when a small voice spoke quietly behind her so that she almost could not hear it, “I didn’t say I didn’t want you to stay.”

        Carmilla slowly turned around trying to figure out why Laura had used those exact words. She wanted her to stay? Not let her stay, but wanted her to stay. Laura was looking at her feet when she spoke, “You can stay here.”

        “Don’t you have to ask your roommate first?”

        “Betty? She won’t care. And I’m not going to let you sleep on the couch for a week anyway so you won’t be in her way.”

        There was only one other place where she could think that Laura meant she would be sleeping and she was not sure being in such close proximity in Laura’s bed was going to help her self-control in any way. “The couch will do fine, cupcake.”

        Laura’s normal bubbly and stubborn personality seemed to have been renewed, “Of course not! My bed is big enough anyways. You won’t even know I’m there.”

         _I really doubt it._ Carmilla shut her eyes tight; this was not going to be easy at all. She at least had a place to stay though and that, she was grateful for, “Thanks.”

        “Are you hungry?” Laura asked, starting to go through the cupboards in the kitchen. She closed the last one and her eyebrows furrowed in thought, “Well, I might have to order a pizza.”

        Carmilla dropped her bag onto the floor and joined Laura in the tiny kitchen space, pretending to ignore the fact that Laura was not bothered by their closeness. She took her turn looking through the cupboards only to find a jar of peanut butter and a package of chocolate chip cookies. “Looks like someone needs to go shopping.”

        Laura shrugged, “I’m not really hungry anyways. But if you are, I’ll order a pizza.”

        Carmilla was getting a weird feeling; the lack of food was not entirely strange except for the face that the cupboard that Laura said was Betty’s food was completely stocked. Something did not quite fit and Carmilla could not place her finger on exactly what. Carmilla turned towards Laura whose face was void of emotion, “How about I order the pizza and pay. It’ll be my gift to you for letting me stay.”

        “You don’t have to…”

        Carmilla already pulled her phone out, “I insist. Anything you want on it in particular?”

        “Oh, I’m not really hungry, you just get whatever you want.”

 

        It took the pizza delivery guy forty minutes to arrive and Carmilla snarled at him as she handed over the money. He looked to be a freshman college student, fresh out of high school without much care for customer service and his tip was small in return for his inconsideration. Laura was lounging against one of the arms of the couch when Carmilla returned, her eyes glued on the television set where _Doctor Who_ was playing. Yes, unfortunately, Carmilla did remember the stupid science-fiction show from the last time she had been over. After what seemed like hundreds upon hundreds of episodes, it was hard to forget. Betty still had not returned but Laura did not seem worried.

        Carmilla set the box down on the table next to the napkins and cans of grape soda that Laura had brought over earlier. It was going on eleven o’clock and Carmilla had not eaten all day, the rush to get out of the house had seen to that. The smell of the pizza was causing her stomach to gurgle embarrassingly loud and Laura looked over at her and smiled. Carmilla was trying to close the box when Laura leaned up and took out a piece of pizza, chomping on it with delight. Before long, the girl had consumed three pieces and was reaching for a fourth as Carmilla was only finished her first. Despite Laura’s insistence that she was not hungry, she had consumed over half of the small pizza. There was something there but Carmilla refused to bring it up until she was certain. Anyways, they were not close enough for such personal questions and she did not want to be kicked out of the apartment that was her living space for the next week.

        She was sitting on the opposite end of the couch on the side of her right thigh, her feet up and towards Laura. Out of nowhere, there was kick to her feet and she looked over but Laura was staring intently, maybe too intently, at the television. Carmilla pretended not to notice and waited for it to happen again which it inevitably did and this time she caught Laura mid-act. “Are we bored, cutie?”

        Laura shrugged, “Maybe just a little.”

        Carmilla still did not remark on the empty pizza box on the table.

**********************************************************************************************************************************************************

        Laura Hollis had not been expecting the text from Perry that alerted her to the fact that Carmilla Karnstein was waiting outside her apartment and had been for who knows how long. She was also not expecting for that girl in particular to ask her if she could stay over for a week. For some reason, her mouth had moved before she really thought about it and she had offered Carmilla her bed in place of the couch. As soon as the words had left her mouth, she had thought Carmilla would be off and running, finding somewhere else to stay, but surprisingly, the girl had only put up half a fight before thanking Laura for the offer.

        Then, Carmilla had offered to buy pizza for the two of them and Laura had acquiesced as Carmilla thought of it as payment. Really, Laura did mind one bit that the girl was staying. She had wanted for so long to get to know Carmilla and hoped that while they were living in close quarters, that wish might come to fruition.

        Carmilla’s demeanor had caught her off-guard as the girl seemed to be more relaxed than usual, at least her apathetic front had been let down and Laura found that when her face was not strung with stress, it was even more beautiful than usual. Her sharp features were smudged just slightly, lightening and smoothing out the stern look that her features held. Even from far away, Laura could see the gold in the black eyes and wondered if the color was always there or faded away whenever Carmilla hid behind the wall she was so focused on keeping up. Laura remembered the weekend when they had both been caught out in the rain and she had invited Carmilla inside. She had been sure that Carmilla was going to kiss her and instead of letting it happen, she had quickly avoided the situation. There was no regret for that decision as Laura was not sure that is entirely what she wanted from Carmilla. She had the idea of being friends with this girl; to get her to open up and be comfortable. She had just been thinking about that moment a lot and wondered what would have happened if she had let the events unfold.

        Laura did not really want to watch _Doctor Who_ but she was at a loss of how else to entertain. The only thing she knew Carmilla enjoyed doing was reading but that was a lone wolf activity and Laura felt weird just leaving her alone to her own devices. Also, Betty was not back and if she walked in on a strange girl by herself in the living room, that could be a little awkward if not frightening. Betty really should have been back from now; her shift was only supposed to go until eight. Laura checked her phone and there had not been a phone call or a text and she thought maybe she should not worry. Betty could take of herself and maybe she had gone out with some friends last minute.

        Laura could feel her stomach gargling and grabbed her second…maybe fourth piece of pizza out of the box, eating it as if she were in a race. After licking the grease off her fingers and taking the last sip of her grape soda, she chanced a peek at Carmilla, who was watching the television set without any real interest. Laura giggled to herself as she stuck her foot out, swiftly connecting with Carmilla’s before bringing her leg back and pretending to watch the show. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Carmilla turn and look at her but not say anything before retuning her attention to the front. Laura did it again and this time, was not so lucky. Carmilla caught her and the girl’s eyebrows rose, “Are we bored, cutie?”

        Laura shrugged, “Maybe just a little.”

        The door into the kitchen burst open and Betty came in laughing, talking loudly on the phone and only stopped, looking shocked when she saw the two in the living room. She gave Laura a strange look but then smiled, mouthed “sorry” and went into her room, shutting the door so that most of her volume was blocked out.

        “She’s a whirlwind,” Carmilla said, matter-of-factly, “I don’t know how you could ever live with that.”

        “Betty’s nice; she’s a good roommate,” Laura admonished, wanting Carmilla to get along with the girl so that her stay would be less tense.

        “If you say so, cupcake,” Carmilla returned, obviously not believing her. Laura paused the show, not wanting the background noise to distract from the conversation. She watched Carmilla who suddenly yawned, crinkles appearing around her eyes and her hand coming up to cover her wide-open mouth. Laura couldn’t help but laugh at the innocence in her eyes when they reopened, sparkling with water. They instantly narrowed, a glare appearing, “It’s been a long day, cupcake.”

        “Well, come on then,” Laura said, getting up from the couch and gesturing for Carmilla to follow. She turned off the television and grabbed the soda cans from the table. Carmilla looked at her but did not move. “You know, it’ll go quicker if you get the box.”

        A half-hearted snarl appeared on the girl’s face but she swiped the box off the table and followed Laura into the kitchen to throw it out. “Are you going to tell Betty?”

        “She seems busy, I’ll tell her later.”

        “Cupcake.”

        “What?” Laura shrugged.

        “I don’t want her…”

        “Carmilla,” Laura turned to from the sink to look at her, “It’s fine. Seriously. Stop worrying about it.”

        “I’m not worried about anything, cutie. I’m just not always an asshole.”

        Laura scoffed, “Come one.”

        She grabbed Carmilla’s hand, ignoring the way that Carmilla’s fingers twitched when they touched before they gently curled into her own. There was a slight jolt in their movement and when she looked back, Carmilla was bending down to get her backpack; the black tank top was rising, revealing soft pale skin from which Laura turned her eyes away from with a quiet gulp. “You can put your stuff anywhere.”

        Laura let go of Carmilla’s hand when she entered her room and went over to the windows, reaching up to the close the blind. “Um, could you maybe leave them open?”

        Laura’s forehead creased in confusion, “Sure. You’re getting changed though and the light…”

        “We’re up a few floors, cupcake. It’ll be fine,” Carmilla dropped her back to the floor, “Anyway, I don’t really need to change.”

        Laura gestured at her, “Those don’t look like the most comfortable pants to sleep in.”

        “Who said I anything about sleeping in them?” Carmilla asked, unbuttoning them and dropping them to the floor in front of Laura who was very much surprised. Her eyes popped open and she could not help but look at the way the black lace fit over the rounded curve they were supposed to be covering. _This is fine. I can do this._ “Is this going to be a problem, cupcake?”

        Laura swallowed hard and shook her head, her voice coming out as a stifled choke, “Nope, not at all.”

        “Are you sure I can’t just sleep on the couch?”

        Laura pulled back the covers on the bed, fluffing the pillows in the process and moving the yellow pillow from the left side of the bed that was closest to the window the right side, “Well, since I have not told Betty you’re here yet, I think she’d be a little surprised in the morning.”

        There was no way, when her bed was big enough, that she was going to allocate Carmilla to sleeping on the couch for a week. Uncomfortable would not be the right word to use because friends slept in each other’s beds all the time. With Carmilla though, they were not necessarily friends and there was a level of attraction in existence that it was getting hard for Laura to ignore. At first, she had just brushed it off but lately, her intrigue, her attempts to figure out what was going on inside Carmilla’s head, magnified the physical attraction that had existed since their first meeting. There was no bypassing the fact that Carmilla was stunningly gorgeous; anyone who looked at her could see that. Laura remembered that she was almost unable to speak when Carmilla had first spoken to her inside the bookshop. She laughed to herself remembering how Will had hit on her and how now, he was just a goofball who happened to have class.

        Laura walked around to the side of the bed where she had put her yellow pillow. The left side was usually where she slept but she had the smallest of inklings that the request to keep the blinds open was for a very specified reason and so she had chosen to change sides so Carmilla could be closer to the window. Laura was climbing into the bed and when she looked up, Carmilla looked hesitant at the end of the bed as if deciding to stay or run away. Her body was turned halfway to the door as if the latter was not too much of a wild guess. “Carm, just get in the bed.”

        Laura’s body tensed and Carmilla’s eyes shot open at the sound of the nickname. She had no idea where it had come from and was not expecting the name to slip out of her mouth and it looked as if Carmilla was just as taken aback by the comment. Laura decided it best to brush it off and did not bring any more attention to it; she simply scooted herself farther under the covers and turned to the face the wall opposite the window. After a few minutes she felt the bed depress next to her and an involuntary, happy smile stretched across her lips.

        Carmilla did not say anything and for a while there was silence. Laura was not used to laying on her right side but she felt that it was be strange for her to be facing Carmilla as they went to sleep. It took longer than usual, but her eyes grew heavy and began to droop. She could not be certain if she had fallen asleep yet and was awoken or if she was in the in-between when Carmilla spoke softly, her words almost inaudible and cautious, “Hey, cupcake?”

        “Yes,” Laura responded, the sleepiness making her words seem slower than usual. The nicknames had become so frequent that Laura was not sure Carmilla had ever called her by her actual name, yet, she answered to them without question.

        “Are you doing anything on Friday?”

        Laura’s fuzzy brain tried to remember and something about Perry seemed to be the recurring concept, “Um…Perry invited me to go with her and Laf to the art gallery.”

        She heard a rather loud intake of breath next to her, “Well, actually I was going to ask you about that.”

        There was silence and Laura wished she could see Carmilla’s face to see what was going on in her eyes. She shifted, turning over, only to find that Carmilla was lying on her back, her eyes staring straight up at the ceiling. Her tank top had ridden up her abdomen to where it rested, wrinkled above her bellybutton. Her hipbones jutted out sharply above the top of the lace and all of a sudden, Laura was wide-awake again. “You know, I can’t read your mind.”

        In the fragments of light coming through the window, Laura saw the corner of Carmilla’s mouth turn up and her eye shut gently, eyelashes fluttering and touching down lightly on her cheeks. Her chest rose as she took a deep breath, “I have to be there because Maman, of course. Would you like to accompany me?”

         _Like a date? Is she asking me on a date?_ The frantic nature of thoughts in Laura’s brain refused to settle down. Carmilla had not specifically use the word “date,” yet, what else could it be? Laura in all senses would be considered her date. Her body swelled with the thought but then deflated when she realized it could have been Carmilla’s way of a thank you gesture. If it was a date, Laura could say “no,” though that was extremely unlikely given the circumstances. If it was a thank you, she had to say “yes” in order to be polite and allow Carmilla to show her gratitude. She should not even be considering all the options when she already knew that she wanted to. Of course, then there was the problem that she had already told Perry that if she got tickets, she would attend the even with them. Carmilla must have had the same thought and spoke, her voice had a strange cadence to it, and uncertain and possibly hinting at nervous lilt, “I would be more than happy to get the ginger twins in for free.”

        That was a solution to the dilemma in Laura’s head. She would say “yes,” that was a given, but she needed to know the why of the situation but was too afraid to ask. “I would love to.”

        The curve in Carmilla’s lips returned and Laura found herself unable to stop smiling at the sight. It was infectious; the lack of appearances made the smile so much more engaging and special and as Laura had noticed earlier, beautiful. That brought her back to the fact that the deficiency on Carmilla’s part had to be due to more than the appearance she so strictly kept. Laura refused to believe that is was all a choice because it seemed so easy to come by when it happened. Her trance was broken by Carmilla speaking again, “Thank you.”

        Laura’s forehead scrunched up as Carmilla turned on her side to face her and to her surprise, Carmilla laughed, “Go to sleep, cupcake. You look exhausted.”

        Ironically, Laura yawned just as she was trying to refute the statement, “Says the girl who was yawning half an hour ago.”

        Carmilla’s hand reached out towards her and stuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Laura’s breath caught in her throat because their faces were suddenly closer than she had anticipated and she could feel warm breath on her face as Carmilla whispered, “Fais de beaux rêves, ma chère.”

 

        Laura woke up at eight thirty, calmed by the increased sunlight that the lack of bilnds allowed through the window. A small groan escaped her lips as her eyes blinked open before her entire body stilled and a heat rushed to her face. She was lying mostly on her stomach, her face turned towards the window and no longer resting on a pillow, but on the mattress itself. Her right arm was flung out to the side, resting across the bare skin of Carmilla’s stomach; her shirt had ridden up to right under her breasts. Their closest legs were touching and Laura’s skin grew hot on her thigh when she became aware of the fact. Carmilla’s chest rose and fell slowly, her head turned toward the window and her right arm stretched out and curled above Laura as if Laura had been lying on it earlier in the night. The yellow pillow had disappeared from Laura’s side of the bed and had manuevered itself mostly underneath Carmilla’s head. This was not what Laura had in mind to wake up to and slowly so as not to awake Carmilla and make her conscious of this rather embarassing placement. She could only imagine the snide and ultimately sexual comment Carmilla would ienvitably make and avoidance of that was the path she decided to take.

        Laura lifted herself up slowly with her left arm, moving her right arm off Carmilla, which caused the girl to shift in her sleep, but she did not wake. It was almsot as if Carmilla sensed the missing presence when Laura got herself all the way out of the bed, because she instantly flipped over on her stomach, spreading out her limbs, all the while, her eyes shut and her breathing balanced.

        The black hair waves of hair was messy but looked vibrant and voluminous all the same. The sun hit across her face, accentuating her cheekbones and lighting up the skin of her back. The bottom of the lace underwear had hitched itself up at some point during the night and since the covers were not covering her entirely, Laura could see more skin than she should. The comforter was hooked between Carmilla’s legs, her right entirely free, and fell diagonally over her back. It seemed normal to Laura, seeing Carmilla in the morning. The girl was entirely free of tension and stress and looked utterly innocent without any worry tightening the musles in her face.

        Laura did not regret her decision the previous night to be Carmilla’s date; she actually was very glad that she had agreed. Even if Carmilla was thinking an entirely different path for their relationship, Laura was comforted in knowing that she was at a place in her life and also at a place in her relationship with Danny, that she felt solidified in her choice to be open to possibly being with someone. She had wanted to be alone for some time, stay single and learn to better understand herself and she had. There were still a lot of things in her life that were hard, that haunted her, that caused her doubt, but she could not see those things ever disappearing from being part of her being. Things were looking up. Besides not being able to remember the last time she talked to her dad, the internship was turning into something else entirely, _The Voice_ was back up and running, she was on track to graduation even if it was still a year away, and Claire had been so understanding about her crazy schedule that her job at _The Nook_ was still intact even if she only worked a few hours a week.

       She reached up, stretching far enough, that her shoulders popped before she crept out of the room, pulling the door so that it was almost all the way closed but not latching. She turned around to meet Betty’s eyes. The girl was sitting at the kitchen table, staring right at her, sipping slowly from a mug, an expression that read “I know what you did last night” written all over face. Immediately, Laura almost shouted, “It’s not what you think.”    

        Betty raised an eyebrow, setting the mug on the table, “Sure, Laura.”

        Laura made her way across the small living room to the table, “I’m serious. She needed a place to stay for the week and so that’s it.”

        “We’ll see,” Betty began to get up from the table and Laura followed her with confusion, “What is that supposed to mean?”

        “I’m sorry, Laura, I can’t talk right now, I have to get to class,” Betty smiled at her mischeviously, shutting her bedroom door in Laura’s face. Laura heard a faint laugh from inside and frowned even more. It was complete speculation on Betty’s part because outwardly, Laura doubted her and Carmilla even looked like close friends, let alone anything more. She forgot about Betty and went into the kitchen, making a cup of hot choclate for herself and a cup of coffee for Carmilla. Most people were not accustomed to waking up to a cup full of sugar and really, when she thought of coffee for Carmilla, she could only imagine the girl drinking straight, black coffee. The coffee machine made a loud gurgling noise that she hoped Carmilla could not hear in her bedroom. _That sounds weird._ Carmilla in her bedroom. She did not think it sounded bad though.

        The door creaked slightly against Laura’s shoulder as she pushed it open, balancing the two mug in her hand so as not to spill them on the carpet of her room. The noise caused Carmilla to turn over onto her side but she did not wake up. Laura smiled at the content expression on Carmilla’s face as she sat the coffee next to the owl lamp on the table. Laura grabbed her laptop off her desk and sat back on her side of the bed, trying not to jostle the sleeping girl. She opened to the newest article from one of the new junior amateur journalists and read through it. She had been promoted in a sense. Mr. Clark informed her that she was still considerd an intern, but he wanted to hire her starting at the beginning of June. She had had to hold onto the edge of her seat so as not to get up and jump around like a child in front of her new boss. The month of May would be spent prepping her for her new position.

        Laura had never expected to actually be taken on at _The Journal_. She had hoped it would be a resume builder for whatever job she would have when she left school. That had been her main concern on finding out the news but Mr. Clark assured her that when the fall semester began, she would be able to do her work from Silas instead of coming in to the city everyday. He warned her that it would be demanding and as an employee, she would be held to all the same standard and rules but there was no way in her mind that she could even think about turning this down. She had been hesitant to tell anyone so for now, she was keeping it a secret, waiting to make sure she had not simply imagined the promotion before disclosing her joy to her friends.

        The article came to a sudden end, an observation which she noted and emailed to the writer to fix before the five o’clock deadline. It was almost nine thirty and though her first class did not begin until eleven, she hopped out of bed to get dressed. She shuffled out of her pajama shorts and opened her wardrobe, the door creaking more than she remembered it ever doing, resulting in a low and disgruntled groan from her bed. Sounds of shuffling sheets could be heard as Laura searched through the clothes, alighting on a cream dress with black polka dots. “Morning, sunshine.”

        “No.” The voice was low and husky, cracking with sleep. She turned around just in time to see Carmilla pull the covers up and over her head. Laura set her hands on her hips, “Get up sleepy head.”

        “Ugh, what time is it anyways?” Laura turned back to the wardrobe, reaching up to get the dress off the hanger, “About nine-thirty.”

        “It is a crime to…” she stopped speaking for a second and the sleep filled voice changed to a raspiness that Laura found very attractive, “I guess you’re not a bad thing to wake up to, cupcake.”

        Laura could feel her face turn a brilliant shade of red and she turned, pulling her tank top down, to cover more of her underwear as Carmilla laid in the bed on her side, smriking. “Coming from the girl who slept in her underwear.”

        She sat up, shrugging at the comment and her hair fell messily down onto her shoulder, the sun making the strands shine as she ran a hand through, unknotting it as best as she could. Laura decided if Carmilla could stay in her underwear, then so could she. She grabbed the dress down and laid it down on her bed, grabbing the mug and taking a sip. She knew that hot chocolate in the beginning of May might be a little weird but when she was forced to stop drinking it throughout the summer by Perry who refused to allow it, she had to sneak it when she could. “I made you a cup of coffee. I didn’t know if you took anything with it though, so it’s just black.”

        “Perfect, cutie,” Carmilla grabbed the mug from the side table and took a sip, scrunching her face up, in a way that Laura found adorable, as the hot liquid scorched her throat. Laura slipped out of her shirt, still wearing the bra from last night, and was not surprised to find Carmilla staring and Carmilla did not seem to mind that Laura had noticed. The redness in her cheeks did not dissipate but she casually pulled the dress over her head, buttoning two out of three of the buttons at the top and flattening out the skirt. She drained the last of the mug and Carmilla looked at her with raised eyebrows and an amused grin. Carmilla stood up from the bed and stretched and this time, Laura knew she was only doing it to get at her and refused to be bothered by it so instead, she picked up her discarded clothes and folded them into a drawer.

        Carmilla sidled up to her, “So, since you are now my date on Friday, we have to get you something to wear.”

        Laura gestured at the wardrobe and Carmilla made a conflicted face. “What?”

        “It’s not your clothes, cupcake, it’s just that…well to be blunt, if you are going to be my date to my mother’s event, you have to look expensive.” Carmilla winced at the last words and Laura could understand why. It sounded as if she was to be a prop, something that was only there to be looked at. That was something she would not do for anyone and her next words came out icy, “Then, maybe I shouldn’t go as your date.”

        Carmilla grabbed ahold of her hands, “No, no, no. Please do. That’s not what it is for me, that’s what it is for Maman. Believe me, I would love you to come wearing what you’re wearing now but well, Maman would not like that.”

        Laura knew that the sentence had stopped right before Carmilla could reference the last time her mother had been angry and realized that Carmilla had to make sure she looked a certain way or she would be punished. Carmilla was intenetly scrutinizing the floor, seemingly more interested in the lay of the carpet than anything else.

        “Carm,” the girl’s head rocketed up as if shocked, “I’ll go with you. Unfortunately though, this is all I have to work with.”

        Carmilla smiled, “I was supposed to go home and meet with Paige. My stylist. I hope you don’t mind that I already asked her to come here instead and to bring you outfits to try on.”

        “Who doesn’t love a fashion show?” Laura said, though still unceratin at the prospect that Carmilla bringing her along was going to do enough to upset her mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So guys, I just want to give you a head's up that this installment of "Some Things Are Hard to Separate" is just about finished. A few more chapters and that's it!There will be a little break between installments but when that time comes, I'll keep you updated. I hope you guys have been enjoying! 
> 
> I have decided to list the songs I listened to while writing each chapter (a lot of them will be repeated many times): Hello - Adele, Stitches - Shawn Mendes, Never Be Alone - Shawn Mendes, Kids In Love - Shawn Mendes, Laura - Celia Pavey, Boom Clap - Lennon & Maisy, All I Want - Kodaline
> 
> My fan tumblr is: uselessgayshit  
> Any questions you have about the fic, direct them to this as it will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS and STAHTCB for updates.
> 
> Saying that, you are more than welcome to follow my personal tumblr as well: just-trying-togetby


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possible Trigger Warning: Trauma, flashes, panic attacks
> 
> Any trigger warnings if they arise will be listed at the beginning of each chapter. 
> 
> I want to apologize for the wait. Exams killed me this semester and I had a lot of final papers to write. But here it is!

        “Cupcake! We have to be there in ten minutes; JP’s already waiting outside.”

        “One minute, Carm!” Laura shouted in a rather high-pitch from the bathroom. Carmilla was pacing the kitchen, arms crossed over her skintight black dress that hugged her around the thighs. A golden stripe twirled across the fabric, breaking up the monotony of the black. The neckline hung down in a very low V and there were two oval cutouts at the sides of her waist; the pale skin in beautiful contrast with the black silk. Her black stilettos were the only part of the outfit that she remotely enjoyed though the chain around her neck was not so bad either.

        It was going on five o’clock and though the doors opened at seven, her mother had ordered her to arrive two hours in advance. Carmilla had not informed her mother of Laura’s impending presence as her date and had not informed Laura of the information she had been withholding from her mother. It was going to be a surprise to everyone, as even Will was unaware. Carmilla had wondered if Paige or JP would have told Lilita, but she would have thought that she would have been summoned if that had occurred. Most likely, they both figured that Laura had been cleared as her invited guest.

        Carmilla’s head snapped up when she heard heels clicking against the cheep wood floor, coming from the bathroom where Laura had been getting ready. Her heart caught in her throat and she did not even care that her lips parted in an obvious fashion because her sole focus was on the stunningly beautiful brunette who was coming towards her, completely unaware of the effect that she had on anyone who set eyes on her. She was shuffling through her small purse and actually ran into Carmilla who had no strength to stop her, as she felt strangely noodle-limbed. She was able to catch her though, her hands alighting on the silver sequins at Laura’s waist as Laura reached out and caught onto her almost bare shoulders. The silver dress had only one strap that reached across Laura’s chest from her left shoulder and then wrapped under her right arm. There was a cutout in the fabric between the strap and the rest of the dress that outlined the upper part of her breast and was exceedingly distracting. Her hair had been teased up in the front so that there was a pompadour that kept it out of her face and flawlessly meshed with the hair that she had left hanging over her shoulders. Laura did not wear a necklace, as the dress came up too far on her neck to allow for one, but there were crystals hanging from her ears and a silver bracelet on her right wrist. Black, open-toed heels peeked out from under the gown that hung floor length in contrast to Carmilla’s shorter dress. Paige had said that side by side, they would compliment each other perfectly and though Carmilla had been skeptical, she no longer cared about anything but the shining glow of Laura’s skin, that seemed to light up in the dress.

        Laura looked up and Carmilla saw her own expression mirrored on the face in front of her and heard an almost whispered, “Wow.”

        Unlike usual, no blush sprouted on Laura’s cheeks and the silver of the dress magnified the green in her eyes, making them brighter than usual. The brown swirled around, as if moving to border the green, making sure it was the first thing seen. Words escaped her because there was not a word to describe how Laura looked and even further, she was worried about how Laura would take a compliment as such. When her voice returned, Laura had yet to look away, and Carmilla decided that she had already asked the girl on a date, she could give her a compliment without worrying, “Vostè és exquisida.”

        Laura’s head quirked to the side, a position that was entirely too cute and endearing, “I usually only ever hear you speak French.”

        “It’s Catalan,” Carmilla explained, “It means, ‘You are exquisite.’”

        Laura bowed her head from view, “Says the girl who looks flawless.”

        Carmilla reached out and brought Laura’s chin upwards, “Cupcake, have you looked at yourself? You are going to be the envy of the event,” she let out a small chuckle, “My mother might not even care.”

        “What do you mean?” Laura questioned abruptly and Carmilla realized her slip.

        “Nothing, cutie. We need to get going.”

        Laura did not budge, “You didn’t tell her did you?”

        “Seriously, Laura, we have to go.”

        “Did you ever think that this could go terribly wrong?”

        “Nothing even had a chance of going right,” she sighed through clenched teeth, rubbing her temples. “I asked you knowing she would not approve because I needed someone to go with. I needed you to…”

         _Shut your mouth, Karnstein. You don’t do this._ If she could go back in time, she would retract the statement; at least she would change the word from ‘need’ to ‘want’ because though her growing dependence on Laura as a friend had been bubbling under the surface since January, she had just been very good at ignoring the feeling. Laura had brought her out of her panic attack. She had this overwhelming sensation of calm that she seemed to carry with her everywhere, no matter how high strung she herself was. One touch was able to calm Carmilla’s trembling, create a warmth, clear her mind. When it came to confrontation with her mother, she needed that strength. “What did you need?”

        “Nothing,” Carmilla said, letting go of Laura’s waist and turning to the door. Laura’s hand grabbed hers and stopped her in place, “Carmilla, tell me. Please. For once, just tell me.”

        Carmilla looked into Laura’s eyes and for something broke inside of her. It did not come crashing down, but a crack appeared that caused a rippling of fractures and for once, she did want to speak, “I need you to bring me back if I start to disappear.”

        “What does that mean?”

        “I just need you to promise that you’ll do it.”

        Laura was becoming anxious, “How can I do something, if I don’t even understand what I’m looking for?”

        “Believe me, you’ll know. It’s impossible to miss,” Carmilla said, the trembling starting just thinking about the last time it had happened. It was a choice she made to survive, but it was not one that she enjoyed. She hurt people when she turned everything off and coming back from that, resulted in a rush of horrid emotions that worked to drown her. Her eyes shut tight because she did not do this. She did not show fear, especially in front of someone else. It was a weakness that her mother reveled in and the weakness through which Maman gathered strength to knock her down again and again. Crying had been whipped out of her at a young age and Will was the only person who ever saw her tears and she could not remember the last time that had occurred; she would have blocked it out anyway.

        There was pressure on her palm and fingers intertwined with her own. She opened her eyes to see Laura step forward so that she was beside her, “I’ll be right by your side all night.”

************************************************************************************************************************************************

        Laura found waiting for her outside her small apartment building an unnecessary extravagance. Carmilla walked ahead of her and opened the door, gesturing for her to enter the long black limo that had no place in Silas. Laura bowed her head and sat in the seat, beginning to move over to let Carmilla in when instead, Carmilla began to shut the door. Laura stuck her hand out and held it open, “Wait, you’re not coming?”

        “I’d rather walk, cutie.”

        Laura shimmied herself back to the door, “That’s ridiculous.”

        “I don’t do…” Laura stepped out of the limo and cut off Carmilla’s explanation, “I’m not letting you walk by yourself.”

        Carmilla looked surprised as if the gesture had never been contemplated and she leaned through the door, “Thank you, JP, but we won’t be needed a ride.”

        “If you’re sure.”

        “We are.” Carmilla shut the door and Laura stood on the sidewalk. They turned left down the street and Laura pulled on her dress. It felt weird walking through Silas wearing thousands of dollars worth of fabric with Carmilla just as expensive beside her. The difference was that Carmilla did not look out of place at all. She held herself as if she was as confident and casual as if she had been going to class wearing her usual shorts and a tank top. She was relaxed while Laura was tense, hoping that nothing happened to her outfit as they walked; she was also trying not to overheat in the sun that was starting to become warmer and warmer as the year moved into the middle of May. Laura looked to her side at Carmilla who seemed to be holding everything together; her muscles were all tensed but her face was void of emotion. “You were seriously going to have me ride in the limo alone while you walked by yourself?”

        Carmilla made a sound that was between a scoff and a snort indicating that she was laughing at herself, “I was trying to be polite.”

        Laura let out a small laugh but quickly silenced. She did not have to witness it more than once to realize that Carmilla shut down around vehicles. The scene on Will’s birthday was burned into Laura’s mind, deeper than she wished it to be. She had not thought of the limo since Carmilla had seemed to expect it, but when Carmilla refused to ride along, everything was brought back to Laura. “You know, you don’t have to tell me. I know you like to keep to yourself and everything and talking isn’t a strong point but I feel like we’ve gotten closer this past week and otherwise I probably wouldn’t even ask you because it’s prying. I just want you to know you don’t have to –”

        “Cupcake,” Carmilla sighed, “you’ll never know until you ask.”

        Laura looked at the ground as they continued to walk, “Why…why don’t you like cars?”

        Laura quickly glanced as Carmilla whose face had not changed, as if she had been expecting what Laura was going to ask and had already made her decision. She stayed silent for a few moments before speaking, “I will tell you sometime, alright? Just…now is not the time for me to get in to that. We have more pressing matters to deal with.”

        Laura had expected to be entirely blown off; no explanation whatsoever. But Carmilla had just said that she would tell her at some point and for Carmilla, that was a huge step. Laura also noted that Carmilla had not argued with her point that they had become more like friends than ever before. She smiled at the thought.

 

        The gallery was deserted when they arrived; it held a terrifying silence that caused Laura’s anxiety to rise. Carmilla seemed just as tense and nervous beside her and she could not comprehend why Carmilla had chosen her. She could barely hold herself together as it was and being forced in front of Lilita Morgan was not going to help her keep her composure. She had seen the woman up close once and it had been terrifying; she had been forced out of the house in such a commandingly polite manner that she had not been sure exactly what was happening.

        She wished Carmilla had had some advice to give her when meeting her mother but there had been no words of encouragement. In hindsight, she figured Carmilla needed those words more than she did and probably did not even know where to begin.

        “Don’t speak unless she specifically asks you a question? If it could be rhetorical, don’t answer. Stand up straight; perfect posture. Don’t stare her down but make eye contact if speaking to her,” the whispers tickled the tiny wisps of hair around her ear. Carmilla said this as they came to a stop down a hallway off the gallery where Laura had been once before. Behind the door sat the pristine office that Laura had entered with Carmilla except that this time, the owner of said office would be there and no doubt, the menacing atmosphere would be suffocating.

        Carmilla knocked against the wooden door, the thumps resounding down the empty corridor. When there was no response, Laura looked at her in confusion, wondering why she did not knock again. Carmilla’s head moved from side to side in such a miniscule fashion that Laura barely noticed. She looked straight ahead, noticing the complete lack of knots in the perfect wood. She did not know how long they were standing there for, but it seemed to go on for ten minutes until there was an icy, authoritative voice that boomed from inside the room. Laura almost jumped, the voice louder than she would have expected coming through the door. Carmilla let go of her hand, an occurrence that Laura had not been paying any attention to and could not remember when she had first taken the girl’s hand.

        The door was pushed open slowly and Carmilla walked in first, gesturing for her to follow swiftly behind. A stern woman sat behind the large mahogany desk, looking at a piece of paper over the tops of gold-rimmed reading glasses. They stood side by side in front of the table until Carmilla’s mother decided that it was time to speak. “And who is this?”

        “My date.”

        If it was possible, the woman’s cheeks grew even slimmer, lengthening the shadows that her high cheekbones cast over the skin underneath them. Her eyes took note of Laura who wanted to squirm under their glare. A intimidating smile appeared, “Ah, I recognize you,” she turned her attention back to Carmilla, “Well, it seems as if you have made her look as presentable as possible given her natural physicality.”

        Carmilla’s arm reached out to stop her, as Laura had leaned forward, furious at the insult. “Yes, keep her in check. We do not want another accident as occurred at the opening.”

        Lilita stood up behind the desk, her shining black gown falling gracefully to the floor and she walked as if floating, around the desk, “Next time I expect you to inform me of any plus ones. I do not take lightly to surprises, though one of this nature was to be expected and is not threatening to the events of the night.”

        She looked at Laura, reaching out with her hands and running them through the soft strands of hair that lay on Laura’s shoulders, “You could have done worse, I suppose.”

        Lilita’s head cocked to the side as if she was looking at Laura from every angle, taking in more than just what her eyes could see, before her eyes captured Laura’s, “You will simply follow next to Carmilla all night. She has duties that need to be taken care of and you will not hinder her from doing them. When people see you, they will expect you are together and whether that is true or not, that image needs to be consistent. You will not leave her side, any absence is a cause for alarm and trouble in paradise is not something that investors need to see.”

        She paused to look at Carmilla who nodded, before continuing giving Laura orders, “You will not speak to the investors. You will simply look pretty in front of them and smile. You will not ruin this night for me.”

        Laura gulped and nodded slowly. The intimidation was laced throughout each word, which made it even more daunting. She had not expected to come to the event to be a trophy on Carmilla’s arm as she did work. Carmilla should have explained, told her exactly what the event would entail, but instead she had not said a word, raising Laura’s hopes that this would be a fun night. It turned out to be something entirely less than such. “You are expected to make an appearance no later than a quarter before eight.”

        With a curt nod of assurance, Lilita stalked from the room, leaving Carmilla and Laura alone in her office. There was a loud release of breathe beside her and she realized Carmilla had been holding her breathe; for how long, she was unsure but it was long enough for a staggering intake and heavy breathing. “I didn’t realize I would be relegated to be mute. I should’ve just come with my friends. She would have been less harsh.”

        “There is no situation in which my mother would have been less harsh. Let’s just be grateful that I have to make a public appearance and so leaving a mark would have gathered questions,” she turned away from Laura to the bookshelf, where she ran a delicate finger over the bindings of the second self. “If you would like to leave before it starts, you have time. I don’t want you to be miserable.”

        There was a cold sharpness in her voice that had been absent all week and it sent chills down Laura’s spine. Defense mode was something Laura wanted to avoid because if she slipped into that, Laura was not sure she could get her out. Maybe that was what Carmilla had been referring to earlier and if so, Laura had to stay. She could not make her feet turn towards the door and instead they made a path in the carpet towards Carmilla, “I said I’d stay by you all night.”

        Carmilla looked at her, eyes studying as if they were trying to find a hidden meaning behind Laura’s statement. Laura did not budge, holding her gaze and trying to impress her sincerity and finally, Carmilla believed, “Thanks, creampuff.”

 

        The cacophony of sound was a bittersweet onslaught when Carmilla guided Laura into the main part of the gallery. The crowd expanded out in every direction, many talking animatedly while other clinked glasses of a shimmering gold liquid. Carmilla had taken her arm as soon as they had emerged from the confines of the large yet stuffy office that had held them captive.  

        Carmilla nodded as a passing waiter offered them a tray and removed two flutes, handing one to Laura. Carmilla’s smile was brilliant but this time, it was hard for Laura to tell if it was honest or an act. She leaned down and talked quietly, “We need to meet with one of the donors before the introductions.”

        Laura was only able to give a half-hearted smile and a quick wave to Perry and Lafontaine when she saw them beckoning for her to join them, before Carmilla swept her away.

        “You must be Carmilla,” said a smiling man who seemed way too happy to be shaking Carmilla’s hand. He was wearing a light grey pinstripe suit and had his arm wrapped around the waist of a tall, thin dark-haired woman who was sipping casually from her glass.

        “Indeed. You must be Mr. Luce,” Carmilla greeted.

        “This is my wife, Joanna.” His eyes turned to Laura as he chuckled loudly, “And who is this pretty young woman?”    

        Laura felt Carmilla’s grip tighten and was pulled closer to her side, “This is my lovely date, Laura. She makes me look better than I actually do.”

        “Oh! Watch out there, Carmilla, she just might.

        Carmilla looked down at her, adoration swimming across her eyes, “I wouldn’t doubt it.”

        Laura blushed and tucked her head, only to receive another round of laughter from Mr. Luce and a tight smile from his wife who did not seem amused by her husband’s antics. Laura was grateful that Carmilla took the lead and steered the conversation forward, “So, what piece are you here to see tonight?”

        “Actually, I am simply here at your mother’s request. Your sister made quite the impression on me in Barcelona and somehow managed to entice me into traveling to this tiny town.”

        Laura’s arm protested as Carmilla’s muscles flexed and tightened until they were as stiff as a board. Looking up, Laura was frightened by how fast all of the light had drained from Carmilla’s face, leaving her pale and strict. The Luce’s were not oblivious to the change and looked concerned that she had fallen ill. The words she spoke were constrained and harsh, “My sister?”

        Laura racked her brain and the memories of all of their conversation and the ones between herself and Will and could never remember either of them mentioning a sister. From Carmilla’s reaction, it did not seem to be a pleasant relationship, giving them a reason to pretend she was not of importance. Apparently, their mother thought different.

        Mr. Luce was hesitant to continue but did in order to be polite. He cleared his throat once, “Yes, she actually told me to give you her best.”

        It seemed to have been a slap in the face to an already angered person as Carmilla’s hands clenched so tight around the champagne bottle that Laura feared it would break and slice her hand. Laura reached her arm out and settled it over Carmilla’s until her fingers loosened enough for Laura to take the glass from her. Carmilla bowed her head curtly, “It was nice to meet your acquaintance. Now, if you would excuse us, we are needed by my mother. Enjoy your night.”   

************************************************************************************************************************************************

        “Where did Laura say to meet her?” Perry asked, rushing ahead of Lafontaine whom was struggling to keep up with the hectic pace.

        “Slow down, Perr. We aren’t going to be late. Laura never answered back anyway.” Laura had told them that Carmilla had politely offered to get the two of them free tickets to the gallery though Lafontaine wondered how much of that was true and how much of that decision was actually affected by Laura asking her to do just that.

        Perry had turned around and smiled while Lafontaine tried to catch up to their date whom was wearing a magnificent cream gown. The neckline ended at Perry’s chin and the dress itself was sleeveless though Perry had covered the top with a light pink shawl. Lafontaine was wearing navy pants that met with dark brown dress shoes. Their navy suit jacket lay unbuttoned, showing the green striped button down that was decorated with a light green bowtie. When Lafontaine caught up with Perry, they took ahold of her hand and Perry squeezed back to say that it was all right. Their rule was to keep their relationship quiet for the time being and Lafontaine knew Perry would let go once they got inside, but they would take whatever they could for the time being. It made them giddy to feel Perry’s soft and reassuring fingers rub gently against their own.

        Lafontaine allowed themself be dragged into the gallery amidst the surprising number of people that the curator seemed to be able to gather. Silas was a small town and Lafontaine was bewildered at how it was possible to attract so much attention. The gallery itself was magnificent but its placement was rather unfortunate and yet, there was barely any room to move. As soon as they got in the doors, Perry’s head was frantically swaying this way and that, looking for any sign of Laura. A flash of silver caught Lafontaine’s eye, immediately accompanied by a flash of gold and they tugged on Perry’s hand and pointed. Carmilla and Laura were walking arm in arm, which was a new development and one that made Lafontaine smile. They were the two most stubborn people Lafontaine had ever met and they had seen the way that Carmilla looked at Laura, even if their friend had been oblivious. And Laura herself was not very good at hiding the affection she held for Carmilla no matter how hard she tried to brush it off as friendship.

        There was no denying that they looked perfect together. Powerful. They had an intense dynamic that could not be matched by anything around them and they drew eyes without knowing. Perry must have been on the same page because she elbowed Lafontaine, “They look good together. Happy.”

        Perry waved just as Laura turned her head and recognition flashed across her face, but before she could even attempt to join them, Carmilla had her walking past. Laura gave an apologetic smile and a small wave and Perry’s hand dropped, “She was supposed to be meeting us.”

        Lafontaine set their hand on Perry’s lower back, “It didn’t look like she had much of a choice there, babe.”

        Perry’s head snapped towards Lafontaine, “I’m sorry. I didn’t…”

        Instead of looking angry as Lafontaine had expected, Perry smiled and her eyes softened, “No, I…I kind of like it.”

        Lafontaine beamed, “Well, I guess we’re just going to have to find our way around ourselves.”

 

        The event followed the same pace as the last one they had attended. The curator, Lilita Morgan, opened up the event with a welcoming speech but what attracted their attention more were the two newly coupled girls standing behind her. Carmilla was perfectly straight-backed, watching her mother speak without any hint of interest. Her right arm was around Laura’s waist but she was stiff and did not look at all comfortable or used to the position she was holding. Laura, on the other hand, was paying absolutely no attention to the speech whatsoever and instead she consistently glanced between Carmilla’s wooden face and the floor. Her face was filled with worry and confusion and her hands were folded politely in front of her though she was leaning slightly into Carmilla. “Is Laura okay?”

        Perry had leaned over to whisper in their ear. “It doesn’t look like it. Carmilla doesn’t look so great either.”

        “She never - ”

        “Yeah, but if this was like normal, I don’t think Laura would look like that.”

        It was Lafontaine’s turn to lean in, “If we can’t get ahold of Laura after, I’m going to talk to Will.”

        Will was standing slightly apart from the two girls, smiling broadly as his mother spoke. For someone who knew, it was an obvious show but his pristine suit and practiced expressions were supposed to show otherwise and they worked very well. “He doesn’t seem to know anything.”

        Perry was right. Will looked as he always did, as if he knew nothing that was going on with his sister but Lafontaine was not so sure; they were both excellent actors. “I’ll still ask him. If not, he’d want to know that something was wrong.”

        There short conversation as cut even shorter as Ms. Morgan raised her voice, “And now, I would like to introduce to you, my lovely daughter and prodigy, Matska Bellmonde.”

        There was a loud round of clapping as a woman of such presence entered the room, smiling. She wore a tight black and white dress complimented by a gold locket that hung low into her cleavage from a gold chain. Her magnificent red lipstick glowed around perfect and brilliant white teeth that were showing through the smile that was set on her face. She walked with a fluidity that Lafontaine had never seen in another person and if they had thought Carmilla and Will knew how to have a presence, this was another thing entirely. She outdid even her mother though that could be due to the fact that though she was intimidating, it was not quite the same as her mother’s glowering eyes and shadowed face.

        The new arrival had drawn away their attention from Carmilla and Laura but when she looked back, Carmilla’s face was taut with rage, Laura’s filled with confusion along with fear, and Will looked as if he had just seen a ghost. There was a flash of movement and before Lafontaine could process what was happening, Carmilla had disappeared from sight, Laura had ended up next to Will who looked as if he was about to follow his sister but instead held his ground and made sure Laura did the same. They were both outwardly agitated but Ms. Morgan had not seemed to notice and Matska only gave a small frown before returning to her original countenance. “Matska here has been taking care of my business in Spain for the past year and before that she had been busy traveling around Europe to do the same.”

        “It is my pleasure to be here with you,” Matska nodded and then let her mother continue speaking. “I have been waiting to make the inevitable announcement that has been looming over this gallery every since I arrived. That is, that my business requires me elsewhere, but I have brought Matska here because I trust that she will do a splendid job at continuing the quality that we have been providing for the last seven months. I have complete trust and faith in her but I will miss this gallery and this wonderful little town that has so welcomed me. Thank you.”

        Lafontaine did not ignore the individuals on the platform as had most of the crowd. Ms. Morgan and Matska had gracefully descended the stairs as Will and Laura exchanged some words before rushing out of the room. As they ran past Matska, the woman let go of her mother’s arm, leaving a sour look on the older woman’s face, and strode after them. “I think we should go see what’s wrong.”

        “It’s none of our business, Lafontaine.”

        “Laura is our friend.” Perry struggled to make a decision but finally acquiesced and they started pushing through the crowd towards the door. The dispersal helped their route and as Lafontaine opened the gallery door to go outside, there was a scream.

************************************************************************************************************************************************

        When she had walked onstage, every single one of Carmilla’s flight responses triggered at the same time and she bolted from the room. Bursting through the doors of the gallery she had only garnered some annoyed looks but they were not of any concern to her. Her breathing was heavy and it felt as if her lungs were collapsing in on themselves. She was pacing the sidewalk in front of the gallery knowing full well if she left entirely, her mother would be after her in one second. She was also aware that her mother had surprised her on purpose had not been expecting anything less than Carmilla’s fleeing.

        Her entire body trembled with anger and her teeth were clenched with such ferocity that her jaw began to ache. She could not remember the last time she had seen or even spoken to Mattie but he had been a long time before that, that Carmilla had chosen to never forgive her. The one saving grace she might have had and Matska turned her back and became Maman’s perfect little girl. For some reason, Carmilla was still held to a higher standard than her seemingly perfect and obedient sister who chose to follow in their mother’s footsteps with blatant disregard for her two younger siblings. When she left, Carmilla and Will were forced to receive the brunt of their mother’s wrath. Maybe she had been right in saving herself but Carmilla could never see it that way. She was a deserter.

        Will had called her when Carmilla was injured in the winter and she could not have been bothered to show up or call Carmilla and ask how she was. Carmilla would have refused to talk to her at any rate. Mattie would have probably spilled to mother whatever Carmilla had said and it was better that Mother was clueless to the going-ons of those months; having their secret outed, even if people promised to keep quiet, would have been an egregious error.

        “Carm?” Carmilla may have been glad to hear that voice if it was not immediately followed by one she wished she never had to hear. Heels clicked along with the words, “Kitty, don’t be like this.”     

        Carmilla had thought she was keeping a relatively good control of her rage but with the condescension in those words she spun towards the steps where her sister was standing, in a fury. Mattie did not look peeved, “Don’t make a scene, dear.”

        “Don’t talk like mother, sister,” Carmilla growled. Her eyes were narrowed to slits and her jaw was strung as tight as possible. Her fisted hands were at her sides and her fingernails were cutting into her skin but the pain was just fueling the fire. “Kitty, we should talk.”

        “Don’t call me that.” Mattie stepped down another step. “Don’t come closer.”

        Carmilla was only vaguely aware of Will and Laura still standing and watching in silence, confused on how to interfere. Her sigh had narrowed to tunnel vision and the black edges were closing in even more. “Carmilla, you’re overeacting.”

        Carmilla scoffed, unable to keep the amusement out of her voice, “Overeacting? You left and you think you can come back without even an apology? You think that we’ll just accept you with open arms? You must be confused. You broke off whatever relationship we might have had when you saved yourself.”

        Mattie went to move forward but Carmilla yelled, “Don’t come any closer.”

        Carmilla could feel a wetness on her face and she was vaguely aware that tears were streaming down her face but she paid them no mind. “What was I supposed to do? Stay?”

        “Yes! You were supposed to stay. You were supposed to protect us,” her voice was becoming hysterical and she was yelling.  A few people had stopped on the street to watch the scene. Laura was crying and Will was holding onto her, keeping it together as best as he could so she would not be more scared than she already was.

        “I’m sorry, kitty,” Mattie replied, stepping down the stairs and ignoring Carmilla’s warning to stay away. Carmilla began backing up, waving her arms to distance herself from her sister when she looked to her right and saw too bright lights and heard a screeching noise. She flashed and everything flipped sideways and spun before the tunnel closed to darkness.

_Except the loud and incessant ringing in her ears, everything else around her was silent, which did not make much sense as cars were rushing by. That was confusing as well because she was dizzy and everything seemed blurry and lights were flashing but they were too bright and too dim at the same time. Her mouth was open in violent screams that she could not hear and comprehended too late. Sensation rushed back into her body as her eyes focused and she noticed that her entire back and her right leg were racked with pain. At the same time she remembered the blonde in the passenger seat and looked over. Her face contorted in horror at the scene she was met with. “Elle?”_

_The girl was looking at her and a faint smile appeared on her face but it was out of place against the grim blood that was flowing from her hairline. Her arm was twisted at an angle that seemed impossible and her eyes were slowly closing. When she reached over to cup Elle’s face, she realized they were upside down. Elle’s face felt so soft and warm in her hand and the girl’s smile wavered. “Elle, please. Stay with me. We’re going to be fine. Trust me.”_

_“I do.” The weakness of Elle’s voice pierced her heart and tears fell onto her shoulder. The bright lights began to flash and colors flooded in along with the distant sound of sirens. They could not be that far off because she started to hear shouting and her door was flung open and someone was cutting the seatbelt that held her in place before trying to pull her out of the car. She did not go without a fight. She could not leave Elle and the screams ripped open her throat, “No! Elle! Please. Stay with me. Elle!”_

_She stayed long enough where she was to see Elle’s eyes close, the blue oceans faded, and her screaming turned from words into agonized noise; her voice so loud that her head hurt. Rough hands controlled where her body went when all she really wanted to do was sprint back to the wreckage and hold Elle. If she could do that then the warmth wouldn’t turn to cold and the oceans would fill again. But the arms were two strong and they were pushing her onto a stretcher and covering her mouth with some type of device that clogged her mind and her thoughts scattered. Before her eyes closed she saw a white sheet being pulled up the gurney beside her and she could not place the face that disappeared under it._

 

        Muddy water was the only way she could rectify her muddled mind and as she pushed to regain sight, it was like quicksand, pulling her back under. Something that felt like silk was being run over her cheeks, over and over again and it was calming, making it harder for the fog to dissipate. Her head was also sitting on something soft but the rest of her body was against a rough surface that scratched her skin. She could not figure out how she had gotten from the gurney back onto the ground but then she also could not figure out why there was a brunette in the memory when the only other person there had been blonde. It was a memory that she had successfully repressed for quite a time. Even during her panic attacks, the actual images did not return but the driving rage and the sudden headlights brought everything in her mind crashing down.

        “Carm? Ssshhh. Carm, you’re alright. You’re safe.” The voice was distantly familiar but the muscles in her face scrunched up as she flipped through the names in her head. ‘Elle’ was the only thing she could even think of and she knew that was wrong. She wished she never remembered that name. “Carm, can you hear me? You’re safe, I promise. Wake up, okay? It’s me Laura. I’ve got you.”

         _Laura._ The brunette that did not belong. That was her name. Her throat felt swollen and dry like she had actually been screaming it was dry when she tired to talk. The word came out as a croak, “Laura?”

        There was some sniffling and a small laugh, “Yeah. Laura. You’re safe, okay? Ssshh.”

        The repetition of the “ssshh” made Carmilla believe that she may have actually been yelling and she was suddenly embarrassed. When she finally was able to get her eyes to open she was instantly confused. There was a face above her but it was upside down and it took her a few moments to compose herself when she realized that the face was Laura’s and her head must have been resting in Laura’s lap. Laura smiled, “Hey.”

        “Hey.”

        “You scared me.” Laura leaned down and Carmilla felt soft lips touch her forehead. She was not in the right state to have a full on conversation but looking at Laura was enough to keep her grounded. “Hey, do you know where you are?”

        She swallowed hard and turned her head to the side, Laura’s hand moving to accommodate. The glass of the gallery loomed above her and there were people standing on the sidewalk, staring, the closest being a black-haired man dressed to the nines. When his face came in to focus, she found it to be Will. He grimaced at her, “You scared me too, Millie. Do you remember what happened?”

        She nodded but it made her dizzy. She did remember. She had completely lost it with the arrival of Mattie and now she was laying on the street, an embarrassment for her mother. Her mother. She started to get up and Laura helped her sit up but would not let her stand yet. “Mother?”

        Will’s grimace widened, “She’s inside, still entertaining guests.”

        “Mattie?”

        “She went to inform Mother of the incident of course.”

        “Shit,” she cursed, pounding the ground with her fist.

        “Carm, it’s not your fault.”

        “That doesn’t particularly matter when it comes to Mother.” To her mother it did not matter if she could stop the attacks or not; if they happened, they were her fault and she was held accountable. Mattie also would be pardoned as she had done nothing directly to incite an incident though she was the cause. Will would probably be reprimanded for not keeping better watch on her and for all she knew, her mother would either ignore her presence or show her anger in another, more physical, way.

        She reached out to hold onto Will who helped her up and Laura followed. “Will?”

        “Yeah, Millie?”

        “I saw her again.” She watched as his eyes widen, “That’ hasn’t…”

        “I know, it’s been a while.”

        “Seen who?” Laura asked at the same time Will questioned, “Are you okay?”

        Carmilla looked over at Laura and back at Will, “Not entirely but better than before.”

        “Carm?”

        “This is the story for another time, cupcake.” Laura looked disgruntled at this response but did not argue. When Carmilla turned to Will, she saw the ginger twins standing off to the side, watching but keeping their distance, “Maybe it would be best if I left.”

        “Do you want me to take you home?”

        “No. As long as Laura doesn’t mind, I think I would rather walk back with her. She is my date after all.”

        “I don’t.”

        “Well then, I will go and try to smooth things over inside,” Will bowed and started clearing the sidewalk before hopping up the stairs into the gallery. Laura looked over at her friends and with a nod, signaled to them that they need not worry. Lafontaine nodded back, Perry frowned, and they slowly re-entered the gallery.

        Carmilla held out her arm for Laura to take ahold of, “Well, cupcake.”

        “Carm, are you sure you’re alright? You don’t need to go the hospital?”

        “I’m alright. I just need to lie down; this headache is killing me.”

        “Then will you tell me?” Laura asked, taking Carmilla’s arm and following her down the sidewalk back towards her apartment.

        “Then I’ll tell you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you liked it!
> 
> I have decided to list the songs I listened to while writing each chapter (a lot of them will be repeated many times):  
> Drive Desperate - Cold War Kids, She Used to Be Mine - Sara Bareilles, I Am - Hands Like Houses, Water Under the Bridge - ADELE (honestly just the entire album on repeat), Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic - Sleeping At Last 
> 
> My fan tumblr is: uselessgayshit  
> Any questions you have about the fic, direct them to this as it will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS or STAHTCB for updates.
> 
> Saying that, you are more than welcome to follow my personal tumblr as well: just-trying-togetby


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possible Trigger Warnings: Mention of physical abuse, trauma, eating disorder
> 
> Any trigger warnings if they arise will be listed at the beginning of each chapter. 
> 
> Last chapter of 2015!

_Her head hung low, as she was trying to be as inconspicuous as possibl,e while she made her_ _way through the bustling hallway filled with immaturity and too loud voices. She looked up to check the number and then ducked into the half-filled classroom to her right, finding a seat closest to the window and farthest from the front. She anxiously tapped the toe of her new black combat boot against the abysmally tiled floor that filled every single corner of the stifling building that she was forced into five days a week. She had dropped her backpack to the floor and it’s lack of content caused it to slouch in a heap against he leg of the beaten up desk. There were scratches and writing all over it and looking around, it seemed to be the worst in the room. She smiled. It had character._

_The clock seemed to slow down as eight o’clock drew nearer but it stopped altogether when a young blonde girl wearing a white sundress cautiously stepped into the room. By this time, the room had filled up and though she hated it, her vision narrowed, as it does in the stupid romantic comedies that she refused to watch, and everything else blurred out except for the new arrival. Her long hair fell in waves against her shoulder and as she scanned the room for an empty desk, their eyes met. Carmilla did not look away or even blink because she had never seen someone more captivating than this girl before her. The girl started walking towards her and her heart began to race until she realized the only empty desk happened to be the one right next to her. Of course it was. She finally looked down at her desk, trying to ignore her roaring pulse. The girl sat down, straight-backed in the chair next to her and set her book bag carefully across the back of the chair. The bell had yet to ring and Carmilla was hoping that when the class began, she could zone out and ignore everything around her, particularly this girl. Unfortunately, the bell had other things in mind and so did the girl._

_“Hi.” Her voice was smooth and higher than Carmilla’s and felt like soft silk when it hit her eardrums. It was soothing. Carmilla looked up but did not say anything; instead, she swallowed hard. The girl smiled, showing brilliant white teeth surrounded by rosy lips. “Hi, I’m Elle.”_

_Carmilla opened her mouth to answer but found that her throat was so dry that no words could come out. Her mother would be very disappointed in her lack of politeness in this situation and that fear revved up her vocal chords and she steeled herself to speak, “Carmilla.”_

_“That’s interesting.”_

_“There’s nothing interesting about it.”_

_“I beg to differ.” Carmilla noticed that Elle was very well spoken and held herself in the same magnificent way that Carmilla’s mother had taught her. The bell rang and Elle leaned over across the aisle between their desks, “I think we will make wonderful friends.”_

_“Can I ever come over to your house?”_

_Carmilla’s eyebrows furrowed so much that she made her head hurt. She and Elle were sitting on her basement couch, watching a movie. It was Friday night, their usual sleepover-movie night at Elle’s house. It had been a year since they met in that seventh grade classroom and Elle had never mentioned the fact that she had yet to see Carmilla’s house. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”_

_“Why not?”_

_“It’s just not.”_

_“But I’d love –”_

_“You can’t, okay?” Carmilla wanted to yell the words but she did not want to upset Elle so instead, they came out very quietly, almost a whisper. Elle turned back to the television, “Okay.”_

_They watched the rest of the movie in silence under the blanket. For Carmilla, “watch” was used loosely as she spent the time rethinking what she had said to Elle and trying to figure out how to make it better without saying anything and she never came to a solid conclusion. When the movie ended, Elle was the one who apologized, “I’m sorry, okay? I know there’s a reason and if you don’t want to tell me, then I have to respect that. You can still come over here whenever you want.”_

_Carmilla’s heart was pushing against her chest as it tried to expand with the love that it held for Elle who had been the most understanding and caring person that had ever walked into Carmilla’s life. And she had pretty much just waltzed in, opened the door, and sat herself down, refusing to move. Though Carmilla still kept to herself, Elle was the first person that made Carmilla want to have trust in them. Elle’s blue eyes glowed from the light of the television screen and she was not smiling but waiting for Carmilla to respond. Carmilla took a deep breath because she did not know exactly where this was coming from but these words became the only thing she knew how to say, “Do you want to be my girlfriend?”_

_A look of confusion and shock came over Elle’s face and she even moved back slightly as she contemplated something. Carmilla became suddenly worried and her hands grew sweaty because she had made a mistake and of course Elle did not want to be her girlfriend. Elle probably did not even like girls. They never talked about it but Carmilla could not have been any stupider for thinking that maybe she felt the same connection that Carmilla had. Their relationship was strictly a friendship and Carmilla had ruined that forever but vocalizing her real feelings. “I’m sorry, I’ll just go.”_

_Carmilla ripped the blanket off her lap and rushed to the stairwell leading up to the first floor when Elle finally spoke, “I thought we were already girlfriends.”_

_It was Carmilla’s turn to be shocked and her foot froze on the first step. What had she missed? When had that ever been talked about or even mentioned? She racked her brain and was certain that no time in the last year had Elle ever mentioned that word. Carmilla just thought Elle kissing her cheek was a friendly gesture and had thought nothing of it besides wanting more. She never had thought Elle meant it as more. “What?”_

_“I thought we were already girlfriends.”_

_Carmilla turned from the stairs, “I heard you. I’m just confused.”_

_“I mean we always hang out. Alone. We snuggle…”_

_“You kiss my cheek.”_

_“Well, yeah.”_

_“I thought that was just, you know, best friend stuff.”_

_“I mean I guess but,” Elle trailed off and Carmilla did not know what to say. Elle finally continued, “I guess I just misunderstood. If you don’t want to be my girlfriend I totally understand. We’re on different pages…”_

_Carmilla quickly found her way back to the couch where Elle was sitting and knelt down on the floor in front of her, “Hey dum dum, I just asked if you wanted to be my girlfriend. Of course I want to be your’s.”_

_“Good. I was worried there for a second.”_

_“You were worried? How do you think I feel? I asked you the question.”_

_“We were both confused.”_

_“Ya think?” Carmilla hopped back onto the couch next to Elle, “Well, what do we do now?”_

_“I don’t know.”_

_“Maybe we should tell your mom.” Elle blushed. “What?”_

_“Well, I thought we were dating and so she does too.”_

_“You told her!?”_

_“Well, what else was I supposed to do?”_

_“I don’t know. Uh, maybe tell your girlfriend that she was dating you. How long have I been apparently oblivious?”_

_“A few months, I guess.”_

_“A few?”_

_“Okay, I thought we were dating ever since we went to the diner for the first time.”_

_“That was last October, Elle. You completely confuse me, you know?”_

_“Why?”_

_“I don’t think I could have lasted almost a year with you as my girlfriend without kissing you,” Carmilla’s glanced at Elle’s lips. She had never kissed someone before and as far as she knew, neither had Elle. She did not want to do it without Elle being okay with it but there was a slight nod as Elle figured out where she was headed. “I’ve barely been able to wait five minutes.”_

_“Is it going to kill you?”_

_“Yes.”_

_Elle laughed, “Stop being so melodramatic and get out of the car.”_

_Carmilla was being stubborn, refusing to enter the stadium amongst the throngs of high school students she did not know and did not want to. “Carmilla, what did you say before?”_

_“Ugh,” Carmilla unwillingly climbed from the car, “I said I promise to go to the first home game with you.”_

_“Correct.”_

_Elle shut the door and waved goodbye to her mother in the front seat. She took Carmilla’s hand and Carmilla looked down in surprise, fighting the urge to pull it out of her grasp. “Hey, no one here is going to care. We’re in high school.”_

_“That’s what I’m worried about.”_

_“Don’t be, alright? People already think we’re together.”_

_Carmilla sighed and squeezed her hand, “I don’t know why you want to come to these games anyway.”_

_“Because they’re a right of passage.”_

_“I know what else we could be doing that’s a right of passage,” Carmilla winked._

_“We’ve talked about that,” Elle said quietly. Carmilla leaned over to kiss her temple, “I know, babe. It was just a joke. I’m perfectly fine with everything we talked about. I’m sorry.”_

_Elle did not respond but smiled instead. They made there way into the student section and Carmilla grimaced and whined at being surrounded by so many teenage bodies, but Elle kept holding her hand which made everything worthwhile. Carmilla barely paid any attention to the game because not only did she have no interest, but she had no idea what was going on either. At halftime or intermission or whatever they called it, Elle told her she was going to the bathroom and told Carmilla to stay and make friends. Carmilla actually laughed out loud at the assumption that that would even be possible but she agreed and sat down on the bench behind her. Not a couple minutes later, some girl was pushed and fell into Carmilla who caught her and helped her stay upright. Carmilla went back to staring up at the sky; the sun had faded just enough to allow some stars to be seen. “Thanks.”_

_“Yeah, no problem,” she responded, not looking at the girl._

_“I’m Taylor.”_

_“Cool,” Carmilla nodded. She felt the girl sit down next to her and rolled her eyes. She could not have been making it any more obvious that she wanted to be left alone. “And you are?”_

_“None of your business.” Instead of being irritated as Carmilla had hoped, the girl smiled and scooted closer. “I’ve seen you before.”_

_“I do go here.”_

_“I mean, I’ve noticed you.”_

_“Okay,” Carmilla said, still refusing to remove her gaze from the sky._

_“Are you here alone?”_

_There was a loud clearing of someone’s throat and when Carmilla looked to her left, she smiled as she found that Elle had returned. “No, she’s not.”_

_The other girl’s expression soured, “Oh. It was nice to meet you.”_

_“Sure,” Carmilla said as the girl walked away. She turned back to Elle, “Took you long enough.”_

_Elle crossed her arms and pursed her lips. “What?”_

_“Seriously?”_

_“I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong.” Carmilla could not figure out what she had done. Elle scoffed and did not move to take her place in the stands._

_“That girl was all over you.”_

_“What are you talking about?”_

_“She was hitting on you, Carmilla.” Carmilla looked back to where the girl had gone off to, “Oh.”_

_“Yeah,” Elle turned and began to walk away. Carmilla jumped down from the stands and caught her arm, “Wait, where are you going?”_

_“Home.”_

_“And you’re just going to leave me here?”_

_“You obviously have better things to be doing.”_

_Carmilla was absolutely flabbergasted at Elle’s reaction. She had barely even spoken to the girl and if the girl had been hitting on her, she had been giving nothing in return. “Elle! Wait, please. I didn’t know.”_

_“When I told you to make friends, I didn’t mean like that.”_

_“Elle, I wasn’t even talking to her. She fell on me and I helped her up and that was that. She’s the one who sat down and kept talking. I didn’t even want to talk to her.”_

_“She was practically sitting on your lap, Carmilla.”_

_“I really wasn’t paying attention to her,” Carmilla said, pointing upward. Elle followed where her finger was pointing and they both looked up to see the stars that had become even brighter from just a few minutes ago. One thing Elle could not argue with was that Carmilla had been too immersed in the sky to realize what was happening around her. “You promise?”_

_“Elle,” Carmilla stepped forward and grabbed her hands. It was Elle’s turn to look surprised because Carmilla was not usually the one to initiate physical contact in public. “I promise more than anything. We’ve been together for a year now –”_

_“Two actually.”_

_“I’m counting from when we both knew about it,” Carmilla laughed, “and I’ve never once seen another girl. You’re the only person I’ve ever looked at.”_

_Elle looked at the ground but Carmilla brought her face back up so that their eyes met, “You have to believe me. I don’t care about anyone else but you.”_

_“It’s just that girls always look at you, even when we are together. I don’t know how you’ve never noticed but it gets to me. I’m sorry,” Elle said, burying her face in Carmilla’s shoulder. This was new information to Carmilla and so she wrapped her arms around the girl. “Don’t be, okay? Just trust me.”_

_“Will you trust me?”_

_Carmilla gulped, “I’ve been trying.”_

_“Happy Anniversary!” Carmilla’s fork stopped halfway to her mouth and she dropped her book, which much to her dismay, closed without her bookmark. They were in the middle of the high school cafeteria and Elle was standing before her with flowers and a card, while everyone stared at them after Elle’s loud declaration. Carmilla coughed, “Excuse me?”_

_“Happy Anniversary, silly.”_

_“Our anniversary was two months ago.”_

_Elle sat down across from her, “I’ve decided to celebrate this anniversary.”_

_“You mean the one that I didn’t even have any knowledge of existing.”_

_“Oh, get over yourself and let me have my fun.”_

_“Does this mean I have to get you something this time?”_

_“It wouldn’t hurt -”_

_Carmilla glared at her until she laughed, “I’m just kidding, babe. This is only for you, from me.”_

_Carmilla took the card and flowers and she stood up, bending over the table and tenderly kissed Elle. When they had first arrived at the high school, Carmilla had been very worried about how other people saw them and had kept the physical contact at a minimum. Still, most people had worked out that they were together and no one had given them any grief about it so she had become more comfortable showing Elle off. It was a work in progress but Elle was helping her through it._

_Later that night, when Carmilla met Elle at their diner for an anniversary dinner, Elle did asked Carmilla for something. “You know I’ve been patient with you. And today you asked me if you had to give me something for our anniversary. Of course you don’t and nothing will change but…”_

_Carmilla could tell exactly what Elle was going to ask of her and she knew this time, she would have to tell. “…I want you to trust me. And I want to know what you don’t want to tell me.”_

_“Okay.”_

_“Okay? That’s it.”_

_“Yes. But this is not the place.”_

_“Where?”_

_Elle was just getting the change back from the waitress and Carmilla was up out of her seat, taking hold of Elle’s hand, “My house.”_

_Carmilla had lived in this house for a little over two years now and for her, that was a huge accomplishment. Moving was her way of life and being somewhere for an extended period of time was a gift. The front door squeaked as it opened and the sound of the television from the living room filled the front hall._

_“Is someone here?” Elle was whispering in the dark as if the hall frightened her. Carmilla could not blame her; she was just as afraid. She was more afraid of the information she was about to drop on Elle after two years of knowing her. Carmilla had told her nothing of her family or her past and Elle was bound to be extremely upset about what she was going to learn. How is had been possible for her to keep a secret this large, Carmilla still could not explain but it had worked and now it would either make everything just a little more perfect or cause it to crumble to pieces. “Yeah, Will’s here.”_

_“Will?”_

_Carmilla took ahold of Elle’s hand and pulled her down the hallway. “Millie?”_

_Will’s head turned to look over the couch as Carmilla entered the room. As soon as he saw someone with her, he stood up and changed his statement, “Hello, Carmilla.”_

_“It’s okay Will. You don’t have to.” His face immediately became less stoic, yet he stayed standing straight. Elle was looking from Carmilla to Will, noticing the similarities. Carmilla watched the dawning realization on Elle’s face and she shot her an apologetic look. “Will, this is Elle. Elle this is Will…my brother.”_

_Will came around the couch and held out his hand, “It’s so nice to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you.”_

_Carmilla smacked Will’s arm and gave him and look and he just smirked at her. “Um,” Elle shook his hand, “I wish I could say the same.”_

_“Oh, it’s okay. Millie here always keeps me a secret.”_

_“Will,” Carmilla reprimanded._

_He leaned into Elle and whispered, “She also doesn’t like me calling her Millie.”_

_Elle’s shoulder bumped Carmilla, “It’s cute.”_

_Carmilla groaned, “You better not start.”_

_“No promises.”_

_Carmilla let go of Elle’s hand and went into the kitchen. Elle and Will followed behind. “When is mother coming back?”_

_“She said a couple of weeks. Who knows though?”_

_Carmilla nodded and looked to Elle, “You’re not mad.”_

_“Well, not yet. I’m not sure what else I’m missing though.”_

_“If you’re not mad about not knowing that I had a brother, I’m not sure anything else is going to make you mad.”_

_“Then tell me.”_

_Carmilla looked to Will who nodded, “If you’re sure, I’ll help you.”_

_“Well, I guess I should tell you why I let you come over this time. Mother is gone and she’s been gone before. Actually, she’s usually gone but I also needed to introduce you to Will. You know how as a freshman, it’s odd that I don’t have a ninth period class?”_

_“I always wondered.”_

_“Well, my mother, don’t ask how, made sure I had that period off so I could leave early and make sure I got Will home. I’ve always gotten back in time to go home with you so you wouldn’t know.”_

_“Why did you keep your brother from me?”_

_“I honestly don’t know. I think that was the one thing I have always had that was good in my life and I needed it safe.” She tousled Will’s hair and he smiled, “See, she loves me.”_

_“Eh, maybe.” Carmilla took a deep breath, “But, that’s not really what I need to tell you.”_

_“Does it have something to do with the fact that your mother left you two here alone for weeks?”_

_“Partially. It’s about Mother anyway.” There was one thing Carmilla needed from Elle before she could continue and so she walked back across the kitchen to her, “I need you to promise me that no matter what, you will keep this to yourself. No one can know. No one at all. I’m telling you this because I trust you and I have never told anyone else before. Will hasn’t either. It is of the upmost importance that you never speak a word of this to anyone.”_

_“I can’t promise that.”_

_“Then I can’t tell you.”_

_Elle looked at Will and he must have said something silently in those few minutes that changed her mind, “Alright. I promise.”_

_“Well actually, I don’t really have words for it. It’ll be easier to show you.” Will appeared next to her and he counted to three. Once they hit one, Carmilla lifted up her shirt and Will pulled up his right sleeve. Elle gasped audibly and stepped even closer to Carmilla, reaching out to gently touch at the dark purple bruise that covered Carmilla’s stomach. “That’s why –”_

_“-you couldn’t hug me this week.”_

_She looked over to Will next, noticing the large burn mark on his arm and made the best decision not to touch. Will had to wear long sleeves to cover it but he could barely get the shirt on in the morning without crying out. “I know the word for it, Carmilla.”_

_“It’s not that.”_

_“It is that and both of you know it.”_

_“It’s just how it is.”_

_“You can’t honestly accept that.”_

_“We’ve had to.” Elle reached out and cupped Carmilla’s face, “I will always be here. Please don’t hide from me.”_

_Carmilla pushed her hand away because after showing her this, she felt broken; as if she were only half a person and no longer a whole. She could not look Elle in the eye for the amount of shame she felt at her weakness. “Carmilla?”_

_“Stop, okay. Just go home, Elle. I don’t deserve you. You’re too good and you shouldn’t have to deal with this. This isn’t your problem.”_

_“That’s another thing too, isn’t it?”_

_“I don’t understand.”_

_“She’s made you feel unworthy of anyone’s care or love.”_

_“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”_

_“Carmilla, for two years you never told me anything about yourself because you were afraid I would leave you. That should never have crossed your mind. I’m not going to do that. You should never think that.”_

_“What else am I supposed to think? Everyone leaves at some point.”_

_“I won’t.”_

_“I don’t believe you.”_

_“Then I’ll make you.”_

_Carmilla pulled up to Elle’s house at six o’clock on a snowy December night and sat in the car, holding on to the small jewelry box, her heart racing at the thought of what she was going to do. They had passed what Elle called their three-year anniversary a few months back and Carmilla had ordered the ring for that occasion. When it came around though, she had second thoughts and changed her mind. The promise ring sat calling to her from inside her bedside table for weeks until she finally realized the only way she would stop being bothered by it was to give it to Elle. She had made reservations for them at a rather fancy restaurant but she wanted to make this special. It was coming up on Christmas as well and they always did something special during the holidays._

_Carmilla’s logical side would agree with most people that the fact that they were only sophomores and had been together for three years was kind of insane but there had never been one day where she had questioned it. They made it so easy. Carmilla had met all of Elle’s family many times and Elle’s mother had already mentioned marriage before. Elle blushed whenever it came up and Carmilla never knew what to say. Of course she saw no future without Elle but they were only fifteen and they both were under the impression that that could wait. The promise ring was Carmilla’s way of insuring to Elle that eventually, they would make that life a reality. They had more than a few years down the road to go._

_Carmilla got out of the car and readjusted her black peacoat. She made her way up the front steps of Elle’s house, making sure not to slip on the ice that had accumulated on the pavement. She knocked three times on the door and was greeted by Elle’s mother who welcomed her inside and complimented on how nice she looked. Carmilla stood nervously in the doorway as Elle finished upstairs. Her eyes flickered to the staircase when she saw movement and like every other time, her breath caught in her throat at how beautiful Elle was. She was wearing a gold-sequined dress with black heels and her mother was waiting at the bottom, holding out her jacket for her. She kissed Carmilla on the cheek in greeting and Carmilla could only stutter out, “You look beautiful.”_

_The words did not seem appropriate but she could think of nothing better at the moment and instead ushered Elle out into the car, making sure the ring was safe in her pocket. That was it until the lights and the sirens and the blurriness of everything. That was it._

        The silence of three am seemed suffocating as Carmilla waited in silence on the couch for any semblance of a reply from Laura. She would have been glad to have been kicked out of the apartment if just for a reaction instead of this heart-crushing silence. She dared not looked up from the one piece of carpet she had been staring at for the past hour or so. Laura had not spoken since she began which was disorientating in and of itself. The girl rarely stopped talking but she had let Carmilla talk and talk and tell her everything without interruption. Now, Carmilla wished she would. Laura stayed silent though and Carmilla could not stop herself from breaking the horrid lack of speech, “I can just go. That’s probably for the best. You didn’t need to hear all of this. This isn’t your problem.”

        “That’s exactly what you said to her.” Carmilla stopped halfway off the couch. “That’s exactly what you said to Elle.”

        Carmilla sat back down because Laura was finally talking to her again and she had yet to ask her to leave. “You’re her.”

        “Who?”

        “The girl from your past.”

        “Obviously. That was me. It was all true. If you don’t believe –”

“No, I believe you. That’s not what I’m trying to say. I mean you’re still her. No matter how much you try to pretend that you’re different and what happened with Elle changed you, in your mind for the worse, it didn’t. You talked yourself into believing what you needed to get through it and you ended up believing yourself to be something different.”

        Carmilla had to process because Laura’s insight was more than she bargained for. She simply thought telling Laura about everything would help them more and it was, but she was not quite sure she was ready to hear this much of the harsh truth. Laura reached out and stroked Carmilla’s arm, “I’m not saying you haven’t changed since you were fifteen. I’m not saying who you are right now isn’t valid. I’m saying that she’s still in there and it’s not hard to tell that you still want to know that part of yourself.”

        “And you don’t care?”

        “About what?”

        “That I’m fucked up.” Laura scooted across the couch so that she could better look Carmilla in the eye, “You are not fucked up, Carmilla.”

        Carmilla smiled because she could not help herself. Even though this was not an amusing situation, she was pretty sure this was the first time she had heard Laura swear or at least say “fuck” and it the most innocent and least abrasive thing she had ever heard. She decided she would bring it up at a different time though. And even with the sincerity of the words, Carmilla could not believe Laura. She was fucked up. She had lost the one person whom she ever loved and it was all her fault. She had not told Laura that part; that the guilt consumed her everyday and made her numb. That was the center of the story. “I’m fucked up because of guilt. You can’t say that’s not true because I am. Ever since that day, I…that was my fault. I was driving. We got in a crash and I was driving and she died. I killed her.”

        Carmilla’s voice broke during the last sentence and all of the numbness parted for self-hatred and anger and complete sadness. More tears than earlier fell from her eyes and there was nothing she could do to stop the embarrassing flow because she could see Elle’s face so clearly and the last thing Elle said was that she trusted Carmilla and Carmilla let her down. She let her die.

        Laura pulled her into an embrace without asking and wrapped her arms tightly around Carmilla’s shoulders, bearing some of the weight of the grief.

        Between sobs, Carmilla tried to explain further, “She said she trusted me and I couldn’t save her. I told her everything was going to be alright and it never has been.”

        “Carm, it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t.” Carmilla’s entire body convulsed as she cried more than she ever had. It was six years of undiscovered emotion and hidden feelings that burst forth. The force scared her but Laura’s hand, rubbing circles onto her back worked miracles.

 *********************************************************************************************************************************************

        “Hello?”

        “Hi, Kirsch. It’s Perry.”

        “Oh, hey! How’s it going?” Kirsch asked, surprised that Perry had called him.

        “Well, actually, it’s about Laura.” Danny pinched his arm. She was sitting close enough to hear Perry’s voice through the phone and so Kirsch said, “Hold on a sec. I’m going to put you on speaker. Danny wants to hear too.”

        “Danny?”

        Kirsch moved the phone from his ear and set it on the desk, pressing the speaker button so that Danny would be able to hear everything Perry said. “So, what about Laura?”

        “Well, I’m not sure if she called you and talked to you yet. Since Lafontaine and I were at the gallery that night we saw everything go down and I know you weren’t so I just wanted to fill you in.”   

        “We were at the gallery – Ow!” Danny had slapped him hard across the arm and he rubbed at the sting. She was violently shaking her head no and Kirsch quickly edited his statement, “I mean we wanted to go to the gallery.”

        “Together?”

        This time Danny stepped in, “Of course not. I didn’t know Kirsch had plans to go. Unfortunately, I couldn’t go because a last minute Summer Society event meeting was scheduled and I had to go to that.”

        “Yeah, yeah and I just didn’t have anyone to go with.”

        “Oh, Kirsch, you could’ve come with us,” Perry replied. Kirsch could hear the sincerity through the phone and hated lying to someone who was being so nice but Danny would never allow him to tell the truth. The truth was that Danny and him had gone to the gallery that night but Danny had made them hide in the throngs of people so that no one they knew would see them. After a few glasses of champagne, which informed Kirsch that Danny was either more of a lightweight than she had ever let on or she was not actually drunk like she had said, she dragged him out of the gallery to a back hallway. It was dark and dirty but she didn’t seem to mind and said, “If you tell anyone about this, I swear to god, I will find you and kill you myself.”

        He was taken off-guard as she pulled him in by his tie and kissed him. He was pretty sure his lips were bruised but his mind was preoccupied. He had wanted to go on a date with Danny and had never imagined getting to kiss her when she turned him down for that. He could not even call the gallery a date but he was pleasantly surprised when she agreed to go. After their not-so-brief make out session, Kirsch had to reassemble his suit and Danny had to fix her hair in the camera on her phone. He helped and she did not slap his hand away. He thought she was going to kiss him again when she leaned close but she simply said between clenched teeth, “I’m drunk. I wanted to make out with someone. That’s it. I will murder you, Kirsch.”

        She checked to see if the coast was clear and he followed her out quietly when it was. Neither of them very much felt like staying for the art and Danny refused his offer to walk her home. He had made his own way to the Zeta house, unable to stop grinning with the image of Danny’s flushed face burned into his mind.

        Now, she was lounging next to him on his bed where she had just flopped down when his phone rang. Before, she had been sitting on top of him with her hands under his shirt. They had plans to workout later in the afternoon, but she had shown up early, apparently with something different on her mind and Kirsch was not going to argue with her.

        “It’s alright, so what happened?”

        “Well, I don’t know the exact details and I’m not sure I will ever get them but I gathered that something happened with Carmilla and her family and there was a rather loud argument between her and her sister outside of the gallery. A car came by. No one was hurt but Carmilla had a huge panic attack it seemed and she fainted. Laura took her home right after that and Will seemed to think everything was going to be fine. I just thought you should know.”

        “So, Laura’s okay?”

        “Yeah, she’s fine. I just wanted to fill you in.”

        “No, thanks Perry. I’m glad you did.”

        “Okay, well, I’ll talk to you later, Kirsch.”

        “Yeah, bye.” He clicked to end the call and looked at Danny whose forehead was creased with worry. An anxious rush swooped over him as he looked at the light blue eyes that had hints of silver swirling around, “Is this weird?”

        Danny sat up, “What?”

        “The fact that we’re worried about the same person because she’s my best friend and practically my little sister and she’s you’re ex and we’re kind of hooking up.”

        Danny huffed, “Well now it is. Maybe I should go.”

        “No! I didn’t mean to ruin it, I just wanted to make sure we’re on the same page about everything.”

        “Kirsch, we’ve made out a couple times, I’m not sure what you mean.”

        Was she really this oblivious? “Danny, I told you I liked you. I asked you out and you turned me down. Then you just pushed me into a hallway and kissed me. I’m not sure what to think because my mind is just spinning out of control –”

        Danny grabbed his jaw and leaned in so that he could feel her breath against his lips, “Then don’t think.”

        His mind was cloudy with the thoughts of kissing her and he hungrily grabbed her face. Maybe it wasn’t so bad. They could figure the rest out later.

*********************************************************************************************************************************************

        “Hey, Perr!” Lafontaine bounced onto the couch next to her, “Whatcha doin?”

        “What does it look like I’m doing?”

        “Yes, but don’t you have work today?”

        “Not for another hour or so.”

        “Oh.” Lafontaine watched Perry’s eyes travel back to the magazine on her lap and they didn’t say anything. Instead, they slowly moved their hand, grabbing ahold of Perry’s foot and lightly tickling it. They knew Perry was aware but she had yet to give in. It did not take long and as they picked up the pace, Perry started twitching, trying to get her foot out of Lafontaine’s grasp but they would not let go. Avoiding Perry’s kicks, they moved upwards to the side of her stomach.

        “Lafontaine! Lafontaine!” she shouted between gasps for air and fits of laughter, “What did we say last time?”

        “Short term memory, Perr,” Lafontaine responded as they climbed onto all fours and grabbed ahold of both of Perry’s sides until Perry dropped the magazine to the floor and turned to try to get out of their grasp, onto her back. Lafontaine almost jumped in surprise when Perry pushed herself up on her elbows and leaned up, planting a hard kiss on Lafontaine’s lips. They were always the one to initiate because Perry was still shy and could not figure out how to comfortably act around them. She took the initiative this time and when she broke the kiss, her face was red. Lafontaine quirked an eyebrow and smiled widely, “Wow, Perr. You should do that more often.”

        “It got you to stop, didn’t it?”

        “I’m not complaining that it worked.”

        “Well, I should get ready for work.” It was Perry’s way of removing herself from the situation and Lafontaine happily let her, knowing that even though they might have a long way to go, this was a step they had not been expecting.

        Graduation had come and gone faster than Lafontaine had been anticipating and they had finally sat Perry down and talked about what was to come. Perry eventually wanted to move from Silas but she understood how important Lafontaine’s continued education was and agreed that they should do the second internship with Doctor Pierson. She would, in the meantime, continue to work at the bakery. She said she had something else she was working on but refused to give any more information to Lafontaine than that. Hopefully she would be busy and satisfied and not bored. Lafontaine did not want her to feel like they were holding her back from a better future. They just wanted to be with her and be happy.

        For the next week, Lafontaine was scheduled to do evening hours in the lab and so they would walk Perry to work before continuing on to the university’s science building. Perry had allowed them to hold hands no matter where they were now but they still had yet to officially tell their friends of their relationship. Lafontaine could not quite figure out why they were so nervous. No one would necessarily care; they would be happy. Maybe it was the change. Maybe they were just as worried as Perry about something going wrong.

        They shook the negative thoughts from their head because it would only work to make them more anxious and they only needed one high-strung individual in a relationship. Perry took care of that for the both of them.

*********************************************************************************************************************************************

        “Hey Carm?”

        “Yeah?”

        Laura was laying on her bed, looking straight up at the ceiling as Carmilla laid next to her and absentmindedly played with the long strands of her hair that spread out across the comforter. Carmilla had yet to move back home and had been staying with Laura since the gallery event and even obliging her and being her date to Lafontaine, Perry, Kirsch, and Danny’s graduation. Laura had cried. All of her friends were suddenly done with Silas and she could not think about what would be happening in the months to come. They were likely to move away and start working, getting their own places, starting their lives and she was stuck at school without the people who had guided her through her life so far. They were her best friends and thinking of spending one day without them left her feeling empty. Laura understood it was simply her age but she was always the one being left behind and the last one to grow up; it was a miserable feeling.

        The question she was going to ask Carmilla got stuck in her throat and she changed tactics, “I like you being here.”         

        “I like being here to, cutie, but I know that’s not what you were going to say.”

        “Yeah it was.”

        “If you say so,” Carmilla continued playing with her hair, “Hey, cupcake?”

        “Yeah?”

        “So, you know how I let you in about Elle? And I said if you have any questions about her you can ask me?”

        “Of course.” That was not a day Laura would ever forget. Holding a crumbling Carmilla in her arms was the last thing she thought her heart could handle and yet it was the only thing she ever wanted to do. She wanted to be there to help the girl piece everything back together, to tell her it was okay. “Well, I’ve had a question for you.”

        “Oh,” Laura was caught off guard. She had no idea what Carmilla was planning, “What?”

        “I’ve been here for a couple weeks and so I’ve noticed things. Of course if you don’t want to tell me or anything I obviously understand but -”

        Laura laughed and turned towards Carmilla, “Gosh, Carm, you sound like me.”

        Carmilla smiled, still staring at Laura’s hair between her fingers and Laura’s heart stopped. That smile was as bright as the sun to Laura and no matter how clichéd it sounded, she could think of no better description. Laura had noticed that its occurrence was becoming more and more frequent and she would do nothing to stop that. “Sorry, sweetheart, I’m just trying to find the right words?”

        “You? Lost for words?”

        “It’s not like that,” her eyebrows furrowed with thought before she continued, “This is actually more of a worry about an observation than an actual question.”

        “Go on.”

        “I’m worried about how you eat or your lack of eating actually.”

        “Oh,” Laura’s voice was quiet. She had not been expecting this; she had actually thought she had been doing very well at fixing it or at least hiding the problem. Only Kirsch and SJ, whom she had not talked to in months, new about it. She had told no one else and apparently they were not as good at picking up on behaviors as Carmilla was, something she knew and so she should have come to expect a question as such. “You know, you can tell me. I think I’ve earned this much trust from you. And if you’d rather me guess, I could do that.”

        “No and yes, I mean,” Laura took a deep breath and grabbed ahold of the edge of her shirt, running the cloth between her fingers to take her mind off the current conversation, “You’ve always had my trust but no I don’t want you to guess.”

        “Will you tell me then?”

        “Well, actually,” Laura was trying to figure out where to start. She did not know if starting at the beginning or end would be better so she just jumped right in, “It’s better now. I mean I thought it was but if you picked up on something, apparently I’m not doing such a great job of it myself. I’ve been working on it though and high school was the worst time. That’s when it started. Kirsch helped a lot and my dad. I worried them sick but I got help and I thought I was better.”

        “Cupcake, I don’t mean to pry but you’ve never said what the ‘it’ is.”

        Laura was not sure when the last time she had talked of this was and saying the word that described her life for a large amount of high school frightened her. It was only a word but at that time, it had such power over her that now, just the reminder of that fear was enough to stop the sound in her throat. Carmilla brushed a hand lightly across her face, “Hey, it’s okay. I just want to know what’s going on. Maybe I can help.”

        The sincerity of Carmilla’s words was overpowering the fear and Laura felt a confidence surrounding the topic that she had not had in a while, “I, well, in high school, I found out that I was anorexic.”

        Carmilla grabbed a hold of her hand and kissed the back of it without removing her gaze from Laura’s eyes. “But I got help and I got better and I’ve been managing really well and I don’t really have those thoughts anymore but sometimes, well, the habits never fully went away and I don’t realize I’m not eating. It just happens.”

        Carmilla did not speak, allowing for Laura to go on if she wanted to and she found that she did but her voice was even quieter than before, “I’m trying. I really am. Sometimes I don’t realize I’m not doing great.”

        “I think you’re doing a fantastic job, cupcake. Don’t forget that.”

        “Really?”       

         “Of course. You’ve come so far. I just wanted to make sure you are okay. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

        Laura looked to where Carmilla was still holding her hand, “How did you know?”

        “Your diet of cookies and grape soda was concerning but then I noticed that I never saw you eat any meals. And then when I first came over and you offered to get pizza saying you weren’t hungry. Well you pretty much ate the entire thing by yourself. I have intuition. I just wanted to be certain. I wanted to ask you before now but I wanted to make sure you wouldn’t be uncomfortable.”

        “Well, I am.”

        “You shouldn’t be.”

        “It’s embarrassing,” Laura said, feeling heat rise in her cheeks. Most people got uncomfortable and started acted strange if they ever found out so she did her best not to tell people. Lafontaine and Perry were unaware of her past and she was even able to hide it from Danny; the secret lasted a three-year relationship and one week with Carmilla pushed it into the open. Carmilla’s laugh was not in amusement but resonated in disbelief and care, “It’s not embarrassing, cutie. Do you understand how strong you are? You got help and you worked through it. You are a fighter and you are so strong. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about, okay?” Carmilla paused and bit her lip and if this was in any other situation, Laura knew she would have to do everything in her power not to act on the intense feelings that that small action brought up in her. “And if you fall a little bit, I’ll be here to help you back up.”

        Laura whispered, holding her quivering lip back, hoping not to cry, “Thank you.”

        The question about a summer vacation was lost on Laura and she could only feel relief that Carmilla did not hold her in judgment for what she went through. She was continuously blown away by Carmilla’s observational skills but this had gone one step further than ever before. Carmilla had tuned into something that Laura kept hidden.

        “There’s more to it than just that. Don’t you want to know why?”

        “Of course,” Carmilla said, honestly, “but I think that’s for another time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you liked it!
> 
> I have decided to list the songs I listened to while writing each chapter (a lot of them will be repeated many times): I wrote this entire thing in one sitting with "Sirens" by Cher Lloyd on repeat.
> 
> My fan tumblr is: uselessgayshit  
> Any questions you have about the fic, direct them to this as it will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS and STAHTCB for updates.
> 
> Saying that, you are more than welcome to follow my personal tumblr as well: just-trying-togetby


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any trigger warnings if they arise will be listed at the beginning of each chapter. 
> 
> I am aware that my writing style may be different from many fics because I tend to be exceedingly descriptive but writing is what I love so I do it the way that feels right to me.
> 
> Sorry for the wait and also sorry this chapter may not be up to par. I was promoted at work and so I'm working more than expected and I don't have as much time to write. I'm really excited for the next couple chapters though!

        He climbed the narrow stairway and his hopes fell when he found the room empty yet again. He trudged forward and fell onto the bed, letting out a deep sigh. After the gallery and when his mother left, he had been forced to return home and help his sister, Mattie get situated. Carmilla had made no appearance but had thought enough to text him and let him know she was okay. She had asked about himself but he brushed it off, not wanting to add to any of her stress. Mattie was a handful for one person but the fight that would have broken out if Carmilla had come back to the house would have been violent; those two could do things with words that could rip skin open without touch. They became entirely oblivious to their surrounding and things ended up being broken; once, Will had been collateral damage and that was the time that Mattie had walked out of their lives.

        Heels clicked on the rickety wooden floor and Will shot up to sitting position so fast it gave him a small headache that quickly dissipated. He was always on high alert when Mattie was around and the displeased look he knew would be on Carmilla’s face regarding Mattie being in her room flashed across his mind.

        For his mother, Will would have not only stood up at attention, but he most likely would have heeded to her calling without her exerting herself to climb the stairs. It may have been respect out of fear but it was always in the forefront of his mind. Regarding Mattie, he felt the same way as Carmilla and had no respect for her left. His only fear was her reporting his actions back to mother who would duly punish him for the affront.

        She appeared in the doorway, wearing a short black dress accompanied by black shoes. Will scoffed; her always-formal attire brought him more amusement than he expected, especially when this room was usually filled with a half-dressed Carmilla. He supposed the amusement stemmed from it being out of place in the messy surroundings. She placed a hand on the doorway as she shifted most of her weight onto her left leg, a posture Will had thought would be impossible for her. “William.”

        “This isn’t your house, Mattie,” Will growled, standing up. Mattie laughed, “According to mother who owns this house, I live here now.”

        She spread her arms and looked around, “Though I’m surprised mother hasn’t taken it upon herself to entirely excavate,” a look of disgust crossed her face when she saw a pile of dirty clothes under the bed, “this disgusting swamp of a room.”

        “I don’t think it is any of your business what mother does and does not do and in the meantime,” Will was walking forward, hoping to dissuade Mattie from entering the room and take her back downstairs instead, “you would do best to not touch anything in here.”

        Will’s tense stance did nothing to hinder Mattie’s questioning, though she did stay in the doorway, looking past him as she spoke, “Where is our sister currently?”

        “She is not your sister,” the glare would have worked on anyone outside of the Karnstein family.

        Mattie waved a hand, “Don’t be silly, William. Of course she is.”

        Will pushed past her roughly but Mattie kept her composure, giving one last look around the room before following him. He tried to ignore her presence and bounded down the stairs, quickly considering shoving the door in her face before choosing to be slightly more mature than that. She was calling his name and he judged the distance between his room and getting through the front door before she made it down the stairs. The decision took too long to make because she was behind him, “William, you will look at me when I am speaking to you.”

        Maybe he had not realized how condescending his mother was until he heard it from his own sister but Carmilla had been right about their mother using words to completely control them. His sister on the other hand did not have that same power. He twisted around, a terrifying grimace on his face as he growled, “You are not mother. Stop trying to be. I owe you nothing.”

        She seemed to be frozen in place at his audacity to speak to her with such words but Mattie had not been around enough to understand that she did not exist in the hierarchy of the household. “You may be living in this house right now but you need to understand one thing: You do not have any control over either my life or Carmilla’s and it would be best for you to stay out of it. We will tolerate you being here because we have no choice in the matter but our business is our business and you can expect no gratitude or warmth from us in any way. You lost that a long time ago and it is about time you understand how many pieces our relationship has been crushed into. It no longer exists as it once did; it barely exists in any sense,” Will paused and glared, “Tolerance is all you will get.”

        Before Mattie had time to respond, he jogged down the stairs and out the front door, hoping to find sanctuary in the Zeta house. Once he knew for certain she was not following him, he let out a deep breath. Symbolism was usually lost on Will; he left that for Carmilla to delve into but a pressure was definitely removed from his chest and whether that was from stress or what Carmilla would probably call a metaphor for some long held onto hate, it was a relief. He did not know what kind of state Mattie would be in when he returned but he had hoped that maybe his words would have some effect.

        Carmilla had still not informed him when she would be coming back to the house and he did not want to push her but Mattie would be ultimately more bearable with another presence in the house. He knew Carmilla would not intervene and stay as far away from Mattie as she could at all time, but her just being there always brought him serenity. _For the most part anyway,_ he smiled to himself. She was something to deal with most of the time but there was an underlying connection between them that seemed to stem from the worst possible circumstances. He’d give anything to never lose that.

           

        The Zeta house was pretty chaotic; brothers were moving in and out whether for good or just for the summer, Will did not know the particulars. He had to press against a wall to let one guy through with a huge television when he saw a bright streak of red that caught his eye. Her height was another factor that made her hard to miss and he looked in confusion as the girl he recognized from the Summer Society was doing her best to slink out of the house, mixed in with the rest of the mess. “Danny?”

        She spun around faster than he thought possible and her eyes opened wide when she saw who he was. He had not been around her much but she had come along to his birthday party. There was no reason she should have been in the Zeta house. What was even more surprising but let a little more light onto the situation was Kirsch bounding down the stairs after her and the look of fear and warning she sent his way. Kirsch caught Will’s eye and almost fell forward down the stairwell but caught himself on the railing instead and cleared his throat, “Uh, yeah, hey, Will.”

        Will raised an eyebrow, already knowing he caught them in the act. He had not suspected anything between the two but there was no other alternative and he was just bursting with excitement to hear what excuse they would try to come up with. Will didn’t care if anything was going on between the two; they had both graduated already and whether or not Danny was staying at Silas for graduate school or not, he knew Kirsch was leaving. The Zeta and Summer rivalry was over between them to the largest extent. “Hey, Kirsch. What’s Summer Psycho doing here?”

        “Don’t…” Kirsch started to defend her. Will had only use the nickname to see his reaction and it was exactly as had been expected. Danny cut him off before he could dig himself deeper into a hole, “The Zeta’s are just ruining yet another Summer Society event.”

        She glared daggers at Kirsch that could have fooled anyone, “I warned you the first time. We won’t be so forgiving this time.”

        With that she turned, her long red hair twirling around her shoulders before she disappeared out the front door. Kirsch cleared his throat again and Will waited for him to stop watching her leave. “What are you doing here?”

        Will shrugged, “Just needed to get out of the house.”

        The usually dopey grin reappeared on Kirsch’s face as he beckoned Will up, “Yeah, I get you, dude.”

        Will doubted he actually knew anything of the sort but the thought was what counted and Will knew Kirsch would take on the burden if he ever asked. Will hopped up the first couple of stairs, following Kirsch to his room. “So, how long has this thing with Lawrence been going on?”

        “What?” Kirsch blanched as if it had never occurred that someone would catch on. “Dude, what are you even talking about?”

        “Cut the crap, Kirsch.” Kirsch turned to look at him and Will realized that might have been a little harsh, regarding the situation. “Sorry, man. I didn’t mean it. Stuff at home went down and it’s still in the front of my mind. That’s no excuse.”

        “Sorry, bro. I know you have it rough sometimes.” Kirsch continued the trek up the stairs. Will could not let him get off that easy though, “Even so, I wasn’t joking about Lawrence and you don’t have to keep up an act. I don’t care.”

        Kirsch quickly ushered Will into his room and Will just shook his head before entering, silently laughing at Kirsch’s unnecessary reaction. He shut the door and paused a minute, both hands on the wood before turning around. His face was twisted as if in pain between being happy and being afraid and Will could only imagine that Danny had ignited the latter emotion. “You can’t tell anyone, you understand?”

        “Fine, fine,” Will waved away his concern, “But I don’t understand why. You’ve graduated, both of you actually. There isn’t a problem. And I’m not sure any other Zeta really would’ve cared in the first place.”

        Kirsch walked over to his bed and dropped down, letting out a huge sigh, “It’s not me. It’s Danny. She doesn’t want anyone to know.”

        “To know what?” Will asked, sitting down in Kirsch’s desk chair. Kirsch sat up on the bed, “I honestly don’t know. She won’t talk about it. I’ve tried to bring it up. Right now we’re kind of just hooking up.”

        “I will need clarification on exactly what you mean by hooking up.”

        “No, no, we haven’t. I wouldn’t. Well I would but –”

        Will laughed, “I get what you mean, man.”

        “Good. But I don’t know. We hang out. We’ve been hanging out for awhile but now it’s different.”

        “Have you told her you actually like her?”

        “Uh, yeah. I long time ago.”

        “And what did she say?”

        “She said we couldn’t.”

        “So she didn’t say she didn’t like you back? She’s just worried about image.”

        “I think it’s more than about the Summers. I think it’s about Laura. Wait, that just reminded me, how’s Carmilla? Perry called me and said something went down at the gallery and she just wanted me to know everything was okay. Dude, I didn’t know you had another sister.”

        Will forced himself to swallow as a bulge began to build up in the back of his throat. His fists automatically curled in anger but he tried to stay calm and not fly off the handle at Kirsch. No matter how much he cared for Carmilla, he refused to fall into her pattern of behaviors; that wasn’t who he was. “Yeah, it’s not something I usually bring up. She hasn’t been around since I was younger and it’s not the greatest relationship.”

        “I’m sorry.”

        “No, you should know. You’re my best bro,” Will looked up to see a beaming smile on Kirsch’s face that made him feel more at ease with going on with the story, “You know some of the bad stuff but my sister, Mattie, came back to town because mother is leaving and she needed someone to run the gallery.”

        “Why didn’t she just have you or Carmilla do it?”

        “Mattie is more, how should I put it? Mattie was never in the same situation as Carmilla and myself ended up in. She pretty much went along with everything mother wanted for her and was spared any torment that we endured. It feels like she deserted us. She saw what was happening and instead of helping us, she left and helped herself.”

        Will paused because the story was not as in depth or as hard to tell as he had expected. It was clear cut to anyone that Mattie had simply taken the best way out for herself, leaving Will and Carmilla to fend for themselves. The deeper aspect was more of Will’s remaining emotions regarding the past and the grudge he had kept. He was worried Kirsch would not see how terrible that rejection had felt and still felt. “Were you not at the gallery that night? I thought you told me you were coming?”

        Kirsch’s faced turned slightly red and he looked off to the side, “We can talk about that later. Was Carmilla okay?”

        “Okay….” Will was confused by his reaction to a simple question but took his word that they would come back to the subject, “She’s doing better now, I think. She’s been staying with Laura for,” Will paused to think, “well, I can’t even remember how long. It couldn’t have been that far before the gallery event but that’s not important right now.”

        “I actually think that’s really important.”     

        “The length isn’t important to the story. Of course them being together bodes well for everyone. It took them long enough.” That made Kirsch laugh, “Well, at least we both saw it coming. I’m not sure anyone else did.”

        “I’m not sure they did either. They might still not know. They both seem a little oblivious when it comes to each other.” They both laughed.

        “Perry told me Laura was doing alright but she didn’t have information on Carmilla and I just wanted to make sure she’s okay.”

        “Yeah, like I said she hasn’t been home which is probably for the best but she is going to have to come back at some point. She just hasn’t told me when yet. Her and Mattie have a worse relationship than I do and so she did not take well to Mattie appearing out of the blue like she did. That was all of mother’s doing, of course. We had no idea,” Will shrugged to try to get the annoyance to dissipate so he could finish, “She immediately ran out and Laura and I went to find her and Mattie followed. She knew better but Mattie doesn’t seem to understand how to not make a scene. Anyways, Carmilla was yelling at her outside and this car came by and Carmilla flashed –”

        “Flashed?”

        Will’s eyebrows furrowed as he considered whether or not to tell Kirsch about the car crash Carmilla had gotten in when she was in high school. He figured she had already told Laura but not everyone needed to know and it was not his story to tell. He could tell half of the truth, just enough to get Kirsch to understand. “She had been in a really traumatic car accident in high school and certain things set her off.”        

        “That’s what the panic attack was on your birthday?” Will never thought Kirsch was dumb but he had questioned Kirsch’s skills of observation and putting two and two together so he was caught off guard with how quickly Kirsch figured it out.

        “Yeah, she doesn’t do well with cars anymore.”

        Kirsch nodded in thought and neither of them spoke for a few moments. Will was finished explaining and Kirsch knew so they simply let the information float in the silent air, settling over them both. It grew to the point of being uncomfortable and it was obvious to Will that Kirsch was unsure of how to move past the subject so he took it upon himself to help out, “So, why weren’t you at the gallery?”

        “I was,” Kirsch said softly.

        “Then how did you miss that big fiasco. I’m pretty sure even if you couldn’t see it, you could definitely hear it. Mother did her best, but it was not entirely unforgettable.”

        “I was a little preoccupied.”

        Will was becoming more and more suspicious because Kirsch was not about to give an excuse about being preoccupied with the art. Will laughed at the thought of that lie. “With? I don’t want to have to drag this out of you, dude.”

        “Sorry, sorry, I’m just still confused about boundaries. I went with Danny actually but no one else knows. We didn’t tell them. But Danny kind of dragged me into a back hallway to make out.”

        Will yipped and stuck his hand out for Kirsch to high five. The action brought a smile to Kirsch’s face, which was Will’s purpose. “Hey, dude. Don’t let her play with you thought, alright? You guys need to be on the same page or you need to shut it down.”

        “But I really like her though,” Kirsch almost whined. Will just gave him a stern look, “Exactly my point. She can’t play with your heart. You’ve had enough to deal with lately. I know you don’t like talking about it, but the break up with SJ wasn’t the best situation for your morale. If you want to wait for Danny, do it. But don’t get yourself into something with her if she’s not sure of you.”

        “That’s going to be a lot harder than it sounds.”

        Will leaned the chair forward and gently punched Kirsch on the side of the knee, as it was all he could reach. “That’s the point, bro.”

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        Carmilla was lounging on the bed, her eyes scanning the pages of her book while periodically glancing over at Laura who was sitting at the desk, working on an article for The Voice. She had been out of the apartment most of the week, her internship transformation into a full-blown job taking up most of her time. Despite that, Laura seemed overjoyed at the possibility of working for a credible newspaper and The Journal was just that. Though it left Carmilla to herself most days, she was uncharacteristically happy for the up and coming journalist whose apartment she had been occupying for going on too long. Carmilla propped herself up onto her elbows and turned into her side, letting the pages off the book flute closed. “Hey, cutie?”

        “Mm?” Though she responded, Laura was paying Carmilla no attention, her fingers furiously typing across the keys. She waited a few moments, thinking that Laura was only ignoring her to finish a thought but a few minutes later, when that no longer seemed like the case, she cleared her throat loudly, “Cupcake?”

        “Mm?” Carmilla smiled at Laura's dedication to the little newspaper that could; the one that she had never read and had only recently come into contact with. Laura had a staff that usually helped her with the workload but it being summer, they had all returned home for the vacation, leaving Laura struggling to produce a shortened version of the usual issue every two weeks. It reached the summer students on campus and even landed itself on the counters of some stores in town. The keyboard made loud clicking sounds in the quiet room of the apartment and Carmilla sighed, not wanting to disturb Laura's work but also well aware that it was about time to figure out what she was to do next.

        She lazily climbed out of Laura's bed, well aware of the fact that she had been sharing Laura's bed with said Laura. It was weirdly comfortable and had never been awkward between them. There was a new level of comfort that had developed from living in such close quarters together; but the cycle of embarrassingly seeing each other in various stages of undress, Carmilla had never gotten used to and by the redness of Laura's face during those incidents, she hadn't either. It wasn't that Carmila was bothered by nudity. Most of the time, she purposely tried to get Laura to walk in on her changing because the flustered girl was adorable. Seeing Laura on the otherhand wouldn't normally bother her but the fact that every time it happened, Carmilla had to restrain herself from reaching out to touch was rather annoying. It was another new gravitation that she was working on getting a handle on. Scaring Laura away was no way to thank her for being so gracious during the last month or if Carmilla was being completely honest with herself, the last six months, plus a few.

        She sauntered up behind Laura's chair, turning on the charm before leaning down close to Laura's ear. Carmilla was a little perturbed that the small girl seemed oblivious to her, eyes glued to the screen on the desk.

        “Cupcake,” she almost purred. Laura almost jumped out of her chair in fright, which sent Carmilla in a fit of laughter from the utter surprise etched onto the cute face. Laura glared at her, “You could've been nice and got my attention first.”

        “Why do you think I'm over here now? You weren't listening to me. I think I managed to get your attention anyhow.” Laura simply glared at Carmilla but the look was no way frightening; it looked like a puppy who had its ball taken away and had no effect on Carmilla. “I know you're working but I think we need to figure some things out.”

        “We?”

        “Yeah,” Carmilla responded, leaning against the edge of the desk, placing her hands in the wooden edge, “I think you're a part of it now. Not in a direct way. But I think you have a say.”

        To Carmilla’s surprise, Laura actually shut her laptop and turned towards her, the seated position forcing her to look up at Carmilla, dark green eyes sparkling from nothing. “Carm, I don't think I know what you're talking about.”

        “I think it's time for me to go back to my house.” Laura looked as if she was going to jump out of her seat but had stifled the urge. One of her eyebrows quirked upwards in an odd fashion as she questioned, “Are you sure that's a good idea?”

        Carmilla sighed because she wasn't sure herself. She pushed herself off the desk and sat on the edge of the bed, causing Laura to turn the desk chair around entirely, “I don't know but I'm going to have to at some point. I've been wearing the same three outfits for weeks now and I know that you don't mind me being here and Betty has been gracious about the situation but its about time I stopped imposing myself on you.”

        “What about Mattie?”

        “She'll be there. Will said she was living there now the last time I spoke with him,” she paused as she realized it had been quite a while since she had seen her brother, “I'd like to actually see him too.”

        Laura looked down and fidgeted with her fingers, “You know, we never actually talked about Mattie…”

        Carmilla expected her to complete the statement but she trailed off and did not show signs of further thought. “Cupcake, I told you that you could ask me anything you wanted to know. Granted I didn't promise an answer but you can still ask.”

        “I just…I was just surprised to find out you had a sister. I know that you don’t talk a lot about your family but you were so close with Will. I didn't even imagine there was another sibling. I was surprised to say the least.”

        Carmilla had never talked about Mattie with anyone outside of her family and the few people who knew of her sister but she felt entirely at ease explaining the situation to Laura. This rambunctious and determined girl she had met was certainly becoming less of an annoyance of a being and more of an annoyance to Carmilla's way of dealing with her problems. She had already decided to let Laura in and open up a little but only to Laura and for reasons that she could not name. It went far past her now well-known and self-accepted attraction to the brunette into something that felt calm and normal. At least as normal as her life could ever possibly get. Carmilla sank farther into the bed as she began, “I’ve tried my hardest to forget our relation or even her existence. It’s futile. There’s no way to forget someone that affected your life as much as Mattie did mine. Unfortunately it was negatively and that’s not something I can easily forgive either.”

        Laura got up from her chair and walked to sit down next to Carmilla who took reassurance in the action. “She left us, Will and I. She took the easy way out and left us to fend for ourselves when we were too young to even realize what was happening to us. Even now it’s still incomprehensible in some ways, its just more easily recognizable. But she saw exactly what mother was doing to us all and instead of being there for us and helping us, she shook mother’s hands and turned her back,” Carmilla swallowed hard, “Will cried and cried and I think that was when my heart cracked. Not for her but for what she had done to Will. I made the decision then that she thought nothing of us and we were as indispensible to her as we are to Mother. She learned the ropes of Mother’s trade and eventually was given her own duties and tasks and even ownership of some of Mother’s investments. And if we were ever around, it was as if we were invisible to her. The bruises. The scars. Anything. She looked past it or through it, whichever is worse.”

        Carmilla felt a hesitant hand on her lower back but she leaned into it to show Laura that it was welcomed. The hand gently rubbed circles into her muscles. Reassurance. That was the word the Carmilla always came to whenever she thought about Laura. Maybe that was the indescribable feeling that caused her to spill everything she normally kept locked away. “Mother invited her without telling Will or I because she knew the reaction she would get. She wanted it. And Mattie believing that she’s still our sister and we would welcome her back with open arms as if she hadn’t betrayed us adds salt to the deep wound she already left. If she wants forgiveness, she has come to the wrong place.

        It doesn’t change the fact though that I need to go back. If this is what I have to live with, I’m going to have to accept it sooner or later. She has no right to control my life and if that’s what she is going to try to do, she is going to realize real quick that failure is upon her.”

        “Are you sure then?”

        “I have to go back,” Carmilla turned her head to look at Laura who looked tentative yet supportive, “and yes, I’m sure, that if you feel comfortable, you should join me.”

        Laura playfully bumped their shoulders together, “Of course, Carm.”

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        Will was dreading returning to the house but he had given himself a couple hours to calm down and talking things over with Kirsch even if no resolution was come to, helped him more than he had expected. He was completely thrown off by Kirsch’s secret relationship with Danny Lawrence because he didn’t realize Kirsch could keep such a secret for as long as he had. Will had been unaware that they were even hanging out other than seeing each other at the gym but the only thing he learned was that they were both being pretty stupid. It seemed that the two people closest to him were being petty and oblivious to their relationship statuses. _I’m single. I shouldn’t even have to be dealing with this._

        Shaking his head, he opened the front door to his house and immediately the air changed and looking up from the floor, he saw a scene filled with tension. Mattie was standing in front of the stairs, across from Carmilla and Laura who were standing closer to the doorway of the dining room. Laura was one step in front of Carmilla as if protecting her from some invisible danger and Mattie was standing with her arms folded across her chest, looking extremely cross. “…no right to say such things. I don’t care what you think of me. You don’t even know me. But no one should ever have to hear those words. It’s laughable that you still call yourself her sister and then go on to,” Laura looked like all of the words she had wanted to say had jumbled in her head and she made a flabbergasted sound before frantically shaking her hands in front of her, “to say things that she does not deserve to have said to her. You don’t know her anymore. That’s your first problem. Now if you’ll excuse us.”

        Laura had grabbed ahold of Carmilla’s hand and was intent on pulling her up the stairs but both Mattie and Carmilla turned toward the door that Laura had apparently not heard open. “And William has returned from his fleeing exit earlier. The both of you still act as children.”

        Will shut the door, “What was that Mattie? We still act as children? How would you even know how we were as children. I don’t remember you being around.”

        The sarcasm left his mouth before he could stop himself but they were not words he regretted though they did add to Mattie’s description of their actions as childish. Carmilla raised her eyebrow at him and he shrugged. Mattie pursed her lips, “Well, you both seem to have made up you mind to be on the same side. And this,” she waved a hand a Laura, “naïve girl was drawn into your fight against me. Well, neither she or the two of you know what you’ve gotten yourself in to. I’m not one to fight in petty arguments but if you force my hand, I will use it to defend myself.”

        Mattie sighed as if to show the mere aspect of talking to them was tiring her out, “I came here expecting to move past the past and have you help me with Mother’s wishes for the gallery here in Silas. Apparently I had assumed wrongly that you would follow my orders as well as you follow Mother’s. It’s a pity really. We could have done great things together.”

        Carmilla let go of Laura’s hands and stepped dangerously close to Mattie, “I’m simply curious as to how someone who holds themself in such high esteem and appears to have great knowledge and understanding of pretty much everything, was duped into believing that there was any chance of us working together after everything you did. I don’t care if it was indirectly or directly. I feel bad that you came all this way only to be let down by people you hoped would still love you,” Carmilla scoffed, “I’m surprised you haven’t realized, being around Mother as much as you are, that love is a very scarce resource in us Karnsteins.”

        This time it was Carmilla who took Laura’s hand and led her up the stairs and Will followed, not looking at Mattie, dumbfounded at Carmilla’s assertiveness. There were two people that Will had always seen Carmilla wither under the gaze of and that had been Mattie and Mother. He was not sure if he would ever see the day where she would stand up to Mother, but the fierceness in her eyes during this altercation gave him hope and courage in himself that maybe Mattie was not as much of an immoveable force as he had come to believe.

        He heard Mattie’s heels click furiously down the hallway and found Carmilla waiting for him at the top of the landing outside the door to the stairwell. He nodded, “Laura.”

        “Hey, Will,” she smiled but her could tell that she was unnerved still. He looked at Carmilla with respect though he usually regarded her in such a way, “I didn’t realize you had it in you.”

        She looked at Laura was such a look of endearment that Will wanted to gag but he held in this reaction that would get him slapped across the back of the head and instead rolled his eyes. “I saw this tiny little ball of feistiness conquer my fear and then I just told myself if this one could do it, it couldn’t be that hard.”

        A blush crept of Laura’s face at the complete and total focus that Carmilla was giving to her and it would have made Will uncomfortable if he had never experienced it before but he was around for Elle and this seemed to be mirroring that. It both terrified him and made him excited for Carmilla because it would either be the greatest thing for her or ruin her and there was no way of telling which. Whatever it was, he was hoping they would figure it out before he had to tell them himself. The dragging on of pretending to only be friends when it was known that they never left each other’s sides was getting old. “Either way, I’m glad you’re home.”

        “Home?”

        “What else am I going to say?”

        “Here. Home sounds fake.”

        Will nodded in agreement, “I’m glad you’re here.”

        A hint of a smile was trying to break through Carmilla’s outer façade. “You are staying right?”

        “For now,” she reached out and ruffled his hair like she did to annoy him, “I missed my little brother. Am I allowed to say that?”

        “Don’t let anyone else here you say that. They might be surprised that you actually have the ability to feel.”

        She glared at him but only in jest before her face became serious, “Don’t think I’m ever leaving you, okay? I just needed some time. I’m always here.”

        Will’s jaw clenched as a wave of emotion threatened to roll over him but Carmilla took the look of his eyes as him understanding. He had not expected Carmilla to put herself in such a state of vulnerability with Laura being there but it had not seemed to bother her or even cross her mind to conceal anything in hidden words as she often did. Laura had stood there the entire time without saying a word and simply watching Carmilla. It was as if she was seeing a part of Carmilla that evaded her but that she had been waiting to see and Will watched wonder dawn on her face and then turn into admiration. He hoped that Carmilla would not close herself off at the wrong moment and cause Laura to run. He also hoped Laura would never choose to run.

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        “So, that’s your sister?” Laura asked rhetorically, still shaken up at her bold actions downstairs that she had not planned. Carmilla suddenly stopped in the doorway of the room, almost causing Laura to slam into her back. “She’s been in here.”

        “What?”

        “I didn’t think she’d do it, but she’s been in here.”

        “I don’t understand,” Laura said, confused by why it was strange that Mattie had been upstairs. Carmilla just shook her head and entered her bedroom, “It’s weird but there has always been an unspoken sacred trust about one’s personal space and this is mine. I didn’t think she would have the nerve to break it but nothing should surprise me coming from her anymore.”

        Laura trailed behind her like a disobedient puppy because she felt like she had stepped over a line, “I’m sorry I did that. It wasn’t my place but I just couldn’t –”

        Carmilla immediately stepped in front of her and took her hands, “You didn’t do anything wrong, cupcake.”

        There was a trembling that was running through her body because Mattie had been an ultimately terrifying presence and her courage was slowly draining. “Alright, okay, just stop all of this before I get queasy.”

        Laura was surprised at the words but when she looked up, Carmilla was softly smiling, trying to joke in spite of Laura’s outward discomfort. “Cupcake, you are ridiculous and headstrong and I am so grateful that you did that for me. Because if I’m honest, I’m not sure I could have done it without seeing it done.”

        There was sincerity in the gratefulness that Carmilla was thrusting onto Laura and it felt warm and the trembling began to subside. “Don’t worry about anything. Don’t worry about Mattie. Okay? You are so strong and though you didn’t have to do that, you did. Thank you.”

        Laura felt as if no one had ever been as grateful for something as Carmilla was for this and it made her feel like she was bubbling with pride at the same time it made her seem small and the conflicting emotions were too confusing to muddle through. Carmilla seemed to be overcompensating for something that was unnecessary but Laura did not know what.

         _Ding!_

**Kirsch (3:54pm):** _You ask her yet_

**Laura (3:54pm):** _No, I’m going to. I just don’t know how to bring it up_

**Kirsch (3:55pm):** _You guys are basically dating it shouldn’t be that hard_

        Laura rolled her eyes at the text but answered her best friend despite his lack of tact.

 

**Laura (3:55pm):** _Shut up, Kirsch! We aren’t at all. And I will_

 

        She shoved her phone back in her pocket and watched Carmilla as she shifted through clothes that were scattered all over the floor. She picked up a tank top that looked identical to the one she was wearing but after inspection, deemed it appropriate and began to strip off the one she already wore. Laura averted her eyes even though they had been sharing the same space for weeks and Laura had seen her at even worse states of undress. The image of Carmilla wearing only a towel never left her head or was at least close to the surface and easily brought up whenever she thought about anything relating to her crush. “Don’t like what you see?”

        Laura knew Carmilla enough now to realize she was only trying to frustrate her but even so, it always worked, “I wasn’t…I didn’t…”

        Carmilla’s laugh was always a result of her broken statements in response and she would keep getting flustered if it meant she’d hear that rare sound. Carmilla might have been growing closer to her and becoming more open and willing to tell Laura things but that didn’t mean that she was entirely free from the cage she locked herself in. Laura did anything she could to get Carmilla to smile or laugh and even though it was beginning to happen more often, Laura realized that sometimes, Carmilla only did it because she was aware of what Laura was doing. Laura did not count those times.

 

**Kirsch (4:00pm):** _Hurry up, L! We gotta make plans with everyone_

        “Someone wants your attention,” Carmilla commented to the continuous dinging of Laura’s phone. “Uh yeah, I guess.”

        Laura was not sure how to bring it up; she had already failed at the conversation once and did not know if it was appropriate or not. Carmilla was her friend, right? This should not be a huge deal but somehow it seemed as if Carmilla’s answer would make or break whatever they were building. That was a lot of pressure that Laura was not sure if she could handle being violently ripped through. “Carm?”

        “Yeah, cutie?” she answered quickly, emptying the contents of her backpack onto her bed. Laura decided her best bet was to do one of her usual word vomits so that everything came out all at once and she couldn’t back out, “So we were planning, and by we I mean my friends and I – I think you’ve met them all – we were planning to go on a trip this summer for a weekend or a week, we hadn’t really decided. Anyways, we don’t have any exact plans yet but we need to start making them soon so that everyone can go, it’s already late in the game. But anyways, I know you know them and you know me and stuff, of course, but I want you come with me.”

        That last statement had gone more along the lines of, “I was wondering if you’d want to join us,” in Laura’s head but different words spurted form her mouth, more embarrassing words as it turned out. Carmilla was just looking at her, expressionless, but Laura could see through her eyes that she was working things through. “By ‘we,’ I’m guessing you mean the ginger twins and the puppy?”

        “Them and I think Kirsch asked Will and also,” Laura paused because though she was not dating Carmilla and she didn’t even know if Carmilla liked her let alone wanted to date her, she knew enough that Carmilla was not a huge fan of her ex, “well, Danny.”

        “Your ex?”

        “Yeah,” Laura said in a small voice. Carmilla mulled it over for a few more moments. “The Bobbsey twins are amusing, I guess. Can I even call them that anymore? That seems wrong now.”

        “What are you talking about?” Laura asked. Carmilla never questioned the use of her nicknames for anyone and simply used them without regard for the person’s own feelings towards the name, “You’ve never once asked if it was okay.”

        “It feels incorrect now that they’re dating.”

        Laura fell into a fit of coughs and her mouth felt like it was falling all the way to the floor. Perry and Lafontaine dating? That was preposterous; they were the oldest and closest friends Laura had ever come across. She’d had notions before but never thought either of them would…

        Her train of thought was lost as her mind tried to comprehend because she really shouldn’t have been that surprised. Lafontaine was very out about their feelings but she had just brushed it off as a loving family type of thing. Carmilla shrugged at the look on her face, “I’m guessing you were unaware.”

        “They told you? I have to call Lafontaine right now because they are going to hear some –”

        “Cupcake!” Laura paused mid-stride. “They didn’t tell me anything.”

        “Then what are you talking about?”

        “I saw them holding hands, that’s all. I’d never seen it before but I wasn’t that surprised. Honestly, I thought they were dating since I met them.”

        Laura was more shocked at Carmilla’s admission that she had paid attention whatsoever to Laura’s friends and Laura was not going to miss the chance to bring it up, “You do care.”

        “I don’t care if they’re dating or not.”

        “No, I mean you do care about my friends.”

        Carmilla made a throaty noise, dismissing the comment but Laura was not going to give up easily. She couldn’t stop herself from giggling, “Carmilla Karnstein. Showing feelings towards someone.”

        Laura gasped in faux surprise and Carmilla just rolled her eyes, going back to taking things out of her bag. “Carmilla Karnstein caring about someone. Carmilla Karnstein respecti –”

        “Woah there,” Carmilla said, suddenly, slightly more angry than Laura anticipated her being at her own little joke, “I’m not disrespectful to people no matter whether I care about their life or not. That’s not a line I cross. Just because I don’t give two shits whether they are dating or not. Whether they like each other or not. Whether they want to move or not. You get the point. I will not disrespect anyone who is decent enough to respect me.”

        “I didn’t mean -”

        “Either way, just know that.”

        Laura didn’t know how to respond because that is not what she had intended at all and she didn’t want to say something else wrong. “I never thought that. I shouldn’t have used that word. You met Lafontaine once and remembered to use the correct pronouns.”

        Carmilla shrugged as if it was not the huge deal that Laura knew it was. Even people who knew them for a long time would mess up and Carmilla never had. “No, it’s a big deal, Carm. That’s the upmost respect that you showed them.”

        Laura walked over to her side and reached out to play with Carmilla’s fingers, feeling the twitch in Carmilla’s muscles that happened before she relaxed into the touch. “That doesn’t just mean a lot to them. It means a lot to me too.”

        “It’s just basic respect, sweetheart. Nothing more.”

        Laura did not like Carmilla’s flippant attitude towards the subject but she figured there was nothing she could do to change it so she moved on, “So…”

        “So what?”

        “Will you go or not?” Laura asked, impatiently, smiling wide.

        The smile Laura had been waiting for spread across Carmilla's face, showing her brilliant white teeth, “Of course, cupcake. Anywhere you go, I’ll go.”

        Laura’s next words got stuck in her throat because she did not want to think too much into that but at the same time, there was really no other meaning she could possibly determine. Carmilla was looking at her intently, her eyes conveying that Laura was picking up exactly what she had intended. Laura finally swallowed but couldn’t bring herself to mention it. It was cowardly and basic fear but it was what it was. Carmilla sighed and pursed her lips, “Where are we going then?”

        “We don’t know yet.”

        “Well, I have a place we could go. It’s big enough for everyone,” she shrugged, “It’d be nice.

        It seemed like every word Carmilla had said that day caused Laura to be at a loss for words; Carmilla was an enigma, full of surprises and Laura could never keep up with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you liked it!
> 
> I have decided to list the songs I listened to while writing each chapter (a lot of them will be repeated many times): Parachute - Ingrid Michaelson and then I just had an Acoustic Morning playlist going on Spotify
> 
> My fan tumblr is: uselessgayshit  
> Any questions you have about the fic, direct them to this as it will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS or STAHTCB for updates.
> 
> Saying that, you are more than welcome to follow my personal tumblr as well: just-trying-togetby


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possible Trigger Warning: Anxiety though not directly discussed
> 
> Any trigger warnings if they arise will be listed at the beginning of each chapter. 
> 
> This might be the shortest chapter yet but that in no way means its very short at all. Enjoy!

        The mid-summer heat was just beginning to descend upon Silas, creating sidewalks that would burn bare feet and free time that people did not know what to do with. Air conditioning units could not cool air quickly enough and hand fans were a plenty throughout the yards of Silas neighborhoods.

        The town square was already fenced off as vendors were moving in and attractions were being set up for the annual Summer Solstice festival. Even with the majority of the university closed, it garnered enough attention to continue to be funded. And they were leaving just before the fun began.

        There was a small grunt from behind the truck as she carried her suitcase down the porch steps. A snarky comment floated through the door of the house. “Mel, you might want to make sure you’re out of hearing range next time.”

        Danny turned to face the girl who appeared in the doorway with a sour look on her face. Despite the heat, she was wearing army green cargo pants and a black tank top, making her look more like Kim Possible than Danny figured was necessary. Her black combat boots were zipped tightly around her calves and her curly, black hair was pulled back tightly into a ponytail. “Traitor.”

        Danny scoffed. Even though the same idea had been running through her head for months, she had finally gotten over the rivalry between the Summers and the Zetas; mostly which had to do with the fact that she was graduating and therefore it no longer seemed to be such a huge problem, or at least her problem. “We’ve graduated, Mel. There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s not a huge deal. Kirsch and I are just going on vacation with some friends.”

        “You let him pick you up,” she was shaking her head, disappointed. “I can’t believe you of all people could put up with that. After all you’ve been through.”

        Danny supposed she was talking about the fact that Danny had to deal with the Zeta’s antics more than anyone else and she was forced to take responsibility whenever they went behind the Summers’ backs, which was how they mostly functioned. Danny shifted her weight and settled into her right hip, having enough of the conversation, “When ya movin’ out, Mel?”

        Red rose slowly into her cheeks though it was a muted red, and only made her scowl deepen, “I don’t know.”

        “Well,” Danny sighed, “I’d do it quickly before you get kicked out.

        The Summer House had rules and though none of the sisters would be rude and boot someone to the curb, it was well-known that graduated seniors needed to vacate by mid-July in order to give the house time to be cleaned and also allow new girls to move in before term started. Fortunately, the summer prior, everyone had quickly exited the house, not only seniors but the rest of the girls as well, leaving Danny alone for three months. It had only taken a week after the graduation ceremony for the seniors to move out. This year though, Mel and Danny were the only ones left and both really had no other options. It was a problem that occupied Danny’s mind most of the time. It was a pressing matter and having no housing for the foreseeable future incited fear. But, she was going on vacation with her friends so she shook the stressful thoughts from her mind.

        She continued down the front porch stairs, leaving Mel to stew inside, and around the truck where Kirsch was rearranging some bags to make room for her things. They were only going to be gone for a week so her one bag fit easily into Kirsch’s truck. Neither of them had any idea where they were headed. Danny felt a little comfortable with the whole situation but Laura had called and said Carmilla had a house somewhere that she offered them for the week. Danny still was not sure what Carmilla and Laura were but she and Carmilla seemed to be on opposite teams even though they rarely spent any time together. Whenever they did though, there was always some unknown tension that made the air taut and was felt by everyone in the immediate vicinity. She needed the time away though and wanted to spend a week alone with friends so Danny had gotten over whatever inhibitions she had towards the girl she hardly knew and agreed.

        Though she wanted to know, whatever Laura and Carmilla were was between them and she neither wanted to be nosy or be the jealous ex. That was not who she was and her and Laura were pretty much back to normal…well, not normal. They were friends, which was a new territory that they were both venturing together. What was more consuming though was the weird relationship that had occurred between herself and Kirsch since January. It had come out of nowhere and instead of stopping it like she had thought she had accomplished when Kirsch asked her out in the bar way back on that snowy day, she had pushed him up against a wall at the gallery, therefore continuing the benefits part of a friendship that she wasn’t sure entirely existed. Maybe it was the years of conditioning to hate the Zetas because it took her forever to admit, even to herself, that she liked Kirsch as a friend, let alone anything more. He had offered. He had put himself out there and she had shut him down, just to go back in a circle and come around again to the point where she thought maybe she should not have turned him down. It wasn’t too late but he was waiting for her to say the word and she didn’t know if she had the guts. She was pretty much fearless in every other aspect of her life but this stumped her.

        Her future was uncertain but she had enough clarity to know that this had nothing to do with Laura even though she used her ex as an excuse. There was not leftover hurt from her relationship. Laura had not caused her so much pain that she could never trust someone again. It wasn’t like that; it wasn’t dramatic at all. Maybe it would be a little weird to have your best friend date your ex but Danny knew Laura, they had been together for three years, and she knew Laura enough to know that Laura only wished for the people closest to her to be happy. The weirdness would last a little while and eventually subside and everything would feel normal and right.

         _Normal? Right?_ Danny didn’t know when those words had started to describe a possible romantic relationship with her then gym partner, now make out buddy. She shook her head and focused on Kirsch’s dopey grin, which was not helping the situation. Admitting the damn Zeta was cute still grossed her out; her Summer blood still held the stigma and she couldn’t shake it off yet; there wasn’t enough space yet.

        Also, she had no idea what Kirsch’s plans were and still had not found a job for herself. The only plans she had now were to get in the truck and go to some strange house and hopefully have a fun week.

        Before Kirsch could say anything, she felt a vibration in her pocket and pulled out her phone.

 

**Laura (9:34am):** _Pick us up at The Nook!_

        Her eyebrows furrowed and it must have been rather obvious because Kirsch asked, “Something wrong?”

        Danny rolled her eyes and put her phone back, “No, we just have to go to The Nook instead of Laura’s apartment.”

        “No problem,” Kirsch replied, slamming the cover of the truck down. Usually the truck had an open bed, but with all of their things, Kirsch had been smart to attach the cover. No one wanted rain ruining their belongings. “Hop in.”

        She had made it clear with Kirsch that no one was to suspect anything going on between them and so far he had kept his word. She just hoped that it could continue through the week…or at least until she figured out what she wanted.

        Kirsch parked on the uncrowded street, right next to the corner door of _The Nook_. The bookstore was a staple of the town and actually a staple of her relationship with Laura but that was behind them now and this was simply Laura’s work; one of them at least, Danny lost count.

 

**To Laura (9:51am):** _We’re here_

        They waited a few minutes but Laura never responded and Danny sighed in frustration, blaming the lack of timeliness on Carmilla. “Well, let’s go get them.”

        Danny climbed out of the truck with Kirsch close behind her. The tiny bell tinkled softly as they entered, a cool blast welcoming them. Danny was grateful; the heat would have been overwhelming in the cramped space. Carmilla was sprawled out in the aisle right ahead of them, her face in a book. She was wearing the same thing Danny always saw her in: a black tank top, black short shorts, and black combat boots; a glint of silver around her neck shone in the sun. Though she had to have seen and heard them, she gave no reaction to their presence whatsoever, continuing her perusing. Kirsch was unaware of her lack of interest, “Hey, Carmilla!”

        Her response was a flick of her finger to turn the page but Kirsch didn’t seem to take it personally. Danny set her hands on the edge of the counter and called into the back, “Laura!”

        Immediately, the small girl tumbled out of the doorway, carrying a stack of books that was way too large to be balanced well against her tiny frame. Her excitement grew when she saw the two in the doorway and she ran to the desk, quickly letting the books fall onto the surface and spread out without any order. Carmilla simply glanced up over her book, one eyebrow raised for a few seconds before going back to reading. 

        "Guess what?" Laura exclaimed. Danny exchanged a look with Kirsch because neither of them had any idea what could have possibly arisen for Laura to be so excited about. They both shook their heads that they didn't know. "Grace offered Carmilla a job here."

        "I don't need a job, cupcake," a low voice said from between the stacks. 

        "Just think about it. We've been here for fifteen minutes and you already have a book," Laura changed her attention to Danny and Kirsch, "I don't know how she does it."

        Carmilla appeared at the end of the aisle, the book closed at her side. "You could read all day, every day, and make money for it."

        Whatever Laura's intentions were, she was doing quite the job at making it sound enticing. Even Danny thought that was a good deal; especially for a bookworm such as Carmilla. "Grace needs help since I'm not here that often and Elsie can't do it all by herself."

        "Isn't there a general policy about workplace romances? Such a rebel, cutie," Carmilla smirked. The outward flirting upset Danny and made her uncomfortable. It was not just because it was between Carmilla and Laura, that fact just amped up the feelings. Laura turned pink but didn't seem to be put off, "I'm sure that;s not a problem, but I think Elsie’s taken."

        Kirsch guffawed loudly behind her and Danny herself had a hard time containing her laugh at the look on Carmilla's face from being unexpectedly out-sarcasmed in front of people. Danny figured it was not a common occurrence. Carmilla seemed to want to move passed the moment if her body language was any indication, "I don't need the money anyway."

        Laura's face sombered, "But if you had your own money, you know what you could do..."

        She trailed off but her and Carmilla seemed to have an unspoken conversation with only those few words. Eventually, Carmilla shrugged and set the book back on a random shelf that Danny was sure was not where it went. She hoped Grace didn't hire Carmilla; the place would be more disorderly than it already was and that would be hard to do but Carmilla's lack of care for anything would easily bring it about. 

        "Either way, you'd love it and you know it." Danny thought Laura was baiting the lion but Carmilla slowly blinked in return and that was it. 

        Danny had had about enough of the stupid bantering, "Are you guys ready to go?"

        "Yeah," Laura piped up, not allowing Carmilla to answer for herself but it seemed that Carmilla was ready to follow Laura pretty much anywhere. "Let me just tell Grace we're leaving." 

        Laura rushed off but was back in less than a minute. When Danny turned back towards the door, Carmilla was already standing there, a bag hanging off her shoulder and two in hand. Danny was about to argue why Carmilla would need three bags for a week at what was her own house, but Laura laughed, "Carm, you don't have to carry my stuff."

        Laura went to her side and Carmilla didn't smile but her eyes held adoration that was clear across the room. Kirsch leaned over and whispered in her ear, "If that doesn't happen, hit me."

        "I might just hit you anyway," Danny said, only half-joking. Kirsch chuckled and went to the door, "Here, let me help."

        Carmilla glared at Kirsch, "I've got it, meathead," she said, though without any remnants of actual hate, only annoyance, before shoving her way through the small entrance to the store. She was standing impatiently at the back of the truck waiting for Kirsch to lift it open. Danny walked over to Laura who was waiting on the sidewalk, "So where exactly are we going?"

        "I don't know. Carmilla wouldn't tell me where it was. Well, actually she couldn't really explain it. She just said she knows where it is."

        "Great. So we could be headed to the middle of nowhere."

        Laura laughed, "As much as I know you're joking, I think that's exactly where we're headed."

        "You can't be serious?"

        "Hey, don't knock it. Carmilla assured me that it would be great for everyone."

        Danny really wished she knew where they were going so that she could start planning what they could do. It was beyond nice for Carmilla to offer almost complete strangers her house, because of course she had another one, but Danny was quite sure that she had not thought about entertainment for the group for an entire week. The image of them all sitting around a living room, twiddling their thumbs, haunted her thoughts of this so-called vacation. She’d rather be flipping through the real estate pages for the next few days and trying to find a place to live instead of tiptoeing around a house where no one wanted to actually see each other. Laura brought her out of her reverie, “Come on, Danny,” she said laughing, “Lafontaine and Perry are waiting.”

        They were driving to the apartment complex that the two lived in so that Perry and Lafontaine could follow behind in their own car; they would have all driven together but Kirsch’s truck was not that big and no one knew if they would need an extra car at some point during the week. Perry waved at them from the driver’s seat and pulled out right away, not waiting for Kirsch to stop. They were already running fifteen minutes late, not that they had a deadline for their vacation but the sooner they got there, the sooner they could begin to relax.

        Laura and Carmilla had not said anything since they had gotten in the back seat but she heard Laura whisper, “It’s gonna be fine.”

        Danny glanced in the rearview mirror and saw that Laura was hunched over Carmilla whom was curled up on the floor behind Kirsch’s seat. Danny couldn’t imagine that it was comfortable in the slightest but when she opened her mouth to question it, Kirsch put his hand on her thigh, gave her a look, and shook his head. She threw him a confused look but turned her attention back to the road outside the windshield.

 

        They drove out of Silas, past perfectly flat farmland, around a lake, and eventually found themselves on a winding road that made it’s way through trees, up and down over hills and valleys amidst the forest. Sunlight shone through the foliage, creating stripes of light across the road and through the windshield. Laura and Carmilla had said nothing the entire drive and Kirsch was only good for singing obnoxiously along with the radio or annoying Danny with questions and almost slip ups, though she was not certain either two in the back would notice. They seemed to be wrapped up in themselves and Danny still was not sure what was going on but Kirsch had urged her to let it go and she had.

        About half an hour into their drive, Kirsch had rolled down front windows, letting the wind, cooled by the speed at which they were moving, envelop the interior of the car and ruffle through their hair. Danny’s blew and she had to keep moving stands out of her face, but she didn’t ask him to roll the windows back up. It felt nice, refreshing. Maybe this feel of freedom would bring clarity to her life and by the time the week was up, she’d have everything figured out. She laughed softly to herself, _One can hope._

        “Hey, Carmilla? I don’t know if you can, but I don’t know exactly where I’m going.” Danny looked over at Kirsch who had one eye on the road and the other looking in the rearview mirror at Laura who had lifted up her head. Carmilla gave no answer. Laura leaned back down and Danny heard her talking softly, “Carm? Can you look up and see where we are?”

        There must have been some form of conversation because Laura came back up from being bent over and gave Kirsch the instructions, “We’re going to get in to a small town and she said turn right at the first traffic light you get to which will take you farther into the woods and then there’s going to be what looked like a cul-de-sac and a road that you can’t see very well off of that.”

        “Thanks, L. She doing okay?”

        “As well as she can be.”

        Kirsch nodded and Laura ducked her head once again. Danny couldn’t imagine that Laura’s neck and back were very comfortable being bent over for the almost two hours they had been on the road. Danny looked out the side mirror and saw Perry and Lafontaine still following, close behind. Perry was strictly focused on the road and smiling while Lafontaine was talking animatedly, their arms gesturing so much that Danny thought it would be distracting Perry. She didn’t seem to mind though; as long as they had known each other, she must have been used to it by now.

        The town they came upon was one out of a storybook, even more so than Silas appeared. The sidewalks were pristine and lined with small, dainty shops with windows filled with antiques or books or plants that were all too alive. People strolled along without a care in the world and when Kirsch turned at the light, someone waved out of the doorway of a small café.

        Soon, the road became crowded with trees yet again but this time, they were so thick that the sunlight had an even harder time straining through the leaves. Up ahead appeared a bright circle of light though and Danny saw what Carmilla had meant by a cul-de-sac. Kirsch came to a stop and looked around. Danny did as well but neither of them could see anything that even looked like a road. “Carmilla wants to know if we’re there yet.”

        “Well, almost I think but I can’t see a road.”

        A small and strained voice came from behind. It was quite different from the usual low and seductive voice that poured from Carmilla’s mouth, “There’s a…a big rock? Right off there. You won’t drive into the trees.”

        Kirsch took her word for it and started moving forward, toward the only rock that Danny saw and she figured its purpose was to show the way to whatever invisible road Carmilla knew existed. She couldn’t see it until they were on it, but there was a very narrow path between the trees. If another car was coming from the other direction, one would have to back up and allow the other one to go. Trees slid against the truck as Kirsch drove slowly; the truck bounced on the rough, rocky ground. Out of almost nowhere, a huge mansion of a cabin appeared. Danny’s mouth parted in awe because there would be no way off telling this existed from anywhere farther along the road. Her original vision of waht a log cabin was and what she was currently seeing collided in confusion. Apparently, multiple houses, multiple large houses were the result of owning an art gallery.

       Kirsch pulled up slowly to the edge of the house and parked, his neck stretched out as he looked upwards, just as surprised at what they had been led to as Danny was. He opened the car door and stumbled out but Danny made her way out more gracefully and walked around to the front of the truck. Kirsch was holding the door open for Carmilla and Laura. Laura had her hands on Carmilla’s waist, holding her up and Danny looked away. She wasn’t jealous; it just seemed like more of an intimate moment than it should have been.

        There was a rummaging sound and a guy, whom Danny recognized as Will from the night of his birthday party, burst through the front door onto the porch, his arms spread out wide, “Benvenuto in casa di Karnstein!”

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        Lafontaine had been trying to guess where they would end up since the start of the car ride. Most of the options were in jest; they mentioned dark caves, torture rooms, an old haunted castle, and a boat to ship them across the sea. Perry laughed but reprimanded them good-naturedly. She knew they didn’t mean anything by it and were just having fun, but it bothered her that they thought or at least were pretending to think that Carmilla was a horrible person who would think of doing anything mean to them.

        But, when they pulled up to the secluded house in the woods, neither of them had been expecting the quaint solitude that they were met with. By the look on Danny and Kirsch’s faces, they hadn’t been expecting it either. Perry had first been worried about the living quarters because she and Lafontaine had not come to the point in their relationship where they shared a bed and they also had not told their friends that they were dating yet. It may have been months but it was still new to Perry and she was treading very softly, hoping to maintain their old friendship and connect it fluidly with their new romantic relationship. Lafontaine was being great about all of it and not pushing her when she knew very well they were ready for the next step when she hadn’t even accepted the current level they were on.

        Laura hopped out of the back of Kirsch’s truck and Perry watched Carmilla follow, noticing how she was bent over almost as if she was sick. She landed right in Laura’s arms, who was quick to wrap them around her and hold her up.

        There was a small thump, as Lafontaine opened the trunk of the car and began pulling bags out. Perry walked over to them and they smiled at her. She reached in to pull out the last bag as the front door of the house burst open and Lafontaine’s new-found friend, Will, bursted through them, his arms stretched out and a look of pride on his face, “Benvenuto in casa di Karnstein!”

        Kirsch whooped and ran up the stairs, tackling the poor boy in a bear hug. Danny rolled her eyes and tapped impatiently on the hood of Kirsch’s truck until he jumped back down the stairs to help her unload the bed. Laura took Carmilla over to Will and Perry followed with Lafontaine, up to the porch. “You okay, Millie?”

        “Well enough for you not to call me that.”

        Despite the malice hidden in her words, Will smiled, while Lafontaine looked with concern at Perry. “I’ll take that as a yes. You can take her inside, Laura, she knows where to go.”

        Laura helped her through the door and they all heard a whispered, “Yeah, this is my house,” as they disappeared into unknown rooms of the house.

        Kirsch and Danny, both dragging bags, joined them on the porch. Perry was just about to ask where they should take their things when Will spoke, “Okay, so we have enough rooms for everyone to have their own.”

        When he said this, he gave a strange look to Kirsch but Perry was unsure what he was getting at. No one in their group of friends was dating each other, at least outwardly. She figured Will and Kirsch, being friends, talked and maybe there was something she did not know. They all had suspicions about Laura and Carmilla but that did not explain the way Will looked at Kirsch as if there was something the Zeta was hiding. Perry already knew that herself and Lafontaine were taken, Laura was Kirsch’s best friend and also was pretty much dating Carmilla, Danny and Kirsch would never get together in a million years, they practically hated each other, and after that, there was no one left. Will continued on though, causing Perry to lose her train of thought. “You guys are free to pick whatever room you want on whatever floor. As long as they don’t have a plaque on the door, you can go in. And the rest of the house is yours for the week so make yourself as comfortable as you like. The fridge is open for all! And if you need anything, feel free to ask Carmilla or I but you might have more luck with me.”

        Will seemed genuinely excited to have people visit and he beckoned to Lafontaine, “Once you’re done putting your stuff away, I have something cool to show you.”

        Lafontaine nodded eagerly, “I’ll come find you when I’m ready.”

        Perry stepped through the doorway and was greeted by a grand foyer, with a large wooden stairwell, leading to the second floor. The foyer was huge, a deep red carpet covering most of the dark wooden floor and was currently lit by sunlight that was streaming through the large window on the front of the house. A crystal and gold chandelier hung from the ceiling, commanding the attention of most of the space. Lafontaine pulled their suitcase up beside the staircase that Perry had stopped at, “How many floors do you think there are?”

        “It looked like three from the outside.”

        “Race you to the top!” Lafontaine yelled, immediately rushing up the stairs.

        “Lafontaine, I will not be running,” Perry said, starting up the stairs hurriedly, hoping that Lafontaine did not injure themselves in their futile race to win. At the top of the staircase to the second floor, Perry found that Lafontaine was stumped on where to go to next. A voice from the foyer called up, “Down the hall to the left!”

        Lafontaine was off again, the suitcase flying wildly behind them but before they reached the end of the hallway, they stopped outside a room and dashed in, “Oh my god, Perr! You have to see this.”

        Perry arrived a little less excited to the open doorway but could not help but smile at Lafontaine who was practically bouncing around the four walls, “Look! They’ve got a smart TV and,” they poked there head in another room that was not visible to Perry, “And a Jacuzzi in the bathroom!”

        “Well, that’s nice,” Perry said looking around. The Karnstein’s must have had a lot more money than Perry herself had anticipated and it was very hospitable of them to open their house to almost complete strangers. Of course, after this week, hopefully they would all be good friends, “I guess I’ll take the room across the hall then.”

        Lafontaine’s eyebrows pulled up, a puzzled look appearing on their face, “This room is big enough for both of us.”

        Perry fidgeted uncomfortably, coming up with an easy excuse, “No one knows we are together, Lafontaine. I’ll just stay across the hall.”

        Dejectedly, Lafontaine slumped their shoulder, “Okay, Perr.”

        They slung their bag on the bed as Perry traveled across the hall to the bedroom that was just as ornate as the previous room. The entire back wall was lined with windows, showing an unencumbered view of the forest and even the lake beyond. The blue glistened in the sun as Perry placed her bag on the small futon at the end of the bed. There was a rock mantel with a television mounted to the wall above it and off the room to the right was a bathroom, where Perry happily found another Jacuzzi. She fell backwards on the bed, reveling in how comfortable it seemed compared to the one back in her apartment, which had been overused and was due to be replaced. The abundance of pillows fell around her as she laid there and looked out the window. It was beautiful; more perfect than any place she had ever seen before. Her family had never done much traveling and even vacations were scarce.

        The bakery had been more than willing to let her take off a week as she had never asked for vacation time before and it seemed as if there might be a promotion for her in the work; one of her own doing. Perry had developed an entire business plan for what she called _Glorious Cupcakes_. The name was still in the works but that was what she had come up with for the time being. Despite the term ‘cupcakes’ being in the name, the business plan was for a bakery of her own; a project that she had not shared the details with, with anyone. She had offhandedly mentioned it to Lafontaine before but nothing this side of official. Now, despite her possible ownership of the bakery in Silas, she was hoping that one day, her vision of her own little bakery in the city would come true. And, if ownership did fall upon her, she would already have the space in Silas to try out her new enterprise. Lafontaine did not know about her possibly taking over the bakery in Silas and she was not sure how they would take. It was apparent that though they both loved Silas, neither of them wanted to stay in the quaint little town for their entire lives. But, just as much as it was her first worry in opening her own business, she worried Lafontaine would fear the possibly disastrous venture. Perry was not one to take risks but if she knew one thing, it was deserts. And if she knew anything else, it was finances. She was certain she could keep a stable business and it was something she really wanted to try. Her own shop on a city corner had been a dream since she was in junior high and she had found the wonderful pastime that was baking. It even sounded funny to her that her entire life might be based off sugar, because she had done so much trying to persuade Laura from having that exact thing take over her life; of course, they were entirely different situations, and Perry wanted something she could be proud of for once. She needed the validation. She hoped her own shop would give her just that.

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        Kirsch had noticed that Lafontaine and Perry had taken a room on the second floor and though he did not know how many floors there were above him, he could not imagine more than two. Therefore, he found the small stairwell at the end of the hallway that took him another floor up and was surprised to find that Danny had followed him. The look on his face must have betrayed him because she scoffed, “We aren’t sleeping in the same room, idiot.”

        He was not sure what he was thinking because of course not. She had made it perfectly clear that no one was to know…but if they had an entire floor to themselves, he did not understand what the problem would be. Then of course, anyone could be anywhere at any time and Danny would have his head if they found out. He had some plans up his sleeve, if she was game of course, to make this week a little more exciting. It was childish, but then again, Kirsch reveled in youth.

        “You go in there and I’ll find a room down the hall.” He watched her walk away but quickly skipped into the room when she turned around to glare at him. Will really had been holding out on him. The room was massive; giant wooden beams holding up the structure of the ceiling and the floor above. A television overlooked the vast expanse of forest and the room was speckled in yellow and green light as the sun danced through the leaves. He had smelled the lake water when they had pulled up but he must be on the opposite side of the house from that view. Each window was separated with a round log that made up the wall. The bed was pushed into the middle of the room, not touching either of the four walls and the bathroom was off to the left with just as much of a view of the forest as the bedroom had. With the house being so secluded, the privacy of the bathroom held even with a wall of windows. No one could see in, as there were no other houses around.            

        Kirsch peeked in, excited to explore the amenities of his new place for the week and found a glass shower as well as a granite bathtub that was both wide and long enough for himself and another person or two. Images of Danny’s red hair, wet and surrounded by bubbles floated into his mind and he smiled in spite of knowing that would never happen. The sun was enough light even at noon when it was focused directly above the house that Kirsch could only imagine the sunrise being spectacular; unless the trees blocked it out.

        “Kirsch!” Kirsch jumped, surprised at being called all of a sudden. He poked his head out to see Danny standing down the hallway, devoid of the brown Timberlands she had had on this morning.

        “Yeah?”

        “Come here,” she said. He walked towards her, not knowing what she wanted from him, hoping it didn’t have something to do with killing a spider. He was not a fan. She grabbed ahold of the front of his shirt when he was in range and pushed him up against the wall, her pupils dilated, and grabbed ahold of his face, pressing her lips forcefully onto his own. He had a hard time staying on his feet as she leaned against him but he wrapped his arms around her, finding the skin right above her shorts and under her tank top. She bit at his bottom lip, not enough to break the skin but enough that it pinched. It was a good pain though and he let her have control as he did most of the time. He never wanted to overstep a boundary and thought this was the best way and it was also kind of hot.

        “Ugh, god, no!”

        Danny flew to the other wall as if she had been burned and Kirsch looked to see Will standing at the end of the hallways, his hand over his face, “No, this is not going to happen. My room is on this floor too, you know. Next time, take it in a room.”

        “I don’t…this isn’t…”

        Danny was stuttering and Will felt like a puppy who had been caught getting into trouble. “Don’t worry about it, Lawrence. Kirsch already told me. And don’t be mad at him about it. I don’t really care. I just don’t want to be accosted with it every time I try to go into my room,” he motioned at them, “Continue what you were doing.”

        He quickly disappeared into a room close to the stairwell and Kirsch notice it was only a few down from his own. This house had more rooms than he had even thought possible. Danny was staring, horrified, at where Will had disappeared. “Danny.”

        “Don’t,” she spat.

        “Danny, I didn’t. He saw you leaving the house…”

        “I don’t want to hear excuses. He better not say anything.”

        “He won’t. I swear.”

        “Good.” She slammed the door to her room in his face and Kirsch was left again, trying to figure out why everything he did always went so wrong.

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        About halfway up the second flight of stairs, Carmilla was walking without Laura’s help and though she had no problem helping her, Laura’s left arm was aching from holding her weight. The house was quiet enough to hear the wind blowing outside and when they made it to the top floor, Carmilla spoke for the first time, “I want to show you something.”

        She took ahold of Laura’s hand and guided her to a large room in the middle of the floor that jutted out from the rest of the house. Its three walls were entirely glass and looked above the trees, over the lake. Laura’s jaw dropped in wonder at the beautifully, calm sight in front of her. Carmilla’s hand moved from her own to settle around Laura’s waist. “Carm, it’s beautiful.”

        “I know.” Laura could hear the smile in her voice without looking. “This used to be my favorite spot. It kind of still is. E ora vi ho mostrato.”

        They stood for a moment in silence, watching the lake ripple, “Well, you can take the room down the hall if it suits you.”

        Without saying another word, Carmilla went off to a doorway opposite from where she had directed Laura and disappeared inside, shutting the door without making a sound. Laura had not known what she had been thinking. They had shared a bed for so long that it just seemed like that was what they were supposed to do. Obviously, with more options, that was not the case but for some reason, Laura felt a twinge in her chest that Carmilla had decided that without asking her. Or maybe she was being ridiculous and she should not even have expected it in the first place. It was only a bed; they would be spending the rest of the week together. She needn’t get in a state over this one simple fact.

        And also, she found the room quite suitable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you liked it!
> 
> I have decided to list the songs I listened to while writing each chapter (a lot of them will be repeated many times): "Superman," "Kaleidoscope," "Hello Mr. Sun" - Joe Brooks
> 
> My fan tumblr is: uselessgayshit  
> Any questions you have about the fic, direct them to this as it will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS for updates.
> 
> Saying that, you are more than welcome to follow my personal tumblr as well: just-trying-togetby


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possible Trigger Warning: Death and grieving, vague self-harm
> 
> Any trigger warnings if they arise will be listed at the beginning of each chapter.

        Her knuckles rubbed the sleep from her eyes and she blinked a few times as the bright morning sunlight streamed into the window from the wide-open expanse of glass. There was total silence and Laura smiled at the leaves that moved slowly in the faint breeze. The lake rippled in the distance, glinting from the sun and moving even slower than the leaves. A bluebird flew past the window as Laura pushed the covers off herself and stood up, stretching next to the bed. She padded softly closer to the window when she heard quiet laughter coming from below. Her gaze redirected itself to a flash of red hair running towards the house. Danny spun on the spot, her face lit up with laughter and soon a barreling form entered the clearing. Kirsch bent down and put his hands on his knees, breathing heavily. It looked like they were having a conversation but Laura was too far away and blocked off by glass to hear anything. Kirsch strolled closer but Danny put her arm out stopping him and turned away; any traces of glee that had been there only moments before had been removed and Laura could not help but wonder what had been said. Danny walked away and Kirsch put his hands up in the air in surrender, shaking his head and jogging to follow.

        Laura left the bed a mess and opened the door into the hallway that was almost as silent as her own room. She looked down the corridor and a corner of her mouth pulled down when she saw that Carmilla’s door was still closed. The girl had disappeared into the room as soon as they had arrived and no one had seen her since then. Of course, it was too early in the morning now for Laura to even think she would be up already, but just the thought of Carmilla locking herself away on vacation started Laura in on thinking that something was wrong.

        The stairs to the first upper floor did not creak at all even though the wood seemed old. When she reached the landing and came closer to the stairs to the ground floor, she began to hear voices and laughter emanating from another room in the house. She followed the noise down the stairs and down the hallway, past the living room where they watched movies the night before and into a bustling kitchen that seemed huge even with everyone packed in the space. Will was between the counter and the island and seemed to be cooking. Perry was hovering near him, probably trying to tell him how to cook but he was taking it all with smiles and nods, doing his best to appease her. Kirsch was lounging in one of the chairs at the kitchen table, his feet up on another one, wiping his forehead. Lafontaine was engaged in conversation with Will about the possibility of him following in their stead and taking biology up as a major. Danny was sitting at one of the high chairs at the island, sweat apparent on her face. She was chugging a bottle of water and doing her best to look anywhere but at Kirsch. There was an almost resounding chorus of, “Hey, Laura!” “Look whose finally up!” and Perry’s, “Did you sleep well?” when Laura walked into the kitchen.

        They all took seats at the table when Will called that breakfast was ready and he started placing steaming plates of bacon and eggs, pancakes and waffles, and an assortment of juice and tea and coffee wherever an open space showed itself on the wooden surface. Laura hesitated by the counter waiting for him to walk back and grab another plate when she tapped on his arm to get his attention, “Where’s Carmilla?”

        He shrugged, “I don’t know. I haven’t seen her.”

        Laura’s eyes narrowed because she only believed half of that sentence were true. Will tried to always know where his sister was and his nonchalant attitude was at least attributed to her being safe and okay wherever she was. Laura took consolation in that and decided that her rumbling stomach could not wait while her search for Carmilla could happen after breakfast.

        “Dude,” Kirsch tried to talk between mouthfuls of sausage, “I didn’t know you could cook. This is great.”

        “It really is, Will,” Perry added, smiling as she cut apart a pancake. Lafontaine seemed to be building something with their pancakes and slowly drizzling the syrup over the monstrous heap on their plate. Danny had a plate of eggs surrounded by fruit and had seated herself next to Laura who was sipping on orange juice and trying to decide what she was hungry for. Everything looked so good but nothing seemed to be just right. _Maybe I’ll hold off until lunch._

        “You gonna eat anything?” Danny questioned when she saw Laura eyeing all of the plates.

        “I’m not that hungry. Can you just pass the tea?” Danny obliged and Laura switched from orange juice to tea and stole a few strawberries from Danny’s plate before the girl caught on and blocked her attempts, “Thought you weren’t hungry.”

        Laura giggled, “Doesn’t mean I can’t annoy you.”

        Danny rolled her eyes and popped a raspberry in her mouth. “Do you just have this place stocked all the time?”

        “Oh no,” Will replied to Perry, “we don’t come up here that often. I stocked up before you guys got here yesterday. We’ll probably have to go out again mid-week but we’ll be good for a few days. I’ve got plans but would always be happy for you to help if you want.”

        With a mouth full of food, Lafontaine interrupted, “Perry’s cooking is amazing but her baking is even better so I think she should bake brownies.”

        “Well, if she wants to, we’ve got the stuff.”

        Perry didn’t look peeved in the slightest that Lafontaine volunteered her to make dessert for the group and instead, she looked like she was thinking of exactly what she wanted to create. Laura had sampled many of Perry’s creations inventions and all of them were perfect no matter what excuses Perry gave to them or how she said they needed fixed; Laura never once found a problem with them.

 

        Laura snuck out of the kitchen after breakfast; the last thing she heard was Will asking Lafontaine to help him with the dishes. Her rumbling stomach dulled to a mere annoyance and her fascination with an adventure through the large house clouded any other feelings.

        Laura had not seen much of the Karnstein household; even though she had been there many times, her forays had been confined to the foyer, the kitchen, and Carmilla’s room. From the little she was able to see though, the house was ornately decorated with furniture that she would be frightened to touch, let alone use. She noticed as she walked through the cabin, that though the decoration was beautiful and obviously expensive, it was more suited to habitation and created a better atmosphere of welcoming warmth; it felt more like a home than the Karnstein’s actual house. She couldn’t imagine Lilita Morgan decorating any place of living in this way and started to wonder who was lucky enough to be given that responsibility. In a place so vast, the possibilities were endless. Laura suspected that she had not seen even a fourth of the house.

        Soon, she found herself in another corridor with wood that spanned the expanse of walls, ceiling and floor, with a large window at the end, looking out the side of the house. The hallways were a maze and Laura had definitely forgot how many right turns she had taken, getting herself lost only on the first floor. There was no fear in this type of confusion as everything was brightly lit and she was certain she would eventually get back to something she recognized. To her right there was an open sitting room and to her left, there were two doors leading off each side of the hallways. Three out of the doors were opened and on the fourth, inscribed in a bronze plaque was the word, “PRIVATE.” The very obvious connotation was to stay out but the journalistic part of Laura spurred her on and she reached out to the handle, gently turning it.

        “Oh, Laura, there you are,” Will came quickly down the hallway, putting his arms on her shoulders and turning her from her curiosity. She turned her head to look back as he led her away, talking about the day’s plans, “We’re all getting dressed to see if we can go kayaking today so…”

        Before they made it out of the hallway, the door of the room opened and Carmilla came out, shutting the door firmly behind her. There was an intense glare in her eyes that Laura felt like shrinking from, but Will behind her did not allow for much movement.

        “And what does the word “private” mean to you?” Carmilla snarled, “You think you can just go snooping around the house I’m letting you stay in out of whatever goodness is left in my heart. Don’t push it.”

        “Hey, hey. Millie, everything’s okay. She didn’t go in.”

        “She would have if you hadn’t have stopped her,” Carmilla turned her attention from her brother back to Laura, her eyes void of any speck of light, “Maybe I’ve been too forthcoming with you and you took that as clearance to get into things that don’t belong to you. I don’t want to have a problem with you, cutie, so next time, stay out of things you that don’t concern you.”

        Carmilla shoved by them and Will squeezed Laura’s arm as a reassurance but it didn’t feel like much to her deflated heart. “Curiosity killed the cat” was more pertinent in Laura’s life than anyone she knew and her interest in investigating things always led her into trouble she could have avoided, yet, she never found the willpower to withhold herself. And now, the one thing she was trying to avoid, which was pushing Carmilla away, she had done without even knowing it was a possibility.  
         “She’s touchy about that room,” Will explained.

        “I can see that but why?”

        Will looked away and then back and Laura could tell he was figuring out if this was yet another story for Carmilla to tell her or if he could talk. Apparently the latter was the decision he came to because he sighed, “Carmilla and I, we own this house. It belongs to us in everyway. No one else has control over it or part ownership; it’s ours. Our dad left it to us.”

        Of course Will and Carmilla had to have a dad, it was basic biology, but Laura had never once heard any mention of him whatsoever. Not even in passing; it was all about their mother and that was it. Even when she heard stories from when they were younger, though those were few in number, they never said anything about him. But the fact that the two of them owned this house in the woods was beyond belief. Laura couldn’t even own an apartment on her own and here were two siblings who already were in ownership of practically a mansion. It must cost a fortune and Laura knew their mother had money coming out of her ears but she just figured that Will and Carmilla were still dependent on her. If their mother had no control over this house, there must be another story or at least another part. For some reason, as Laura got to know them, their life did not become any easier to understand but more complicated.

        “He died when we were very, very young. That room,” Will gestured in the direction, “that’s his study. No one goes in there. It hasn’t been touched since he was here. It’s pretty much the only thing in the world either of us have to remember him by.”

        “So you knew where she was earlier?”

        “Of course. She’s always in there when we come here,” he smiled softly, “She swears it still smells like him but I can’t tell anymore.”

        Laura felt a little bit ashamed at the boundary she had almost overstepped, “You know, I didn’t mean to -”

        “I know. You didn’t know.” He paused. “How about next time just stay away from the doors that have plaques on them. I do believe that was the one rule I mentioned yesterday.”

        Laura had no recollection of that but then she realized her and Carmilla had gone ahead of everyone in the house and had never heard Will give the rundown. “Will do.”

        It was less of a lasting promise and more of a conscious action she would take out of respect for their privacy. Not all doors in the world would be closed to her but she’d at least listen when it came to the ones in this house.

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        Kirsch pushed open the front door and was heading off in the direction of the lake shed where Will was calling for him but instead, Danny caught his attention out near where the truck was parked and he called back to Will, “Be there in a sec!”

        Danny had her hands on her hips, a stern expression set on her face and it was in that moment, with impending bad news, that Kirsch decided that it was time to give her an ultimatum. An ultimatum seemed harsh but he needed there to be a line between friendship and his romantic feelings towards her and he needed her to know that. Whichever she chose, he would eventually come around to, but this middle ground was messing with his head and no matter how much he enjoyed their secret make-out sessions, he wanted to either have all of it or none of it.

        Danny opened her mouth to speak but he held up a hand, “Before you tell me for the thousandth time that we can’t be doing this, I have something to say.”

        She looked nervous but Kirsch was calmed when he looked into her eyes. They didn’t hold any harsh feelings or even reflect the anxiousness the rest of her body was showing and he was grateful that she was at least willing to hear him out. “I like you. You know that. I’ve told you that before and you shut me down. I told you again and you didn’t deny that you might feel that way towards me but again, you shut it down. And I know your reasoning but I don’t understand it and I think that maybe there’s something else you aren’t telling me because none of our friends are going to care what happens. The Summers no longer matter; neither do the Zetas. That part of our life, however weird it might have been, is over. And I need you to know that I can’t go on with this strange push and pull you have been holding over me for months. Okay? I actually like you. I have real feelings for you and I’m not saying I’m not going to miss kissing you because that would be stupid. Of course I like kissing you. But not like this.”

        Danny seemed thunderstruck by his sudden declaration and he would let her talk but he wasn’t quite yet finished, “So, we can either go for it, which I really hope you will do with me. Or, we can forget about it and be friends because you’re cool and of course I want more but getting to be friends with someone as smart and interesting and obviously pretty, because you’re super, smoking hot, as you would be amazing. But you need to choose and once you choose, you can’t play with me like you have been.”

        Kirsch ran his hand through his hair and almost fell backward as Danny seemed to launch herself at him, grabbing ahold of his head and pushing their lips together ferociously. He kissed her back just as fervently, reveling in the feel of her hands tangled in his hair and the way his felt holding onto her hips. She pulled back but he leaned in for once last kiss. His smile was so big that it hurt his cheeks, “Is that my answer then?”

        Danny shook her head laughing, “You are a total idiot…but in the best way possible.”

        Kirsch didn’t quite understand what she meant by that but she seemed to be heading in the direction he wanted to go so he did not question her.

        “And yes, I like you. There! I said it, okay? I don’t want to be just friends with you because I don’t think that I could deal with that very well. I’d give in and then maybe you would already be past it.”

        “I don’t think I’d be past it, D-Bear.”

        “What did you just call me?” 

        “D-Bear,” Kirsch repeated, smiling.

        “No, no, no. Don’t call me that.”      

        Kirsch wasn’t going to make a promise he wouldn’t keep, “So…”

        “Yes, okay. Yes to whatever you were asking me. If this means we’re dating then yes we’re dating.” She kissed him again but was no longer smiling when she pulled away, “But can we please still keep it to ourselves for a little while. I’m not worried about us. I’m just still weird about the whole Laura thing.”

        Kirsch rubbed his face with his hand. Hiding their relationship was what he had been asking to not do but this was a different relationship now to hide. She seemed sincere on both accounts. “As long as I can be around you still and not have to pretend we aren’t at least friends.”

        “I wouldn’t ask that of you, Kirsch.”

        “You have.”

        “Not anymore, okay?” she caressed his cheek, “I know that was a terrible thing to do to you. I’m not happy about it but it happened and I made the decision I thought was best for myself at the time. I didn’t take you into consideration. When you agreed I made myself think it was fine. And it wasn’t and I don’t want to make you do that again. And I know this feels like an entire one eighty from this morning and yesterday but its really not. I’ve been thinking about it for some time and I went overboard trying to protect something I didn’t know if I could give up.

        I’ve been more than rude to you at some points and I don’t know why you would still want to be with me after I treated you like that.”

        Kirsch had not expected her to be so open and honest and take blame for something he was not really blaming her for. He held no bad feelings towards her; he had agreed after all. Even so, it was nice to hear that she was sorry but there was something Kirsch was even more curious about, “Can I tell Will?”

        Danny laughed, one of her laughs that was barely audible but still just as happy, “We can tell Will.”

 

        “I already knew this.”

        Danny scoffed, “Well, you could act a little more excited or maybe surprised.”

        “And it’s different, bro. We’re actually dating now. For real,” Kirsch said, slapping Will on the shoulder.

        Kirsch watched Will’s eyes move back and forth between the two of them before he looked at Danny, “Kirsch is my bro. I’ll always have his back. I don’t know you very well, Danny, but don’t screw with him.”

        Kirsch looked away because Will had told him this before, but hearing it out loud in front of the girl that he really liked, was embarrassing. It felt like his mother was there and he appreciated it but wished Will could have kept it to himself, at least for the time being. “Alright, cool, so you know now.”

        “I am happy for you, dude. Know that.”

        Kirsch went in for a hug that Will returned, “Yeah, I have your back too, man.”

        “Are you guys done with this display of weird masculinity?”

        Kirsch stepped out of Will’s grasp and looked at Danny, “I’m just hugging my friend.”

        Danny smiled sweetly and set her hand on his arm, “I was just joking. Will, I hope we can become better friends.”

        “I do too,” Will replied before turning toward the rack on the back wall of the shed, “Now will you guys help me drag this kayak out to the dock?”

**************************************************************************************************************************************

        “Come on, Perr!” Lafontaine called, jumping down the porch and dashing down the path, through the trees to the dock. Perry was doing all she could to keep up but Lafontaine was not as concerned; she would arrive eventually. Will, Danny, and Kirsch were in the process of pulling kayaks from the shed and carrying them to the dock. Lafontaine turned around when they reach their destination to see Perry walking with Laura who was talking but seemed a little upset. When they got closer, Lafontaine ran back to them, “Perr, so Will showed me that he had a double kayak, so we can go together.”

        “I don’t think I’m going to, Lafontaine. I’ll just sit and watch you.”

        Lafontaine had hoped maybe this vacation would be different but Perry seemed just as stuck as before. They looked to the long sleeve shirt Perry had on and back to her face and without making a comment; Perry knew what they were thinking. Lafontaine had seen the scars and they did not care and they knew no one else would care but they supposed Perry did not want to have to answer all the questions that came with people finding out. It brought back a history she did not need to relive. Lafontaine knew that would be part of her reasoning for not kayaking though it did not require her to change clothes or pull up her sleeves. Lafontaine would never be mean or callous but sometimes they wondered if she simply used it as an excuse to get out of trying new things. That felt horrible even in their thoughts but they could not see how it physically hindered Perry from having fun and then they supposed it wouldn’t. It was all mental and emotional connections that they could not understand because they were not in Perry’s head. They only wanted to understand.

        “Perry, can I talk to you.”

        Laura surprisingly seemed to get the hint, “Um, I’m just gonna go see if Danny and the guys need help.”

        Unfortunately, Lafontaine’s swimming trunks lacked pockets because shoving their hands in pockets during uncomfortable situations was always a blessing for them. They made do with rubbing their hands on the sides of the shorts. “Perr, I really want you to go kayaking with me.”

        “Lafontaine, you know I can’t -”

        “I know what you’re going to say but I don’t understand why that has anything to do with having fun with me. I’m not going to make you do something you don’t want to if you really can’t. But I think you should really think about if the reason you’re about to give me is the actual reason or just an easy way to get out of it.”

        “I don’t think that you understand what -”

        “Of course I don’t understand fully about what happened, Perr. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to hear and listen and make sure you’re okay. That’s not what I’m trying to do. I just don’t want this to be something that hinders you from having fun for the rest of your life. That would be sad.”

        Lafontaine knew they could be blunt but they really tried to be kind and still tell Perry the truth or at least what they were feeling was the truth. They just wanted Perry to be happy. “I really want you to go kayaking with me and I don’t expect you to do it by yourself. But eventually, you have to take that first step no matter how small it is. This isn’t a announcement to anyone; its you finally being able to do things you’ve never done.”

 

        “Left, right, left, right,” Lafontaine chanted, the paddles slapping the water, spraying the sides of the kayak, as it pulled them away from the dock.

        “Lafontaine, I’m not sure about this,” Perry spoke up from the back seat of the kayak. Something Lafontaine had said must have resonated because Perry had taken their hand and let herself be led onto the dock and helped into the kayak.

        “No turning back now, Perr!” Lafontaine shouted gleefully.

        “You guys doing okay?” they heard Kirsch ask from his own blue kayak that was coming up next to them in the water. Danny was close behind and Will was just pushing off from the dock, leaving Laura standing there waving after them.

        “I don’t know,” Lafontaine heard Perry murmur.

        “We’re doing just fine,” Lafontaine replied, hoping to calm Perry’s nerves. They smiled at no one in particular, taking in the sun and the breeze that came off the lake. As far as Lafontaine could tell, the banks to all sides were covered in trees that rose high into mountains as the distance grew. The sun was high in the sky, shining down directly above them and warming everything that it shone upon. Lafontaine could not imagine being in a long-sleeve shirt as Perry was currently wearing but they figured that with each little step, she would come closer to being comfortable and not suffocating herself in the heat. Or maybe that would never happen and Lafontaine would be there no matter what. They wanted to be there for whatever Perry needed but they thought that maybe it was time for her to start moving past her past and realizing that that part of her life was over and she had the right to be confident in who she is; scars and all.

**************************************************************************************************************************************

        The tree-covered floor was still soft even from lack of rain but her boots left no tracks from the house to the dock. She had moseyed into the kitchen only to find the house completely silent before remembering that Will had told her he was going to take the kayaks out.

        She felt strangely calm even after the events of the morning where she lost any capacity she had to be somewhat kind and understanding. Anything that had to do with her father was a difficult subject for her to breach and no one had crossed the threshold of that room, besides herself and Will, since he lived there and even the close call with Laura had caused her much distress. Her reaction though had been a step back in how she had started to deal with her feelings and how she expressed them, particularly with Laura. She knew Will would have explained some if not all of the reason why she had reacted how she had but she had wished that she could have kept her temper and explained herself.

        His death had changed everything in her life. It was hard on Will but he had only been a toddler at the time and though six years of age was not a lot, it was enough. She remembered everything and how things slowly went from being wonderful to being full of torment. She remembered how her mother had lost all of the care in her eyes and how dollar signs began to be reflected there instead. She remembered the first time she had asked about her father after he died and how cold her mother’s hand had been across her cheek. She remembered how Will had sobbed when their mother had locked him in the closet for saying “daddy” in front of her. It was all clear as day to Carmilla and still, fifteen years later, just as fresh.

        Her throat and stomach were warm from the scotch that had sat untouched in her father’s study for years. The feel of his crystal against her fingers was not something she remembered but something she wished she could have experienced with him. It was the first place she had gone when she woke up, sinking into his brown leather recliner that was loved yet in perfect condition. He kept such good care of that chair, making sure the leather did not wear. It was as if his cologne had filtered through the material, leaving the lasting scent of it. It was the only place she could still smell him and it comforted and caused her such pain at the same time that the feeling was a good kind of hurt.

        The sun was hot on her skin and for as pale as she was, Carmilla never got burnt but also never tanned; it was a blessing and a curse but one she had come to not care about. Will seemed to be the same way, though Carmilla was certain that he tanned even if just slightly. Either that or his skin tone was a shade less pale then her own.

        When she cleared the trees, the sound of laughter directed her gaze to the middle of the lake where four kayaks seemed to be racing around trying to tip each other. They were causing a rucous in the water, which lapped in waves against the dock, where none other than the one person Carmilla needed to talk to was standing.

        Laura was wearing light blue jean shorts with lace ringing the bottoms and a white tank top through which a tie dyed bathing suit top could be seen. The straps were tied around her back where the tank top opened to skin and her sandals were discarded next to her, her bare feet most likely burning on the hot wood. She did not seem bothered as she watched and laughed along with the idiots in the kayaks. Carmilla quietly made her way to the dock and to the end of, sliding her hand across Laura’s back and around her waist as she came to stand by her. The girl gave a small jump at the surprise touch but when she turned her head and saw Carmilla, she smiled, though weariness was apparent in her eyes.

        She moved her hand even farther around Laura’s waist and guided her fingers into Laura’s pocket, to which Laura raised an eyebrow but did not make a comment. Carmilla leaned down, close to Laura’s ear and whispered, “I’m sorry about earlier, cupcake.”

        “I shouldn’t have been snooping.”

        “I shouldn’t have flown off the handle, though,” Carmilla said, looking out across the lake. There was a slight breeze that blew through her hair and ruffled Laura’s ponytail, sending a sweet, sugary scent towards Carmilla.

        “How is it,” Carmilla began to question, “when I know there are no cookies in this house, that you still smell like them?”

        Laura giggled, “It’s in my blood.”

        “Apparently so,” Carmilla returned. A few seconds of silence went by, “I’ll show you later.”

        “Show me what?” Laura questioned, honestly confused.

        “What you were going to see earlier. I’ll show you later.”

        “You don’t have to –”

        Carmilla shook her head, _This girl is ridiculous sometimes._ “I’m not asking, cutie.”

        “I’d be honored.” So Will had told her; at least in part. Carmilla did not feel any pressure in showing Laura because she had originally had that intention. Laura falling upon the room had caught her off-guard; that was all.

        “Thank, Carm.”

        “For what?”

        “For bringing us here,” the tiny girl said, gesturing around them, “For letting us stay here.”

        Laura turned, causing Carmilla to pull her hand out of her pocket. They were standing awfully close for people who were having a causal conversation but Carmilla was not sure anything about their relationship had ever been simply casual. Laura’s fingers played with the belt loops on her shorts and Carmilla became increasingly statue-like, trying not to move; her breathing slow and hesitant. Laura’s hands moved around Carmilla and she was unknowingly pulled into a tight hug, “Thanks for letting me in.”

        After a moment’s hesitation, Carmilla returned the embrace, setting one had on Laura’s head, the brown hair soft as silk under her fingers, “À tout moment.”

 

        The door clicked open easily and the room was becoming dark as the sun set; the earthy green of the carpet changing to black with the lack of light. Carmilla watched Laura enter the haven and look around, cautious but observant. Showing someone else made Carmilla’s view of the importance of the room seem not as significant. All it was, was a room. Nothing special. It was the emotional connection that gave it its heavy reminders. Carmilla noticed Laura’s hovering hand that never lighted down on any object as if in reverence and though she appreciated the gesture, it was amusing and unnecessary. “You can touch. Nothing is going to bite.”

        Laura looked at her uncertain, and went on hovering. Carmilla went to the small table by the door, upon which sat the old bottle of scotch and a few glasses on a tray. She poured herself one and turned leaning against the wall, sipping while watching Laura pave her way through the study.

        “Have you read all of these?” Laura asked as she came to the bookshelf that lined the entirety of the left wall and ran her fingers lightly over their spines. Carmilla pushed herself off from the wall and walked over to Laura, “Most of them.”

        “Did your dad read them all?”

        Carmilla smiled, “Many a time.”

        Carmilla pulled one book off the shelf, flipping quickly through the pages, “He read a few of them to me when I was younger.”

        “These don’t seem to be books for children.”

        Laura would be right about that but Carmilla’s father had instilled an avid love for books and poetry and intelligent thought in her at such a young age that she was almost reading before she was speaking. She was halfway following her major of philosophy as homage to her father as it was something he had brought her to love. He had also been the one who spoke Italian to her and brought her up bilingual. The others had come from later “proper” training, as her mother called it, from professors in the countries that they traveled to as part of their mother’s business. Still, she would say that her interest in translation stemmed from her father as well. If she attached parts of her life to him, he would never truly be gone.

       “I was never much of a child,” Carmilla shrugged. She swirled the amber liquid around in her glass before taking another sip.

       “Were you going to offer me one?”

        Carmilla crinkled her nose and saw Laura smile, “I didn’t figure you much for a scotch girl,” she gestured at the bottle, “but if you’d like –”

        “No, you’d be right. I was just giving you a hard time.”

        “You don’t need to try to do that, cutie,” Carmilla muttered, staring at her drink.

        “And what’s that supposed to mean?” Laura sounded upset and though Carmilla hadn’t meant anything to offend by her statement, rethinking it, she realized she had not worded it the best of ways.

        “I didn’t,” Carmilla sighed, “I didn’t mean it like it sounded, okay?” I just -”

        She trailed off because this was not a conversation she was going to be able to start with Laura. There were obvious signs that her feelings for the girl were matched but there was always a chance that she would still be shut down. And anyways, being in her father’s study did not create the right atmosphere for such a declaration or question on her part. “I like you being here.”

        “I like being here, too,” Laura piped up, “It’s beautiful.”

        Carmlila chuckled, “Well, yes, but…I mean I like you being here…with me.”

        Laura opened her mouth to speak but no words came out and she nodded until she could come up with a sentence. The few seconds before her response seemed like agony to Carmilla.. She had not blatantly stated anything but she had made a more obvious hint than her usual sexual innuendoes and physical contact ever were. “I hope you know that I like being here with you too. And I liked being with you at my apartment and I pretty much like being with you anywhere.”

        They both looked downwards, Laura fidgeting with her hands, a nervous tick that Carmilla had noticed before and Carmilla herself, absentmindedly swirling her glass around and around. Those words had affirmed that Carmilla was not alone in how she felt, at least to some extent. Laura was not bothered by her. Carmilla had yet to chase her away and scare her from wanting to be closer. She was succeeding in something she had always failed at but she was certain it had more to do with Laura, who was full of heart, than her own willingness. There had been many times where Laura would have had a perfect excuse to turn and never look back, yet she always found some way to forgive Carmilla for whatever awful situation she had been put through.

        Not surprisingly, Laura broke the silence that was quickly becoming awkward. Usually Carmilla was perfectly fine with not talking, but their words to each other were floating mindlessly through the hair, getting heavier with each moment. “Carm? Do you want to get out of here?”

        Carmilla looked around at the place that had become her safe haven where no one could touch her and for the first time she realized that she actually did want to leave the room. Usually she had to be dragged, pulled by some resemblance of expectations, from the only place where she could truly be alone and yet this time, with no such thing clawing at her mind, she felt like she wanted to freely leave. “Go on ahead. I’ll be right behind you.”

        Laura reached out and squeezed her arm, “Take your time.”

        She left Carmilla by herself, downing the last of the scotch in her glass that she returned to the table by the door. She made her way over to the chair, running her hand across the used leather and looked over at the desk where a picture of herself and her father set. She picked it up and ran her fingers across the glass, lightly so as not to smudge the image. His face usually made her smile and most of the time tears followed but her eyes were dry and this time her smile was not from missing him but from finally being able to give him good news. “Well, dad. That was Laura. I think you would have liked her. You would’ve made some joke about how she is the total opposite of me, making her the only one that fits.”

        Carmilla laughed softly, “I wish she could meet you and see the other side of how I am who I am but I’m really glad you finally got to meet her.”

        Carmilla kissed the glass and set the picture back down on the desk, leaving the room, and closing the door securely behind her. She almost jumped when she noticed that Laura was leaning up against the wall outside the door, but managed to keep her composure. Laura took her hand, entwining their fingers and squeezing, sending courage flowing through the touch, “I wish I could have met him too.”

**************************************************************************************************************************************

        Will about flipped the kayak on himself when he saw, out of the corner of his eye, Carmilla hugging Laura on the dock. He partially hoped that no one else saw so that they could just have that moment and hopefully not be pushed further too fast. He was relieved that it was finally happening and he was certain the two girls felt the same way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you liked it!
> 
> I have decided to list the songs I listened to while writing each chapter (a lot of them will be repeated many times): Five Days of Summer - Joe Brooks, Hello Mr Sun - Joe Brooks, Safe in My Hands - Eli Lieb, Love Yourself (swing cover) - Dodie ft. Andie, Laura - Celia Pavey, Purpose - Justin Bieber, Illuminate - Sunday Night Syndrome
> 
> My fan tumblr is: uselessgayshit  
> Any questions you have about the fic, direct them to this as it will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS or STAHTCB for updates.
> 
> Saying that, you are more than welcome to follow my personal tumblr as well: just-trying-togetby


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possible Trigger Warning: Discussion of self-harm
> 
> Any trigger warnings if they arise will be listed at the beginning of each chapter. 
> 
> Surprise, creampuffs!! In lieu of the terrifically exciting season 3 news, I thought I'd upload another chapter. So here it is. Things are winding down for this specific installment of "Some Things Are Hard To Separate," but it is not done yet! And don't fret, even with the ending of "Some Things Are Hard To Come By," the story is not complete.

        The flickering torches began to glow bright as the sun was setting, hiding behind the vast amount of trees the stretched across the range of land. The heat on the raised deck was hotter, rolling off the grill in waves and bringing with it the smell of cooking meat and vegetables. Danny and Kirsch were down the stairs, playing Frisbee on the uneven ground though Perry was not sure how they could even still see the flying disc in the small amount of light that was left. Lafontaine was standing by the grill with Will, a bottle of beer in their hand that seemed to have been forgotten with the ferocity with which they were discussing some of the many subjects the two found they had in common. Perry was somewhat confused by their sudden close relationship but they were happy for Lafontaine to have a found a new friend. Perry herself had never been someone who could really talk to Lafontaine about whatever it was that was involved in their work; she found it rather boring and confusing and was only able to listen and act like she understood. Will seemed to be able to give something in return, even if he did not know about everything.

        Perry was sitting alone at the table, Carmilla and Laura were nowhere to be found, and everyone else was paired up, leaving her to keep herself company. Danny and Kirsch had been awfully friendly towards each other for the past few days and Carmilla and Laura never seemed to be away from one another. Will and Lafontaine were always getting into something and Perry found that during those times, when they were not all together, she was often left by herself. It wasn’t all bad. She had surprised herself by allowing Lafontaine to talk her into kayaking and ever since that day, she had been thinking about the possibility of not living under the fear of falling back into the dark hole she had only barely escaped. It had been a few years of course, but the burning was still very much alive, not dulling as time went by, simply meshing in with the rest of the things swirling around in her mind.

        The scars had faded much more than the memories though; that was something to take solace in. But they were still visible and Perry was more embarrassed by them than worried at what people would think. The therapists had all told her that no one would think badly of her; they would pity her story. That was the worst part. The pity. The fact that people would look at her differently and see someone who wasn’t strong enough to stop themselves. But they had never felt the need and the drive and they had never experienced their brain reasoning that it was the only possible way for any relief. And they never felt, when the skin opened, the relief flooding it, taking place of the blood that slowly seeped out. She didn’t need their pity. She had overcome that need, that unnecessary adrenaline rush, the action that almost took her life from her.

        She messed with her sleeves, pulling them down as her forearms began to tingle. Her stomach was also prickling from thinking about it and she scratched at her thighs. Lafontaine noticed her uncomfortable fidgeting but Perry just shook her head, trying to let them know that she was okay. They would not take that as an answer and instead came and sat down by her. “What’s up?”

        “Nothing, I’m fine.”

        “You’re not. What’s going on?” Lafontaine pushed, their eyes flickering to Perry’s wrists and back to her face. Perry let go of her sleeves, “I’ve just been thinking about it a lot. I know you want me to do things. I want to do things and kayaking showed me that it was fun but…”

        “But what? Are you worried about people finding out?”

        Perry was usually good at wording how she felt, but a lot of this was deep set emotions that only resonated with her and she was not sure how to make Lafontaine understand. “No, but it’s not that easy. It’s not people knowing. It’s their reactions. And then that opens more doors to things I don’t want to think about. And the questions aren’t even the worst part. I’ve been through the questioning already; I don’t need anymore but I could deal with that.”

        “Then what’s bothering you?” Lafontaine’s face was scrunched up as they tried to understand and Perry knew she was not making it easy for them to do so. Maybe there was some sort of thing she could relate it to, to make them feel what she felt.

        “You know how sometimes you just look at me and I get all warm inside because I know you were thinking of me and you were just happy to see me.”

        “No, but I know what it feels like when you do that to me,” they smiled widely, teeth showing and their eyes crinkling. “Okay, but you do understand?”

        “Yes, but I don’t know what this has to do with your feelings?”

        “Because think of the opposite of that feeling and that’s how people look at me once they find out. Not on purpose, but I can see it in their eyes. It makes me want to shrink and hide and it’s like the world turns dark and gray and everything chills.”

        “Oh,” was their quiet response. It was a terrifying thing to imagine and an even scarier one to experience. The feeling came from a very dark place that Perry spent the majority of the time trying to cover up. She could never forget it but no one else needed to see it; it scared people away. The many therapists had said people needed to know but Perry never believed them because it never turned out well. The people she was surrounded with now, none of them save for Lafontaine knew, and they all cared about her and did not question any of her decisions on how she acted. They were supportive without knowing why they needed to be and that was the environment she needed. What she did not need was for people who fussed over her all the time, making sure she was feeling okay when she was fine, worrying over everything they said and even checking that she had not started to do it again. She worried that no one would believe her when she said it would never happen again but that was the truth. Just thinking about it revolted her and even though she knew the drive behind it, she could not figure out how she had ever brought the sharp edge to her skin.

        “I don’t know what to say, Perr,” Lafontaine said, seeming hurt by their own inability to sympathize.

        “Don’t worry about it. I just have to be ready to do that if I ever choose to.”

        They nodded, adamantly agreeing , “I’m sorry if I pushed you –

        “You didn’t. I had fun kayaking and you were right. I can’t have this hovering over me like a dark cloud for the rest of my life. That would be sad.”

        Lafontaine smiled and squeezed her hand, “I only want to help.”

        “Grab a plate, guys!” Will shouted from the grill.

        “You want me to get you something?”

        Perry shook her head, “Lafontaine, I’m perfectly capable of getting myself dinner but thank you.”

        Lafontaine pulled her up from her chair as Danny and Kirsch dashed up the stairs, laughing. Perry had noticed a relatively quick change from their usual tolerance to playful banter. The two seemed to be spending more time in the same space; she didn’t know what it meant yet, but hopefully they were finally over their rivalry. The people she saw standing around her seemed to be the new normal group of friends and she was happy for some type of normalcy and consistency. There was no room for Danny and Kirsch to not be friends if they would all be spending so much time together. Of course, this was vacation and who knows what would happen when they all went their separate ways, but Perry was not sure anyone in the group would be particularly fond of splitting.

        Will dropped some vegetables onto her plate with tongs. His eyes squinted as he looked around, “Where are Laura and Carmilla?”

        Kirsch just gave him a look, Lafontaine actually laughed out loud and Danny seemed a little uncomfortable. Perry had not seen them for a few hours and whatever that meant to anyone else, she was sure neither Laura nor Carmilla would enjoy knowing that the group had discussed them while they were gone. Perry decided to save everyone the trouble, “Oh, I’m sure they’ll be around when they get hungry.”

        Lafontaine snorted, “Yeah, okay, positive thinking right there.”

        “Are they -?” Danny started to question but Perry shut her down right away, “I don’t really think this is any of our business.”

        “Perr, we’re all on vacation together. They could be a little less to themselves,” Lafontaine replied and they were not wrong. Perry was certain that neither of them, well at least Laura, meant to be rude but there had been something between the two for a long time and if this was the week they were finally working things out, Perry thought everyone should be considerate and give them that space and time. Lafontaine and her, by keeping to themselves and not disclosing their relationship, had gotten the same. Laura and Carmilla didn’t seem to have the same courtesy. Everyone was very interested and invested in seeing where they headed; maybe due to the fact that they had seemed so oblivious to each other for so long, or maybe simply because Perry, Lafontaine, Kirsch, and Danny were very close to Laura, that it seemed more of their concern.

        Lafontaine had already asked her once this week whether they could tell everyone that they were together and Perry had refused. She did not have a reason either and told that to Lafontaine who seemed dejected but accepted that answer. She really needed to get the courage to not be so afraid when there was nothing to be afraid of. Perry almost wished that someone would just ask or that they would all eventually just come to know; if it could be a gradual change that they all recognized and did not question, that would be the best situation Perry could think of. _Small steps._

        Maybe next time Lafontaine asked, she would say yes. _Small steps._

*************************************************************************************************************************************************** 

        It was only a matter of time before everyone found out that Danny and Kirsch were together. Danny noticed how Perry had been looking at her earlier and their sudden change to almost instant friendship was obvious. However, she wasn’t sure if she cared. Laura was the only person she worried about but she came to realize she was just holding on to a worry from the past. Carmilla was the only person on Laura’s mind and if Laura could move on without being concerned with how Danny felt, Danny could as well. Of course, Laura wasn’t dating Danny’s best friend. That was where her conscious halted her. For some unknown reason, she could not get past that and she was thankful that Kirsch had agreed to keep their relationship a secret for a little while longer.

        “Betcha can’t catch this one,” Kirsch yelled triumphantly, flinging the Frisbee far to her right from behind his back. Unfortunately, the angle was a disadvantage for him and the Frisbee bounced gently off the tree next to Danny and she caught the rebound, smiling, victorious.

        “Lucky,” he muttered making her laugh. She was mid-throw when Will called from the deck, “Grab a plate, guys!”

        Kirsch gave her a look and she narrowed her eyes, sprinting to the steps just as he started running. They collided at the bottom and instead of going up one at a time, they made it harder on themselves and pushed their way up, elbowing each other to get out of the way and almost falling face first onto the wooden boards of the deck floor.

        Kirsch gestured and bowed for her to go first to get food before piling his plate high with a combination of food that made Danny feel sick to her stomach. She couldn’t imagine how he managed to fit all of that in his stomach, let alone his mouth, and in that strange flavor blend.

        When they had all gotten plates full, Will looked around confused as to where Laura and Carmilla were. Perry seemed concentrated on trying to talk about anything other than them but Danny was curious if she had missed something, “Are they -”

        Perry cut her off before she could finish, pretty much giving Danny the impression that it was none of her business. Thinking back on it, Laura and Carmilla always seemed to be off by themselves and if that was not hinting enough, then maybe Danny needed to get her eyes checked. The lack of the two was more telling than if they had actually been around.

 

        Danny yawned widely, the night air turning cold and the torches giving off the light that was lighting the deck. They had finished eating a long time ago and neither Carmilla nor Laura had decided to show themselves. Will and Perry and taken the food inside, hoping to dissuade the bugs from coming around but to no avail, they were in the woods after all. Kirsch had his arm slung lazily around the back of her chair and he was currently talking with Will about the future of the Zetas. The society was a lot more complicated and organized than Danny had ever found in her dealings with them. Lafontaine was trying to explain their internship to Danny but she could not wrap her mind around the heavy science language that they always seemed to talk in. Perry was listening but not intently, she had most likely heard it all before.

        As a break came in Lafontaine’s discussion, Danny stood up and stretched, “Well, I think I’m heading to bed.” 

        “Remember, hiking tomorrow,” Will reminded.

        “Then a good night’s sleep is a necessity.” Danny was excited for the hiking adventure; not only to explore the forest but because she wanted to mix up her workouts and lately she had only been able to go on short runs with Kirsch. Something new was welcomed. “Night, guys.”

        A resounding chorus of, “Night,” followed her into the house but before she shut the door, she heard another chair scratch across the wood, and Kirsch say, “I’m gonna head in too. See you guys tomorrow.”

        Danny shook her head to herself. If he was trying to be sly about it, he had failed. She had not even gotten all the way inside yet. She could imagine the innuendo filled look that Will had given him but she imagined that Lafontaine and Perry had not noticed, or if they had, they had kept their thoughts to themselves. She did not turn and look though, instead, Danny made her way down the hall and started up the stairs.      

        “Danny,” Kirsch called in a loud whisper.

        “Sshhh,” she said, turning on the stairs, seeing him at the bottom. He raced up them and she laughed, turning on the spot and hurrying to the landing so he couldn’t catch her. She heard him curse under his breath as he stumbled over the top step but she was already at the end of the hallway and through the door. His feet were loud on the steps but there was no one else around to hear and she didn’t blame him, the stairwell was dark. She had opened the door onto their floor when he caught her hand and spun her around, pushing her up against the wall, his lips eager and more intense than she had noticed them before. He had always seemed cautious, not knowing if she was perfectly okay with what they had been doing, but he seemed sure now and she couldn’t say she minded at all. She wrapped her arms around his neck tightly, drawing him in even more and she felt his hands slip under her shirt, touching the skin on her stomach and grasping her hips. Her tank top started to move upwards with his hands and that’s when she unclasped her own and caught on to his. Her words came out amidst heavy breathing, “Maybe not in a dark stairwell.”

        He pushed away, running a hand through his hair, “I’m getting ahead of myself.”

        She tugged herself closer to him, using his shirt to pull her body forward, “Maybe. But maybe just a little.”

        He smiled at that and she pulled him this time, through the door, walking backwards down the hallway. She stopped outside his door but when she reached forward to kiss him, he acted like he hadn’t noticed and instead gestured down the hallway, “Let me walk you to your door?”

        “What? We’re not going to finish this?”

        He smiled and took her arm in his as if her door was not only down the hall. He pushed the door in for her and kissed her quickly on the cheek, “Goodnight, D-Bear.”

        “What did I say about that name?” she warned. She was not too fond of nicknames, especially ones that reminded her of a rather large, furry, mammal.

        “I’ll see you tomorrow,” was all he responded.

        “Are you serious? We can continue.” She had thought he had been ready, that they were going to move past their high school like hookups. Now, he was sending her off to bed as if they had went on a first date and had only just met. She did not know what to make of it. He had been the one to initiate and now he was backing down.

        “I feel weird knowing that everyone is here.”

        “Kirsch, this house is huge.”

        “But Will is right down the hall there.” He had a point there and Will had already walked in on them making out, she was relatively sure that he did not want to hear his best friend and his new girlfriend only a few doors down. “And, I’d rather it be a little more special than now. And anyways, we might have been hooking up before but we just started dating.”

        She kissed him, “You’re such a tease.”

        He dipped his head and looked at her, the dopey grin that she had come to want to see, spreading across his face, “I can sometimes be a gentleman.”

        “Only sometimes.”

        “Goodnight, Danny,” he said, stuffing his hands in his pocket and walking away towards his room. She shut the door and leaned against it. He was different now that they were officially dating and she liked the difference it brought. She hoped that he saw her differently because she sure felt like something had changed.

***************************************************************************************************************************************************

        “What the frilly hell is that?” Carmilla came to a sudden halt in the bathroom doorway, her heart starting to race. Was there something on her clothes? Did she have something on her face? Was she bleeding profusely from somewhere? All of these questions came rushing in until she realized she had just been standing in front of a mirror and nothing at all was wrong. The tension that had built up in a manner of seconds, slowly faded until her muscles were again relaxed and she slumped against the doorway.

        Laura was sitting on the floor using Carmilla’s bed as a backrest. Her laptop was open in front of her, though only after apologizing a hundred times, did she even think about opening it. She had not checked in at work for a few days and though it was just an internship, Carmilla knew that Laura was going places at the paper and so had obliged Laura’s need to make sure she was not missing too much. She had exclaimed when she opened her email and found over eighty messages. Most of them were sent to many people or she was an add-on to the email that’s intent was not for her. It had been very difficult to get an entire week off from the office and the girl felt that it was necessary to make an attempt to act like she was not entirely away. Carmilla had to give the workaholic props though; she had lasted a whole four days before the urge took over.

        But now, her full attention was on Carmilla and her mouth had opened as if she was taking in the most shocking image she had ever seen. Without worry about her own physical safety and appearance, Carmilla found the surprise on Laura’s face cuter than it needed to be and she held back a smile, not wanting to give Laura anything to use against her. Ever since Carmilla had disclosed to Laura about her father, something had changed and an even greater level of comfort had fallen between them. That was after the initial awkward stage where they both ignored what they had said to each other. That was fine with Carmilla; eventually, she felt that they should talk but for now, she was perfectly okay with knowing that Laura had similar feelings. That was a lot of pressure relieved from her mind.

        Though she had never been cautious when it came to girls before, she had become certain that Laura would be the one making the first move. She laughed to herself. Carmila couldn’t remember the last time she had hooked up with a girl but as she thought harder, she realized that Emily was the last fling. It had been more than a fling too but one that she had not put much effort into. Maybe it would’ve worked and turned out great, but as she looked a Laura and saw the deep green eyes that seemed to change color with the girl’s mood, that sounded like giving up, avoiding the truth, settling for less than what she wanted.

        Even though she wanted it, she couldn’t invest herself wholly again without being positive. It didn’t calm her that Laura felt the same; it did not stop her mind from swirling to dark places and reliving the pain and solitude that had come after Elle. It was not that Elle had not returned her love, it was that she was a lost love in a harsher way than a broken heart. Encouragement and knowledge was not enough; she needed to see it for herself that Laura wanted the same thing, not only that she felt it. This thing she had with Laura felt heavier than what she had had with Elle, as if it commanded more of her attention and would come crashing down harder than anything she had experienced before. That was terrifying if it could triumph death. So, Carmilla did what she knew how to do and waited, waited for someone else to tell her what to do.

        “Seriously what is that?” Laura asked again.

        Carmilla sighed, “You’re going to have to be more specific, cupcake.”

        Laura started pointed as if there were no words for what she described and Carmilla watched in amusement as she stuttered out some sort of sentence, “That. What is that? What are you wearing?”

        Either Carmilla was missing something very obvious or Laura had gone insane because when she looked down, she saw what she already knew; she was wearing a pair of dark jean shorts and a tank top. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I still don’t know what you’re talking about.”

        “Is that,” she paused, stumbling over the word, “purple?”

        “Yes,” Carmilla answered, hesitantly, not sure of what Laura was trying to get at.

        “Okay,” she replied, gathering her bearings and closing her laptop screen, “I thought I was losing my mind.”

        Carmilla pushed herself off the doorway as Laura stood, setting her laptop on the top of the dresser. “Why are you so weird, buttercup?”

        “Wow, that’s a new one,” Laura teased.

        “Just answer my question.”

        “I have a perfectly valid reason. I’ve never seen you wear anything other than black. It surprised me.”

        Carmilla stepped into Laura’s space, “I’m full of surprises, cutie. But,” Carmilla said, stepping away a little and pointing over her shoulder to the bathroom, “if it’s too different for you to handle, I can change back.”

        Laura grabbed ahold of the edges of her purple tank top and pulled Carmilla back. Carmilla had to pay attention, trying not to trip at the sudden movement. She wondered if the heat in her face was what Laura always felt when the small girl’s cheeks turned bright red. Fortunately, Carmilla did not have the rush of color, but the feeling of boiling heat in her stomach was very real. Laura took her time observing her shirt and then bringing her eyes back up to Carmilla’s face.

        “No,” the word came out fast and brunt but Laura contained herself for the rest of the sentence, “you look really good in purple.”

        The blazing green eyes blinked a few times and to Carmilla, it looked as if Laura had surprised herself just as much as she had taken Carmilla off-guard by her overwhelming initiative. “Overwhelming” might have been an exaggeration but in those few seconds of a moment, everything seemed larger than life. It was ridiculous to Carmilla’s logical mind that such insignificant details could take up more room than important specifics. At the beginning, her strong reactions, even thought she was very good at keeping them to herself, felt strange to her and she often berated herself but they were starting to become more and more common and the feeling was one she was getting used to; and not one that she had much trouble coming to enjoy either.

        Laura cleared her throat and let go, allowing space for Carmilla to breathe again. _Like I said, ridiculous._

 

        Dusk was dawning and the room had darkened, lit by the hazy yellow light that rose above light purple and deep blue that was taking over the sky. The skylight above her bed opened the expanse of sky to her observation whenever she wanted it, which was most of the time. She slept directly under the stars whenever she visited this house and it calmed her, eased her nerves, and made her feel safe. Laura had quickly scooted away to the window and Carmilla fell onto the bed, laying on her back and resting her head on her left arm. The sky was clear of clouds, giving her an uninhibited view of the stars; her astronomy class had done her some good but she was not sure she could still point out and name each one. It didn’t matter though; the stars had always given her comfort, ever since she was little.

        Funnily enough, she had chosen this room for the skylight; it had not been designed for her as her father had had the place built before she was born. Her love of the night sky was one thing that had not come from him and was even something he did not entirely understand. Whenever she talked about it though, he would smile and nod encouragement to her. He wanted her to find what she loved and wrap herself in it as he had done with his life and for that she was grateful. She was at peace under them.

        The bed dipped slightly and out of the corner of her eye, she saw Laura climbing up onto it. At first the girl sat down, using her palms to steady herself and she stared straight ahead, out of the windows at the trees. But slowly and surely she scooted closer to Carmilla, whose body began to tense the closer she got. Laura’s thought process was palpable as she finally laid down on her back, close to, but not touching Carmilla, whose arm hair tickled with the closeness. After a few moments of silence and apprehensive waiting, Laura flipped herself on her side to face Carmilla who only turned her head.

        “You know,” started the tiny brunette, “we’re being kind of ridiculous and when I say kind of, I mean extremely. And by ridiculous, I mean stupid. About this whole situation. About us. I don’t know what’s going on or what’s right or what should happen or what I should -”

        “You should stop talking for half a second.”

        Laura’s eyebrows scrunched up, “Hey, I haven’t been talking this whole time.”

        The playful look faded back to seriousness, “But I mean it. I want to be on the same page and I don’t know what that page is to you. And this is scaring me. I’m actually saying these words out loud and I don’t know why I all of a sudden thought that -”

        Carmilla was frozen in place but Laura cut herself off and sat back up, going to get off the bed. Her muscles thawed and she reached out, grabbing ahold of Laura’s wrist, “Just come here.”

        Laura obliged and Carmilla pulled her closer, wrapping an arm around her so that Laura’s head was lying against her chest. “I don’t know what page we’re on but we’re both on it.”

        There was a loud sigh from beside her and with that exhalation of air, Carmlla felt her own self relax into the comforter. Laura draped her arm across Carmilla’s stomach, her body heat slowly mixing with Carmilla’s. Carmilla was very aware that she was now touching Laura without worrying about whatever consequences could come along with it. Laura’s head turned against her chest so that her eyes were facing upward. “What are you doing?”

        “Looking at the stars,” Carmilla easily answered.

        “You do that a lot, don’t you?”

        “I guess,” she shrugged.

        “Why?”          

        It was an easy enough answer for Carmilla to comprehend but not everyone saw it the same way and most people did not understand the concept but she figured she would see how Laura reacted, “It’s comforting to think how small we are in comparison. All the lives we’ve led, the people we’ve been…nothing to that light.”

        The girl didn’t say anything. “Cat got your tongue, cupcake?”

        Carmilla bent her neck to look at Laura, whose eyes came to meet hers, “It sounds like it should be sad but it’s not.”

        “Why would that be sad?”

        “It takes away all the meaning from your life. From my life. From anyone’s life.”

        Carmilla considered that implication. She saw how someone could describe it in that way but that was not her definition. She fixed her position on the bed so that she could better face Laura, “Then why is it not sad?”

        “Because you don’t believe it to be that way. For you it’s hope and something you wish for. It makes you feel safe. That’s never sad.”

        For a moment, Carmilla saw the bright observation skills of a young journalist coming through Laura’s description. She was never easily read and yet Laura had cracked one of her most intimate feelings. The sky offered a vast universe to be explored, a place undiscovered. It allowed for her life to not hold as much consequence to whatever happened in the world as people made her believe when she was younger. It took away pressure and siphoned off guilt. It granted her space to exist in her head. “You’re a smart cookie.”

        Laura scoffed, “You sounded like my dad.”

        Carmilla thought that was the first time that Laura had ever mentioned anything about her parents and if Carmilla had been closed off, she was starting to realize that Laura now knew a lot more about her life than she knew about Laura’s. Their roles had switched; it was an odd juxtaposition to Carmilla’s usual norm. “You’re dad?”

        She tried to be nonchalant, not trying to make Laura talk about something she didn’t want to; Carmilla was all too familiar with that feeling. “Yeah, it just sounded like something he’d say.”

        That was all she said. Carmilla nodded but inside, she was craving to know more. “You’ve never mentioned him before.”

        The change in Laura’s body language informed her that Laura was aware of exactly what she was trying to do. “Sorry, you don’t have to –”

        “It’s fine,” Laura replied shortly, “I just don’t know what to say about it.”

        Carmilla leaned her neck over and kissed Laura’s forehead and froze, not realizing what she had done until she had already done it. Laura did not react so Carmilla did not make any mention of it and instead, set her hand to rubbing softly against Laura’s arm. “I guess there’s just not that much to tell.”

        “You don’t have to make excuses for me, cutie. If you don’t want to talk about it then don’t.”

        “But you told me about you’re dad and –”

        “That’s not how this works. Do you really think that?” Carmilla pushed herself up onto her elbows and Laura sat up, concerned that Laura thought Carmilla expected something from her.

        “It’s polite.”

        “No. I didn’t tell you anything because I expected you to burst at the seams with some story from your childhood. I told you because I wanted to.” That was the entire truth of the matter and she hoped Laura could see in the sincerity in her eyes.

        “That’s the thing. I want to tell you, but in retrospect, it seems small compared…,” she didn’t seem to be able to find the right words, “My father isn’t dead, Carm. It’s not the same. And it feels wrong to be telling you about this when you miss your dad so much.”

        Carmilla reached up to push a strand of hair out of Laura’s face, tucking it behind her ear, “I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t want to hear.”

        Laura stared at her, making sure she meant it and Carmilla did her best to keep a stoic face and not smile at Laura’s cute scrunched up nose. “He’s overbearing.”

        “Parents usually are.”

        “Carm, my freshman year, he sent me day of the week bear spray.”

        There was no holding back her laugh this time and fortunately, it lightened the mood enough that Laura smiled as well. “I’m sorry, cupcake, but I’ve never once seen a bear around Silas.”

        “Uh, yeah, that’s because they all got sprayed by mighty me.”

        “More like tiny you.”

        “Hey!” Laura said, laughing, “You’re only like an inch taller than me.”

        “Some would say inches count for a lot.”

        Laura slowly narrowed her eyes, “Ugh, why are you so gross?”

        “It’s a talent.” It was not doing Carmilla any good just sitting and staring at Laura because the urge to just grab her face and pull their lips together was starting to overcome her. She tried to get back on subject, “So, overbearing dad.”

        “It’s not just that though. I mean of course that’s annoying and really difficult to start my own life when he’s breathing down my neck. I don’t spend a lot of time with anymore; it’s hard. He doesn’t really look me directly in the face and there aren’t many subjects that we can talk about together. It’s lonelier than if we never saw one another.”

        Laura looked out the window. The sky had turned completely black so that the trees were no longer visible as their own entities. “I didn’t go home for Thanksgiving. Or Christmas. I called and said ‘hi.’ He wished me a ‘happy holiday.’ I haven’t talked to him for months.”

        Now Carmilla was starting to understand why Laura was hesitant to talk about her father. She had one and never saw him while Carmilla would do anything to see her dad one more time. But Carmilla knew that everyone had a different relationship and she was not going to crucify Laura for not being close with her dad; she had her own knowledge of that type of situation with her mother, though still not exactly the same experience. She also started to realize that Laura could say a lot without really saying anything at all. The words were of an overabundance but the actual content of what she was saying lacked. So far, Carmilla knew her dad was over-protective and they didn’t talk much. There had been no why.

        “You can’t beat yourself up for not being close with someone. If he doesn’t try either, then there’s no point.”

        Laura scoffed, “He doesn’t try on purpose.”

        She flopped back down on the bed, into Carmilla’s arms, “I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

        “Okay,” Carmilla responded, still curious.

        “Thanks, Carm.” Carmilla didn’t know what she awes being thanked for, “For?”

        “I know you wanted to ask. Thank you for letting it go.”

        Carmilla nuzzled her nose into the side of Laura’s head, her hair tickling at her nose. She chuckled, “Por supuesto.”

        “I like that.”   

        “What, cupcake?”

        “That you just switch into different languages sometimes.”

        “I’ve got to get the practice in. Technically it’s homework,” Carmilla said, raising her eyebrows.

        “Don’t try that. I know you speak fluent French.”

        “Sorry to break it to you smarty-pants, but that’s Spanish.”

        “Well, how was I supposed to know that,” Laura exclaimed.

        “It doesn’t even sound the same,” Carmilla replied. She knew how each language had a different tone, a different way in which the letters and syllables rolled off the tongue. Even if she could not speak a language, it was easy for her gauge a few possibilities of where it came from. That came easy to her. When she was learning the languages, she quickly adopted the flow and accent that made her blend in with the actual inhabitants of the country she was in.

        “Again, how was I supposed to know that? I don’t speak any languages.”

        “Then what’s this thing you’re talking in right now?”

        Laura twisted her head to look at Carmilla, her eyes narrowed, “You know what I meant.”

        “Sei sicuro?”

        “Was that still Spanish?”

        “Nope. Italian,” she said confidently. Laura turned onto her stomach, using her elbows to hold herself up, “How many languages do you know?”

        Carmilla thought about it for a second, “I can speak French, Italian, German, Spanish and Catalan, Greek, and Dutch fluently. I can speak Russian, just not as well. I recognize and understand but can’t speak Arabic, Polish, and some Chinese. I know when people are speaking Japanese but don’t know any of the language itself. And if it counts, I can read Latin.”

        Laura’s mouth had dropped open, but Carmilla was used to that reaction. Her father had ignited her love for languages and then the amount of traveling they did when she was younger, caused her to have the opportunity to learn the language of the country they were staying in. It helped that she had quite a knack for it and picked it up easily. That was when she had noticed the similarities in languages that helped quicken the learning experience. “That’s incredible, Carm. I wish I could speak another language.”

        “I could teach you if you want,” Carmilla shrugged.

        “Really?” Laura sounded excited.

        “Yeah, whichever one you want to know. It’s a lot easier to learn when you’re younger but you could give it a try.”      

        “What’s your favorite?”

        “French,” Carmilla answered immediately.

        “Then that’s the one I want to learn.”

        “Cela me paraît être un bon plan.”

        “Ugh, now you’re just showing off.”

        “Hey,” Carmila said, turning on her side to face Laura, “the best way to learn is to hear it.”

        “How does that help when I don’t even know what it means?”

        “I said 'that sounds like a good plan'.”

        Laura smiled, “Good.”

        Carmilla rolled her eyes and turned her head to look back at the skylight but she could see Laura’s eyes watching her, silently. Carmilla sighed, contentedly, “The stars are the most beautiful thing in the world and they’re not even in this world.”

            Laura scooted closer to her, placing a hand on her stomach and settling her head between Carmilla’s arm and chest. Carmilla squeezed the girl closer and laid her head sideways on top of Laura’s. She smiled because here she was, lying under the stars, holding the girl that had started to mean the world to her, in her arms.

***************************************************************************************************************************************************

        “I’ll go get ‘em!” Kirsch called as he took the stairs two at a time.

        “Wait, Kirsch! Carmilla is the first door on the right and I think Laura is the third on the left.”

        “Got it!” By the time he made it to the last staircase, he could not make it up them as fast and he was breathing heavy when he got to the top. So much for his daily runs, apparently the stamina he had gained did not count for stairs. He went down the hall but found the room that Laura was supposedly in, completely empty, the bed made and no sign of his best friend.

        The first door on the right was closed so he knocked but got no answer. He knocked a little louder, “Carmilla?”

        There was still no answer. He knocked again, “Carmilla?”   

        There was no answer so he twisted the knob, which wasn’t locked, and opened the door, “Will said you were – oh shit.”

        When he had entered the room he had seen the two girls on the bed, still asleep. Laura was curled up in a small ball and Carmilla had her arms wrapped around the tiny body, her face nestled into Laura’s hair. When he spoke though, Laura’s head had popped up and Carmilla had twisted around the side of the bed, glaring at him. They both looked groggy and he grimaced and shut the door quickly, “Sorry.”

        When the door was shut his grimace turned into a grin and he yelled, “We’re going hiking soon so get ready you two!” before sprinting down the stairs, which was a lot easier than it had been coming up. He almost ran into Perry on the first floor as she was headed down the stairs but he quickly passed her. “Where are you running to?”

        He didn’t answer as he hurled himself the rest of the way down the staircase and around the corner to the hallway that broke off into the living room. Lafontaine was sitting on the chair’s stool, tying up their boots, Danny was lying across the couch and Will was standing up at the desk, packing things into his bag. Kirsch felt like a little kid with a secret that he couldn’t keep.

        “You find them, alright?” Will questioned.

        “Better than alright, I’d say,” Kirsch was bursting with excitement.

        “What the hell is wrong with you?” Danny asked, tossing a pillow at his head, which he caught.

        “Bro, her room was empty.

         Will waved a hand at him, “It’s fine. I know where Carmilla is.”         

         Kirsch’s eyebrows scrunched up in confusion, “No, bro. I mean Laura’s room was empty.

         Will’s face lit up, “What?”

        “Yeah, I know,” the excitement still high even as he told the story, “Carmilla wasn’t answering so I opened the door to see if she was awake, which she wasn’t, and when I said get up we’re going hiking, she woke up…but so did Laura.”

        “Booyah!” Lafontaine yelled and jumped off the stool. Danny sat up but didn’t say a word.

        “What are you all celebrating?” Perry said, entering the room too late to hear the news. Kirsch turned to her to say but Danny spoke up first, “Kirsch walked in on Carmilla and Laura cuddling.”

        Perry’s eyes brightened and she smiled but her words were opposite of her expression, “Let’s not talk about it, okay? If they bring it up, fine. But we don’t know anything yet.”

        “All I know,” Will said, still packing his backpack, “is that my sister doesn’t cuddle with people. And she also doesn’t innocently sleep with people.”         

        “How do you know they didn’t - ?” Lafontaine started but Perry side-eyed them and they shut their mouth.

        “It just didn’t seem like that,” Kirsch answered the unfinished question, “Also, Laura’s bed hadn’t been slept in so I know for a fact she was there all night.”

        Will high-fived Kirsch and Danny shook her head, “You guys are ridiculous.”

        “Are you alright, Danny?”

        Her mouth was tense and her jaw set, “I’m fine. I just don’t think we need to discuss what Laura and Carmilla did or did not do last night. I don’t think we ever need to discuss what they do in bed, honestly.”

        To Kirsch, her tone sounded defensive and hurt. He didn’t want to talk about what his best friend did in bed either but that wasn’t what this was about.

        “I second that. My sister’s sexual exploits are off limits. Always have been. Always will be.”

        Danny nodded agreement. Perry said, “Good. I think that’s for the best.”

        Lafontaine just exchanged a look with Kirsch that told him they were bubbling with the news as well and he felt a little bit better that someone was understanding him and why this was such amazing news.

 

        “Hey Kirsch, about what you saw earlier –”

        “We don’t have to talk about it. I’ll apologize to Carmilla if she’s mad at me about seeing you guys together.”

        Laura shook her head and laughed, “No, that’s not…if she’s mad at you, it’s only because you woke her up.”    

        “Well, you know I’m happy for you. I’ve been thinking that this was going to happen –”

        Laura laughed again, “Kirsch would you stop getting ahead of yourself. Just let me say what I wanted to tell you.”        

        He put his hands up in surrender, “Sorry, go on.”

        “I don’t really know what it is yet so if you could just keep it to yourself, that would be great.”

        Kirsch grimaced for the second time that day and Laura’s shoulders sagged, “You already told everyone?”

        He put his hand on her shoulder, “I’m really sorry, Little L. I was just really excited. I shouldn’t have and all I did was tell them you guys were together. That was it. We didn’t talk about it. But yeah,” he slumped down, “I told them.”

        “Well, okay, but nothing is anything yet.”

        “I get it.” Laura started to walk away. “But just so you know, everyone pretty much expected what that nothing is so.”

        “Shut up, Kirsch!” she shouted over her shoulder at him. He smiled because he could see the happiness in her face when she had said Carmilla’s name. Even if they all knew about it and would be relieved when they finally made up their minds, he realized that the two of them were just coming to this realization themselves and that to them, this was just the beginning and they weren’t going to rush it. For him, it had felt like months upon months of building up to the inevitable but he did have to say that Laura looked mighty cute tucked into Carmilla’s arm and Carmilla looked mighty peaceful, even in her sleep, to be holding her there.

           

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you liked it!
> 
> Song List: All We Need (ft. Shy Girls) (KAASI Remix) - ODESZA, When We Were Young/Love Yourself (Cover) - Heather Ramsey, that one was on repeat for a ridiculous period of time
> 
> My fan tumblr is: uselessgayshit  
> Any questions you have about the fic, direct them to this as it will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS and STAHTCB for updates.
> 
> Saying that, you are more than welcome to follow my personal tumblr as well: just-trying-togetby


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any trigger warnings if they arise will be listed at the beginning of each chapter. 
> 
> Ahhhhhhhh, so close to the finish line.

        She heard a distant knocking, hard and solid against wood but could not place it; her foggy mind was making it hard for any clarity of thought. “Will said you were – oh shit.”

        The loud voice finally pulled her from sleep and she sat up, her head poking above the pillows to see Kirsch standing in the doorway, his eyes wide in surprise but the corners of his mouth pulled up into a little smile. Carmilla had rolled over to look over the edge of the bed, a groan escaping her mouth as she woke up. Laura could not see Carmilla’s face but Kirsch grimaced and backed up, shutting the door with an apology. Through the door came his muffled voice, “We’re going hiking soon so get ready you two!”

        Carmilla groaned for a second time and turned over so that she was facing Laura but she instantly curled up and shut her eyes again. “Oh no, sleepyhead. We are getting up and we are going hiking.”

        “I’m gonna kill the big puppy.” Carmilla’s morning voice was low and rough and, at least to Laura’s ears, both sexy and entirely innocent at the same time, which messed with her concept of both of those words. She shook her head, trying to rid her mind of the last bit of grogginess that was lingering and hopped off the bed. She felt eyes on her and saw that Carmilla had rolled over and was watching her. She felt like she needed to bring notice to the whole sleeping in the same bed thing, “Sorry if you didn’t want me to stay last night. I kind of just fell asleep and I didn’t mean to. So just tell me ‘cause it won’t happen again I if -”

        Carmilla sat up and smiled, which Laura took as a good sign, “Slow down, cupcake. It’s not like that was a new thing. I slept in your bed for weeks. I’m fine with it.” 

       “Don’t kill Kirsch. He didn’t know he was barging in on it.”

        Carmilla shook her head and stood up, stretching upwards, causing her tank top to pull up and Laura felt her eyes drift to the showing skin. Carmilla let out a huge breath as she let her hands fall back to her sides, “I don’t care that he saw. The only reason I’m killing the meathead is because he woke me up.”

        Carmilla passed her and their hands brushed but Laura did not know if Carmilla had done it on purpose or if had happened accidentally. She figured it has been the former and let herself believe it was. Carmilla disappeared into the bathroom and sound of running water soon followed. Laura looked around the room, remembering that all of her stuff was down the hallway, “Hey, Carm, I’m gonna go to my room. My stuff’s there.”

        “Do what you’ve gotta do, cutie.”

        Laura left the room and shut the door silently behind her, doing her best not to skip down the hallway like a child but when she got into the privacy of her own room, she let out a squeal and allowed herself one small yet great jump. Yes, Carmilla had stayed with her for many nights but their talking had always been weighted down by the reason Carmilla was there. The previous night though, nothing was in the back of their minds tugging them back to a bittersweet reality. She had finally been able to talk with Carmilla about whatever came to her mind and even though the small part of the conversation about her dad was a downer, Carmilla seemed invested enough to want to hear her out and at the same time, understand how much Laura was comfortable with saying. And not only her, but Carmilla seemed open and comfortable with talking to her, more so than she ever had been before. There was a lack of deprecating jokes to cover up whatever was really upsetting her and more optimism; Laura would still use that word lightly regarding Carmilla and she could see the sneer on Carmilla’s face if the dark-haired girl ever heard her say that. Carmilla was not an optimistic person and that was clear to anyone upon first meeting her, but she was…happier. That was all Laura could think of to really describe how nonchalantly she had conversed. Her smiling had become more of a usual thing whenever they were together and Laura couldn’t help but think that maybe she had something to do with that. She was glad too because Carmilla’s smile made the stunningly beautiful girl somehow even more attractive and if she had to make a fool of herself every day to see it, she would without a second thought.

        There may have been a few times as the night dragged on, that Laura consciously adjusted herself on the bed so that she was closer to Carmilla, which by the time she fell asleep, was very hard to accomplish. Carmilla had come to have both of her hands wrapped around Laura’s torso and when Kirsch had woken them up, Laura found there legs entwined though she had done that when she was unconscious; still, she did not mind at all.

        Laura would be lying if she said she was not slightly surprised that Carmilla was not angry with Kirsch for coming into her room without permission but she seemed at ease when she had awoken. Speaking of which, Carmilla seemed intent on going hiking even as early as it was; for her at least, nine o’clock was a usual for Laura.

        She dug through her suitcase, looking for something that resembled appropriate attire for hiking and was relieved that she had indeed thought ahead. Though she could not call hiking a usual activity, her and Kirsch had spent many an afternoon in the summers, hiking the trails near their school and lately, she had found it very relaxing to climb the large hill that led to a small and hidden waterfall in the woods that bordered Silas. She had never seen anyone else out there and had happened upon it by chance when she was walking through the colorful trees during fall of her freshman year. She had not told anyone about it because she felt it was her special place and everyone, except for possibly Lafontaine, would have yelled at her for being reckless and repeatedly told her how dangerous walking by herself in an unknown place was. Again, she didn’t need another dad.

        “Ugh,” she groaned. It frustrated her just thinking about it. She had not been able to go back there recently as she had been working eighty-hour weeks. It came with the territory and the grunt work she had to do to prove herself but being enwrapped in the journalism world was enough for her.

        She found her ankle-height, brown, hiking boots under a sweatshirt she no longer thought she would need and pulled them on over thick socks that prevented the boots from rubbing against her skin. She pulled off the V-neck she had fallen asleep in and pulled on a loose fitting army-green tank top; it tucked nicely into the dark brown belt she had around her shorts. She grabbed her small, navy backpack off the floor by her bed and emptied it of its contents, filling it with an extra pair of socks, bug spray, sunscreen, and a water bottle that she quickly filled in the bathroom. When she returned to the main room there was a knock at the door, “Be there in a sec!”

        She quickly swiped her sunglasses off the desk and stuck them on her head, her hair already up in a ponytail to keep the unnecessary heat off her neck. She swung the door open to reveal Carmilla, lazily leaning against the wall but she stood up when Laura went out into the hall. She was wearing her usual black attire, the anchor necklace that Laura still had not inquired about, hanging around her neck. Her dark hair was up in a messy bun, strands falling out every so often and laying gently down by her face or behind her ear. Having her hair up added a whole other level to her sophisticated aura and resentfully, Laura saw the resemblance between her and her mother though strictly in physicality. They both had high cheekbones but Carmilla’s were softer, not creating as harsh of shadows on her cheeks. Their eyes could be piercing when they wanted but when Lilita Morgan’s were terrifying and Laura wanted to shrink under them, Carmilla’s were searching, full of discovery and understanding.

        Carmilla was eyeing her, looking her up and down and when her eyes got to her boots, she smirked, “Nice boots, cupcake.”

        Laura pushed past her and she immediately started following, “Well, they’re more suited for hiking than yours, so.”

 

        When they came into the living room together, everyone immediately looked at them and then looked away, pretending to be busy doing something else. The only one who didn’t stop looking was Kirsch and not only was he staring but he was smiling widely at her. She left Carmilla’s side and traversed the room to Kirsch, whispering, “Hey Kirsch, about what you say earlier –”

        He cut her off, going on about not talking about it and apologizing to Carmilla which made her laugh, “If she’s mad at you, it’s only because you woke her up.”

        “Well, you know I’m happy for you.”

        Her stomach filled with heat from happiness at her best friend being supportive of her but she needed to shut him down because nothing was certain. “…if you could just keep it to yourself, that would be great.”

        His entire body slouched and she realized too late that he had already spilled and while he was trying to apologize for it, there was nothing that could be done now. At least she had an answer to the strange reactions that they had upon entering the living room. She squeezed his hand when he put it on her shoulder, wanting him to know that she was not angry with him.

        “Just so you know, everyone pretty much expected what that nothing is so.”

        She had already begun walking away and had to playfully yell, “Shut up, Kirsch,” over her shoulder at him. Carmilla was giving her a look but she just shook her head and Carmilla accepted that as everything being okay. “Did you tell the doofus that I hate him now?”

        “Of course not,” she said, sidling up to Carmilla and slyly taking ahold of her hand, “I told him you adore him.”

        Carmilla knew she was joking but still glared at her suspiciously.

 

        She felt arms reach out and grab ahold of her just as her foot slipped out from underneath her, the rock flying back down the path, as she tried to steady herself. Carmilla was chuckling, “Don’t hurt yourself, cupcake.”

        Laura, no matter how childish it was, responded by sticking her tongue out at the girl who still had ahold of her. Carmilla put her hands up in defense, “I’m just trying to help. Can’t let you bruise up that face now, can we?”

        Laura tugged her arm out of Carmilla’s grasp, “I can walk very well on my own, thank you very much.”

        “Yes, you showed me,” Carmilla said, trotting to keep up with Laura. “Anyhow, what did the puppy say this morning?”

        “Why do you call him that?”

        “He’s actually a gigantic golden retriever if you haven’t noticed. Has he always been like this?”

        Laura looked ahead to see Kirsch talking animatedly to Danny who was directly next to him, but walking backwards so that he a view of everyone in the group. Lafontaine and Perry were casually strolling and ever since Carmilla had mentioned that she thought they were together, Laura had been eyeing how they acted around one another and had not noticed anything that signified a change. Will was a little off by himself, following off the path, climbing over rocks and jumping from one to another. Laura shrugged, “Pretty much. Is Will okay?”

        “I’m sure he is.”

        “But you don’t know?”         

        Carmilla rolled her eyes, “Of course I know. He’s fine.”

        “Fine is different from good. And, he’s all by himself,” Laura pointed.

        “If you hadn’t noticed, he is the odd one out. Everyone here pretty much has a pair. He knows well enough when to let people be. He’s only trying to be polite to everyone.”

        Laura felt bad that Will was feeling left out. She knew how she had felt around SJ and Kirsch in high school and no matter how old Will seemed, he had only left that part of his life a year before. Laura called over to him, “Hey, Will, come here.”

        He looked at her as if surprised someone noticed him and jumped off a rock, landing in a squat on the ground before jogging back towards them as her and Carmilla were bringing up the rear of the group. “You need something, Laura?”

        “I just thought you’d like some company.” Laura saw his eyes looked past her at Carmilla and she knew if Carmilla had her way, she would tell Will to beat it but Laura would not have that. As if on cue, Will tried to get out of it, “I don’t want to interrupt -”

        “You’re not and you are staying right here,” Laura grabbed his arm and looped her own around his, pulling him to her so he could not escape. He grimaced at Carmilla who let out a sigh but did not say anything and Laura elbowed her softly and got a raised eyebrow in response. The usual.

*********************************************************************************************************************************************

            “So, the house is available but I just don’t know yet. That’s a huge place for just me. I’m so used to being surrounded by the bros. I don’t know. The realtor said I have a couple weeks to make a decision but other than that, it is kind of perfect. I’ve already got the job there and it just seems too perfect.”

            “What about the city?”

            Kirsch shook his head, “That’s never been for me. I don’t think I could live there all the time.”

            “But you don’t want to stay in Silas?”

            It had been something he had thought about for a long time and he loved Silas, but he needed a change of scenery. There was not a job for him in Silas anyway and so he needed to leave. It was not too far, just a suburb of Styria. He was getting the best of both worlds; a small town to live in but close enough to the city that he could easily get there whenever he needed or wanted to. What bothered him most was that he was moving away from everything he knew, by himself. Laura was staying at Silas University with the Karnstein siblings, Theo had already left the country for his job at a large marketing company, and thinking about it, most of the other Zetas that had graduated with him, either moved closer to family or completely away. They were living their lives already and Kirsch was the last to go and he was procrastinating; he felt weird leaving all he knew. His family would welcome him back but he could not go back if he ever wanted to get out.

            So, he had gone house hunting and found a place in a nice residential neighborhood. The houses were affordable to him even for their size and he wanted it but he felt like something was missing. The house would be so empty; something he definitely was not accustomed to. Danny seemed to mulling over his words but he interrupted her thoughts, “What are you doing?”

            She laughed nervously, “I have no plans. I haven’t found a job yet. I don’t have a place to live. It hasn’t been a great few weeks.”

            “You have a degree in literature right?”

            “Yes and an education degree with a minor in business.”

            “Do you want to teach then?” Kirsch had never thought of Danny standing in front of a group of teenagers, teaching them about Baobab or whomever that guy was that he had to read about in his British Literature class. Then again, he had never really imagined Danny doing anything else than being Danny, which seemed crazy now that he thought about it.

            “Maybe. That was a back up degree, pretty much. I did my teaching assistant requirements and it wasn’t all that bad but,” she shrugged and it seemed obvious to Kirsch that she did not want to be teaching for the rest of her life, “I really would like to get into a publishing company and hopefully get on the editing team.”

            “Well have you applied?”

            “Honestly?” she asked, “I’m scared. It’s really hard and I don’t want to be rejected.”

            Kirsch had not had much experience with getting rejected from jobs. He had just gotten a job at the local high school near where he was trying to buy a house. They had hired him as their athletic trainer and assistant basketball coach and he was extremely excited. He knew how much he had loved basketball as an escape in high school and he really missed that atmosphere. It paid what it could but he was more in it for how much he would enjoy every day, than how much he was getting paid. There was a gym in the town as well and he thought since he was not full-time at the school, he would get a job there as well. They had told him that he could set his own rates because he would be an independent contractor that they hired out. That would be nice, knowing his pay and hours in advance.

            “Do you want to be in the city though? Styria has to have publishers and even schools.” They had not talked about what their new relationship meant for their future but Kirsch was not going to hold Danny back if her path led her somewhere else; he also hoped that would not mean the end of the shortest relationship he had ever had.

            “If I went the publishing route and stayed around here, it would have to be Styria, but like you said, I’m not sure if the big city is right for me twenty-four seven.”

            It was at that moment that Kirsch got the scariest and most courageous idea he had ever had and without even taking time to think it through because it was just an offer that she could easily refuse, he presented his plan, “You know, you don’t have to. This is simply an offer. Maybe it wouldn’t work for you at all or it’s way too fast or you just flat out don’t want to but, what if we got the house together?”

            She stopped in her tracks, which to Kirsch, was not a good sign. “Please, you don’t have to. It was just an idea. And it doesn’t even have to be a house as a couple. It could be a roommate situation. We just happen to be dating…but you know what I mean, right?”

            Danny looked at him and he could not read her expression. She seemed confused and glad and weary all at the same time. “Could I think about it?”

            “Of course. Of course. Take your time. Well, not too much time because I do have a deadline on the house.”

            “Yeah, I know. But you know that I don’t have a job. I have no income right now. I’m not sure I could really pay much and I don’t feel right doing that.”

            “You could have IOUs?”

            “That’s a lot of money for an IOU,” she reasoned.

            “Just think about it.” And as he thought more about it, he really wanted her to move in with him. It was not about them dating though, it was because she was a friend and he did not want to have to live alone. It’d be kind of cool though to have his girlfriend living with him but he knew that most people didn’t move in after a few days of starting to see each other. It was fast in that sense but it seemed smart otherwise, save for the fact that he would be paying for the whole house; that had been his original plan anyway.

********************************************************************************************************************************************** 

            “Hey, guys! Come this way!” Will had long ago joined Kirsch at the front of the pack, leaving Laura and Carmilla to themselves again.

            “Where are we going?” Laura asked her companion. Carmilla looked off to the side, “I think I have an idea but Will knows these trails better than I do.”

            There was a break in the trees where Will was heading and it was off the path but looked like it had been worn down by the padding of many feet. Laura never considered anyone else who lived around these parts; it was so secluded it seemed only right that Will and Carmilla’s house was the only one that existed. But of course, they didn’t own all the land and it was open access to a number of people.

            Carmilla held a branch aside and motioned for Laura to walk through and when she did, she was met with the sound of a bubbling creek. They were walking through thick tree coverage and so Laura could not yet see the source of the noise. A loud whoop from Kirsch up ahead signaled that hey had finally come to their destination and when she peeked her head through the trees, she saw what she thought was only a small creek, had become a rather wide body of running water. The shore was made of small pebbles and out farther, the water rippled and gurgled around rocks that blocked its path. The sun filtered brightly through the leaves, leaving shadows on parts of the creek and shining down hot on others. Across from where she was standing, the ground rose up high in a sheer cliffside.

            When she heard a shout, she looked to her right and saw that Danny had pushed Kirsch into the water and he was sitting on his butt, his knees bent and his hands place at his sides where he had caught himself. They were both laughing but when he swished his hand around, turning up the water, and splashing Danny, she launched herself off the shore, on top of him and pushed him all the way under the water.

            Will threw a rock against the top of the water and sent it on its way with eight skips until it sank. Perry looked rather interested in what he was doing and Lafontaine followed her, like a puppy, to ask Will to show them how to do it correctly. No one was paying Laura or Carmilla any attention.

            Laura felt a nudge at her side and look over to Carmilla who was holding out a granola bar. She offered it to Laura, “Here.”

            “No, I’m okay.”

            Carmilla pushed the granola bar closer to her, “I’m sure you are but I know for a fact that we missed breakfast and dinner last night. So here.”

            Laura took the bar, “We can share.”

            Out of nowhere, Carmilla pulled another bar, “I have my own.”

            Carmilla plopped herself down on the ground where they had been standing, leaning forward against her bent knees and taking a bite out of the bar. Laura sat down next to her and crossed her legs and took a bite of the bar, her stomach growling instantly. Carmilla side-eyed her but did not say anything and Laura, despite herself, almost swallowed the bar in its entirety. This was what she had been telling Carmilla; it wasn’t that she didn’t want to eat, she loved food, she just forgot about eating unless someone else was in charge of placing food in front of her. Otherwise, she tended to only consume small and mostly unhealthy snacks such as the boxes upon boxes of cookies that disappeared whenever she was around.

            “Dylwn i fod wedi dod â mwy o fwyd.” Laura looked up to see that it was Will who had approached them, though the fact that she was hearing something other than English should have clued her in to that fact.

            “Rwy'n credu ein bod yn iawn,” Carmilla responded though what she said and what she responded to, were both unknown to Laura.

            “What language is that?”

            Will laughed, “I’m sorry. Sometimes I forget. Carmilla and I usually switch it up and keep each other on our toes.”

            “It’s okay. I like hearing it. I’m just curious.”

            “Welsh,” Carmilla answered her question. Laura gave her quizzical look as she mentally went through the list of languages Carmilla had told her she was fluent in the previous night, “You didn’t mention that.”

            “I didn’t want to sound pretentious.” Will scoffed at her answer.

            “You speak like a hundred different ones,” Laura said. Not that it was pretentious, but Carmilla had far surpassed that label if she had been worrying herself about it.

            “That’s quite the exaggeration there, cupcake.”

            “You know what I mean,” Laura said, rolling her eyes. Carmilla ripped off another piece of her granola bar and talked with her mouth full, “He just thought he should have brought more food.”

            Laura looked around to see Kirsch chasing Danny around with a mouthful of water and Lafontaine helping Perry skip a rock. No one look concerned about whether they were being fed or not and Laura could not help but think how sweet it was that Carmilla had brought along the snacks. Laura had not even seen her sneak off into the kitchen to get them and now that her stomach was at least partially satisfied, she was very grateful for the thought.

            Will fell to the ground next to Laura just as she scooted a little closer to Carmilla and poked her thigh. Laura nodded at the wrapper she was holding and almost whispered, “Thanks for this.”

            Carmilla kissed the side of her head, which shocked them both. They both froze at the same time. Laura was not upset or disappointed but she had not be expecting the gesture and it was only when she giggled that Carmilla relaxed her tensed shoulders. Laura noticed that Will was giving them both a look as if to say, ‘You two are ridiculous.’ That was the same sentiment Laura had spoken aloud the night before. At this point it was about time that they realized their friendship had stopped being just that because even though it was annoying, Laura was well aware that all of their friends were either rooting for them or at least hoped it would happen so they could stop trying to figure out if was going to or not. Laura was hoped it was the former because when she looked out of the corner of her eye and saw the slight turn up of Carmilla’s mouth, she knew that she wanted to be the cause of that oh-so-brief happiness. She wanted to just sit in the peaceful space that so often surrounded the dark-haired girl and she wanted to be the one who could always save her from herself as she had done a few times already.

            Laura had gotten to see the girl who thought herself as broken, the girl who was a jerk to cover up the fact that maybe she did care, and the girl who was stronger and more confident than anyone Laura had met. Even the idea that maybe Carmilla would want her, a being of lesser importance and interest, someone who had never been close to being through the type of trauma that Carmilla had experienced, someone who was all in all weaker, made Laura want to hold on tight and run at the same time. Because how in the world could Carmilla think that Laura was good enough for her when Laura could not even comprehend how her life had been up until that moment. She could not empathize and her sympathy could only go so far. They were entirely opposite and maybe that’s what drew them closer. Laura saw all that she could not be in the girl next to her and only hoped that Carmilla found comfort and encouragement in her. It was not enough to give back, but at least it was something.

            “Laura, you know,” Will started and his tone didn’t sound good, “you could have just said if you didn’t think your bed was comfortable enough.”

            Before she knew what was happening, Carmilla had reached around her back and smacked him upside the head and with his loud exclamation of “Ow!” and stunned face, Laura found herself rolling onto her side, laughing. Carmilla forcefully waved her hand at him, gesturing for him to leave, “Cachau bant.”

            Will stood up, apparently over getting smacked, and chuckling, he sprinted off into the water near Danny and Kirsch. Laura, not so put off by his comment, looked at Carmilla who was glowering after her brother, “What did you say to him?”

            Carmilla shrugged, “I told him to fuck off.”

            Laura punched Carmilla lightly on the knee, “Carm! He’s your brother.”

            “And? He was being annoying and intrusive. Doesn’t look like it hurt his feelings too much,” she responded, looking over at where Will and Danny had ganged up against Kirsch and were now trying to dunk him under the water.

            Carmilla stood up, leaving her backpack on the ground and holding out her hand to Laura, “Walk with me, cupcake?”

            Laura took her hand and was helped off the ground but Carmilla did not let go once she was stable and a warmth spread up through her stomach and she could not help the smile she felt grow on her face; she was grateful that Carmilla had already looked ahead and started to walk so that she did not see the childish glee that lit up Laura’s face.

************************************************************************************************************************************************

        They fumbled with a rock, trying to figure out how to grasp it correctly. There lip stuck out in concentration and they were mumbling, “You just…like this…no, like this…ugh.”

        They groaned loudly and Perry smiled. “Perr, Will just showed me. I really have no idea what I’m doing.”

        “That’s okay,” Perry replied, tossing a rock against the water but instead of skipping like she hoped, it made a loud _thunk_ and instantly sank. “I don’t understand why this is hard. It looks so easy.”

        “This is the only time I’ve ever wished I cared for physics,” Lafontaine muttered. Their brain, though wired for science, was definitely far from understanding that subject, no matter how hard they tried at it. It was not their first love anyway and they had survived without. The basic principles were easy enough but anything in a higher up level caused their brain to explode.

        “I’m not sure that’s it,” Perry began to reason, “Is Will a master of physics? I thought he was going to do biology.”

        Lafontaine angrily chucked a rock into the stream because they had been urging Will to follow the biology track and he had been very nice and listened to their lectures about the program and at the end, had shaken his head, smiled, and declined their offer. They had wanted a mentee; someone with whom they could share their knowledge and who would learn from them, but also someone who would share their love and be excited to talk about it. Lafontaine might talk Perry’s ear off about their lab work but they knew that she had no interest and only listened to be polite. She could not give anything back though and Lafontaine wanted someone who understood the intricacies of everything and could possibly work through problems with them. Instead, Will had broken the news that he was going to go to medical school. There was nothing they could do to sway him; his mind was made up.

        After he had told Lafontaine, he had made them promise not to tell anyone else as he had not made it official news and leaving business school was not going to be a subject that either his mother or oldest sister were going to want to discuss. Carmilla would not care either way but he had not told her yet either. So in the meantime, they made a disgusted face to themself and shrugged at Perry’s question. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

        Perry usually let them mope until they felt like saying whatever was on their mind, but lately, she had, not been prying per say, but had been asking how they were feeling more often; she was taking active initiation instead of her usual passive nature and it made Lafontaine feel better appreciated. “He doesn’t want to be a biologist.”

        “You tried, sweetie. But you can’t make someone do something they don’t have any want to do.” Perry’s always logical responses did have a tendency to get on Lafontaine’s nerves simply because they wanted to be a little upset with Will and they wanted to have that right. Whenever Perry talked to them though, she always said something that made them realize their feelings were misplaced and it was useless to even have someone to blame for a day or two. They weren’t mad at Will at all. They were happy he knew what he wanted to do. It didn’t change the fact that they were still disappointed in their lack of scientist friends. At least Will would be put through biology courses on his long track to become a doctor; they could always tutor him in those and maybe that would be enough. “Lafontaine? Am I going to have to pull it out of you?”

        Lafontaine groaned, “Fine, but you can’t say anything.”

        They bent down to pick up another stone from the bank, “He wants to be a doctor.”

        “Well, that’s great!”

        “Yeah…just great.” Before Perry had time to reprimand them for their rude behavior, a high-pitched squeal bounced off the rock wall on the opposite bank. The splashing from Kirsch, Danny, and Will stopped as everyone turned to look in the direction the noise sounded from. Perry grabbed ahold of Lafontaine’s hand and squeezed. On a part of the bank that jutted out into the river, Carmilla had just swept Laura from the ground, causing such a sound from Lafontaine’s best friend’s mouth. Carmilla had discarded her shirt, which should have been enough evidence, at least Lafontaine thought, for Laura to have known what was coming. Instead of throwing her, maybe from lack of strength, maybe more from courtesy, Carmilla rushed them both into the water, deep enough so that she could drop Laura without hurting the girl. Laura disappeared under the water but when she popped back up, she squirted a stream of water out of her mouth, right into Carmilla’s face. There was a tense moment where Laura’s flight response was ready at a moment’s notice and then Carmilla started laughing, a noise Lafontaine was sure they had never heard from her, and then Laura started laughing and soon from behind where they were standing, they heard two booming laughs from the guys.

        Lafontaine turned to see Will dashing towards his bag and from out of the main pocket, he pulled a neon orange and green water gun. They thought they were the only ones who had seen as Perry was still smiling lovingly at Laura and Carmilla and Danny had jumped on Kirsch’s back as he sprinted as fast as he could through the knee-high water. Lafontaine let go of Perry’s hand and turned to Will, but they were too late and he saw them. Before they could figure out which way he was going, he was in the water filling up the container and they knew no matter what they did, they were going to be the first target. It was rather unfair that he was the only one there with a water gun; the advantage was rather unnecessary.

        They tried to duck and use Perry as a shield, which in retrospect was probably a bad idea, but Will was faster and he shot a hard stream of water at them, hitting them on the side. From a farther distance, it would not have stung but the close proximity in which they were in had Lafontaine rubbing their side with a grimace. Will raised a fist in the air and let out a whoop, alerting Kirsch, Danny, Carmilla, and Laura to their imminent doom. Carmilla waded in front of Laura, her look stern enough that Lafontaine was sure they would listen to anything she said. Will skidded to a stop, gun still raised, as Carmilla spoke, “You wouldn’t dare.”

        He eyes flicked around to everyone standing there and a mischievous smile rose slowly onto his face, “But wouldn’t I, Millie?”

        The water hit Carmilla directly in the chest and she launched herself from where she stood, slamming into Will and causing him to fall into the water. They grappled there for a while as everyone stood around stunned, watching the prim and proper siblings wrestle over a water gun.

        Carmilla’s arm flung into the air, holding the gun far above her head so that Will could not reach it as she straddled his chest. “What was that, Will?”

        He flopped his head back in the shallow water, hard enough that Lafontaine winced that he would smash it against a rock but apparently that did not occur because he just sighed. “You always have to take the fun out of everything, don’t you?”

        He meant it as a joke and though Lafontaine assumed Carmilla would not take it as such, they were wrong yet again. Carmilla aimed the gun at her brother’s face and squirted him, “Maybe for you. This is still rather fun for me.”

        She squirted him again for good measure before climbing off of him and looking around to see everyone staring at her and her eyebrows furrowed.

        “What?” she snapped.

        There was a resounding chorus of ‘nothing’ and Lafontaine adamantly shook their head. Kirsch elbowed Danny and that small action restarted the water fight, which Will gleefully joined and Carmilla entered on the attack, squirting everyone in sight. Only Lafontaine and Perry were safe on the shore. Perry was still watching them, but Lafontaine’s focus had turned to Perry. Her red curls were up in a ponytail, a rather bushy ponytail, and she was wearing jeans and tennis shoes with a light pink shirt, long sleeves of course, and a dark green vest. “They’re cute together.”

        “We’re cute together.” It was the most clichéd response they could have said but they thought it was true anyway and it made Perry smile. “We are but so are they.”

        Lafontaine watched as Carmilla walked up behind Laura and wrapped her arms around Laura’s waist, picking her up slightly off the ground and twirling her around. Laura’s laugh was contagious and Lafontaine huffed out a small chuckle. Perry wasn’t wrong about them being cute together; they also seemed to be happy together. Lafontaine thought that’s what Perry and themselves must look like outwardly.

        They slung their arm around Perry’s shoulders, “Hey Perr?”

        “Yeah?” Perry asked, turning to look at them. Her green eyes were big and beautiful and Lafontaine could get lost in them. Lafontaine stared at her for a few seconds before realizing that their resolve was not going to fail them, “I love you.”

        Perry’s eyes widened just a little bit and her smile relaxed into one of contentedness, “I love you too.”

        She didn’t object when Lafontaine leaned their head down to kiss her temple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you liked it!
> 
> I have decided to list the songs I listened to while writing each chapter (a lot of them will be repeated many times): Already Gone - Wild Rivers, Hello Mr. Sun - Joe Brooks, Boardwalks - Little May, When We Were Young/Love Yourself - Heather Ramsey, 
> 
> My fan tumblr is: uselessgayshit  
> Any questions you have about the fic, direct them to this as it will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS and STAHTCB for updates.
> 
> Saying that, you are more than welcome to follow my personal tumblr as well: just-trying-togetby


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well fellow creampuffs, we have come to the final chapter of "Some Things Are Hard To Come By." It has been an extremely long journey for myself and I hope for some of you as well but a very fulfilling one all the same. Do not fret! There is still more of the story to be written but I am going to take a little break before starting to upload the next part.
> 
> The entirety of this fic can now be found on Wattpad as well as here. 
> 
> I want to thank all of you who have found and read this story, even in its length. I hope you have enjoyed it. I hope you have liked it. I hope you have loved it.

        It was already past eight o’clock and down by the lake, the sun was just starting its decent behind the trees, leaving a peaceful orange glow in its wake. Carmilla and Laura were spread out on a blanket; Carmilla lying down, her hands placed comfortably on her stomach and Laura siting, picking at the grass. Will and Danny were picking up the food they had brought down from the house to picnic with and Kirsch was crouched over the bank, trying to catch fish with his bare hands. Lafontaine was watching him avidly, more the amusement than for any actual belief in his ability. Danny had bet him that he couldn’t catch one and Kirsch was adamant that it was not as hard as it looked.

        Perry was sitting in one of the lounge chairs that Will had dragged out of the boat shed, tapping her fingers anxiously against the arm rest. For the last two days she had been mulling over telling their friends that her and Lafontaine were dating and this being the last night they would be free from the stress of their everyday lives, she thought it would be now or a long time coming. Will and Danny were starting to head back up the path towards the house and her window of time was closing quickly, “Wait.”

        Though she did not shout, everyone quickly turned to look because she had been more forceful than she had meant to be. Lafontaine looked taken aback but Perry set her hand gently on top of their’s. “Let’s tell them.”

        Lafontaine’s eyes widened and a smile lit up their face, “Are you sure?”

        “Well, let’s just do it before I change my mind.”

        Lafontaine stood up, pulling Perry up with them and she steadied herself. Why she thought her friends would care or react negatively, she had no idea. There was no reason for her to be afraid of anything because there was nothing to be afraid of and even though her rational mind was well aware of that fact, something deep inside was still scratching at her, creating a very distracting itch that was the source of her doubt.

        “We have something to tell you guys,” Lafontaine started, their smile broadening until Perry was not sure it could stretch any further, “Perry and I, we are dating. We’ve been dating,” Lafontaine nodded at Perry as if to check for assurance that they could continue and when Perry gave it to them, they did, “for a few months now and we haven’t told anyone but we decided that it was about time you all knew.”

        There was silence for a few seconds until Danny strode over and hugged them both awkwardly, her hands still full of dishes, “Well, congratulations. I’m happy for you guys.”

        “Awesome,” Kirsch congratulated right before shooting his hand into the water only to come up with a groan and no fish. Will threw a thumbs up as best as he could and a smile their way, “Good for you guys.”

        Laura was sitting with her mouth hanging open, seemingly stunned. Carmilla had moved herself so that she was resting against her elbows and she leaned over to Laura, “Told ya, cupcake.”

        Their friends support was already smothering that small amount of doubt Perry had but she knew Lafontaine would not be satisfied until they heard what Laura had to say and it looked as if the girl was lost for words. According to Carmilla, they had spoken of it before and Perry was not the least bit surprised that Carmilla had come to that conclusion. She had been sitting on their building’s steps when they had come out, holding hands, and though they tried to hide it, Perry had known Carmilla had seen. She had assumed the girl had just not given it much thought because they did not know each other very well, but Perry was apparently wrong on that account.

        “You didn’t tell me?” Laura finally asked, focusing all of her attention on Lafontaine. She sounded hurt and Perry understood why. Laura and Lafontaine were best friends and keeping a secret from someone, especially Laura, Perry had learned early on, was not the greatest choice. She linked her arm with Lafontaine’s knowing that they were taking in all of the hurt that they had heard in Laura’s voice and internalizing it, beating themselves up over something that would easily wash over.

        “L, you know I would’ve told you but I couldn’t.”

        Laura stood up slowly, “But why?”

        Lafontaine quickly glanced at Perry and she could see that Lafontaine wanted to say anything that would make Laura feel better, but their words were the opposite. They were the truth and they were backing Perry up. “We decided to see how things worked out before saying anything. We didn’t want to jinx it. We didn’t want too much pressure.”

        Laura’s eyebrows bunched up, “I just thought we were better friends. I know it’s your business but I’d thought you would at least tell me first.”

        Lafontaine laughed lightly, “This was a spurt of the moment decisions. Perry just came out of nowhere with it if I’m being honest. But Laura, friendship is a two way street and you haven’t been telling me much lately.”

        Danny and Will quickly continued up the trail and with a quick glance towards them, Kirsch wiped his wet hands on his pants and pretended like he needed to get something out of the boat shed. Carmilla was the only who stayed.

        Perry had not been expecting Lafontaine to call Laura out on her shortcomings as a friend, especially in front of everyone. Laura was staring at the ground, “I don’t think that’s fair.”

        Perry thought it was entirely fair because Laura had not been making much of an effort with Lafontaine lately; she had been so consumed with Carmilla that she had forgotten about her other friends. Lafontaine had gotten used to it and though they missed her, they realized that sometimes people just grow apart. All they asked was that she understood that. That she saw the change in their relationship dynamic and that she respected it. Laura had a hard time letting go of things she was used to and Perry could see that this was no different.

        “I’m not trying to blame you for anything, Laura. But you can’t blame me for doing what’s best for me.”

        Perry decided she should help out, “Laura we love you but I needed this to be private. For me. This had nothing to do with you. We weren’t keeping anything from you for any other reason than we needed to. It just happened that now we were ready to share it with everyone.”

        “Cupcake, let it go.” Perry was surprised that Carmilla had said anything on the matter let alone be on their side about it.

        “You’re only saying that because you knew,” Laura growled out. It wasn’t a mad sound, more upset than anything else.

        “No offense to you guys,” Carmilla nodded in their direction. What offense could either her or Lafontaine really take? They were certainly used to Carmilla’s disaffection towards them. “But cupcake, I could care less if the ginger twins were together or not. This has nothing to do with my short-lived “I told you so” moment. This is about the fact that you can’t be upset with someone for doing what was best for them, even if you don’t like it. They don’t live by your standards and your life isn’t what is most important to how they live.”

        “So now you’re on their side?” Laura questioned, shortly.

        Carmilla just laughed at the girl’s anger, “This isn’t about sides. This is about you not being mad at one of your best friends just because you’re more upset with yourself for not figuring it out earlier.”

        Laura pursed her lips but Carmilla’s joking nature had lightened the tension between Lafontaine and Laura and Perry mouthed a thank you at Carmilla, who just shrugged in response. Laura looked up at Lafontaine with narrowed eyes before trudging over and hugging them, “I’m still mad at you…but I’m happy for you too.”

        She came over to hug Perry as well. Lafontaine sighed, “Just as stubborn as ever.” 

************************************************************************************************************************************************

        Carmilla sighed and laid back down on the ground, staring up at the darkening of the sky, “Well, that’s one big revelation of the night. Now it’s Xena and the meatheads turn.”

        “What are you talking about?” Laura snapped, as she approached their spot on the grass and stood over Carmilla, hands on her hips.

        “That bunched up face you make when your mad is adorable, buttercup.”

        Laura’s eyes narrowed and Carmilla chuckled because no matter how intimidating Laura was trying to be, Carmilla could only picture a little child throwing an unnecessary temper tantrum. Carmilla had known for a couple months about the Bobsey twins and yes, she had decided that the nicknames were still necessary no matter how much the term “twin” might be inappropriate. She’d have to think of some new ones now but for the time being, the old ones would do. She had been the least surprised of the group but no one had seemed as completely taken off-guard as Laura had and though Laura had seemed to be very observant of Carmilla’s moods whenever they were alone, she did have to admit that the girl was, for the most part, entirely oblivious to everything else.

        Kirsch and Danny’s newfound friendship was not as believable to Carmilla as it apparently was to everyone else who did not question the change. She on the other hand, had a brother who was a great secret keeper as long as it did not involve her; then, he would spill everything. She did not even have to ask him specifically about it and all of a sudden words come tumbling from his mouth before he can stop them and he spends twenty minutes making sure she won’t tell anyone. It had never been a problem before because she never had anyone to tell. Carmilla’s eyes flickered to Laura who was starting to sit down again. _Things have definitely changed._

        “No, don’t do that. I need an explanation,” Laura commanded.

        “I just mean that it’s their turn,” Carmilla shrugged, “They aren’t fooling anyone.”

        “Well apparently they’re fooling me,” Laura grumbled, crossing her arms over chest. It must be a new experience for Laura to be left out of the big things that happen with her friends because as far as Carmilla could tell, she was not taking the news very well.

        “It’s not a big deal, cutie. People do things on their own time. I’m just saying that they’re next.”

        Laura scoffed, “I can’t imagine them dating in a million years. They hated each other and yeah, they do seem to be friendlier to each other now but dating? No way.”

        Carmilla turned her attention back to the sky because if Laura wasn’t going to accept the fact that her best friend and her ex were in a relationship now, Carmilla was not going to force her to believe it and it was unnecessary to keep the conversation afloat. “Well, you better believe it at some point because it’s true. They told Will and Will told me. And before you go getting mad at Kirsch bout it, he had a perfectly good reason to keep it from you, thought it was not really his choice. But, we don’t need to keep talking about it if it’s making you upset. This is the last night we’re here, so…”

        Carmilla trailed off because tomorrow, she would be headed back to a house in which Mattie was in residence and her life that she had escaped for a week would come right back to bite her. It was a nice reprieve but she had been kidding herself if she thought it would fix things. Besides the one moment of the trip where she had lashed out inappropriate at Laura, he anxiety had not surface; her fears had stayed hidden and not bothered her but her stomach was roiling from them now. One thing she couldn’t let them do, was ruin this night, but that wasn’t really her decision to make. It never had been and things always played out without her having any type of control over the situation. It was shit but it was her life and if she had gotten used to anything by now, it was the lack of consistency her existence held for her.

        “If you think you can get away with saying something like that and then not finishing, you’re wrong.”

        Carmilla sighed, her goal of finishing the conversation had not worked out. There was that lack of control. “Have you ever thought that maybe they both think it’s a little weird and don’t want to hurt you? Your best friend is now dating your ex. They want you to be okay with it but there isn’t really a good way to tell you.”

        “Oh,” was all that Laura said. Carmilla wondered if that had even crossed her mind. They sat in silence, listening to the water splash against the dock. Carmilla was waiting for Will to return because he had a surprise for everyone. It was pretty much a ritual for the two of them but no one else knew it was coming. They might not make it up to the house a lot, but whenever they did in the summer, Will set off firework before they returned to wherever they were staying. The trips to their little hideaway had never been easy. They would have to try to get away from mother and then most of the time, they had to catch a flight because it was not a simple drive from Rio. The ocean stood in the way of that trip.

        There was the one time that Will had almost set the boat shed aflame and there were a couple of close calls in that respect but as time went on, his skill level improved and now Carmilla had no qualms about her brother’s safety in lighting them. There was always a chance but she was confident in him and he took every precaution that was necessary. She grimaced to herself and almost blanched at how gross she was being. But, without Will she would be alone to face whatever she was going to face back home and she wasn’t certain she was strong enough for that.

        “Are you still mad?”

        Laura took a few moments to answer, “Maybe this is rude but I kind of forgot. It’s just…I don’t really think of Danny as my ex anymore and so I didn’t even think about it that way.”

        “She is your ex though.”

        “Well yeah, but we’ve gotten to the point where we can be friends and that’s what I’ve been focusing on.”

        Laura’s ability to move one and forget the past was something Carmilla wished for but in some cases, it didn’t seem healthy and also seemed to work to her disadvantage. Forgetting you dated someone for three years is a little extreme and Carmilla worried that there was a cause for Laura to put things so far back in her mind that they did not seem relevant anymore.

        “Well now you know. Don’t go blurting it out and embarrassing them though.”

        “What about Perry and Lafontaine. Do they know?”

        “How would I know? It’s not like I confide in the ginger twins.”

        Laura seemed to be relaxing which was a sign that maybe they could move on from this conversation because it was dragging and Carmilla had not real interest in the love lives of any of Laura’s friends.

        Laura laid down perpendicular to Carmilla and rested her head on Carmilla’s abdomen. Her hand automatically moved to rest on Laura’s head, stroking her fingers softly through the silky brown hair. The first twinkling of stars caught Carmilla’s attention though and her hand continued moving unconsciously as she watched the sun moon rise and more pinpricks of light become visible.

        She did not know how long she had been silence but it was Laura who broke it, “I think I get it.”

        “What, sweetheart?”

        “The stars. I just think I get it now.”

        Carmilla was positive that Laura’s understanding was nowhere near to being on the same level of intrigue that held Carmilla’s appreciation but Carmilla was not going to take away the moment from her by being superfluous and making it sound like she was the only one to whom it mattered. She understood that it was Laura’s way of trying to relate to her utmost love. For as long as she could remember, there was nothing that could draw her from star-gazing and it seemed like something that would be associated with a romantic sap, which Carmilla refused as a title, but it had never been about anyone else but her and that made all the difference.

        “Where’s Kirsch?” The sudden voice in the otherwise quiet night must’ve startled Laura because she instantly sat up causing Carmilla to groan at the pressue her head exerted against Carmilla’s stomach. She whispered, “Sorry,” quickly before answering Will, “Boat shed, I think.”

        “Hey, Kirsch, get out here!”

        Kirsch peeked his head outside the doorway, “Is the coast clear?”

        Carmilla could not see what was happening but Lafontaine laughed and Will continued, “So, I know maybe it’s cheesy to be giving a speech because it’s the last night we are all hear together but I’d like to anyway.”

        Even though he was amongst friends, Carmilla heard the change in his voice that signified that whatever would be coming out of his mouth, would be said in the most eloquent way he could think of on the spot. It was a habit, something that had been conditioned into them.

        “I just want to thank you all for coming out here with us. I want to thank you all for becoming out friends even if it mostly had to do with Laura. You are all wonderful people and I truly appreciate you taking a week and inviting us to come along with you on your vacation even if we are new to the group.”

        He was speaking for her and Carmilla would usually mind because what he was saying was too nice and things she would never be heard saying but she didn’t really have the energy to stop him.

        “And this is the last night and I hope you all have enjoyed your time here but I have one last surprise for the night and it’s just about dark enough to start. Kirsch would you help me out.”

        “Yeah, whatever you need bro.”

        Carmilla heard footsteps trail off and she sat up, nudging Laura’ shoulder, “Hey, cupcake, come with me.”

        She stood all the way up, stretching out her legs and reaching a hand down to help Laura up. “Where are we going?”

        “Just over here,” Carmilla replied, leading Laura onto the dock that was lit softly but torches that lined the sides at specific intervals. They walked down to the edge of the dock and Carmilla turned Laura just slightly so that she was facing just to the left of the boat shed. Carmilla leaned over and whispered in her ear, “The best seats in the house.”

************************************************************************************************************************************************

         _Oh, great._ Danny was standing at the end of the path that came down to the dock from the house. Alone. Because Will had dragged Kirsch off to some unknown destination and Carmilla and Laura were too wrapped up in themselves to notice anything else and even though Perry and Lafontaine would have welcomed her into their conversation, now that she knew they were together, she did not want to barge in. Instead, she ended up leaning against the nearest tree and crossing her arms over her chest, looking out across the lake, watching the water ripple in the moonlight.

        Kirsch had come out of nowhere a couple days before, inviting her to move in with him which was just extremely fast for their relationship. Danny wasn’t even ready for Laura to know and moving in would make it very obvious; she’s not sure they could play it off as being roommates. Danny knew he meant well and was only trying to help her out and he wasn’t viewing the decision as a move farther in their relationship, only an offer of help. She was very tempted to take it as well because she had no other plans going for her. She was worried about how she was going to pay for it as well with no job but he had assured her that he could take care of it until she was able to help him out. That seemed like a cop out to her though and she felt like she was using him to live in his house. He was going to be paying for it if he lived there by himself anyway, but she could not justify it.

        There was no way she could afford to live anywhere else though; she had nowhere to go. She was not sure at all that it was the best idea but she had come to the conclusion that it was her only idea. Now it was just time to tell Kirsch the news, wherever he went off to.

         _Boom._

        Danny almost jumped ten feet from the tree when the loud crack sounded through the otherwise quiet night and her eyes sparkled with the bright pink light of the firework that had just exploded in the sky above them. It trailed down slowly, the ashes falling like dust across the lake before another one followed, one that she was ready for this time. She smiled at the wheel of light but was grabbed by the arm and pulled into the tree coverage, the firework still visible. Danny was startled at first but soon recognized that it was Kirsch who had pulled her aside. “I thought you were -”

        He cut her off by pressing his lips against hers and wrapping his arms around her, lifting her slightly off the ground. He pulled back, “I was, but I wanted to watch with you.”

        She was glad for the dark because she felt herself blush, something she never thought would occur because of Kirsch but her life was full of surprises lately. Without taking his arms from around her, he turned to look out at the fireworks. She noticed that he had intentionally pulled them under the coverage so that no one would see them together and she mentally thanked him even though it should be unnecessary.

        “Before we watch,” she started, making him turn his head back to her, “I want you to know that I’ll move in with you.”

        He shook his head in disbelief as his eyes and mouth widened into such happiness that Danny was sure she had finally made the right choice concerning him. “Really?”

       “Yeah, really.”

        He kissed her again, this time holding her face gently between his hands until she laughed, breaking their lips apart. “Let’s just watch the show, Kirsch.”

        He nodded, still smiling and turned to look back. And in the strange and colorful glow that the fireworks gave off as they exploded in the sky, Danny saw the pure innocence shine right through Kirsch’s demeanor. Whatever she had seen in him when he was with the Zetas melted away and now, it was clear that he was, at the core, the kindest and sweetest guy that she had ever come across. Maybe she should have seen it sooner in his willingness to hide their relationship, his agreeing to go along with whatever fucked up road she had been leading them down, his want to be friends if that’s all she really wanted, and his offer of a house for her to come home to everyday. And everything she had done to try and push him away had been futile and stupid and she was surprised that Kirsch still had any want to have anything to do with her. But boy, she was sure happy he had not changed his mind because he had definitely worked a number on her own mindset.

        She turned to face the break in the trees and linked her arm with his. Danny nuzzled her head into his shoulder and watched the fireworks as they bursted into flying colors and then rained down, dimming until they went entirely out.

************************************************************************************************************************************************

        “The best seat’s in the house,” Carmilla said, nudging her to look near the boat shed. Laura was not sure what she was supposed to be seeing in the darkness that had taken over the night and the flickering fire of the torches on the dock did not spread their light far enough for her to make out anything of any importance.

        All of a sudden out of nowhere, there came a loud _boom_ and Laura jumped, the only thing settling her were Carmilla’s gentle hands on her arms and the small laugh that came out of the dark-haired girl. “Settle, cutie. It’s only fireworks.”

        Laura had already figured that out as pink light sparkled above her . “This is what Will wanted to do?”   

        Carmilla nodded, “He always does this. It’s our little tradition.”

        As she looked at Carmilla, Laura could see the gold flecks in the girl’s eyes shining in the odd light, until Carmilla noticed her staring and looked back at her, “What are you looking at, cupcake? See something you like?”

        “You.” The words came out so easily and without Laura even having to think about it and all of a sudden it seemed as if the loud booming from the fireworks had died away and silence settled around them until they could only hear each other’s breathing. “I’m just…I’m just looking at you. Because I’m realizing now that this is the last night of peaceful solitude here. In this place that you love and tomorrow you have to go back to someplace you hate being and I’m just here looking at you because I don’t know what else to do. Because I’ve seen this part of you that I can never imagine having known about before and everything about you is intriguing and beautiful and I don’t really know why I’m still talking -”

        Laura cut herself off because she knew she was ruining the night but going on and on about what will be and also because she had already regretted a few of the things she had said, maybe less regret and just more embarrassment, and if she had kept on talking, it would have made her face burn red. Some type of truth serum must have been snuck into her dinner because the words had flowed right off of her tongue before she had thought about whether or not any of it should have been said. She had to look away from Carmilla because she did not want to see Carmilla look away first.

        When Carmilla took her hand though, she looked back. Those dark eyes peered down at her, glistening, and Laura could not hold back any longer. She reached out, placing her hand gently on the side of Carmilla’s face. Carmilla’s hand came up and hesitated over Laura’s until fingers gently touched the skin, causing a tingling sensation in Laura’s hand that ran up her arm. The golden flecks in Carmilla’s eyes sparkled but the look was the opposite. They conveyed hidden feelings of isolation and depravation; the mindset of someone who did not think they were worth anything and seeing that in Carmilla’s eyes made Laura want to cry because she could not think of anything else that Carmilla deserved more than happiness.

        Laura’s chin began to shake as she held back the tears that she could feel forming behind her eyes. Her body urged her to move forward but she did not want to do anything that would push Carmilla away or ruin whatever they had at this moment. She could not start over with this girl; they had been through so much and grown in only the last few months, that she did not even recognize the person she had been before and had no want to return to that state.

        Laura rubbed her thumb gently back and forth across Carmilla’s cheekbone, the skin soft under her thumb. Carmilla closed her eyes and leaned into Laura squeezing her hand in the process. Her eyes slowly opened when she tried to speak, but her voice came out choked, “Laura…”

        “Don’t. Just please don’t.” Laura watched as the raven-haired girl’s brow furrowed and a tear escaped from her eyes and rolled down her cheek. Laura caught it on her thumb and quickly wiped it away, trying to smile despite her want to cry. All she really wanted to do was laugh at the two of them. Laura herself was not sad at all; the tears were more of relief. She had wanted this for longer than she had let herself accept. The girl standing in front of her, the survivor who had endured so much, the fighter who had eventually let Laura in, the beautiful and sophisticated woman who had stolen Laura’s heart long before she had known she had willingly given it, was her future; there was not anything after her. In the vein of love at least, this was it; there was no one else and there never would be. They were not two pieces of a whole but two whole pieces that existed on their own but fit perfectly together.

        Maybe Carmilla’s tears were tears of sadness, but not because she was sad. Laura knew she was going to try to be selfless. Laura knew that if she spoke, she would say something about not being good enough for Laura or this being a mistake and they should not go further; something along the lines of being broken and bringing Laura down with her. There was nothing farther from the truth but no matter what she said, Laura could not get Carmilla to truly believe her. Laura sometimes wondered if she was good enough for Carmilla, not the other way around. How could she, a girl who had lived a relatively happy life, comprehend the atrocities that Carmilla had suffered? How could she think she was still falling apart when all that Laura could see was a warrior with battle scars? How could she ever think that she would do anything to Laura except be a shining light in her life?

        She thought back on the beginning when Carmilla was pretty much a flirtatious asshole and almost scoffed out loud because Carmilla was still an embarrassing jerk. The adjectives changed because Carmilla was no longer unfeeling and impolite. She no longer had one-night stands and flings with random girls. That asshole became a jerk because the rudeness turned into teasing; under the surface, she cared deeply but did not know how to show it except for affectionate mocking. She only had eyes for Laura now, to the extent that Laura blushed on a regular basis at the way Carmilla would look at her, or the suggestive comments she would make, whether they were in front of the ears of friends or when they were alone.

        Laura reached out to take Carmilla’s hand in her own, interlocking their fingers and gently squeezing for reassurance. Carmilla’s eyes flickered down as Laura brought their hands up to rest at shoulder height. She was closer to Carmilla than she had ever dared to venture before, close enough to feel the heat that their breathing gave off. Laura diverted her gaze from Carmilla’s eyes to her lips, which were slightly trembling; another round of tears trying to be thwarted.

        She unlaced her fingers from Carmilla’s and brought her finger up, placing it against the shaking lips and tracing along her bottom lip until she reached the corner and then looked back up at Carmilla who seemed to have regained focus and was staring at her with such intensity that at their first meeting, Laura would have been intimidated, but now, she understood that it was Carmilla’s strange way of speaking without words. The look in her eyes was not fierce but gentle and wanting and needing. Laura felt Carmilla’s lips open under her finger but her eyes were still trained on Carmilla’s, this trance reminiscent of the time in the art gallery before they even knew each other. It was not the same though because that was a look between strangers and this was a look between…well, Laura did not know what they were quite yet but was hoping to gain insight in the next few minutes.

        It came out as a whisper; a choked voice recovering from tears, “I’m in love with you. I am completely and entirely in love with you.”

        Laura quietly chuckled through her tears. She had instantly noticed the difference between those words and the “I like being with you” that they both had asserted earlier in the week. This was a confession; a declaration. The words meant so many different things and Laura knew that it was this moment that they had moved from the love between friends to a greater love. They had been in the stage before this moment, but neither of them had ever had the courage to say it out loud and these spoken words solidified every question Laura had about their relationship.

        “Carm…”

        “Don’t ruin my romantic speech, cupcake.” Laura laughed again but kept her mouth shut. “I couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment that I realized I had fallen for you but I didn’t know it happened until after the fact. It wasn’t that day in the bookshop though. That was just me being the horrendous flirt that I was. It wasn’t at the art gallery when you tried to take those pills from me. I wasn’t in a good place and I was a complete ass to you. I don’t have an excuse for any of those moments. The times that I scared you or made you cry. I can never take those back but I regret every one of them. I regret closing you out and refusing to confide in you. I regret the pain that I imposed on you on my behalf.”

        She cocked her head to the side to make sure Laura was still listening. There should have been no fear that she was not. Carmilla’s voice entranced her and Laura would hate herself if she missed one word that she spoke. The tears were flowing freely now and Laura did not even try to stop them. She was crying too. They were a mess.

        “I did not fall in love with you that day you plowed me over in the rain. It was before that. Because that day, I denied to myself that I felt anything. That was before we were even friends. That was actually the day we became friends…”

        “I thought we were alre…”

        “Ssshh or I’ll stop,” she paused to make sure Laura was going to listen again. The only reason she had interrupted was because she had considered her and Carmilla friends before then and was a little confused but she dropped it anyways. “You forced me to hang out with the ginger twins and that puppy, Kirsch, and Xena and they let me into their lives, though reluctantly at first. Well, the verdict is still up in the air with Xena. They were the first people I could call friends in a long while. By the way if any of this gets back to them, I will stop talking to you.”

        Laura only nodded, suppressing the smile that threatened to light up her face. “You took my story about Elle. About my mother. About Will. You took all of that in stride and did not push me away like I had been expecting. You took on problems that you had no need to deal with and helped me through them. You are the reason I got through them. You were the only person who could bring me back to reality. The only person who can stop me from self-destructing. You are the reason I’m cracked and not broken.

        I never thought someone could care as much as you do, especially about someone who might not have given the best first impression. I never thought I deserved this and I still don’t really understand how I’ve been this lucky after what I’ve lived through but you are still here. I had no choice in falling for you, but you had a choice in whether you were going to stay or leave and you chose to stay. I couldn’t thank you enough for the friendship and love you have given me. You’re selfless and kind and more stubborn than anyone I have ever met in my life. You have never given up on me even when you should have. I am hopelessly in love with you and I would want it no other way.” Hands came up to hold Laura’s face and she watched Carmilla’s eyes dart to her lips and back.

        Laura removed the hands but held them in hers while she shook her head back and forth, “Uh-uh. If you get to make a whole speech, I get to say something, too.”

        “Ugh,” Carmilla vocalized, slouching, “but, cupcake, you never stop talking.”

        “Just listen. You said that I had a choice to stay but you don’t understand that I had no choice in falling for you either. No matter when you thought we became friends,” Carmilla rolled her eyes but said nothing, “I felt connected to you the first time I met you in the bookshop. Not a romantic connection like I feel now, but a pull. It was something I had never felt with anyone else and I did not entirely understand it but I think I do now. It was not pulling me to you so that I would fall in love with you. That just happened. It was pulling me towards you because we needed each other. Not to survive or anything. We both would have lived if we had never met. You weren’t a missing piece, I needed. You were a piece found. Something that I was not looking for but now, don’t see how I could not have seen it before.

        There were so many times where you didn’t think you deserved me and tried to push me away and I stayed because I understood. I had that feeling and I had people who taught me that it was not true and that is all I wanted to do for you.” A mischievous smile made it’s way onto Laura’s face and Carmilla inquired after the sudden change, “What?”

        “You fell in love with me first. Grumpy cat was a smitten kitten.”

        Carmilla hit herself in the face with her hand and slid it down in exasperation, “You seriously did not just say that.”

        “You loved me first! You loved me first!” Laura chanted, jumping up and down and pointing. She felt herself still as Carmilla grabbed a hold of her waist, pulling her against her until their hips were connected, Laura leaning back slightly to still see Carmilla’s face, the smile slipping from her own. Carmilla whispered, “Yeah. I’ve had the joy of loving you longer.”

        Laura would have asked for no other words before Carmilla brought their lips together in a kiss she had long awaited for. Carmilla’s lips were soft and tender causing a ripple to surge through Laura’s entire body. Carmilla did not try to deepen the kiss and neither did Laura but she brought her hands up to caress the back of Carmilla’s neck, crushing their lips together more firmly. They stayed like that for quite some time, eyes closed, lips locked; the force that had been pushing them together finally won and nothing in that moment was going to be able to break it.

        Laura felt warm breath on her cheek and a flutter of eyelashes, which tickled and caused her to smile, feeling lips against her teeth. Carmilla smiled against her before pulling her head back just slightly. The euphoria was still clouding Laura’s mind, her smile hanging drunkenly on her lips. In the chaste kiss, she had felt more passion and emotion from Carmilla than the girl had ever expressed with words and it was almost as if the kiss was the door to a pathway in her mind, and with it, Laura gained insight and understanding.

        She blushed, well aware that Carmilla was simply staring at her and Carmilla chuckled, wiping a finger across Laura’s hot, red cheek. It was embarrassing to be the sole focus of someone’s gaze and she was not sure it was something she could easily get used to. Specifically the look in Carmilla’s eyes that was different from anyone she had ever seen before. Her eyes were filled with awe and wonder as if she thought Laura would evaporate in front of her eyes if she blinked and this was the last time she would see her. Laura was not sure if she could ever make Carmilla understand that she was not going to disappear or abandon her; she knew how much that would crush Carmilla and no matter how she felt, she never wanted to see anyone broken beyond repair. There was a history there that could never be erased and left deep, unhealing wounds inside a person that could easily be broken open to bleed.

        Laura never wanted to see that through Carmilla’s eyes because she had already seen so much love and sacrifice that anything else would taint the purity of emotion Laura had been privy to.

        Carmilla reached up her hands and held Laura’s face, thumbs gently stroking across her cheekbones, “I know what I have to go back tomorrow, but could we pretend, just for tonight, that there’s no one to fail or disappoint. Could we pretend that it’s just you and me in love?”

        The utter need and wholehearted wanting that Laura could hear in Carmilla’s strained voice made her want nothing more than to put everything else out of her mind and live in this bliss that had come over them like a blanket. And she could see, without a doubt, that Carmilla needed an affirmative answer; she needed to know that whatever was awaiting them, Laura would be there and not walk away from anything. That was the truth of what she was asking. Laura smiled, “That would nice.”

        And then she took the initiative and leaned into Carmilla, touching their lips together for the second time that night and hearing Carmilla murmur “mmhmm” as she kissed Laura back. And soon, the loud, erupting, sounds of the fireworks broke the silence barrier that had somehow taken ahold of them. Laura lost the sound of her own heart beating in her ears as Carmilla nibbled on her lower lip. The send off of the vacation turning into a celebration of a new story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song list: "Settle Down, We're Coming Home" (Cover) - Sam Tietjan and Jacoby Ellis, "Do I Wanna Know" (Cover) - Christina Grimmie, "Latch" (Cover) - Hannah Trigwell, "Hello Mr. Sun" - Joe Brooks, "All Comes Down To" - Kodaline
> 
> My fan tumblr is: uselessgayshit  
> Any questions you have about the fic, direct them to this as it will be the only platform from which I answer these types of queries. Track the tumblr tag STAHTS and STAHTCB for updates.
> 
> Saying that, you are more than welcome to follow my personal tumblr as well: just-trying-togetby


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